CB wound around Jillian’s ankles and tried to grab her toes as she stormed into her bedroom.
“No, kitty. Stop it.”
She heard CB’s prrt as the kitten tried to grab the sleeve of the brand-new sweater she pulled off. She needed to go to her happy place for a few hours, which meant she was going back to bed in her softest flannel nightgown and huge socks, propping herself up in a cocoon of pillows, and watching anything on her laptop that might make her feel better. CB could play with Jillian’s toes to her heart’s content when they were covered with several blankets and a comforter.
She grabbed her laptop and phone as she scrambled into bed. CB scampered over her legs to cuddle against her. She pulled the pillows on her bed into a formation that she could sit up against while she stroked her kitten’s fur.
“He kissed me, kitty. He finally kissed me, and then he said he didn’t mean it.”
She couldn’t help it. The hot tears overflowed. She knew the best thing she could do was get good and pissed off. She deserved better. She could tell Seth to go perform an anatomically impossible act on himself (like she’d ever said that to another person before in her life) and concentrate on other things that made her happy instead. All she had to do was find a few.
Actually, that wasn’t accurate. She had interests and goals for the future before she met Seth. Maybe she needed to stick to her guns, ignore the hell out of him, and concentrate on her own life again. She was making progress on the “Couch to 5K” instructions she’d downloaded a couple of weeks ago. She was walking twice a day and thrilled to notice more changes as a result. She had plenty to do at the office in the next few weeks before the Sharks’ season-ticket holders’ 5K too. She could sign up for more volunteer hours at Treehouse when she wasn’t babysitting John and his buddies in the Sharks’ suite. She could get a makeover. She’d also love to spend more time hanging out with Kari.
She glanced over at the clock on her nightstand. Kari would be trying to get the baby down for his nap right now. This would give Jillian some time to quit crying and pull herself together. She could call Kari and ask if she wanted to get a coffee or something when the baby woke up.
CB scrambled up Jillian’s front to lick her cheek with her scratchy little tongue. It hurt, but Jillian gave the kitty a kiss on her pink nose. “Thanks, kitty.” CB purred a bit more and gave her a head-butt. “Maybe we should watch a movie or something. Want to watch Must Love Dogs with me? We can cuddle.” CB seemed to think this was a fine idea. She curled up against Jillian.
She and her kitty had a date. To hell with Seth.
FOR THE SECOND time in less than a week, Seth had said something idiotic to a woman and was again in the position of figuring out how in the hell he was going to fix it. He wasn’t even counting the incident with Lauren at the dinner table the other night over the bench for Liam. She was his sister. She expected him to say some dumb-ass thing that she’d freak out over on the regular.
After spending another night tossing and turning, it was evident he needed to get his shit together. What was wrong with him? He knew that he wanted a lot more than being friends with Jillian, but he wasn’t sure about her feelings. She didn’t seem to get at all that he’d kissed her because he wanted to, and he’d wanted to for a long time now. Then again, he wanted to save face if his advances weren’t what she wanted, and he’d told her he was “sorry” for kissing her, which was probably the worst thing he could have said to her.
She was shy around men. He’d earned her trust and her friendship a little at a time, and he wondered what he was going to have to do to get it back again. He should have been honest. He had nobody to blame for all of this but himself.
He couldn’t believe he was actually afraid to declare how he felt, once and for all, and find out if she felt that way about him too. He’d never worried about whether or not any woman wanted him—he’d make his move, she’d indicate interest in return, and that was that. He was having a tough time reading Jillian. She didn’t shrink from him when he tried to hold her hand, and she didn’t tell him she was too busy to spend time with him. She wouldn’t have freaked out so much if she didn’t care at all. If she wasn’t interested, she would have made an effort to meet someone else or taken up Kade Harrison on it when he’d asked her out. Then again, Jillian had no problem making it clear to Harrison that she really wasn’t interested.
