When she hung up the phone, her insides where scraping together like sand paper. I can’t let him come over after he stood me up like that. His excuse was so lame and nonsensical. I’m not going to put up with such unacceptable behavior from anyone. Her anger and indignation were rising by the second when the doorbell rang. The poodles barked and raced to the door. It was Kimberly.
“You’re not even ready yet! I told you I’d be over at 7 o’clock.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I had to stop at the grocery store and the dry cleaners after school, so I ended up getting home late.”
Kimberly was scantily clad in a halter top, very short red mini-skirt, and high heels. She must have used half a can of Super Hold hairspray on her Flying Nun ratted out hair. “Elvira’s going to meet us at the party instead of coming here.”
“I thought we were going to hang out here awhile before going to the party?”
Kimberly acted agitated. “Yeah, well…”
“I invited my friends, Sage and Parker over, so we can’t leave until they get here.”
“Why’d you invite them?”
“I don’t think they’re coming to the party. It’s just that they needed a place to be together and since my parents are out of town and all, I said they could hang out here.”
“Do you mean Parker Pennington?”
“Yeah.”
Kimberly’s eyelashes fluttered. “Well!”
“What do you mean by, ‘Well!’?”
“Oh, he is just very popular at my high school. I didn’t realize you were such good friends with him.”
“I’m going to get ready real quick. There’s soda in the fridge, so help yourself.”
“No problem,” Kimberly’s spirits seemed lifted.
“If the doorbell rings, let them in. The remote control to the TV is in the side pocket of the recliner.”
Walking to her bedroom, Barbey felt lonely. She wondered why Rave was unclear on the telephone as to why he stood her up for their date. Thinking about last night and the methamphetamines and the marijuana and Kimberly and Elvira and Cherry and Parker and Mathew and Luke Tarantino and so many of her former classmates smoking a bong made her feel like she had stepped into a world she wasn’t sure she could handle. She was like the primordial woman, Eve, who had just picked the forbidden fruit off the Tree of Knowledge. She knew she wasn’t supposed to pick it, but she had been tempted by the serpent, Curiosity. The serpent comes in all forms and rationalizations, even masking himself as Superiority and Intelligence. Sure, now she was more aware of the thick darkness that seemed so alluring in illusion, so deep, so philosophical, so superior…. Now she had accessed the knowledge of light vs. darkness, good vs. evil; but in turn, she felt naked and afraid. She wanted to run and hide. There was nowhere to hide, really.
So, she decided to emulate a movie character that night. That would temporarily clothe her darkness, mask her pain. Tonight she would be that SEXY, ANGRY, WILD Ariel played by Lori Singer in the movie, Footloose. Ariel had picked the forbidden fruit also even after her father, the controlling minister of their small town, had warned her of the dangers. Oh, she could relate so well to Ariel. She too hated her controlling father and she too just wanted to be free to feel, feel, feel every sensual pleasure in life. Well, she wasn’t as reckless, daring, confident, and tough as Ariel, but if she tried hard enough she could portray her essence. Wow! She was lit! Just the thought of escaping into the reality of another’s world rushed her feelings upwards like a geyser.
****
After Barbey finished getting ready for the party, she walked out into the living room feeling tough and sexy, dressed like Ariel from Footloose, in skin tight jeans that showed off her long thin legs, a spaghetti strap tank top and a pair of cowboy boots. But to her surprise, she found Rave sitting in the living room with Kimberly, Sage, and Parker. Aloof, Rave was sitting off to the side of the room away from the others petting one of Mama’s poodles. Barbey tried to ignore his presence, but her mind was a jumble of twitching synapses rendering her unable to concentrate on emulating Ariel. She looked at Kimberly desperately. “Ok, Kimberly, I’m ready to go. Hi Sage,” she said avoiding Rave’s gaze.
“Why don’t we just hang out here for awhile,” Kimberly said. “We can go to the party a little later.”
Barbey was anxious to get out of the house and away from Rave. “Actually, I’m starved, so I need to get something to eat before we go,” she said, her voice slightly shaking. “Meet me outside. I’ll be warming up the car.” Disappointed with her inability to act in character, she grabbed her purse off the coffee table awkwardly and then her leather fringe coat from the hall closet.
Parker pulled on Sage’s ponytail. “Ouch,” Sage giggled and pulled her hair from Parker’s hand. “Barbey, when are you going to be home?”
“I need to talk to you,” Barbey demanded to Sage as she walked into the kitchen.
Sage reluctantly got off the couch and met Barbey in the kitchen. “What’s wrong?”
