by Sarah Dooley
Livvie Owen Lived Here
Livvie Owen Lived Here
By Sarah Dooley
Feiwel and Friends
New York
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
A FEIWEL AND FRIENDS BOOK
An Imprint of Macmillan
LIVVIE OWEN LIVED HERE. Copyright © 2010 by Sarah Dooley. All rights reserved. Distributed in Canada by H.B. Fenn and Company Ltd. Printed in July 2010 in the United States of America by R. R. Donnelley & Sons Company, Harrisonburg, Virginia. For information, address Feiwel and Friends, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Dooley, Sarah.
Livvie Owen lived here / Sarah Dooley. — 1st ed.
p. cm.
Summary: Fourteen-year-old Livvie Owen, who has autism, and her family have been forced to move frequently because of her outbursts, but when they face eviction again, Livvie is convinced she has a way to get back to a house where they were all happy, once.
ISBN: 978-0-312-61253-5
[1. Autism—Fiction. 2. Family life—Fiction. 3. Schools—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.D72652Li 2010
[Fic]—dc22
2010013009
Book design by Elizabeth Tardiff
Feiwel and Friends logo designed by Filomena Tuosto
First Edition: 2010
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
www.feiwelandfriends.com
For my students, who gave me this assignment
Livvie Owen Lived Here
Chapter 1
I heard the whistle blast at 9:15. Funny, the thought that struck me wasn’t that the whistle had stopped blowing years ago, but that it should have blown at six. There was a time when the whistle was as reliable as the opening and closing of the hardware store or the passing of the ten o’clock train. The whistle used to rattle the windows and frighten the cats of Nabor every six a.m. and six p.m. for decades.
That was, as my parents liked to say, “way back when.” Used to be, everybody in Nabor who didn’t work at the hardware store worked at the paper mill, and the whistle told them when to come to work in the morning and when to go home at night. Then one day the whistle blew at six p.m. and everybody went home. The next morning, the whistle didn’t blow, so nobody ever came back.
Nabor—with an A—is my town. Nabor is also the neighbor to Neighbor—with an E—which is the town everybody’s heard of. Neighbor-with-an-E boasts a college and a Super Walmart and several law firms with names like Schubert and Schubert, and Williams and Williams, and the less-popular Williams and Schubert. Nabor-with-an-A? Well, Nabor-with-an-A boasts that it is Neighbor-with-an-E’s neighbor. We’ve got a stoplight and two stop signs. A closed paper mill where the stray cats run wild.
And me. Olivia Owen. Former neighbor to just about everyone in Nabor.
You don’t have to believe me. You can look. Open a door. Peek through a window. It almost doesn’t matter which house you try; it won’t take you more than a couple of blocks. You’ll find Livvie Owen Lived Here written on the walls of over twenty dwellings in the county. It’s the only sentence I ever learned how to write.
When the whistle blew, I was standing on a chair on my tiptoes, lining up drinking cups. I knew it was silly, but my eyes checked the microwave clock, glowing green across the dark kitchen at me. It really did say 9:15, not 6:00—neither time to go to work nor time to come home. I felt compelled then to check the calendar, just to make sure I had that part right as well. But it continued to list the proper year; nothing there had changed.
In the brief seconds it took me to confirm that nothing suspicious had happened with time, my fingers slipped on my mud mug and it dashed itself to the floor.
The whistle was still blowing when the sound of glass shattering raised the volume almost to unbearable. My ears didn’t like so many levels of noise all at once. I wobbled on the chair, ready to fall, and felt familiar pressure building up inside my head. The mug looked so sad and betrayed on the floor, all scattered into pieces I was certain glue wouldn’t fix. As the whistle faded into the night and the sound of glass gave way to the sound of my breathing and the clicking of the cooling stove, I curled my toes into the chair’s woven seat and let my hands find their way into my hair.
“That did not happen!” I hollered into the darkened house. “That had just better not have happened, young lady! Don’t you dare drop that mug, Livvie Owen! Hold on tight before the whistle blows!”
