Hopeless

by Cheryl Douglas

  She pushed against his shoulders and tried to tear her mouth from his.

  “Don’t,” he whispered. The words fell from his lips like a broken plea. He’d never felt so desperate or so confused. “God, please… don’t push me away. I need you right now.”

  Her whole body stiffened before she finally framed his face with her hands and brought his mouth back to hers. “We shouldn’t…”

  “I don’t care.” He nipped and licked her bottom lip before moving to her ear.

  “Your brother…”

  “I don’t care.” He drew her earlobe into his mouth and felt her grind into him as a soft moan escaped her lips.

  She ran her hands through his hair. “Work…”

  “Don’t care.” The only thing he cared about was getting closer to her, busting through her barriers and forcing his way into her heart.

  “Jay, we can’t do this here.”

  He knew she was right. They were in an elevator in a medical building, for God’s sake. “Fine.” He pulled back and drew a deep breath. “But this isn’t over.”

  Thankfully, they were too busy to talk about the kiss for the rest of the day. But Victoria wasn’t too busy to think about it. She’d be on the phone, talking to a new student, explaining their program options, and she’d catch a glimpse of Jay across the room. His back would be turned, deep in conversation with someone else, but her eyes would travel the length of his hard body and her mind would drift back to the memory of having those rippling muscles pressing her into the wall at her back, demanding complete and total surrender.

  She didn’t know if Jay realized it, but that’s exactly what he’d been doing, demanding she surrender to his will. And she had. She allowed herself to get caught up in the spicy scent of his cologne lingering on her skin, the minty taste of his breath invading her mouth, and the slow slide of his hands branding her body. She shivered just thinking about it.

  The painter she’d met the day before entered the studio and grinned when he saw her.

  Jay was talking to another local business owner who’d approached him about a joint marketing venture, but he raised his hand in greeting to his friend.

  “Hiya, gorgeous.”

  Victoria smiled. She’d liked Kurt as soon as she met him. He was fun, playful, flirtatious, and despite his tough biker exterior, she sensed he was totally harmless. “Hi yourself.” She looked him up and down the same way he’d looked at her when they first met. “How is it you’re a painter, yet I don’t see a drop of paint on you?”

  He leaned on the counter, moving in closer as he treated her to a sexy smile. “Maybe you’re not lookin’ in the right places.” He threw his head back and laughed when she blushed.

  She was used to engaging in playful banter with guys like Kurt, but she had to admit, doing it under Jay’s watchful eye made her uneasy. “You’re terrible.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “That’s not what the ladies tell me, sugar.”

  Keeping a straight face with a guy like him was impossible, so she gave in to the smile. “You gonna tell me what’re you doing here, or do I have to guess?”

  He winked. “I came here to see you.”

  “Liar.”

  He laughed again, drawing Jay’s attention. Jay scowled at the back of his head.

  “Now try the truth.”

  He crooked a thumb over his shoulder. “Your deadbeat boss owes me a check for the work my guys did on this place. I thought I’d teach him a lesson about not paying his bills on time.” He cracked his knuckles and smiled. “But I gotta warn you, it ain’t gonna be pretty.”

  “Is that so?”

  He tried, unsuccessfully, to hide his smile. “You ever seen a grown man cry?”

  With her tongue firmly planted in her cheek, she said, “Can’t say I have. Are you gonna make Jay cry?”

  He frowned, as though confused by the question. “I was talkin’ about me. I’m gonna cry.”

  She laughed. “Why?”

  He shrugged his massive shoulders. “Usually, if a guy doesn’t pay his bills, I go in and intimidate him, maybe rough him up a little…”

  “But you don’t think that would work with him?”

  He shook his head, looking serious. “Nuh-uh, his flyin’ ninja shit scares the hell out of me.”

  Victoria burst out laughing as she slapped her palm against the counter. “You’re too much.”

  Jay walked his associate to the door before making his way over to them. He glared at his friend. “What the hell are you doin’ here?”

