“You didn’t knock,” she said, apparently not surprised to find him there.
“I’m not knocking anymore. As a matter of fact, I’m no longer giving you the power to retreat and hide. I don’t understand your focus on River Run, but I’m here to tell you it has nothing to do with your feelings for me.”
“Oh, really?” She sat on her bed and stared at him through luminous green eyes. They deepened with anger and another emotion he didn’t want to acknowledge. Betrayal.
“What have I done?”
“Done? Nothing, absolutely nothing.”
“What changed after that day in the cabin? Did you suddenly find in me a man you no longer cared to love?”
“If I didn’t love you, do you think I would have allowed you to…let you…” Emma inhaled and her voice wavered.
“Allowed me to what?”
“Oh never mind, this is ridiculous. We’re never going to work, Stone. Stop fighting for what won’t ever be.”
“Why won’t we work?” He knelt down before her and lowered his voice, trying to ease her panic. “Tell me, Emma. Why can’t we be together?”
“You’ve gone back to your former life, for one.”
“Only this mission.” He gazed into her eyes, wanting her to see how deeply he cared, afraid to speak the words.
“Why go at all?”
“I have to.”
“Tell me.”
He shook his head, wishing he could. But he didn’t want to raise her hopes or worry about where he was going. “It’s classified. If I told you,” he said, frowning and leaning in her direction. “I’d have to kill you.”
“You’re doing that already.”
“Oh God, Emma, don’t say that.” He stood and pulled her into his arms.
“You are,” she said. “Every second we’re apart, ever bitter word we speak, a part of my heart dies. I don’t want to care. I don’t want to love you.”
“But you do, don’t you?” Stone held her tightly, running his hands up and down her back.
“Where can we go from here?”
“Anywhere,” he whispered against her hear. “Anywhere at all.”
She pulled back and gazed into his eyes.
“Are you selling River Run?”
“No.” He answered honestly, thankful he’d had the foresight to cancel the contract of sale before the holidays. He loved Emma, and she loved River Run. He’d never take that away from her.
Her eyes narrowed slightly. “What about your father?”
Stone tensed. His heart beat wildly, and he swallowed past the lump in his throat. “You’ll have to choose.”
She sagged against him, and her eyes brightened with tears. He swore silently. The pain and anger that burned his soul whenever she spoke his father’s name, let alone threatened to visit, had made him realize an important factor. In this, there was no compromise.
“And your mission? Can you tell me where you’re going?”
“No. But when I return, the healing can begin.”
Emma chewed the bottom left corner of her lip. He wanted to bend and replace her teeth with his tongue, remind her of their connection. He didn’t. She needed to make decisions.
“This…” she patted his chest then her own. “Is tearing me apart.” She reached up and traced a gentle finger across his brow. He closed his eyes, the touch telling him all he needed to know.
“Me too.” He heard the hoarseness of his voice and cringed against his weakness. Opening his lids, he silently challenged her to fight against their obstacles.
“Your words and demands aren’t making this easy.”
“I won’t apologize.”
A grin brightened her face and spark of mischief sizzled within the depths of her eyes. “No, I didn’t think you would.”
“What’s happening here, Emma?”
“A relationship,” she said. “And not a very healthy one at that.” Her laughter lightened the solemn words, giving him a spark of hope.
“Will you stand by my side until I return home?”
She stared into his eyes for a long time. He didn’t move, didn’t breathe. He’d never been this scared in his entire life.
“Yes, Stone Connor. I’ll stand by your side.” Her words slammed into him with the concussion of an explosion. Stunned and elated, he fought the desire to pick her up and whoop for joy. He couldn’t release his love, not yet. There still remained one job to complete.
***
Emma sat in the middle of Stone’s massive bed, listening to the drone of male voices. She’d nothing to do. With a frown, she climbed off the bed and watched another winter storm throw more white layers on the already snow-crusted pasture.
She knew the men were here because Stone couldn’t go to them. She knew he’d lied to her about the sale of River Run. He’d been honest regarding his father and straight forward on the lack of comment about his mission. It all totaled together for a heartrending emotional catastrophe. Maybe some of Margaret’s insightfulness rubbed into Emma’s soul. Because she believed her decision to stand by this man rang of a wisdom beyond her understanding. It felt right.
“Hey gorgeous,” Stone said from the doorway. “Whatcha doing?”
“I’m bored. Want to come play?”
He grinned. “Wish I could. Why not join us for a hike?”
“Really?” The surprise she felt echoed in her words.
“Yeah. The men need to get out of the house. Crankiness has set in.”
She sighed and moved into the walk-in closet to change. “I can relate. Where’re we going?”
“Let’s head down to the river and see where that leads us.”
“Fine by me.” She paused and frowned. “Do we have enough snow shoes?”
“I believe so. And if not, they can wade through the stuff. It’ll do ‘em good. Some of these boys seem a bit too soft for my liking.”
Walking out of the closet, Emma looked closely at Stone. The strain of the past few weeks of intense physical activity showed in black smudged bags beneath his eyes and excess muscles bulging against his shirt sleeve.