If there was anything he could attribute to his momentary lapse of balls, it was the fact he could walk away from the women he’d been involved with previously. No harm, no foul. The relationship would run its course, both parties would meet someone new, and he didn’t have to deal with his broken heart. It wasn’t enough that he wanted Jillian physically. He’d fallen hard for her sweet, sassy personality, her sense of humor, and her gentle, compassionate heart. She was his friend first. Physical involvement was the next logical step, but he wondered what would happen if and when they decided they didn’t want to be lovers anymore.
He didn’t want anyone to have the power to hurt him that way. He didn’t want to be vulnerable, wear his heart on his sleeve, or any of that crap. He didn’t want to surrender his heart to her, but he knew she wouldn’t accept anything less.
She would give her heart to him. What if he broke it?
He could muse on the problem all day, but it might help if he focused on what was happening at the moment: He was getting his ass kicked by his teammates at practice. The coach was all over him like white on rice too.
“Taylor, where the hell are you today?” he shouted after Seth missed tackling one of the running backs.
“Sorry,” Seth said.
“Do it right next time,” the coach called out to him.
The center snapped the ball, Tom Reed dropped back to pass, and Seth busted through the offensive line with a perfectly executed spin move to give Reed a hard shove before he could get the ball off.
“That’s what I’m talkin’ about,” Derrick Collins shouted.
“Much better,” the coach told him.
“Thanks.”
Reed raised an eyebrow. “Do that on Sunday.”
“Fuck, yeah,” Seth said.
He managed to focus for the twenty minutes or so left in practice, and he trotted off to the locker room to shower and dress before another of the interminable meetings he had with his coaches during the season. Today’s excitement consisted of watching film of Sunday’s opponent. He’d have to get some black coffee and something to munch on so he wouldn’t fall asleep.
He grabbed the notebook and a pencil he kept in his locker for the film watching. It always helped to chart the offensive plays of opponents on paper; he and his teammates looked for tendencies and obvious “tells,” like the dumb-ass QB from Dallas who glanced at the receiver he was about to pass to. Every. Damn. Time. It would be nice to get paid seventy million bucks over five years for fucking up, but no amount of money could compensate Seth for being the butt of league-wide jokes like that guy was.
He found the film room, grabbed the coffee and a bag of sunflower seeds, and sat down. Jillian probably felt better by now, but he wanted to check in with her. Most of his teammates were still in the locker room so he had a couple of minutes. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket, clicked the notifications to “Vibrate,” and tapped out a text to her.
HOPE YOU’RE FEELING BETTER. DO YOU NEED ANYTHING?
He hit “Send” and settled back in his chair. Maybe he should call her later. Just to see how she was feeling, of course.
JILLIAN MEANT TO watch a movie, but the soothing alpha waves of a contented, sleeping kitty made her fall asleep too. She awoke to midafternoon sunlight and a chime from her phone. It might be Kari. She scrabbled around in the blankets for it while CB yawned, stretched, and burrowed in again.
Seth had sent her a text. She stared at it for a few minutes. He wanted to know if there was anything she needed. She needed a lot of things, none of which were available in a store. She closed her eyes and let out a groan. C
B poked her head out of the blankets and gave her a quizzical look.
“It’s okay, kitty. I’m fine.”
Her phone rang seconds later. She clicked “Talk” when she noted it was Kari’s number.
“How’s your day?” her friend said. “Did you have fun last night?”
“Kari, it’s awful. I’m at home right now.”
“Did you take the day off?”
“No. I had an argument with Seth this morning and called in sick.”
“Are you really sick?”
“My heart’s broken. It’s not contagious.”
“Marcus is taking a nap, and his daddy is home today. I’ll be over as soon as I can put my shoes on,” Kari said. “See you in a few minutes.”
Jillian scrambled out of bed, still clutching her phone. She knew she needed to answer Seth’s text, or he’d show up at her front door.
I’M FINE. THANKS FOR ASKING, she texted him. “Butthead,” she said aloud.