  “You owe me money. I came to collect.”

  “You haven’t even given me an invoice yet, so quit bustin’ my chops.”

  “All right, you got me. I thought I’d see if you wanted to go to Jimmy’s for a beer.”

  “Brad just texted me to ask the same thing.” Jay looked at Victoria. “What are your plans for tonight?”

  She was almost afraid to tell him. “Mike and I are gonna meet up and Jimmy’s, then we’re going to the movies. He wants to see—”

  Kurt held his hand up. “Hold up a minute. You and Mike… as in his brother Mike?”

  Victoria gripped her pen tighter when she saw the muscle jumping in Jay’s jaw. She could tell he was furious and being baited by his friend wouldn’t help. “Yes.”

  “You dumbass,” he said to Jay. “Why the hell didn’t you move in before he could stake his claim?”

  “Who the hell asked you?” Jay’s fingers flew over the keypad on his phone. “Let’s get out of here.” He set a key ring on the counter. “These are yours. Lock up for me.”

  “Sure.” She hated to let him walk out when he was angry. “Have a good night.”

  He shoved the glass door open. “Yeah, you too.”

  Chapter Ten

  “I don’t get it,” Kurt said, glancing over his shoulder.

  Mike and Victoria were having drinks in a booth at the back of Jimmy’s while Jay tried to rein in his frustration at seeing them together. He didn’t understand it either. He thought they were making progress, yet here she was, cozying up to his brother as though this afternoon had never even happened.

  “Me neither,” Jay muttered, taking a pull from his longneck. “What the hell does she see in him?”

  Brad laughed as he nudged Jay in the arm. “Come on, he’s not so bad.”

  “Depends who you ask. His last girlfriend would probably disagree.” Mike was a total commitment-phobe. Of course, Jay had been too before Victoria walked into his life. Now the idea of having a girlfriend was looking better and better, especially if it meant he could keep the woman he wanted away from his brother.

  “I thought you don’t date women who work for you?” Brad said, smirking.

  Jay knew his friends enjoyed shoving his own words back down his throat. He supposed he deserved it. He’d lived by that cardinal rule for a long time, and he swore, time and again, there wasn’t a woman alive who’d change his mind. How wrong he’d been. “Huh, I thought you liked havin’ a job. I guess we were both wrong.”

  Kurt laughed and pointed at Brad. “He’s got you there.”

  “Shut up,” Jay said scowling. “What the hell were you talkin’ to her about at the studio earlier? Don’t tell me you were makin’ a play for her, too?” The old song was right; it was hard to be in love with a beautiful woman. Or in lust. Or whatever this was that was making him lose sleep. Hell, he was even relegating his business to the back burner when it should have been his first priority. No, lust wouldn’t cause him to lose focus, which meant there was only one explanation...

  “If you’re gonna hook up with her, you’d better get used to it. Men are gonna be on her like bees to honey,” Kurt said, grinning. “Good thing you got that fancy ninja shit to keep ‘em in line.”

  Normally, Jay would laugh it off, but when he saw his brother leading Victoria to the dance floor, he wasn’t amused. “I’m gonna kill him,” he muttered.

  Brad smiled. “Man, you don’t know the way Vic used to turn the gu
ys on the football team inside out in high school. They wanted her—”

  “I don’t want to hear it,” Jay said, watching Victoria laugh at something his brother said to her.

  “Did any of ‘em get her in the sack?” Kurt asked.

  Jay glared at him. “Don’t you speak English? I said I don’t want to talk about this shit anymore.”

  “Quit whinin’ to us about your brother stealin’ your woman,” Kurt said. “If you want her, you need to man up before Mike seals the deal.”

  His friend was right. It was time to set his brother straight. Jay made his way to the dance floor and tapped his brother on the shoulder. “Get lost.”

  Mike rolled his eyes. “Not again.”

  “I’m not askin’. I’m tellin’.”

  “I don’t take orders from you.” He looked down at Victoria. “You wanna dance with this guy, or what?”

