Every time someone told me something it was like they were stabbing my heart with a jagged knife. Each word piercing into me and making my heart bleed more with every comment. “You need to eat, Chloe. Shower and come downstairs. There’s pizza and salad. It won’t do your energy levels any good to be hungry.”
The last thing I felt like was eating. My apathy was slowly being eroded by fury. Gibson had screwed with my whole life and I was more confused about what I should do now than when I left Kace. I could either sink or swim. My instinct was to lie down and roll over, but if I did that I let Kace and Gibson and all men who mess with women’s lives win. So I did what Ruby suggested and showered.
When I went downstairs Emma and Lois were sitting in on the far side of the Great Room. Emma on her laptop, Lois reading her Kindle, again. Whatever she was reading must have been great she could hardly drag herself away from it at times. Jill had gone. Ruby told me she’d left with Gibson, and that left me wondering if he’d taken her back to LA with him.
After eating, Ruby asked me to watch a movie but I just wasn’t in the mood for concentrating on anything like that. Emma and Lois went out and did their nightly check, although what they were checking for was still a mystery. We were so far from civilization and it was freezing out there. Anyone that made it here on foot deserved the right to do whatever they wanted to us for surviving the hazardous terrain out there.
Lois had stacked more logs on the fire and it was still burning brightly by the time everyone started to retire for the night. But my earlier nap and Gibson’s appearance had left me wide awake and restless. I knew if I went to bed I’d just bawl my eyes out and feel even lower than I already was.
An acoustic guitar was displayed on a stand over in the corner by the Great Room window, I’d noticed it several times and music was something I tended to be drawn to in troubled times, so I wandered over and unclipped the holder that was securing the neck to the metal stand.
Being shy about playing, I turned all the lights off and sat by the fire, Lois was still sitting reading with just the glow of her Kindle over on the far side of the room. Sitting cross legged in the room in front of the fire, I stared up at the white covered mountains that dwarfed the cabin. They were like a large mural against the massive landscaped window giving the illusion of a panoramic view.
Absentmindedly, I began to strum some chords and a tune came to mind that was both wonderful and painful for where I was at right in my life. “Photograph” by Ed Sheeran started to transfer from my mind to my fingers. Closing my eyes I began singing quietly to myself. I was usually embarrassed to sing out loud, but there was only Lois and she couldn’t really see me from where she was sitting– besides she wasn’t paying attention.
Finishing the song I looked around and Lois was no longer in her chair. I thought she must have gone upstairs, but when I looked behind me the large shadow of a man began to move nearer me. My heartbeat went from a steady seventy to easily double and I could feel the blood pumping in my ears. I knew it was him before his face came into view but I was still shocked that Gibson had come back.
“You play very well.” Embarrassed he’d been listening, for a split second I had forgotten why he was here listening and why I’d even picked up the guitar in the first place.
“Is that what you came back to tell me? Oh no, sorry I forgot you live here, it’s me that doesn’t.” Sarcasm dripped from my mouth as my clipped tone shredded the words, and I chided myself for being one of those people that couldn’t bite their tongue and rise above the hurt that was overtaking me.
“Chloe I deserve everything you want to throw at me, darlin’.” His voice sounded both sad and tired. Gibson stood still and the fact that he wasn’t protesting his innocence was both to his credit and against him.
“That’s it? You do…that, and I can do what I want? Well right now Gibson I don’t know what the fuck to do. You have absolutely no understanding of what it took for me to leave Kace. Some days I thought that my life would be just that. The abused girlfriend. Then I was thrown a lifeline and I clung to that and found the strength to get out. I made a life for myself in New York. I was safe. Living each day as it came and I could see blue sky through the storm that had been my life for god knows how long, Gibson. I was beginning to feel my way around everything and you came along and ripped me the fuck away from that and turned me inside out. ”
Gibson took one step closer his hand gesturing his appeal.
“I’m sorry, Chloe. What happened yesterday? Fuck! I want none of that life. You are my life.” Gibson’s voice sounded frustrated and I wasn’t sure if that was self-directed or at me, but he moved past the fire blocking the light, and went and sat on a foot stool in front of me. Glancing up at him, I could see his silhouette with the white backdrop of the snow covered peaks and dark sky in the distance through the massive window. It was a beautiful image in a horrible situation.
We both sat in an uneasy silence for what seemed like an age then Gibson cleared his throat and his soft tone cut into the quiet with what seemed like a very honest account of what he thought had happened.
“I’m a sloppy drunk, Chloe. I know I am. I try not to drink. Apart from the day on the yacht, the night you went missing and last night, I haven’t drunk in nearly two years, because I know I have a problem. It’s not that I’m an alcoholic…that’s not it at all. I don’t crave the taste or need it to function, it just makes me crazy. I’m not sure whether it’s how it reacts with my brain because my wiring is different, but I can’t remember most of what I do when I’ve been drinking.”
Gibson inhaled a deep shaky breath and huffed the air out in a rush like the thought of what he just said had been sitting heavily on his chest for a long time. I heard him rub his hands together and saw him raise them to his head and rake them through his hair and in watching his body language I could see how much whatever happened had affected him as well.