“They’ll never replace what you lost.”
“I know that.” He opened his arms, and she walked into his embrace. It might only be temporary, but their truce felt wonderful.
“Rex called today.”
“Yeah?”
“Our departure date’s been confirmed.”
“I understand.” She nodded against his chest, glad he couldn’t see her lying face.
“I’m going to miss you.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“Hopefully, only about a week. At the max, it’ll be two.”
Emma’s throat tightened. Two weeks. Where the heck were they sending him? More importantly, why were they sending him? Instead of voicing her concerns, she pushed everything to the back of her mind and showed the face Stone needed.
The strong partner. The confident partner.
She held tight, stood her ground. The last thing he needed was someone to question his judgment or interfere with this mission.
“I’ve something to do tomorrow that I need your help with.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“I need to write some letters.”
“Letters? What kind?”
“The ones that say I’m sorry.”
Chapter Fifteen
Stone stood at the top of the stairs listening to the whir of the treadmill. Emma was taking full advantage of the gym since his men shipped back to base last week. His exit date demanded he leave within the week.
Padding silently down the stairs, he stopped in the doorway of the room they’d expanded from a small exercise room to a full-fledged gym. Weight equipment and mats stretched from mirrored wall to mirrored wall. Emma occupied a treadmill before the floor to ceiling windows, jogging steadily, ear phones jammed on her head.
She wore tight shorts and a cropped sports bra. A trickle of sweat ran down her back, soaking into the black spande
x material of her shorts. He smiled, admiring the view.
Auburn curls fell down her back, clasped loosely with a clip. His heart swelled with love. Did he believe in love at first sight?
Yes.
He realized the moment she’d opened her mouth and welcomed him to River Run, he’d been consumed by her magic.
He hated sharing her affection. Stone wanted it all, but he knew until she overcame her fears and took responsibility for her life and the decisions that encompassed, he’d have to be okay with the portion of her heart she chose to share with him.
Nate Connor.
His father loomed between them with the savageness of the Snake cutting through the mountains. Would she cross to his side or remain out of reach?
He walked up behind her and straddled the outside edges of the treadmill. Her heat, her nearness was enough to drive him mad with desire. Closing his eyes, he held tightly to the bars of the treadmill unable to comprehend life without this woman.
She felt his weight and slowed the machine down until it stopped then slowly slid backward, connecting with his chest. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he hugged her close, knowing she could feel his need for her through her thin excuse for clothes.
“Stone.” Her voice was breathless, and he felt her instant awareness of him. She sighed and leaned her head back against his shoulder.
He rubbed his chin against her forehead, inhaling the slight jasmine scent that always surrounded her. Kissing a small bead of sweat from the corner of her eye, he fought against the heartrending day looming on the horizon.
Swallowing against sudden panic, Stone trailed a line of kisses down her neck. He heard her gasp and whisper his name.
One hand gripped the silver bar of the treadmill while the other lazily explored her breasts, rubbing her hardened nipples through the thin cotton. She felt like heaven and tasted of honey.
He kissed the nape of her neck. Emma’s head dropped forward as she wiggled tighter against him making him groan.
Did she know how deeply he cared? How strong his love was?
He smiled to himself at the thought of her happiness. When Emma saw her father, she’d understand. His heart, his soul-they belonged to her.
“Why’re you smiling?” Emma spoke softly, closing her eyes and enjoying his touch.
“I’ve never considered making love on a treadmill before.”
She twisted around and grinned at him. “I couldn’t think of a better form of exercise.”
The glare of sun on white pasture streamed through the windows heating an already electrifying corner of the gym. Her sighs and soft words wrapped around him, exciting and enthralling.
“I love you,” she whispered.
All thought stopped, only the need to be one with Emma carried him forward. “I don’t have a condom,” he said, swearing silently.
“Too late. I want you…now.”
Her closeness, her vulnerability edged tighter around his heart.
He couldn’t breathe.
Emma moved against him, and he was lost.
Stone demanded. She gave.
He held her trembling body, seeking to regain control of himself. Inhaling in deep, ragged breaths, he wanted to tell her how he felt.
He sighed as she pulled away. She twisted around and hugged him tightly. He returned her embrace, holding her fiercely against his chest.
“Every time you’re near, I want you,” she said, her voice husky and slightly hoarse.
He couldn’t speak. Swearing silently at his inner fear, he kissed her forehead. Finally, the iron grip on his chest released and sanity returned.
Stone chuckled. “Obviously I’ve just proved that I agree.”
***
Emma lay curled in a corner of the living room couch. Her head hurt, her stomach reeled, and her heart…well, her heart made demands she couldn’t answer.
Surrender to Stone, the stupid little organ screamed. If only it were that easy. His plane was scheduled to leave tomorrow and with it a part of herself would disappear. She hated it. Detested the predicament she’d allowed herself to fall into.
“Hey,” he said softly from the kitchen doorway.
“Hey, yourself.”