SETH FROWNED AT his phone screen. One of the things he’d learned from multiple women over the years was that the word “fine” meant the woman in question was anything but. The defensive coordinator was giving everyone a fifteen-minute break to hit the toilet and stretch their legs before more film study. He got up from his chair and wandered into the corridor.
Drew McCoy was leaning against the wall and scrolling through the messages on his phone. “What’s up, Taylor?”
“Not a lot.”
Drew glanced over at him. “John’s assistant, Jillian, is out sick today. Her e-mail is set to a vacation message. Wasn’t she at the after-party last night?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what’s wrong.” Seth pretended great interest in his phone’s screen.
“Wasn’t she with you?”
Seth gave him a quick head shake and shrugged one shoulder. “She drove me home.”
Drew narrowed his eyes a bit. “ ‘Drove you home’? That’s interesting.”
“I was shit-faced.”
“No, you weren’t. You had a grand total of two beers. What the hell is going on between you and Jillian anyway?”
“Were you keeping track of my alcohol consumption last night? That’s fuckin’ weird, McCoy.”
“No, it’s not. My wife pointed out to me that she’d seen you drink two beers in almost three hours, but you had to be led out by Jillian.” Drew locked his eyes on Seth’s. “Maybe I should get Collins over here and ask you some more questions.”
“Why is any of this your business?”
Drew McCoy straightened to his full height and slid his phone back into his pocket. “Are you screwing around with her, or do you care about her?”
“We’re friends. That’s it.”
Drew shook his head. “Then you’re a fool.” He walked away from Seth and headed into the film room again.
Seth made a pit stop and went back to the film room. There was one more phone call he should probably make before they all started up again, but he needed a little privacy to do so. He really didn’t need to discuss this kind of shit in front of twenty-three teammates.
The twenty-three teammates were facing the doorway when he walked through it.
“McCoy says you’re not dating Jillian.”
“She’s a nice lady,” one of the rookies chimed in. “I’d sure like to take her out.”
“High school girls are more your speed, rook. Shut up and let us handle this,” Derrick Collins snapped.
The four members of the Sharks’ feared secondary moved closer to Seth.
“You spend all your free time with her these days, according to McCoy and Collins,” Terrell said. “Shit or get off the pot, man. It’s not fair to her.”
“What the hell?” Seth said. “Why is this any of your business at all?”
Kade Harrison’s voice rang out from the front of the room. “I’m asking her out again the next time I see her. She’ll go with me, dickhead.”
“No, she won’t,” Seth said as he lunged at Kade. Four guys held him back as he tried to get anywhere near Kade.
“Aww, fuck,” Derrick said as he tried to sit Seth down in a chair. “Calm down, Taylor. And hey, Harrison, you’re a real asshole. You know that?”
Kade Harrison raised his eyebrows and grinned at the men still struggling to keep Seth away from him. “That’s right. But I have the balls to go after what I want.”
“You don’t want her,” Jasha snapped. “You flirt with her because it pisses Taylor off.”
“She’ll want me, though. Funny how that works,” Kade taunted.
The noise level in the room went up exponentially as every other guy there told Harrison exactly what they thought of him. The defensive coordinator came through the doorway at a run. “Harrison. Taylor. Out in the hallway. Now.”
Twenty minutes later, Kade Harrison had been sent home for the day. He was probably getting benched on Sunday too. Seth was watching film again. He glanced down at the clock on his phone. A couple more hours of this, and he could go home for the evening.
Everything would look better after he got some sleep.
Chapter Seventeen
AFTER AN AFTERNOON full of girl power and wine with her best friend yesterday—she was sure the neighbors enjoyed their dancing around her living room to “Shake It Off” and various other “he sucks” anthems—Jillian awoke the next morning to a wildly pouncing kitten and a stress headache. She knew she had to get her ass out of bed and get to the office. She had so much work to do today that Seth would be the last thing on her mind. She flopped back into the pillows with another groan.