  She smiled. “Well, since he is my boss and all…”

  “Fine.” Mike stepped back and checked his watch. “But we have to leave in ten minutes if we’re gonna make the movie.”

  “Go by yourself,” Jay muttered as he pulled Victoria into his arms.

  “Who the hell asked you?” Mike asked.

  “You’re crowdin’ the dance floor. Go sit down, or better yet, go home.”

  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

  “You have no idea.”

  Victoria cleared her throat. “Excuse me… are you gonna dance or you gonna have a pissing contest with your brother?”

  Jay chuckled at her candor. He loved everything about this woman. “No need, I already won.” He grinned at Mike. “Later, loser.”

  Mike shook his head. “I really should kick your ass.”

  “Don’t forget to radio for back up,” Jay shouted as Mike walked back to their booth.

  Victoria slapped his shoulder. “Behave yourself. Quit baiting your brother.”

  “Why? He was baitin’ me.” His grip on her waist tightened. “What the hell’s goin’ on with you two? And don’t tell me you’re into him, ‘cause I know you’re not.”

  She looked at the graphic design on the front of his T-shirt. “I do like him, a lot.”

  He dipped his head to whisper in her ear. “Does he make you feel the way I do when he kisses you?” He didn’t even want to think about Mike touching her, but he needed answers and he knew the direct approach was the only way he was going to get them.

  “Stop,” she whispered. “Not here.”

  He brushed his lips across her ear and felt her tremble in his arms. “Where then? You wanna go back to my place and uh… talk about this?”

  She shook her head. “I can’t. I came with Mike.”

  “So what? Doesn’t mean you can’t leave with me.” He and his brother had never competed for a woman before. As soon as one learned the other was interested, they’d back off, but Jay wasn’t backing down this time. If Mike wanted Victoria, he was going to have one hell of a fight on his hands.

  “Of course it does.” She pressed her palms against his chest. “This isn’t the time or place for this.” The song ended and she stepped out of his arms.

  “I’m getting tired of you puttin’ me off. You can’t keep denyin’ there’s something between us, Victoria.”

  “Do yourself a favor,” she said quietly. “Just walk away.”

  Victoria was surprised when Jay took her advice. Not only did he walk away from her, but he kept walking, out of the bar, with barely a wave to his friends.

  “He looked pissed,” Mike said when she finally reclaimed her seat across from him.

  “I hope not.”

  “All right, let’s hear it. What’s goin’ on with you two?”

  Victoria really liked Mike, but talking to him about her feelings for his brother seemed too personal. “He’s my boss.”

  Mike laughed. “You really expect me to believe that’s all there is to it? I’ve known Jay his whole life and I’ve never seen him this bent out of shape over a woman.”

  She tried to ignore the little flutter of excitement in her stomach. “What about Lily? It seemed like she was really into him.”

  “She may be into him, but the feeling definitely isn’t mutual. He doesn’t care about her. Now you… That’s a different story.”

  “I told you, I can’t get involved with your brother.”

  “Yeah, I know what you told me, but I wanna know why.”

  How was she going to get herself out of this mess? She couldn’t tell Mike the truth, and he’d be able to see right through her if she tried to lie to him. “No.”

  He grinned. “What if I told you I don’t wanna play unless you tell me the rules?”

  She leaned back in her seat and tried to play it cool. “I wouldn’t believe you. You said it yourself; you want to sell this relationship to your family as much as I want to sell it to Jay.”

  After what happened this afternoon, she was more certain than ever that keeping Jay at arm’s length was best for him. In a short time, he’d already become too invested. He wanted to be there for her today, to help her, comfort her, support her, and he had, but she couldn’t let him get too close and risk breaking his heart if something happened to her.

  He was a stand-up guy; he’d never walk away from someone he loved, no matter how much it cost him to stay. She had no doubt he’d want to hold her hand through every treatment, sit by her side during every test and doctor’s appointment. It would be horrible for both of them and she knew those memories would continue to haunt him long after she was gone.