I held on tight to a lot of things, but lately it seemed like it was all the wrong ones. Like the cups. My family had so many different types of drinking cups that if I didn’t keep them lined up neat, I could scarcely think about anything else. The chaos in the kitchen cupboards kept me distracted till I gave in and fixed it. My teachers called it “self-stimming” and made it sound like something bad, but I only wanted to put things right. There was nothing I could do about the mismatched collection of cups we owned, not with the high cost of sets of things. But at least I could give the cupboard a little peace by putting things in order the best I could manage.
I liked to put the glass cups on the top shelf. That way, when the cabinet was open and the sun was on, the light could catch the glass and sparkle. Plastic lived on the bottom according to color, left to right, starting with the cups that had words. With everything in order, I was always able to find my favorite cup, a glass coffee mug that felt like it was made out of hardened mud. It lived on the far right of the top shelf and I used it for everything from water to coffee to my morning yogurt, which was difficult to sip, but worth it if I got to use my mug. It felt worn and soothing under my hands.
When the mud mug hit the floor, the whistle got louder, like all noises did when I started to get upset. I remembered the whistle from my childhood—which is to say, I remembered being routinely frightened by a loud noise, and I remembered my mother saying, “Little Livvie, it’s just the paper mill whistle. You’re all right.” My mother was always saying, “You’re all right.” She said it to me when I got upset. Said it to my father when he stopped laughing and got forehead crinkles, which was usually when I was being difficult or when the bills came in before his paycheck.
Back when there really was a whistle, she said it to the cats each time they went tearing out of the kitchen and slid under the sofa we used to have, the green one with all the stripes that made my eyes dizzy. They hid under that sofa every time the whistle blew. You would think after a while they would get used to it, but they never did. I think maybe they just wanted an excuse to be afraid, like my big sister reading ghost stories in the dark.
Or maybe it was something about the whistle itself that stopped them from getting used to it. It was a scary whistle, high and low at the very same time: a shrill note piercing a sky you imagined was dark from smoke and chemicals, then sewn up with a dark, heavy note like an angry cat’s growl, a note that made my stomach feel hollow.
Coupled with shattering glass, the noise was unbearable, and my hands slapped over my ears. My mug didn’t pick itself up, so I jumped down off the chair to get it. That’s when I remembered it was made out of glass, and glass is sharp. Crashing backward and knocking over the chair, I tumbled to the kitchen floor and grabbed my bleeding foot.
“That did not happen!
” I bellowed again. “Glass is sharp, young lady! You watch your step!”
“Oh, lord,” I heard my mother murmur, and her bedroom door opened. “Livvie, is there glass? Come away, honey.” A light switched on.
I blinked up at my mother and hollered, “The paper mill blew its whistle at the wrong time! It’s supposed to be at six! It made Livvie drop her mug and Livvie is very angry!”
My mother quickly took in the scene around her and grabbed a dish towel off the counter. She wrapped it around my foot and held it there. I watched her, but I couldn’t feel the cut anymore. I was too busy fighting off my overwhelming fury at the whistle.
“Simon!” Karen called. Although her voice was just as loud as mine, my mother never hollered or bellowed. She sounded gentle even with her voice raised, as polished as I was rough, my father, Simon, said sometimes.
“Three hours and fifteen minutes late!” I yelled at my mother. “Why was the paper mill whistling so late, Karen? It’s supposed to blow at six and six!” I got louder with every word and I heard someone shuffle in the doorway.
“Livvie, shut up!” my little sister, Lanie, yelled, skidding into the kitchen in her socks and her purple pajamas. “I’m trying to sleep! I have the science fair tomorrow!” Her pale hair stood up in sleepy patches, and her eyes were narrow.
“You tell that whistle to shut up! That’s who should shut up!” I yelled back, slamming against the cabinets and jarring the silverware in its tray. Underneath my noise I heard Karen’s soft voice explaining to my sister, “She’s hurt herself. Simon! Lanie, get your father.”
Lanie took one look at my foot, and her eyes widened in horrified fascination. She dashed for my parents’ room, screeching at a volume rivaling my own, “Daddy! Come and see! Livvie’s cut her foot off!”
I heard shuffling, quite a bit faster than my father usually traveled, before he appeared beside my mother looking winded. “What’s all the hollering?”
