****
Barbey felt a little brass asking Rave out as the magazine had suggested. Internally, she felt like she just didn’t have that kind of confidence to flash him and take the lead as boldly as the magazine had suggested. This made her feel slightly insecure because she assumed something must be wrong with her or that she must be too immature to exhibit that level of self-confidence. A strong woman should be able to take charge and show a man a good time, but she figured in time she’d grow into this coveted role. She decided, though, that she at least had enough confidence to encourage Rave to take her on a date.
23
Barbey and Rave were sitting at opposite ends of her parents’ Hawaiian print couch talking about which movie stars had the best physiques when she popped the question, “How come you never take me on dates?”
He jerked his head back slightly as if he was surprised with her sudden change of subject. “I…I don’t know what you mean,” he responded calmly.
“You took me to Dreambee’s for our first date, but after that you’ve, like, never actually taken me on a date. We only, like, hang out here. I actually like hanging out here, but people are supposed to go on dates.”
“Oh…oh,” he smiled facetiously and then lowered his voice in a playful mocking tone, “People are supposed to go on dates—are they?”
She played along with a pout on her face, “Yeah—they are.”
“Well, then…” he leaned back against the back rest of the couch and stretched his arms in the air, “…let’s go on a date!”
She smiled and then felt kind of embarrassed because she didn’t even care that much about going on a date. She was completely euphoric simply sitting in a room with Rave. Just hearing him breathe sent her mind twirling, but going on dates was what people did and it had never occurred to her to break any societal rules or customs. People go on dates, so they should go on dates, she thought.
There was a long pause in the conversation and neither of them said anything for a long time. She began feeling nervous. Once she became acutely aware of the silence, she wanted to break it with some sort of chatter, but her throat suddenly seemed to grow a lump in it and the strangest thing happened—she couldn’t talk. She was embarrassed that she had asked him to take her on a date. She couldn’t even explain it to herself why her request had so deeply embarrassed her, but it did.
Rave didn’t seem embarrassed though. Actually, he seemed somehow more confident and stronger, reminding her of a lion at that moment with a thick wild mane and sharp fangs that protruded from the sides of his lips. He sat centered with his shoulders back and his eyes intensely fixated on her without waver. A shiver of fear shot through her body and for an instant she felt like his prey being watched. She felt hunted. Somehow this foreign feeling excited her and she blurted out awkwardly, “Are you ever going to kiss me?”
He didn’t even flinch, but sat there stoically staring at her.
At that moment, she felt like crying but, then her fear turned into arousal which seemed to instantly take over her body. She felt like she could hardly control her passions and that she might go over to him and beg him to release her. She would pull him to her and plead for him to consume her before she died of anticipation. But she could not move.
Getting up from the sofa, he walked over to her where she sat on her side of the couch. He stood there looking down at her.
She looked up at him for a second and then out of embarrassment, looked away. She could feel that he was still watching her, but she couldn’t move and she couldn’t look up at him again. Then he walked out the door and was gone.
24
There Barbey Bardot was in the Tea Cake room at the Marjon Hotel with the runway lights shining down on her, spraying out white light—her hair ratted out and wild, dressed in a silver plastic mini-skirt, matching criss-cross jacket, six-inch heals, glitter sprayed across her cheeks and legs. She was lit and full of herself as she pranced down the ramp, passing Paul on her right, winking and prancing to the left, holding her pose—inflated with lust. I love Rave! She was grooving to the electric dance—marching like a robot, arms switching back and forth like mechanical blades, throwing her metal hips back and forth to the electricity, plugging herself in and smiling high. The crowd was cheering and screaming like she had opened them up to the power source of the world—me and my electric dance!
Afterwards, backstage, Paul told her he loved her. The electricity from her electric prance, short circuited. She plugged her fingers into her ratted hair, laughed, throwing her head back and gave him her best Marilyn Monroe naughty, naughty wave of the finger and said, “No, no, no little boy. I’m in love with…” She smiled, felt an odd wave of nausea and turned away.
