Jordan remembered the words Kirsten had spoken about how she felt more for her than she’d ever felt for another person, that Jordan was her Anam Cara. But it wasn’t the words Kirsten had spoken, it was the actions she had displayed—just a simple touch or caress, the way Kirsten held her close, the way she’d cared for her when she’d been hurt, how easily she’d comforted Jordan when she’d been most frightened. Kirsten made her feel free, safe, and loved. Words were easy to say, but the expression on her face when Kirsten would look into her eyes…that she couldn’t fake.
Jordan was still pacing when Brenda walked into the kitchen. She watched warily as Brenda reached into her pocket and pulled out a black velvet bag. “Kirsten gave this to me to hold while she was in the hospital. She told me it was her anniversary gift to you and didn’t want to lose it.” Brenda handed her the bag and went back to the living room.
She opened the bag with shaking fingers and dumped its contents into her hand. It was a silver necklace that ran through a pewter coin pendant. The words “Anam Cara” were engraved in black on the front. Jordan’s eyes filled with tears as she turned over the coin to see the inscription. She wiped her eyes and read, “To Jordan, my soul mate. Love, Kirsten.”
One of the many reasons Jordan loved Kirsten was her compassion. Could it be that what she had seen had really been a good-bye kiss? It would make sense that Kirsten would do that. She had told Jordan that John was special but that she just didn’t love him the way he deserved.
Jordan had believed she had to forgive Kelly in order to give her heart fully to Kirsten, and she’d thought she had, but tonight proved differently. It had been so easy for her to fall back into a distrusting state of mind, and once again, she’d punished Kirsten for something Kelly had done. Kirsten deserved better than that. Jordan owed it to them both to hear Kirsten’s explanation. She didn’t know if Kirsten would forgive her for running away without giving her a chance. Because of her, Kirsten was lying in the emergency room…alone. But Jordan knew that she had to go to Kirsten, to see her, to try to win her back.
She returned with her wallet and keys and stood by the door. “Will you take me?” She began to cry silently, and Brenda hugged her.
“She’ll be okay, Jordan. You both will. Just know you matter more to her than life, and she would never hurt you.”
Jordan just nodded, not trusting herself to speak, and hung on to Brenda like she was a lifeline.
Chapter Forty-eight
When Jordan and Brenda arrived at the waiting area in the emergency room of the local trauma hospital, Brenda spoke to the admitting clerk. “We’re here to see Kirsten Murphy. Could you tell us where to go?”
The older woman punched in a few keys and consulted her computer screen. She looked up at them over the top of the eyeglasses that were perched on the tip of her nose. “Are you family?”
“No, but I’m her best friend, and this is her partner.” Brenda pointed to Jordan. “She doesn’t have family in the area.”
The clerk glanced from Brenda to Jordan. “May I see your identification, please?”
Jordan and Brenda handed over their IDs, and the woman looked at the cards then up at them before handing them back. “Please take a seat, and I’ll have someone come get you.”
They took two seats that were together and closest to the door that would lead them where they needed to go. The waiting room was crowded with people moaning and little kids wiping their hands across their noses.
After sitting for about thirty minutes, Jordan began to get antsy, and her foot bounced up and down. Brenda shot her an annoyed look, and she got up and started walking around. She felt like she was coming out of her skin. She just needed to be with Kirsten and see that she was all right. She needed to tell Kirsten how much she loved her.
Another agonizing fifteen minutes later, a woman came out the door dressed in dark blue scrubs. She looked down at her clipboard. “I’m looking for Jordan Roberts and Brenda Lewis.”
Jordan walked quickly over to the woman, leaving Brenda to catch up. “I’m Jordan Roberts, and this is Brenda Lewis.”
“Come with me please.” The woman held the door open and followed Brenda and Jordan into the hallway. “I’m Valerie Malone, and I’m the nurse in charge of Kirsten’s care. She was in a motor vehicle accident, but she’s in stable condition.”