“Do you have a minute?”
“Sure.” She twisted around and noticed he held a folder in his left hand.
“I’ve written these letters.” He held up the folder. “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind reading them. I don’t know if they’re good enough to mail.”
She bit down on her lower lip trying to hide her curiosity. “Sure. I’ll do it right now.”
“Okay. Thanks. I’ll be downstairs working on the shelves for the media room.”
“10-4.”
He rolled his eyes at her attempt at military jargon and left the room. The minute she heard the nail compressor turn on, Emma bolted from the sofa and snatched the folder off the table. Holding her head against the sudden pounding, she sat back down and pulled out the first letter.
Dear Maria,
I realize you’ve probably been waiting for this letter for almost two years, your heart breaking, and your mind searching for an explanation as to how I could’ve allowed your husband to die. Believe me, I’ve asked myself that question every morning and every night.
Jose wormed himself into my group right after the two of you were married. I wish he hadn’t. I don’t regret the privilege of knowing him or his wisdom that came from loving you. But I hate myself for denying him the right to watch your daughter grow, to see his grandchildren and rock his days away beside you. For that, I am eternally sorry.
A special person has helped me realize that healing doesn’t come from forgetting but from remembering. I’d like to share some memories with you and hope they ease your pain and help you move on.
Emma flipped the page, reading paragraph after paragraph of exploits Stone’s unit had undertaken. She laughed at his fine touch of humor, the warmth and love he conveyed in every sentence, every word. Turning to the last page, she realized her barriers against this man were weakening.
As you can see, Jose not only touched your life with his passion and love but also mine. I will forever miss him. I will never forget.
With deepest regards,
Colonel Stone Connor
Tears streamed down Emma’s face. Damn, but she was tired of crying and lately it seemed like a daily, almost hourly occurrence.
The front door slammed, and she quickly brushed the tears from her face. Glancing through the folder she realized it contained letters to every wife, mother or father that belonged to his deceased unit. The knowledge of the pain Stone bore crushed her chest making it hard to breathe.
“Any one home?”
Emma smiled, recognizing Alexa’s voice. “In here,” she called, dashing away the tears that kept insisting on flowing down her cheeks.
“Hey,” Alexa said, walking into the living room and plopping on the couch next to her. “What’s up?” She frowned and shook her head. “You look like crap. Why are you crying?”
A flood of emotions toppled over, and Emma couldn’t control the sobs that broke forth. Alexa scooted over and wrapped her arms around her, hugging her tightly. “I can’t seem to stop.”
“It’s okay, let it out. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Stone’s leaving tomorrow.” She let out a shaky breath, sat back and inhaled deeply attempting to control herself.
“I know. That’s why I’m here. But he’ll be back, you have to know that.”
“I do. But…” She paused and exhaled a rush of words. “He’s selling River Run, and I don’t know what that means. He wants me to choose between himself and Nate, and it’s tearing me apart. And he’s gone and written all these wonderful letters, and just the thought of how hard this must have been is making me feel like I don’t deserve to be in the same room with him.” Her eyes watered again, and the damn tears spilled over. She dashed them away, sniffing loudly.
“Oh, baby,” Alexa said
. “It’ll be okay. You’re just scared. I can’t believe Stone’s selling River Run. He knows how much it means to you.”
“He is. I saw the contract.”
“I’m sure there’s an explanation. When he comes home, there’ll be plenty of time to discuss River Run and Nate and all these other emotions running through your system.”
“No there won’t be. Stone and I…” Did she want to explain? Yes, she needed to tell someone. “We’re all out of time. I’m pregnant.”
Alexa stared at her, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. “Pregnant?” She narrowed her gaze and tilted her head. “Does Stone know?”
Emma shook her head and pointed a finger at her friend’s chest. “Don’t you dare tell him.”
“Emma…”
“No,” she interrupted before listening to any of the arguments Alexa was about to say. They probably only mirrored the silent ones she’d been having with herself. “He can’t know. Not yet, at least. I want him to go on this mission with a clear head, clear conscience and absolutely no conflicting emotions.”
Alexa shook her head.
“No,” Emma repeated. “You have to swear you won’t say a word.”
“I won’t say a thing. But I think you’re doing yourself and Stone a great injustice.”
“Maybe, but it’s the right thing to do. He needs to be fully focused on this mission.”
“He needs?” Alexa rose from the couch and paced in a tight circle. “What about you? How far along are you?”
“Ten, maybe eleven weeks.”
“You’re almost through your first trimester. Oh Emma, you’re so wrong about all of this. You should be sharing this with Stone.”
“No. Don’t make me sorry I told you. He’d worry, and…” Emma leaned her head back and closed her eyes.
“And?”
“What if he doesn’t want the baby?” There, she’d done it. She’d voiced her greatest fear.
“No.” Alexa sat back on the couch and grabbed Emma’s hands. “No, he’d never feel that way.”
Looking into her friends eyes, she saw the worry and a flicker of doubt. “Yes he might and you know it.”
The Fifth Season Page 18