At that moment, like a flash of lightning that strikes and then vanishes, she wondered why the electric feelings she often felt on stage struck hard and fast, raising her up to that euphoric realm, and then quickly dropped her as if she was too heavy to hold. She could never quite hold onto those electric currents for any lengthy time. It occurred to her at that moment in an intuition that was faster than words or concrete thought, that she needed some sort of casing to trap the energy—a strong flexible vessel to protect her from the extreme current, while at the same time allowing her to enjoy the benefits of it in eternal sustainment. That was it—the electricity was too hot and her plastic body was too brittle to hold and sustain the current. Unfortunately, she had no idea how to create a strong durable vessel out of her plastic body. Maybe a plastic surgeon could figure it out… Maybe someone will eventually create some kind of injection, a topical cream, or maybe even a shell covering over the entire body like the substance from which fingernails are made of—an encasement that covers the body like a body glove—that strengthens the body enough to hold electricity! Oh, I wish that were so… Oh, I wish that were so… Oh, I wish that were so… Just as these thoughts occurred to her in a flash, so they vanished in a flash.
She looked at Paul momentarily and felt lost and confused. Their relationship was certainly over. It was strange how for a stretch of time she loved him madly, would do anything for him, and then one day that love vanished much like the electricity that is so strong, but cannot be contained in her body before burning through and away. Her plastic body wasn’t strong enough for real love. Plastic can only hold illusions.
Hastily, she walked over to his mother, a tall thin brunette with droopy round hazel eyes and a little pug nose dressed in an elegant tan crinkly dress that matched her tan crinkly skin. After thanking her for getting her into the fashion show, Barbey patted her on the back affectionately. Paul’s mother’s eyes welled up with tears as she said, “Remember how we used to go thrift store shopping for period piece shoes and hats?” Then, as if overcome with feeling and sentimentality, she pulled Barbey to her, hugging her a little too long, a little too tightly, and whispered in her ear, “When are you and my son going to get married?”
Barbey didn’t answer, but thanked her again and left. While she was unlocking her car door, one of the fashion designers ran up to her. He was short and thin with a waxy curled mustache. “Wait, wait, monsheri…”
“Yes,” Barbey was surprised as she turned around.
“You must model in my next fashion show,” he said as he kissed both sides of her cheeks.
“Well…”
“I’ll pay you. You must!”
She agreed and took his business card.
25
Rave brushed his bangs out of his eyes with his fingers as he smiled serenely at Barbey who was sitting across from him on the other side of the L on the Hawaiian print couch. “I want to take you to the river this coming weekend. The trip’s on me. You…you want to go?”
Barbey had been to the Colorado River before with friends as it was a common vacation spot for kids from the local high schools. “Is everybody going this weekend or something?” she asked.
“Not that I know of. I…I thought we could…could just go. Maybe Sage and Parker would c
ome too.”
“Wow. That sounds fun.”
“So…so you’ll…you’ll go?”
“Of course!” Barbey smiled exuberantly thinking about how she couldn’t wait to buy a new bikini for the trip. “I, like, seriously doubt if Sage can go though. Her parents don’t let her do much. Maybe my friend, Gretchen, and her boyfriend, Jerome would like to come?”
“Invite them.” He played a short drum rendition on his lap. “I want to take you somewhere right now. Can I drive you in…in your car?”
“Of course. Where are you going to take me?”
“You’ll see.” He smiled and winked, which made her insides swish and flap like a million butterflies.
****
As her Jeep slithered down the dark road through the forest, Barbey sat optimistically, bright eyed and cheery, like the world slapped awake through a babe’s eyes. It was night. And Rave pulled the car over on the side of the road. “We’re going to play a game now. Will you let me tie this scarf around your eyes until we get…get to…the spot?”
Rave had a serious look in his eyes which made Barbey feel that this was somehow important to him, so she complied with his request. When he tied the scarf around her eyes, she quivered from his touch. He gently stroked her hair and after a pause of stillness and silence, he ran his finger over her lips. There was more stillness and silence and then he started the car. Barbey was breathless, aroused and couldn’t speak.
After a few minutes of driving, he turned off the main road, drove over some gravel, made a couple of turns and parked the car. “Leave the blindfold on,” he said gently as he got out of the car and went to let Barbey out of the passenger side. “I’m going…going to guide you somewhere,” he said helping her out of the car.
“Can I take off this blindfold?”
“Please…please keep it on for just another couple minutes. You trust me don’t you?”
The situation was so foreign to Barbey she could hardly speak. She was excited by the game, but afraid at the same time. Her senses were heightened without the use of vision.
