“What do you mean you just ‘woke up one day and realized you weren’t in love with me’? You don’t come to a conclusion like that overnight.”
Kirsten was getting more upset as the conversation went on. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Aren’t you being hypocritical, Kirsten? You admitted to yourself that you didn’t see it happening earlier, and when you did see it, you chose to ignore it. If you want to be completely honest, you fell out of love with John, too, but you’re not a quitter.
“We could make an appointment to see a marriage counselor,” she suggested. “That could help us figure some things out, help us find why we’ve drifted apart.”
John shook his head and looked over his shoulder toward the front door. Kirsten looked, too, and spotted two large suitcases. “I’m going to move out. I’ll stay at a hotel until I can find a new place to live. I’m going to file for separation.” He took another sip of his drink and ran his hand through his hair. “I wish it were different, Kirsten, but it’s not. You can stay in the house.”
Kirsten stomach clenched like she had just been punched. She couldn’t believe that he was willing to just walk away. What had happened to for better or for worse? Hadn’t they made declarations to be together until death parted them? Did he think so little of the promises he’d made to her? She became angry.
“I don’t need your fucking permission to stay in our house,” she said. “So, what? That’s it? You’re not even willing to work on our marriage? You aren’t even willing to try? Well, fuck you! I don’t need or want you here. Get the hell out. I’ll contact you with my attorney’s information.”
Kirsten was shaking, but she wouldn’t give John the satisfaction of seeing her cry. She started up the stairs but stopped and turned to look one last time at the man she’d made vows to and saw tears trickling down his face. She moved the rest of the way down the hall as quickly as her injured knee would allow and slammed their bedroom door.
She stood just inside the door and looked around the room she and John had shared as husband and wife. She felt numb as she spotted their wedding picture sitting on their dresser, then another photo of them taken on a camping trip that sat on her nightstand. The room still smelled faintly of his aftershave, and Kirsten barely made it to the bathroom before she threw up.
She knelt on the cold tile floor and rested her cheek against the porcelain as waves of nausea continued to wash over her. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed before she finally stood on trembling legs and turned around to the sink where she rinsed out her mouth and wiped a cold washcloth across her face. She walked back into the bedroom and stared blankly at their bed.
Just like the night before, she heard John’s car back out of the driveway, but this time, he wouldn’t be coming back. Kirsten fell onto the bed still dressed in her business suit. Her body trembled as she sobbed uncontrollably, and she had a hard time catching her breath. Her chest heaved with every gulp of air she tried to take in, and she feared her heart would actually shatter in a million pieces. Even though she had fallen out of love with John, she still loved him, and she couldn’t imagine life without him.
Her exhaustion finally overtook her, and she fell into a fitful slumber.
Chapter Eleven
Throughout the entire day—and for reasons she refused to acknowledge—all Jordan could think about was her last patient of the evening. Because of her work hours, Kirsten had scheduled all of her appointments in Jordan’s last slot of the day. She could think of worse ways to end her workday. She had been looking forward to seeing Kirsten tonight, but when she finally arrived, Jordan noticed a hint of despair in her eyes and a frown on her face. Her heart clenched, and she had an overwhelming urge to wrap her arms around Kirsten and hold her until the pain left her eyes.
“Kirsten? Are you okay?”
Kirsten just shook her head and looked down. Her shoulders were slumped, and she looked despondent.
“Come with me.” Jordan reached for Kirsten’s hand and led her to a private treatment room. Normally, she would have treated her out in the gym for her follow-up appointments, but she thought that Kirsten needed some privacy.
As soon as the door closed, Kirsten let out a body-wracking sob. She sat in the nearest chair and put her head in her hands. The tears kept falling, and Jordan handed her a box of tissues. She sat in front of Kirsten, placed a hand on her shoulder, and caressed it tenderly.
“I’m sorry,” Kirsten said finally, her voice thick with unshed tears.
“What are you sorry for?”
“I’m not…I don’t usually cry like this. Especially not in front of…” She trailed off and waved a hand at Jordan as if that would explain everything.
“Please don’t apologize.” She hesitated for a moment, unsure whether to voice the question bubbling behind her lips. “Do you want to talk about it?”
After a few minutes, Kirsten wiped her eyes and her nose. “My husband left me last night after he said he was no longer in love with me. He doesn’t want to go to counseling to try to fix it. He wants to file for a separation. I didn’t sleep well last night, and I’m so tired. I called in sick to work today and considered canceling my appointment with you.”
“Is there anything I can do?” Her heart was breaking for Kirsten. She didn’t understand how she could have such strong emotions for a woman she barely knew.
“No, but thank you for offering. I don’t think I’ll be much good for therapy tonight.”
“We’ll skip the exercises tonight, but let’s stay in here, and I can work on your knee for a little while. I mean, you’re here now, so let me try to make you feel a little better, at least physically.”
Kirsten gave her a watery smile. “Okay, whatever you think is best. I have to warn you though, I won’t be very good company.”
“Don’t worry about that. Let’s get you up on the table. I’ll take care of the rest.”