“You don’t have to take that from him,” Kari had told her yesterday. “If he can’t see all the wonderful things about you that I see, he’s not worth your tears. There are other guys too. Go in there with your head held high and pretend he doesn’t exist.”
“That’s easier said than done,” Jillian said.
He’d said they were friends. Even if she was currently pissed off at him, she didn’t know how to deal with the friend part. She couldn’t stand to believe that maybe that had been a lie too. She couldn’t imagine her life without him at all, at least right now.
Jillian walked into the Sharks’ training facility on shaky legs an hour and a half after forcing herself out of bed. The guys weren’t scheduled to practice until this afternoon. The building was quiet as a result. She sank into her desk chair.
If she’d felt sick to her stomach over the argument she’d had with Seth yesterday, it was even worse today, and she’d pulled over twice on the way to the office to race for a ladies room. It was time to confess: She needed to tell John the truth. She and Seth were involved with each other, she’d broken his rule, and she’d better accept the consequences. She’d brought one of her cloth grocery bags to pack the few personal effects in her desk before she asked for a few minutes of his time.
Sharks security would search the bag before she was allowed to slink away with her tail between her legs. They’d enjoy cataloging the Sharks coffee mug; a little framed photo of Kari’s baby, Marcus; a small box of tampons; and a container of breath mints, she was sure.
John didn’t tolerate employees who lied to him. Anyone stupid enough to do so was fired on the spot. He’d warned her several times not to get romantically involved with the players. It was time for her to come clean, and she was pretty sure she wasn’t leaving his office with a job. She logged on to her desktop and read some e-mail while she waited for John to arrive. Well, she tried to read some e-mail. She kept reading the same sentence over and over. She couldn’t concentrate.
John breezed through the double doors into the building ten minutes later, and Jillian got up from her chair to walk into his office. She’d seen pictures of newborn colts trying to stand up and walk. She had a lot in common with one of them right now. Hopefully, she wouldn’t collapse into a heap or barf on John’s office floor.
“Jillian, how are you feeling today?”
“I’m okay,” she said. She really wasn’t, b
ut she needed to talk to him.
“I have some things I’d like you to do this morning,” he said.
“I need to talk to you first,” she blurted out.
He glanced up from the tablet he was working on. “You’re pretty pale. Maybe you should sit down,” he said.
She shook her head. “I don’t know how to tell you this, so maybe I should just say it.” God, she wished she was anywhere else in the world right now.
He sat back in his chair and stared at her for a minute. “Are you giving me your two weeks’ notice?”
“No,” she said.
“You’re moving to Australia?”
“No.”
“Maternity leave?” He smiled at her.
She shook her head. She appreciated his lightheartedness, but right now, it was all she could do to not cry—on top of the wanting to vomit and praying she could make it to a bathroom in time.
“Sit down,” he said. “Whatever it is, we can fix it.”
“That’s the problem,” she said. “I don’t think this can be fixed.”
“What happened?”
“Remember when you told me you’d fire me if I got romantically involved with one of the players?”
“Yes, I do,” he said. He leaned forward in his chair, rested his elbows on the desk, and steepled his fingers.
She sank into the chair in front of his desk before her legs decided they couldn’t hold her up any more. “I have been seeing Seth Taylor. I didn’t mean to get involved with him. We were just friends. But we’ve been spending more and more time together, and he kissed me, and I . . . ” She heaved a long sigh. “We’re involved. And I’ll have my resignation on your desk as quickly as I can write it.” She got to her feet; she was still shaking like a leaf in a strong wind. She reached out her hand to him. “Thank you for the opportunity. I’m sorry that it didn’t work out.”
He didn’t shake her hand.
“I think we’d better talk about this. Do you understand why I made that rule?” He nodded at the chair in front of his desk again, and Jillian sat down once more.
“Your assistant getting involved with a player interferes with her job,” Jillian answered.
Chasing Jillian: A Love and Football Novel Page 17