“Why is Rave here?” she asked accusingly.
“I don’t know. He came with Parker. Did he explain why he stood you up?”
“No.”
“Well, he obviously still likes you or he wouldn’t be here. You should talk to him.”
“No way.” Sage’s comment made Barbey feel slightly more confident. A part of her liked the drama of having Rave show up uninvited to her house. But the situation was confusing to her and she wanted to make him work to win her back. “Just make sure when you leave later that he and Parker leave too.”
“Of course. I’m not going to just let them stay in your house.”
Barbey whispered in her ear, “I think Kimberly likes Parker.”
“Yeah, well he’d never like her. I don’t even know why you are hanging around with her. She’s weird and looks slutty.”
“I gotta go. Tell Kimberly to hurry up.”
“Gladly.”
When Kimberly got into the car, Barbey was crying. “What’s wrong?” Kimberly asked, trying to sound sympathetic when all she really felt was: poor rich girl feeling sorry for herself.
“Last night Rave was supposed to come over and he stood me up.”
“Well, he sure as hell seems to be here now.”
“I know, but…”
“You should just go in and talk to him.”
“No way,” she wiped the tears from her face and sucked in her cheeks. “I’m fine. Let’s go to Taco Fiesta and have some virgin margaritas and tortilla chips before the party.”
“That sounds fun. I have some tequila in my tote bag that we can pour into the drinks when the waiter isn’t looking.”
“You carry tequila around with you?”
“Tequila and vodka. Always be prepared when you’re going out, I tell myself.”
As they were driving to the restaurant, Barbey began having second thoughts. “You know, I’ve been thinking.”
“You—thinking? How profound.”
“Shut up,” Barbey retorted pretending to be in good humor. “Anyway, can I drop you off at Suzie’s party? You can hang out with Elvira. I think I want to go back and talk to Rave. I’ll meet you at the party after.”
Reluctantly, Kimberly agreed.
When Barbey arrived back at her house, Sage and Parker were outside on the porch. Rave was still in the living room, his head down, reading one of her father’s books about surgical procedures. He looked so serious to her and yet so helpless at the same time. Unaware that she was watching him, he seemed a sort of contradiction in her eyes which was what intrigued her. When she walked up to him, now in character, moving in rhythm, shoulders pushed back, one thumb in the pocket of her tight jeans, the tips of her cowboy boots protruding from the pants cuffs, she said confidently, looking him in the eyes, “You’re not like other guys.”
“Huh?” he looked startled.
She took the book from his hands, a wry smile on her face, and set her foot down hard on the couch beside him as she leaned ov
er resting her forearm on her knee, staring at him straight on.
Oh, she couldn’t help but giggle, surprised at her ability to portray Ariel with such a sharp edge. Phooey! I screwed up!
“Hmmm…” is all he said as he stared unwaveringly into her eyes.
Barbey blushed and turned away awkwardly, self-conscious and completely out of character. Nervously, she giggled again and then said to him, “Can we talk?”
“Uh, yeah…”
“I know you said you are sorry for standing me up and I forgive you, but you can’t ever do that again. If you do, I’ll break it off with you,” her voice wavered and squeaked a little at the end of the sentence from nerves. Oh, I can’t believe what a dork I am! She felt like she was going to cry from embarrassment. Of all the people in the world that she wanted to impress, she wanted more than anything to impress Rave. And now she felt she was portraying herself as a foolish insecure nitwit.
Running his fingers smoothly through his thick dark hair, he said, “Yeah…you don’t put up with that kind of thing. Do you?”
“Of course not!” She felt her emotions taking over her being like a demon spirit inhaling her body into its essence. “I don’t even understand how you could have done that. Don’t ever do that again.” Her voice grew louder and whinier with each sentence. “If you say you’re going to see me, then show up. If you can’t, for some reason, then call.” Her nose felt cold and icy as if there was demon smoke blowing out of it. She wondered if it was growing or shrinking. Her thoughts were all twisted and gnarled like the branches on a dead tree she saw at her grandmother’s cemetery last summer. “I can’t believe you didn’t even call! Why didn’t you just call to cancel?”
The black pupils in his eyes were dilated and still as midnight. “It just seemed too permanent,” he said gently.
She didn’t understand.
“I’m falling in love with you, Barbey.” He looked away from her when he said it.
She didn’t know what to say. Did she hear him correctly? Oh, she loved Rave too! But she pulled back into her insecurities—it seemed too soon. Could it be possible to truly love a person after such a short period of time? Further retreating into herself, she was afraid to reveal her truth. A thick, warm pink blanket covered her mind and she wondered about nothing for five minutes as if the TV of her mind had been unplugged and buried in pink wool.