  “You’ve got me there. My mother, God love her, is drivin’ me nuts about findin’ a nice girl and settlin’ down.”

  Victoria stirred the straw around in her ice water. “Your mama wants grandbabies, huh?”

  “You have no idea.”

  If Jay ended up with her and Mike remained single, their mother may never get her wish. She wouldn’t just be crushing Jay’s plans for the future if she let their relationship evolve; she’d be costing his mother the grandchildren she so desperately wanted too.

  She looked up at Mike and smiled. “You think you’ll ever find a girl that makes it worth the risk?”

  “I already have, but she’s in love with my brother.” He laughed when she sprayed him with the water from her straw. “Seriously? Yeah, I think it’ll happen someday, but I’m in no hurry. I like my life the way it is. If I find the girl I can’t live without, will I put a ring on her finger? Sure. I’m not afraid of it, but I’m not lookin’ for it, either.”

  Victoria wished she could approach life with Mike’s nonchalance. It was difficult for her to try and compartmentalize her feelings and protect those around her from getting too close so they wouldn’t feel the loss when she wasn’t a part of their lives anymore. The only person who’d ever crossed that barrier was Lindsay, and she hadn’t just crossed it, she’d charged through it, refusing to allow Victoria to keep her distance, no matter how much she may have wanted to in the beginning.

  “I’m sure she’s out there just waitin’ for you to find her, Mike.”

  He leaned back and propped his arm up on the bench seat. “Lemme guess, some jerk broke your heart. That’s why you’re so gun-shy, right?”

  She knew he would never guess why she was so determined to keep his brother at a safe distance. To look at her, no one would suspect what she’d been through. She’d spent years creating an impenetrable façade to fool the world. Not even a seasoned cop like Mike would be able to uncover the truth behind her fake smile.

  “Wrong.”

  He watched her carefully, as though he were trying to read her body language. “You’re bi-curious, confused about your sexuality?”

  She almost spewed her water across the table. Instead she pounded her chest and tried to swallow without choking. “Wrong again.”

  His blue eyes were dancing with amusement when he said, “You’re in love with someone else?”

  “Would you stop? I just don’t want to get involved wi
th anyone right now. End of story.”

  “Fine.” He stood up. “But you know I can’t let this go, right?” He grabbed her hand and pulled her out of her seat. “If there’s one thing I live for, it’s solving a mystery.”

  Great, she’d just painted a big target on her forehead. Apparently, Detective Mike was going to be on her case until he uncovered the truth.

  Victoria was just crawling into bed when her cell phone rang. She didn’t bother to turn on the light. It wasn’t uncommon for her to get calls from the shelter in the middle of the night. She was one of the on-call crisis counselors, and when Lindsay didn’t answer, calls were forwarded to her.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey, beautiful. You mad at me?”

  Jay. She smiled. How could she possibly be mad at him? “No, why would I be?”

  “The way I walked out…” He sighed. “Let’s just say I didn’t want to say or do anything I’d regret.”

  She knew how frustrating this must be for Jay. She couldn’t blame him for being confused. It must seem like she was running hot and cold, especially after that kiss. If only she could control her reaction to him, but it seemed like every time he was within five feet of her, the devil on her shoulder beat the angel into submission, and she forgot all about the reasons she needed to keep their relationship platonic.

  “It’s okay, I understand.”

  He paused before he asked, “You’re alone, aren’t you?” He sighed when she didn’t respond right away. “Please tell me you’re alone.”

  “I am.” It was bad enough she was letting him believe she and Mike were getting close. It wasn’t fair to convince him they were sleeping together. That would just be cruel.

  “Good. You and Mike have fun tonight?”

  “Did you call to talk to me about your brother?” She held her breath waiting for his response. They both knew he’d called because he wanted to pick up where they’d left off in the bar. It was safer to have this conversation when she was tucked safely in her own bed, alone, without the threat of his hands and lips coercing her.