If she was just playing with him, he couldn’t see it. Her eyes had been glazed and full of desire when he’d taken that step back, letting go of her before he stepped over any invisible boundaries.
She’d made the first move and he was happy about that. He didn’t want to let that bother him, but it was. God, help him, it was! It was too soon. Marc had barely been in the ground thirty-six hours. Sure, it was true the guy had been a piece of shit and cheated on her and hit her. She had done the right thing by leaving him for it, but the public didn’t know about any of that. Mena had no intentions of telling them, either.
Doubt about her true feelings crept into the darkest part of his mind and turned a light on.
“Damn it!” he swore as he slapped the shower wall.
He couldn’t help her. Standing outside the box and looking in, he saw himself as a fool who had been played. She didn’t want him. She somehow knew that he liked her, and she used that to get him to help her.
“You are pathetic, Rhodes,” he muttered as he cut the shower off. “Rich, beautiful, intelligent women don’t fall in love with cops,” he growled through his teeth as he stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel from the rack and wrapping it around his waist as he headed toward his bedroom.
Someone knocked on the door, stopping him just before he made it to the folded clothes on his bed. He poked his head back out the bedroom door and stared down the hall at the front door for a moment before glancing back at the alarm clock on his bedside table: 1:28 a.m.
His eyes narrowed to slits, but he grabbed his extra handgun from the drawer of the nightstand and walked slowly to the front of the apartment.
It wasn’t a long trip. It wasn’t like he needed a lot of space to live in. And then there was the whole thing about him not even being home most of the time. His damn job was going to be the death of him. That was if the damn woman who had kissed him earlier didn’t do it first.
He stepped to the side of the door and pressed his back against the wall beside it. “Who is it?”
“Open the door, Cop,” a familiar voice said.
He raked his memory to place voice with face, but came up empty; somehow he had managed to overload his brain this week.
“Identify yourself!” Alex demanded.
Another guy chuckled as the one who had first spoken mumbled something, so there were at least two of them. Alex’s eyes moved to the counter where his other gun was and thought about grabbing it just in case.
“It’s Roel, Brad and Heath, Cop. You gonna put that Smith and Wesson down and let us in or would you like to get dressed and meet us at the Awful Waffle? We’re hungry as hell.”
Alex’s wide eyes moved from the door to the piece in his hand. How the hell did Roel know what kind of gun he kept in his bedside drawer? More to the point, how the hell did he know that he wasn’t dressed? A chill ran up his spine and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as paranoia crept its way into his brain.
“What do you want? You do realize it’s after one-thirty in the morning, right?”
One of them chuckled, but either Heath or Brad answered; he couldn’t remember which was which. “Yeah, about that, you might wanna change your sleeping schedule around. We do a lot of what we do during the night. It’s lunch for us, man. You hungry or what?”
Alex blinked a few times, trying to remember the last time he had eaten anything. It had been a few hours before seeing Mena with Katie at that corner café and the eats had only been a granola bar and a protein shake.
His stomach growled as if it knew there were people outside the door offering to feed it. “Traitor,” Alex whispered, and threw the locks on the door, opening it wide.
He kept his gun in full view, but none of the three seemed to be bothered by it or even acted like they thought he would use it if they decided to attack him. Then Alex remembered the way Roel had pushed him back down in the swing at Mena’s and he stepped out of the way so they could come in his home.
“Have a seat in the living room. I’ll go get dressed and then we can go eat, but I’m not eating at the damn Waffle House. Pick somewhere else,” Alex growled over his shoulder as he went back into his bedroom and shut the door.
He wasn’t worried they would steal anything. Hell, he didn’t have much worth anything, anyway, but if they were working for Mena, they couldn’t possibly want for anything. He was just a little anxious about their intentions at one-thirty in the morning. Had Mena sent them?