The love she felt for him seemed bigger than herself, bigger than the both of them. It seemed transcendental and she didn’t even know what that meant. After the silence, she said, “Do you want to go to Suzie Alber’s party with me? Everybody’s going. It’s an open party.”
“Yeah, I want to go.” Rave appeared lost in thought. “Can I drive your car?”
“Of course. I hate driving, actually.” Quickly glancing down at her nails, she wished she had painted them.
Rave stared at Barbey intensely for a minute and then said as he shook his head gently side to side, “You’re beautiful.”
She giggled and blushed. “Thank you.”
“You’re…you’re pure and good. I can’t believe you like me.”
Parker and Sage walked back inside. “Are you guys going to Suzie’s party?”
“Yup,” Rave said with a smile.
“We’re going with you,” Parker said.
When they arrived at the party, Barbey felt proud as an Olympic gold medalist to show up with Rave. She felt that all the other girls must be envious that she was with a mysterious unusual guy, while they were with average typical boys. Rave was unique and slid around the grain with style and grace while not appearing cliché or giving attention to the superficial.
But now that Rave had stood Barbey up on a date, her insecurities were a sticky mess beneath the surface of her plastic tan body. It was as if he had drilled a small hole in her rubber head and funneled boiling jelly into it, filling her entire plastic being with sticky insecurities that were sure to seep from her plastic flesh through the tiny cracks and burnt parts. It was much like a Stretch Armstrong doll Barbey’s brother had as a child that in his carelessness, he eventually stretched too far in various spots and in turn, sprung slow oozing leaks of synthetic jelly through its stretchy plastic skin. The doll was still a usable toy, but it would lose gooey glops of its insides at all the worst times.
Barbey was now desperate to cover these sticky jelly leaks of insecurity, so she quickly tried to connect to her character. Her mind filled with Ariel: Ariel the beautiful wild thing, Ariel the minister’s daughter, Ariel the town rebel! Ariel the band-aid to cover the leaks and hold in all the goop for the night. She ripped open the band-aid wrappers, peeled away the waxy tape and stuck Ariel band-aids all over her rubber plastic tears. Yes—she was in character now!
The four of them were standing at the beer keg as Johnny Markowitz pumped each of them a glass, when Kimberly approached. “I can’t find Elvira. She was making out with Robert Flanders and now she’s gone. Have you seen her?”
None of them had seen her, nor cared to have seen her. Rave seemed to flinch at the mention of Elvira which triggered a chain reaction of jabs and pokes at Kimberly. “So Kimberly, did someone sock you in the face tonight?”
“No. Why?” Kimberly seemed pleased that Rave was giving her attention.
“You…you got all that black and blue smacked under…under your eyes.”
“It’s called makeup, Rave. Women wear it—if you haven’t noticed.”
“Well…” Rave smiled wryly. “…it looks real pretty and…and lady-like.”
Kimberly looked confused.
“Don’t whores wear thick makeup under their eyes like that?”
“If you think the models in Vogue magazine are whores, then I suppose they do. But, as far as I can tell, most guys around here would be extra happy to date a supermodel.”
“At least they’d be extra happy to screw one—the expendable blow-up dolls they are. Are you…are you a blow…a blow-up doll, Kimberly?” Rave looked at her seriously.
“Very funny, scumbag.”
“That’s not what you called Robert Flanders last weekend is it?”
“Shut up, Rave.” Kimberly was getting angry.
“Is Elvira a blow-up doll too?”
“We’re not blow-up dolls, freak.”
“No, you’re just sluts,” Rave chuckled and walked back over to the beer keg to get a refill.
Barbey felt sorry for the way Rave was treating Kimberly, but his cruel behavior made her feel oddly special which was in character of the careless, selfish Ariel. Rave always treated Barbey like an exalted princess and the contrast with the way he treated Kimberly made her feel even more special.
Kimberly grabbed Barbey by the arm and pulled her close to her so she could whisper in her ear. Barbey could smell the stench of cigarettes on her breath. “Dump that guy. He’s a loser.” Then Kimberly quickly looked up at Suzie Albers brushing her fingers through her long, wavy red hair as she talked to Billy Travis on the balcony to the right and above. Laughing, Suzie threw her neck back as her hair blew like red silk in the night breeze. Billy pulled her in close to him and kissed her long and hard. When he finished, she smiled and her round cherub cheeks formed angelic little dimples. Kimberly shook her head in disapproval. “Isn’t she just the apple pie in our eyes.”
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