“Chloe, I love you. I love you so fucking much. I know I never fucked any of those women. I know that much because Morgan helped me out by blocking Tori and she and Johnny took me home.”
“Morgan?” Oh yeah, what was he doing with her after he’d told me he wouldn’t see her again?
Gibson told me everything that had gone on, from Syd’s request to how Morgan and Tori had come to be at the party. When he told me Morgan had stayed the night with him I felt sick. From the moment Gibson started to talk to me I could feel the ice melting around my heart, but Jill’s comments about Gibson and Toby being lyricists and clever with their words made me cautious. I wanted to believe him, but at the same time what he was telling me was not to trust him because he may well do it again the next time he was drunk.
“Chloe, do you honestly think that I’d spend five months waiting for you and the first time we’re apart I’d throw what we were building into the fucking fire? Burn it like we’re nothing? You’ve seen me with Tori? You think I’d want to fuck that? You think I’d do that in my right mind? You think I’d be here now, out of my fucking mind with grief that I’ve hurt you if I didn’t give a shit, and just wanted to pin some horny assed chick to the wall, so she could say she got her revenge on me for not wanting to fuck her sober?”
Gibson stood up and stepped up closer to where I was sitting then knelt down beside me. Taking my hands in his, he wrapped his fingers around them and looked with sad eyes pleading at me.
“Please Chloe. I’m so sorry this happened. All I can do is lay everything that I know out honestly and I understand how it looks, and with my reputation, I don’t blame you for thinking the worst of me, but none of it was planned. I got drunk, danced my ass off and got put to bed. That’s what Johnny tells me anyway. When I woke feeling shitty my first thought was still you. How I missed you and wanted you next to me in that bed.”
Another silence fell between us and I just stared quietly at his face in the dark. He was so near me that all I had to do was move my hand a couple of inches and I’d touch him…feel his warmth.
“Last night, Gibson Barclay the rock star overlapped with Gibson Barclay the man. What you do; being a rock star, and who you are in private became one person. I have to figure out what that means to me and depending on how you manage that, it may be the deciding factor of whether I can stick around or not.”
Gibson dropped one hand and reached out squeezing my shoulder. I shrugged him off. “Please respect what I need, Gibson. I’d like to be alone if you don’t mind.” I sounded harsh but I wasn’t going to cave in to being with him like nothing had happened. Jill had made that mistake and look where it had got her with Toby. Besides I was really serious about not being that girl who was used and abused emotionally again, because their partner took what he wanted from life.
“I’ll be in the bedroom. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me, Chloe. You are in my heart. The only girl ever to make it there. You’re there for a reason, Chloe. You are my reason…my life.” Gibson placed one foot on the floor and pushed his weight on to it as he stood up. Without saying anything else he walked over to the stairs and headed up to the bedroom.
Watching the way he was reacting, I knew before he reached the top step that everything he’d told me, the way he had told me—the honesty in his voice—the remorse…he knew what he’d done and he was genuinely at a loss that it had happened.
Without thinking I began strumming the strings of the guitar that was lying flat on the floor beside me where I had placed it. Picking it up, I placed it across my crossed legs and an old song came to mind that had fitted the sentiment for how I was feeling.
I began to play “More Than Words” by Extreme, and although I loved the song, I didn’t know all of the words. My emotions made me feel like I was on a roller coaster. Crying, singing, angry and my heart was shredded.
Singing was something that I used to do to block out Kace. When I was on my own I’d lie on the floor and sing…except it was “Inches from Paradise” the song Gibson had written about a moment that passed between us. When I sang it at the time I had no idea the song was about me.
Playing “More Than Words” again, I closed my eyes in concentration and suddenly I felt Gibson close. Warm arms slid between my body and my own as the fingers of his left hand lightly touched mine, mirroring the same chords of the song I was playing. My throat constricted instantly at his touch and I choked, a wave of emotion engulfing me because he couldn’t stay away.
Gibson’s right hand slid around my stomach and he wiggled himself closer until I was sitting between his legs and I couldn’t fight my feelings any longer. Allowing my body to lean back I placed my head against his shoulder and he pressed my fingers onto the strings to play the song again.
Soft, low, dulcet tones filled my ear as Gibson leaned forward and sang all of the words of the song to me. Tears rolled down my cheeks that he could be so contradictory in his public and private life and showing me this side of him made him more of a man than anything he could do with aggression.
With my eyes shut, I lay back until the last note sounded then turned to look up at him by the light of the fire. “Trust me, Chloe. I got you, darlin’, I’d never want to do anything to hurt you.”
I did. The way he had read me today. Leaving without a fight when he had tried to tell me…he knew I wasn’t in a place to hear what he had to say. Kace would have screamed and shouted— protesting his innocence and he’d have given some fast talking excuse to push me into submission. Gibson didn’t go there. Instead he left and I was hurt by that at the time, but he had called it just right.
Backing off, he had given me time to breathe after seeing him. It helped me to feel that even though what he had to say may hurt me, I should at least allow him to present his side of the story that went with the pictures I’d seen. If Jill hadn’t been here and had the conversation about Gibson and Toby, I wondered if I’d have been more accepting of Gibson’s explanation.