All strength left Jordan’s legs as soon as the nurse had said Kirsten wasn’t in any serious danger, and she sagged against Brenda, hoping she could remain standing. Her heart sped up, and her mouth was dry. “What are her injuries?”
“We know her left arm is broken, and she has a possible concussion. She’s getting a CT scan now, but she should return to her room soon. Come this way, and you can wait for her.”
As they walked down the hallway, Jordan grabbed the nurse’s arm. “Is she going to be okay?”
Valerie looked at her with sympathy. “We won’t know much until we get the results back from radiology.” Valerie opened the door, and Jordan was relieved there was no other patient sharing the room with Kirsten.
Jordan slumped down in her chair and covered her face with her hands. Tears began streaming down her face, and she found it hard to breathe. A comforting hand rested on her back, and she glanced up at Brenda. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her.”
Brenda rubbed her back. “We’re not going to lose her. You have to stay positive. Let’s just see what the results are and wait to talk to the doctor.”
Jordan nodded. She had to believe Brenda. Losing Kirsten just wasn’t an option. She couldn’t imagine her life without Kirsten in it. It was unfathomable to think that because of her lapse in judgment, Kirsten had been seriously injured. She had so many plans for their life—moving in together, starting a family, growing old together. Kirsten had to be all right. She just had to. If she wasn’t…Jordan didn’t think she could live with herself, knowing she could have prevented this. Her head began to pound as the tears continued to fall.
Twenty minutes later, two orderlies wheeled Kirsten’s gurney into the room. Jordan’s eyes were drawn to the soft splint on Kirsten’s left forearm and the bandage wrapped around her head. Kirsten’s eyes were closed, and she looked like she was sleeping. Jordan went to Kirsten’s side and held her hand.
“Oh, my God. Honey, it’s Jordan. Open your eyes for me.”
Brenda came to Kirsten’s other side and placed a hand on Kirsten’s shoulder.
Kirsten’s eyes fluttered open for a brief moment, but then she closed them again.
Jordan brought Kirsten’s hand to her lips and kissed her palm then cradled it against her cheek. “I love you, Kirsten. I will always love you. You have to get better, baby. I can’t imagine my life without you,” she whispered in Kirsten’s ear.
Kirsten’s eyes remained closed, but she licked her lips and spoke so softly that Jordan had to strain to hear her. “I love you.”
Jordan’s heart soared. Those three words meant more to her than she ever would have thought possible. It was almost too good to be true. She’d never thought she would be lucky enough to be in this position, that she would have an extraordinary woman love her. If someone had told her just five months ago that she would be find love again, she would have told them they were crazy. But here she was, and she couldn’t be happier. She vowed to spend the rest of her life doing everything she could to deserve that love.
She remained at Kirsten’s side whispering loving words, promising that she would be okay and that she would take care of her until the doctor came in an hour later. He was a tall, skinny man who looked far too young to have a medical license. His disheveled, sandy blond hair covered his forehead and curled at the bottom. His face gave away no information as he read Kirsten’s chart. He extended his hand to Jordan.
“Hi. I’m Dr. Gaffney, and I’m the neurosurgeon on call.”
She shook his hand. “I’m Jordan Roberts, and this is Brenda Lewis. What did the CT show?”
“From what Ms. Murphy told
us when she was brought in, she doesn’t remember much of what happened, but witnesses said a truck ran a red light and hit the passenger side of her car. Paramedics stated she briefly lost consciousness at the scene but was easy to rouse. The driver’s side window was shattered, so we suspect her head hit it. Her CT scan didn’t show any bruising, swelling, or bleeding, and there aren’t any fractures of her skull or facial bones.”
Dr. Gaffney put the chart on the bedside table. “She has a pretty bad concussion, and she’s going to feel pretty miserable for a while. We want to keep her for a couple of days for observation to make sure her symptoms don’t worsen. Her eyes are very sensitive to light, and she told us she feels nauseous. She’ll also have a hell of a headache, but we’ll give her some medicine through her IV that should help with the pain and nausea.”