“The stars are so loud you can hear them. Can’t you?” He asked as he led her into the night.
“I hear insects and, like, the gravel under our shoes. I feel the cold air on my cheeks. Burr—it makes me want to giggle.”
“It’s amazing how aware you become when lacking one of your senses.”
She heard him opening a door that creaked and could smell the musty scent of rotting wood. “I want to take off the blindfold now. This is creepy.”
“Ok.” He took the blindfold off of her and she was surprised to see that she was standing in an old abandoned log cabin.
He walked over to a wooden table and lit a kerosene lamp that was sitting atop. The room was swept and neat with a clean, but old gray couch positioned in front of a fire place. Besides two wooden chairs at the table, the rest of the one room cabin was empty.
“Why did you bring me here?” she asked running her fingers through her hair, fluffing it up, giving it body.
“I wanted to take you here because…” He led her over to the couch and sat her down beside him. “This…this used to be my family’s cabin before I was kidnapped. Many of my best times were here, so I come here when I want to think straight. This place calms me. Here I become my true self. It seems…” He smiled flirtatiously with a playful flicker of mischief in his eyes, “…the walls of this cabin are truth. They are reality.”
Waves of nausea flowed through Barbey’s body. “Oh, please no.” Though she didn’t consciously know it, she was afraid of truth. She began to cry. “I want Mama. Oh gosh, what am I saying?” Her face contorted awkwardly and her cheeks blushed pink as lipstick.
He appeared startled, jolting his head up. “What’s wrong?”
She looked at him pleadingly, her eyes flopping back and forth in her tears like fish caught in puddles after a flood. “Why did you bring me here? Is this some kind of trick?” She desperately wanted to run away. Connecting in a true, sincere way was too overwhelming for her. She only wanted an electrical feeling, a brush with bliss.
“Barbey,” Rave grabbed onto her wrists. “What’s wrong with you?” He appeared perplexed by this unanticipated response.
“Nothing. I’m sorry. I thought I saw a snake, but it was only a shadow I guess.” She turned away embarrassed and confused. “I think you should paint the walls lavender with white trim. That would brighten up the place, you know? Brush it off. Brush it off.” She rubbed the palms of her hands together like she was dusting off crumbs. For a moment she thought of how her mother and father didn’t love her. She thought of how her parents had encouraged her to undergo so many plastic surgeries. She thought about how ugly she felt inside. “Brush it off. Brush it off.”
“I wanted to show you this place because it is important to me.”
“Yes, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I don’t know why I acted so weird.” She touched Rave’s hand gently, “Thank you for trusting me enough to include me in your secret place. This cabin is beautiful.” She paused in contemplation. “There’s something wrong with me or something. Can you take me home?”
“Barbey?”
“What?”
“Have you ever felt like you are evil?” he asked.
“I don’t know what you mean.” She felt the walls of the room closing in on her. Why don’t her parents love her?
“Sometimes I feel like I am evil.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I don’t feel guilt. When I was five I stole six hundred dollars from my teacher and when I got scared I was going to get caught, I flushed it down the toilet.”
“Oh.” Barbey tried to imagine she was a fairy tale princess dancing through a field of daisies. “When I was five I thought I was Rapunzel trapped in a castle. That’s why I keep my hair so long. Are you ever going to kiss me or what?”
“Yes.” He looked at her carefully without moving. “Here.” He pulled a strange looking fruit out of his overcoat pocket and handed it to her.
“What’s this?” She examined the foreign object in the palm of her hand.
“Taste it. I picked it off the tree outside. You’ve never experienced a fruit like this.”
“Too many calories.” She backed away.
When she looked over at him, she saw that he was gazing at her through his lashes. He was wickedly handsome.
All she could think about was that she wanted to feel good, but her head was so cluttered with confusion and pain. She wanted life to make sense. Her body desired Rave like he was her salvation. The yearning was overwhelming. She wanted him to save her—to light up her mind.
Barbey couldn’t control her lusts any longer. She leaned into him. He put his hands around her waist. Electricity shot through her. She caressed his cheek longingly. Tears filled her eyes. She wanted to be one with him.
He led her to the couch and they sat beside each other. When he turned to her, she thought she saw sadness in the sparkle of his eyes as he smiled innocently at her like a young child. The intensity between them grew. His eyes bored into her.
Chageet's Electric Dance Page 24