He pulled on blue jeans and a black muscle shirt, socks and running shoes, a navy toboggan and a black leather jacket. After tucking his handgun in the waistband at the small of his back, Alex walked out of his bedroom, ready for anything.
Chapter 22
Mena
I closed Jaxon’s chamber door, being careful to make as little noise as possible.
Lea was a mess, but had finally cried herself to sleep in my arms. She told me I could leave after she fell asleep, but asked if I would stay until then.
I knew how broken she felt, because I was living in that same empty place inside my head, too, but at least the wolf refused to let me feel the pain caused from losing loved ones, and if I was being honest, me, too; I had lost myself. That human girl who had been married to Marc for twelve years was gone. She was dead, and I was angry with my wolf for not allowing me to grieve my own death.
My heart had broken into a million pieces when I’d realized Katie had been killed in the explosion, but I think the only reason I felt that much grief was because my wolf was feeling it, too, and didn’t have the mental strength to block it from me. That was my theory.
Once I heard the click of the door as it closed completely, I turned and was startled to see Phoenix leaning against the wall beside his room, arms crossed loosely over his chest and one knee bent so his bare foot could rest against the wall. Besides his feet, he was fully clothed, and I think he did it on purpose, knowing I would undress him with my eyes, anyway.
He wasn’t smiling, but I didn’t know if that was because of what Lea was going through or what we were about to go through.
“How is she?” he said sadly.
“A wreck, but she’s asleep, for now. I know she’s the one who usually takes care of you and makes sure that you get everything you want, but you need to let her have time to grieve, Phoenix. And you need to make sure someone takes care of her until she gets through this.”
He frowned and looked down at his arms. “Do you honestly think I wouldn’t let her take as long as she needed to grieve for a sibling who was murdered by one of my men? Do you think that little of me, that I’m that inconsiderate, Mena?”
I crossed my arms over my chest, mimicking him. “I know it wouldn’t have occurred to Marc to think—”
He quickly pushed off the wall, his posture turning stone-like as his sad eyes filled with fury. “I—am—not—Marc,” he said, putting emphasis on each word.
Lifting my chin, I glared down my nose at him. I hated it when he was irritated with me, even if I deserved it, but I was a little pissed at him myself, and now wasn’t the time for him to push my buttons. It was a full ten seconds before I spoke again. “I know you aren’t Marc, but the fact remains that I was with him for twelve years and never really knew him. I apologize if what I said came out wrong. I was angry—I’m still angry with you, but I really didn’t mean to say something to imply that you are selfish.”
His hands came up to rub up then down his face. He looked spent, and I wondered if his sleeping patterns were a lot like mine, pretty much nonexistent. I knew I was exhausted; I was having trouble finding the energy to stay mad at him, especially when he looked so damn hot barefooted. The bastard sure knew how to work me up.
Without looking at me again, he spun around and walked into his room.
Going back into Jaxon’s room and sleeping beside Lea came to mind—the bed was plenty big enough—but Phoenix and I had unfinished business. Ignoring it might be okay for one night, a week or maybe even a mo
nth, but it would come out sooner or later and I didn’t like letting my bad moods stew. If I let the anger in me build, it took control over a part of me and made me bitter toward the person I was angry with, causing me to resent them for it. I resented Marc a lot.
Putting one foot in front of the other, I walked through the open door of Phoenix’s chamber and was surprised to find he wasn’t in the room—anywhere.
“Phoenix?” I said, but got no response. The master bathroom door was shut, but everything was soundproof down here, so I wasn’t surprised I couldn’t hear anything coming from the other side of the door. “Wonderful,” I muttered, and crossed the room to the bar.
My eyes widened after I opened a cabinet that was just as wide as it was tall—and it was a good foot taller than me. Each shelf was full of whiskies and scotches and spirits, and not just lining the front; there were at least four bottles of the same stuff in a line behind the ones displayed on the front row.
“You should see the wine cellar.”