She went to work on Kirsten’s knee but was uncertain whether she should ask some follow-up questions or remain quiet. She supposed that if Kirsten wanted to talk about it, she would. She didn’t want to pry or upset Kirsten even further.
As the session went on, Jordan could feel Kirsten start to relax, and by the end of the treatment, Kirsten’s spirits appeared a little higher. She stayed with Kirsten while she was icing her knee after treatment. The silence that continued to stretch between them made Jordan feel a little awkward. She had an overwhelming desire to try to help Kirsten.
“Do you want to talk about what happened last night? I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”
Kirsten hesitated a moment. “John and I have been drifting apart the past few months. I thought maybe he was just busy preparing for a big case.” Kirsten gave her an apologetic smile. “Sorry, he’s an attorney. Anyway, a couple of nights ago, he basically admitted to me that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. Last night, he had his bags packed and waiting by the door.” Kirsten appeared as though she were trying valiantly to keep her tears at bay. “He said he wanted a separation, and he moved out. He’s not even willing to go to couples counseling. I thought I meant more to him, that I was worth fighting for. I have to admit that I fell out of love with him, too, but I thought we should at least try to work things out. I’m not a quitter, Jordan. I’m a strong woman, and I need a strong partner. I thought John was strong. I thought I knew him better than that.”
It took all of Jordan’s strength to keep her thoughts to herself and just listen to Kirsten. But what she really wanted to do was jump up and scream that John was a complete idiot. She didn’t know Kirsten well, but what she did know was that she was worth fighting for. They had only known each other a few days, and already she could see how special Kirsten was.
Instead of voicing any of that, she said, “How long were you two married?”
“Three years. The first two were great, then we started to pull away from each other. We started spending less time with one another until I realized we weren’t spending any tim
e together at all.” Kirsten took another tissue and wiped her eyes.
“I wish I had some good advice to give you, but I don’t have much experience with relationships.” Where the hell had that come from? Jordan never discussed her personal life with patients. She kept her life private and only talked with them about superficial things, like her hobbies and sports. She didn’t acknowledge the questioning look on Kirsten’s face and busied herself with removing the ice pack and electrodes.
“That’s okay. I don’t think there’s any advice you could give me.”
As Jordan finished packing up, she couldn’t stop thinking about how bad she felt for Kirsten and how she wished there was something she could do to make her feel better. When treatment concluded, she walked Kirsten to her car. “Are you okay to drive home? Do you want me to call someone for you?”
“Yeah, I’m okay to drive.” Kirsten placed a hand on her arm and looked up into her eyes. “I appreciate what you did for me tonight. I mean, I know your job is to treat my knee, not listen to my pathetic story.”
Jordan’s insides turned to mush. “There’s nothing pathetic about you, Kirsten. I’m so sorry you’re going through this incredibly difficult time right now, and if you need to postpone your therapy for now, I completely understand.” She was sympathetic toward Kirsten, knowing all too well how it felt to have her heart broken by the loss of a meaningful relationship.
Kirsten looked at her for a moment then hugged her fiercely. “I’ll make time to come to therapy. This will be one of the things I have to look forward to.”
Jordan stood there dumbstruck with Kirsten’s arms wrapped tightly around her body. Fire flashed throughout her veins, and she reluctantly stepped away. She opened Kirsten’s car door and waited patiently while Kirsten slid behind the wheel.
“G’night, Kirsten. Drive carefully.”
“Good night, Jordan. Thanks again. I’ll see you next week.”
Jordan stood and watched Kirsten drive out of the parking lot. The flame that had just consumed her now felt ice cold.
Oh, man. I’m in so much trouble.
Chapter Twelve
“Good morning, sunshine. How’s your knee feeling?”
Kirsten was still able to manage a small smile at Brenda’s greeting over the phone, even though emotionally, she felt her life had been ripped from her. “My knee is feeling better, but my heart hurts.” With that, the stream of tears began for what had to have been the millionth time in the past few days.
“What’s wrong?”
“John and I have separated. He moved out on Thursday night.”
“I’ll be right over.”
Kirsten heard the click and placed the phone on the receiver. She pulled herself out of bed and went into the bathroom. She couldn’t believe it was her own face staring back at her in the mirror. Her eyes were red and swollen from all of the crying she’d been doing, and her hair was in disarray from the tossing and turning during what little sleep she’d gotten the night before.
She turned on the shower and disrobed. She had at least twenty minutes until Brenda would arrive, and she was hoping she could make herself look a little more presentable. After washing her hair and body, she stepped out of the shower and brushed her hair and her teeth. She dressed in a loose tank top and cut-off shorts and headed downstairs.
She was just about to put the coffeepot on when there was a knock on the door. Kirsten opened it, took one look at Brenda, and started to cry again. Brenda stepped into the foyer, wrapped her in a tight hug, and rocked her back and forth.
After what felt like another gallon of tears, Kirsten let go of Brenda and went in search of tissues. Brenda followed her into the kitchen, and she flipped on the coffeepot. A long moment passed before she finally turned around to face her. She was embarrassed at the amount of weeping she had done over the past few days. She couldn’t help thinking that allowing so many tears to fall was a sign of weakness.