Jordan let out a breath. Her vision swam, and she was grateful that Brenda was there to steady her. Her relief was overwhelming. No brain bleed or bruising. Jordan was cautiously optimistic. “Thank you, Doctor. We appreciate it.”
Dr. Gaffney shook Jordan’s and Brenda’s hands. “We’ll get her moved to the neuro floor soon.”
As soon as Dr. Gaffney was out the door, Jordan collapsed into the chair and began crying again. Brenda squatted in front of her and placed one hand on each of her knees. “She’s going to be fine.”
“I know. I’m just relieved that there’s no brain bleed or skull fractures. When they let her out of here, I’ll bring her home with me. I’ll call my boss tomorrow and let him know what happened.”
“Okay. I’ll come over after work to sit with her, so you can get some rest.”
“I’ll be fine.” Kirsten’s weak voice wafted to Jordan’s ears.
Jordan jumped up and nearly knocked Brenda over to get to Kirsten. “Baby? Can you hear me?”
“Yeah, but my head is killing me. What happened?”
“You were in a car accident, honey. You have a concussion and a broken arm. You’ll be fine, but the doctor wants to keep you in the hospital for a couple of days just to make sure.”
Kirsten’s eyes fluttered open, but she gasped and closed them again. A tear streaked down the side of her face. “Please don’t leave me, Jordan. I didn’t mean to make you mad.”
It was official. She was the biggest asshole on earth. The uncertainty in Kirsten’s voice broke her heart, and she vowed never to make Kirsten feel that way again. “No, baby, no. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not mad at you. It’s my fault you’re here. I should have trusted you, and I didn’t. But I swear I’ll never leave you again. I love you so much.”
Jordan dropped her head to Kirsten’s chest, and gentle fingers threaded their way into her hair.
“It’s okay, honey. It’s okay.”
She didn’t deserve Kirsten’s forgiveness. Not at that moment. But she swore that she would be the woman who deserved Kirsten’s love.
Chapter Forty-nine
Kirsten woke in the middle of the night and was unsure where she was. It looked like a hospital room, and she tried to remember how she’d gotten there. Her head felt like a jackhammer was trying to break through her skull, and her left forearm throbbed like a son of a bitch. The soft glow of the light behind her wasn’t soft enough, and it made her eyes feel like they were being jabbed with ice picks. She moaned from the pain, and someone grabbed her hand.
“Shh. I’m right here. Try to go back to sleep.”
Kirsten peeked her eyes open and saw a haggard looking Jordan standing next to her. “Where am I?”
Jordan stroked the top of her hand with her thumb. “You’re in the hospital. You were in a car accident last night.”
Kirsten was frightened. She tried to remember what had happened. Bits and pieces flashed through her mind—John coming over, giving him a kiss good-bye, seeing Jordan run away, following her in her car. The rest was pretty foggy. Her arm was so heavy. She used her right hand to feel the splint on her left arm. Her head pounded. Was she going to be okay?
She tried to produce some saliva to wet her mouth, so she could speak. “Oh, yeah, right. I remember now. Am I going to be okay?”
Tears trickled down Jordan’s cheeks as she nodded. “You have a concussion and a broken arm, but you will be fine.”
“My head hurts.” She shut her eyes again. The light in the room was too bright to keep them open.
“I know, but the doctor is giving you medicine to help with the pain.”
“Will you stay with me?” Please don’t leave me. I love you and want to spend my life with you.
“I promise I’ll never leave you again.”
Relief washed through her body, and she finally felt safe. Jordan would never leave her again. She drifted back to sleep.
Jordan pulled her chair closer, so she could hold Kirsten’s hand as she slept. She noticed some of the lines of stress leave Kirsten’s face as she fell back asleep. She would do everything in her power to make sure Kirsten had a full recovery. Then she would spend every day showing Kirsten how much she loved her. This woman was her life, and Jordan closed her eyes, convinced she was the luckiest person in the world to have Kirsten’s love.
Jordan startled when a hand gently shook her shoulder. She looked up to see Dr. Gaffney staring down at her. She rubbed her eyes, which felt like sandpaper, and her whole body was leaden. “Is something wrong?”