I jumped and screamed as I slammed the doors of the cabinet. Twisting around, I saw Jaxon propped against the doorjamb.
His eyes twinkled with amusement as he looked at me, and they held no sign of the attraction I’d sensed from him the first night we’d met. I had a feeling Phoenix may have had something to do with that, and that was fine by me; I liked Jaxon just fine, just not in the way I liked Phoenix or my wolf liked Alex.
I linked my fingers together in front of me to keep from fidgeting. “Well, I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to look at everything, since Phoenix and my wolf are keeping me hostage here during the night.”
Jaxon’s expression turned somber. “Don’t be too hard on him, okay? He just doesn’t want to lose you, Mena. I’ve never seen him act this way about anyone, and that makes you special. Phoenix doesn’t have many special things in his life.”
Well, damn! “Did he tell you to talk to me?” I accused.
Jaxon snorted. “About his love life? No. He would castrate me if he knew I was. I just know you make him happy, and I haven’t seen him like that in a very long time,” he chuckled, “if ever. I was actually going to check on Lea, and noticed you debating on which poison to drink first. Or maybe you were thinking of hitting him over the head with one of the bottles, eh?”
“Either option sounds plausible,” I said, and then sighed. “Lea is asleep. I think she will be fine, given she grieves for her brother and doesn’t hold onto her anger.”
He nodded. “I’m really glad you’re here, Mena. Thanks for saving my ass earlier. I owe you one.”
“No, you don’t. If I recall, you saved mine about a week ago.”
“I didn’t save you. Your husband bit you—”
“We’re even, Jaxon. I don’t even want to think about what might have happened if you hadn’t been there to get me away from him. We’re even,” I said flatly, and he nodded once.
The bathroom door opened and Phoenix walked out running a towel over his wet hair. My eyes traveled down his beautifully sculpted torso to the thin strip of hair that ran from just under his navel to somewhere on the other side of the terrycloth wrapped around his hips.
“I have to admit, we have great taste in men, Mena,” my wolf said.
“Shut up and close your eyes.”
She giggled, but didn’t comment further.
Phoenix’s eyes shifted from Jaxon to me. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I said, a little too quickly, and the tone was about two octaves higher than my voice normally was.
Jaxon snickered. “Mena was going through your end-of-the-world alcohol stash. I startled her on my way to check up on Lea.”
Phoenix raised an eyebrow as he looked back to me. “Why do you look guilty about something? Checking out my alcohol collection doesn’t seem like something you would care to hide, but your heart is pounding at an alarming rate. Why?”
Jaxon laughed as I let my head fall.
“What?” Phoenix demanded.
Jaxon threw out one of his hands toward him. “You’re half naked, Phoenix. She’s not embarrassed to have been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She is turned on. Can’t you smell her arousal?”
I gasped and covered my hot face with my hands, desperately wanting to run from the room, but Jaxon was standing in the doorway, and looking at him right now would almost be worse than looking at Phoenix.
Seconds, minutes, maybe even days passed before I looked back up, and when I did, Phoenix was staring at me with his brow furrowed and his lips puckered. Thinking. Of course, the man was thinking at a time like this.
“She’s only thirty, Phoenix. Just a baby, still. I just stopped by to let you know that I just saw your text. We still going out?”
Without taking his eyes from me, Phoenix nodded. “Shut the door and leave us, Jaxon.”
Oh, God! I don’t want to be alone with him anymore! I screamed inside my head. Where was the anger I felt for him earlier? I needed that back! Now!
Jaxon chuckled lightly. “Have fun, you two.”
The door clicked shut.
Chapter 23
Mena
With his eyes on me, I couldn’t seem to concentrate on anything, especially bringing back the anger I had felt toward him earlier.
Why was I upset with him again?
Heat rushed up my neck when he took another step in my direction, and my eyes fell to stare at his feet as they moved.