Then again, if Jill hadn’t been here I may never have known about the party. Shaking my head, I dismissed that. Gibson Barclay is a world-wide artist. I was sure that wasn’t the only article out there about the incident.
Gibson whispered in my ear again. “Sorry, darlin’, please let me show you how I feel. I promise to do better. I’m never touching another drop of alcohol as long as I have you.” Nodding slowly in acceptance, I tilted my chin so that our lips were close to one another and Gibson took my mouth in a gentle, sensuous kiss, but I doubted it would as simple as that for him…or for me.
CHAPTER 33 - I DON’T BITE
Chloe
Placing the guitar down, Gibson placed his hands on my body, shifted and turned me into him and he groaned deeply against my mouth. “Fuck. I’m sorry I hurt you, Chloe.” His mouth began to trace down my chin then extending my head he peppered kisses all the way down to my collar bone. Shifting he stood up and pulled me by my hands to stand. As soon as I did he swept me off of my feet by cradling my legs and body in his arms.
Gibson was still placing little kisses on me as he walked up the stairs, “I need to spread you out on that bed and fuck all this pain away. You give me heartburn, Chloe. It only goes away when I’m inside you.” I started laughing loudly because what he said sounded corny and absurd. Gibson smirked because he got his own joke but I knew exactly what he meant, when we weren’t together the heavy pain in my heart was the worst feeling.
Passing Ruby’s room “Sugar” by Maroon 5 was playing and it vaguely registered with me when Gibson kicked the bedroom door open. He strode over and dropped me onto the bed, quickly covering me with his body. A whoosh of air came out of my lungs with his weight. “Damn. Sorry, darlin’, did I hurt you.” Shaking my head I smiled and although I was still feeling a bit worried about the photo, I was in no doubt what I meant to him. Flying home unexpectedly told me part of that.
“You’re so fucking gorgeous, Chloe. I’d never do anything that would make you leave me.”
Compassion had driven Gibson to fly home. He had cared about my feelings enough not to try to fix things by phone. Grand gestures didn’t impress me much because they can also be the actions of a man who was guilty. But, I really didn’t think Gibson was guilty of anything except trusting people that didn’t bring out the best in him. Toby, his best friend is unfortunately one of those people.
Stripping me to my underwear, Gibson’s hands stroked down the front of my body, his mouth quickly followed the trail and peppering me with kisses. The way he was touching me felt comforting rather than sexual— healing hands. Using both palms he made sweeping movements over my skin avoiding my erogenous zone. Gibson’s eyes changed from caring to sensuous as his gaze followed his hands as he carefully tracked what he was doing. Fingertips then traced lightly over my skin. I think that he was trying to soothe the tension from me. Even with this kind of touch by Gibson, my body was coming alive—responding to his fingertips skating over my skin whether that was his intention or not.
I melded into the mattress, and a soft moan parted my throat. Gibson’s amused lust-filled eyes flicked to mine and I smiled feeling slightly embarrassed that my body had let me down by telling him how he was making me feel.
“Oh, you like this?”
When I saw Gibson’s warm, gorgeous smile stretch across his face and his eyes twinkle when they connected with mine, it confirmed that he wasn’t immune to what was happening either, despite his best efforts to hide his erection.
“Fuck, Chloe. You are so beautiful…so beautiful…” His voice trailed off as he swallowed roughly and licked his lips, before he bent forward to lay small kisses across my stomach, trying to control his warm shuddery breaths. As fea
ther-light as they were, he may as well have been branding me because his scorching wet lips made my body erupt in a million goose bumps.
Edging up on my elbows, I watched his mouth move across and up my body to take one of my nipples in it. Gibson sucked it hard.
A plea fell from my lips, “Oh, please…” Gibson stood staring at me, unbuttoning his jeans one at a time in an agonizingly slow motion. As soon as he popped the last button he smiled wickedly, pushed them down his legs with both hands and grabbed mine on the way back, bending my knees to my shoulders swiftly. His possessive grip was so arousing my skin tingled where he touched and a whoosh of air came out of my lungs at how suddenly he’d restricted my belly.
Grunting, he whispered into my core through my panties, “Oh, darlin’,” and then hooked his thumb inside the lacy crotch and pulled them to the side, burying his tongue deep inside me. His expert tongue tantalized my core and made juice seep from my pussy and run down my butt crease onto the bed. He began fucking me fast with his tongue and occasionally sucking again when more juice leaked from me. Soft moans turned to loud groans and gasps, while Gibson growled low and deeply into my core before sitting back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Fuck. My. God. Your taste— so sweet. So fucking sweet. I’m lost for words for how you make me feel. I just… don’t have any words for this.”
Crawling up the bed the mattress dipped deeply and I rolled into him. “Come here.” Gibson pulled me against him and turned me on my side. Lifting my left leg he placed my knee over his then lifted it so that it made my legs wider. Placing his hand over my pussy between my legs and his other hand glided over my skin to cup my right breast.
Trusting Gibson (Last Score Book 2) Page 28