“I just wanted to come see how Kirsten was feeling.”
Jordan stood and pulled him away from the bed to avoid waking her. “She woke in the middle of the night and said she didn’t remember why she was in the hospital and that her head hurt.”
Dr. Gaffney nodded. “Amnesia can be a symptom of concussion. Her memory of the accident may come back, or it may not. We’ll just have to wait and see. Did she remember you?”
“Yes, she did.”
Dr. Gaffney placed his hand on Jordan’s shoulder and gently squeezed. “That’s good. I want to send her down to radiology again today to have another CT scan.”
“Why? Is she worse?”
“No, but I just want to make sure there is no delayed bleeding. As long as the CT is stable, and she’s feeling a little better tomorrow, I’ll send her home.”
“Okay, yeah, good. Thanks, Dr. Gaffney.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll go write the orders for the scan, and I’ll be back later to check on her.”
Jordan took Kirsten’s hand back in hers. She brought Kirsten’s hand to her mouth and kissed it, letting her lips linger on Kirsten’s skin. Kirsten’s eyes fluttered open, and Jordan regretted waking her. “Sorry, baby. How are you feeling?”
“My headache isn’t as bad, and I’m not quite as nauseous.”
“I’m so glad to hear that.”
“What did the doctor say?”
“He wants to send you for another CT scan to make sure everything is still good. He said if you’re feeling a little better tomorrow, he’ll discharge you.”
“That’s good. I just want to get into my own bed.” Kirsten’s voice sounded a little stronger.
“Actually, you’ll be getting into my bed. I’m bringing you home with me, so I can take care of you.”
Kirsten hesitated. “Are you sure you want to do that? I saw how angry you were when you left my house yesterday.”
Jordan’s heart clenched at the uncertainty in Kirsten’s words. She was the one that had made Kirsten doubt her, doubt them. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I was an asshole to leave like I did. I saw you kissing John, and I thought you were getting back together with him. I should have trusted you, and I swear, Kirsten, I’ll never make that mistake again. Can you ever forgive me?”
“I can if you do one thing for me.”
Jordan cried silently. “Anything, baby.”
“Kiss me.”
She slowly moved to Kirsten’s lips and kissed her leisurely. When she pulled away, Kirsten cupped her cheek. “I love you, Jordan Roberts. I never want to go another day without you.”
Jordan’s he
art swelled, and she beamed. She was positive she would never get tired of hearing those words. But she looked forward to finding out whether she was right about that. “I’ll give you forever, my love.”
A knock on the door interrupted further kissing. Jordan turned and smiled when she saw Brenda and Alex standing in the doorway. She waved them in, and Brenda went to Kirsten while Alex hugged Jordan.
Brenda held Kirsten’s hand. “How are you feeling, honey?”
“My head and arm are killing me, but I’m feeling a little better. The doc says I can go home tomorrow if my CT scan is normal.” Brenda looked at her questioningly. “He just wants to make sure there isn’t any bleeding.”
Alex placed a vase of flowers on Kirsten’s bedside table. “Is there anything we can do for you?”
“Yes, can you please take Jordan out of here for a while?”
“Kirsten, I’m fine. I—”
“Honey, you’ve been here all night. You need to go eat something and get some sleep.”
Alex put an arm around Jordan. “I’ll take her down to the cafeteria, but I doubt I’ll get her to leave here.”
“Thanks. Actually, why don’t the three of you go eat? I’m going to take a nap.”
Brenda and Alex kissed Kirsten good-bye and waited in the hall for Jordan. Jordan kissed Kirsten and said, “I’ll let the nurse know to call me if you need me. I’ll be back soon. I love you, baby.”
“I love you, too. I’ll see you soon.” Kirsten closed her eyes, and her breathing deepened.
Jordan, Brenda, and Alex headed to the cafeteria. Jordan noticed the gym bag hanging over Alex’s shoulder. “What’s with the bag?”
New Beginnings Page 24