“Look at me,” he whispered, and without thinking, my eyes began to travel slowly from his feet up his long legs. The end of the towel was about an inch above his knees, and my eyes roamed farther up the dark green of the towel until they fixated on his hips and the large bulge that hadn’t been there when he’d issued from the bathroom.
I looked away, embarrassed to have been caught staring at his erection.
Warm fingers caressed the skin under my chin. I didn’t jerk away from him. I had never been afraid of Phoenix. He was possibly the only thing in the world that I wasn’t afraid of.
Safe. Yes, he made me feel safe.
His fingers moved lightly over my neck and up to my ear where he tucked the hair that was curtaining my face. I was exposed to him now.
I felt his breath, warm against my skin as he whispered softly by my ear. “I love when you look at me, Mena.” I shivered. “When you look at me, I know that I am the only thing you are thinking about. Want to know a secret?” I nodded, and could hear his lips slide over his teeth as he grinned. “Even when I’m not looking at you, I’m thinking about you. To tell you the truth, it’s a bit maddening to know that you have this much control over me, but for the time being, I’m enjoying you being in my every thought.”
I swallowed hard and found my voice. “And what will happen when you don’t enjoy it anymore?”
He snickered, sending chills up my body from the feel of the light pulse of his breath expelling from his nose on my neck. “I think it is a feeling I will have to get used to, for I fear not having you in my every thought terrifies me more than anything I have ever encountered.”
I sighed. “I’m supposed to be mad at you—”
“How’s that working out for you? Do you really want to be mad at me or are you just afraid you will be happy with me if you let yourself be?”
I took a step back and looked up to meet his eyes. “I am afraid to be happy, Phoenix. If you haven’t noticed, each time I have allowed myself even a little happiness, something takes it away from me. I have lost so much, and it scares me to death to think you might be the one ripped out of my life next.” My voice shook as I admitted one of my greatest fears, but what was even more frightening was the fact that I hadn’t known that was why I didn’t want to get any closer to Phoenix until now.
I choked on a sob and felt his arms close around me. “Shh… I’m not going anywhere, Mena. You can’t push people away just because you’re afraid to lose them. That’s an absurd plan.” He released me enough so his hands could come up to frame my face,
then he let his forehead fall against mine as a heavy breath escaped through his parted lips. “Let me in, Mena. I promise that I will always be here with you.”
What was he saying? That he wanted to be with me forever? Did I want that? I couldn’t bear the thought of him not being here, but…
“My wolf.”
He shrugged. “What about her?”
I pulled away and he let me go, but stared at me with sad eyes. He knew what I was going to say. “You can’t promise me something like that when you know yourself that it’s not true. You know as well as I do that, if my wolf decides to kill you, you are just going to let her do it. I can’t live with that on my conscience, Phoenix. We—” I looked away as my eyes filled with fresh, hot tears. “We cannot be together unless you are willing to kill her if she attempts to take your life. Those are my terms and there will be no negotiations.”
He blew out a breath through puffed out cheeks and put his hands on his hips. “Okay.”
I blinked the tears away and just stared at him. “Okay?” I said.
He nodded. “Yeah, of course, it will be the whole Romeo and Juliet scene revamped, but I’ll do it.”
He was going to kill himself after he saw me dead. That was not what I wanted. “No! You can’t—”
“Do you think I would be able to live with myself if I ever had to kill you?” he said. “Even if it’s just to be rid of her? I’ve lived for over eight centuries and you are the one true and real thing I have ever found, Mena. Nothing else matters,” he finished quietly, his eyes begging my mind to understand what my heart already knew.
“Back to that Catch-22, I guess.”
“Yeah.” He exhaled, and his voice was full of defeat and exhaustion as he ran a hand through his wet hair. It appeared black in its dampness. “I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.”
“I don’t think I can do this knowing what you will do afterward.”
“That figures,” he said sarcastically. “I really don’t know why I thought I would matter to the only person in this world I have ever wanted. I don’t know why I expected anything more.”
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