“I’m sorry, Bren. I just can’t seem to stop crying.”
“Don’t apologize. I assume you had your talk with John. What did he say?”
“He said he’d been feeling us drift apart and realized he wasn’t in love with me anymore. He tried to blame the long hours at work for us not spending time together, but this started before he began preparing this case. He said he’s not happy in our marriage, and honestly, neither was I.”
“I remember you telling me that you felt you acted more like roommates. I hate to bring this up, but is there another woman?”
Kirsten shook her head and wiped at her tears. “No, he swears that he’s been faithful, and I believe him. I don’t want to make him out to sound like an asshole because he really is a sweet man. I offered to go to marriage counseling, but he seems to think it wouldn’t work. Maybe it wouldn’t have, but I felt like we had to try.” Kirsten sighed in resignation. “If he’s not willing to try to save our marriage, there’s not much I can do about it.”
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What do you need me to do?”
“There’s not much you can do, except be my shoulder to cry on. I need to find an attorney and get that information to John. I just can’t believe this is happening. I mean, I know we haven’t been spending time together, but I honestly didn’t see this coming. I can’t believe that he’d give up so quickly without even trying to fix the problem.”
“A friend of mine from work got divorced last year. I’ll ask her for the name and number of her attorney.”
“I appreciate that.” Kirsten wasn’t in the mood to discuss her marriage any longer. She wanted to talk about something—anything—else. “Do you want some coffee?”
Brenda nodded, and Kirsten returned to the kitchen table with two mugs, cream, and sugar. They sat at the table, and Kirsten took a sip of her coffee.
“How’s your knee feeling? Did you start physical therapy?”
“My knee is a little better, thanks. I did start therapy, and you’ll never guess who my therapist is. Jordan Roberts.”
“What? Of all the physical therapy clinics, and you end up in Jordan’s. What a coincidence.”
“I know. She’s fantastic, by the way. She’s so gentle but firm, and I was able to relax with her immediately. She really has a way about her.” Kirsten’s spirits lifted when she thought of Jordan. She appreciated the kindness and sympathy Jordan had shown her the previous evening.
“So, how many times have you seen her?”
“Just twice, but last night was a disaster. I was so embarrassed because when she asked me what was wrong, I just burst into tears and couldn’t stop. She was so sweet. She listened to me cry and talk about the destruction of my marriage, and she was so comforting. She even walked me out to my car.”
“That was nice of her. I don’t know her that well, but she seems like a cool person.”
“She is. She even told me that if I wanted to postpone therapy for a while, she would understand, but I need to get my knee better. Besides, it will give me something to look forward to and take my mind off John for a while.”
Kirsten felt a whisper of a smile tug at the corners of her mouth as she thought about her next therapy appointment, and she took a sip of coffee.
Chapter Thirteen
Jordan and Alex met for lunch on Saturday afternoon at a diner they’d frequented when they’d been in college. They were seated in a booth with red vinyl seats and a scratched, Formica-topped table. A big jukebox was playing doo-wop music. Jordan was quiet as thoughts of Kirsten wandered through her mind. She couldn’t get the haunted look in Kirsten’s eyes out of her head. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Alex look at her speculatively and tilt her head. She braced herself for the question she knew was coming and wondered how she was going to answer it.
“You look a little distracted, Jordan. What’s going on?”
Jordan placed her burger back onto her plate, picked up a French fry that she had dipped into ranch dressing, and popped it into her mouth. She finished che
wing, wiped her mouth, and met Alex’s gaze. “I have a new patient that I started seeing last week, and she’s having some problems at home. I’m just thinking about her.”
“You’re so sweet to be so concerned about your patients. Why is this one troubling you?”
“I can’t tell you because of patient confidentiality. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I respect that. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”
“No, but thanks. I appreciate it.”
They continued to eat their lunch, and Jordan’s thoughts drifted back to Kirsten. She began to smile. It hadn’t escaped her notice that she did that a lot when she thought of Kirsten.
“What are you grinning about?” Alex wanted to know.
“So, remember that woman that came into the coffeehouse a few weeks ago that made me stupid? I actually met her about a week and a half ago at Lucy’s. She went to her friend’s basketball game, and they ended up at the bar for drinks afterward. She and her friend came up to me at the bar while I was ordering a beer, and she introduced herself. Her name is Kirsten.”
“So, what’s her story? Is she gay?”
“No, she’s married.” Jordan refrained from mentioning Kirsten’s separation. She didn’t want to betray Kirsten’s trust by talking about her problems at home. Kirsten had trusted her enough to tell her about the separation, and Jordan didn’t want to disrespect that.
“Wow. That sucks. I’m sorry.”
Jordan tilted her head to the right. “Why are you sorry?”
“Because you are obviously attracted to her, and not only is she not gay, but you couldn’t do anything about it even if she was.”
Jordan took a sip of her chocolate milkshake and placed it back on the table. “I wouldn’t do anything about it anyway. You know I don’t do relationships.”
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