“Liv dropped her mug and stepped on it.” Karen handed my injured foot to my father and scooted around to hug me from behind. Karen was much better with words and hugs than blood. “The girl was up on a chair at this hour, stimming on the glasses.”
“It was the whistle’s fault!” I hollered, because nobody seemed to be listening. Or understanding. Sometimes words that made perfect sense in my head simply would not spit out in the proper order. “The mill whistle blew and it wasn’t six! It was three hours and fifteen minutes late and it made Livvie drop her mug!” I wrapped my hands in my hair and tugged, feeling the pressure inside me ease as though I were pulling on a cork.
“Livvie, stop that!” Karen swatted gently at my hands. “Stop it. You’re all right.”
“I am not all right, I’m angry!” I yelled. “The whistle blew wrong!”
“What whistle?” Lanie grumped, blowing her long hair impatiently out of her face. “I didn’t hear a whistle!”
My gaze traveled to her, but she wasn’t lying. I could tell by her nose not crinkling. So I checked my parents and they were looking at each other with concern and dismay on their faces, two emotions I had a lot of practice understanding.
Fear shook my hands loose from my hair and made me cold. I wrapped my arms around myself tightly. “Only Livvie heard the whistle?” I ventured. My old teacher Miss Mandy worked with me a lot on third person versus first person, back before she ran away. First person was when I said “I” and “me” instead of calling myself “Livvie,” and I was supposed to use first person all the time, just like I was supposed to call Karen and Simon “Mom” and “Dad.” Only sometimes when I got upset, it made more sense just to use the proper names for people so everybody knew who was who.
“I didn’t hear anything but glass breaking and then you,” Karen said in a shaky voice, one that underlined just how frightened she had been when she heard those noises. “Simon?”
The way she asked, I knew she was humoring me, knew that if Simon couldn’t hear a kid banging around and breaking glass all over the floor, he definitely couldn’t hear a whistle that, apparently, was imaginary. “No, honey. I didn’t hear any whistle.”
My eyes blinked back and forth, but my parents weren’t lying, either. I could tell by their eyes not moving away from mine. So mine did the moving instead, rolling up to the cupboard, which now had an empty spot on the far right side of the top shelf. I started squeezing my joints tight, first my shoulders, then my elbows, then my wrists, all the way down to my toes, trying to use the technique Miss Mandy taught me to relax when I got upset.
After a few minutes, a breath went out of me and then I felt less pressure, maybe like I wouldn’t explode now. I let myself lean back against Karen and relaxed my muscles a little.
“Ouch,” I said faintly.
“I’ll bet,” my mother said, planting a kiss on top of my forehead.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” I said to Lanie.
She sniffed. “Whatever. Don’t do it again. I have stuff to do.” I heard her feet shuffling with impatience all the way back to the bedroom.
My mother stroked my hair back out of my face and dropped another kiss on top of me. “She’s just nervous about her science fair,” she said. “Don’t worry about it, honey.”
“What were you doing standing on a chair in the middle of the night?” my father’s somewhat-less-sympathetic voice asked from his place at my foot.
“Oh.” I forgot about that part. “It’s not really the middle of the night. It’s only a little after nine. I started thinking about how Lanie did the dishes, and she never does the cups right. I couldn’t sleep.”
“Well, I think your old folks were right about standing on chairs not being safe,” my father said. I loved him for a lot of reasons, but one of them was because that was all he said. Lying on the floor with a dish towel around my foot and the remains of my mug scattered around me on the floor, I could easily see what a stupid idea it was to stand on a chair in the middle of the night. It was seeing these situations from the other end, before they happened, that was the hard part. Apparently, you just never knew when an imaginary factory whistle was going to startle you into breaking something.
My father finished wrapping my foot and hooked his arms under mine, lifting me onto my good foot. “Well, I think you’re going to live,” he announced. Then added drily, “I think the floor’s going to make it, too.”
“Don’t move,” my mother said, perhaps a little more sharply than she intended, when I started to hobble toward my room. “Let me get the broom.”
Before I could answer, the trailer jumped with the force of a firm knock on the door. We all three tensed again and nobody moved for a minute.
Unless we were expecting a package or we’d moved next door to someone good at baking, a knock on the door almost never meant anything good. Sometimes it was the guy in khaki who came to shut off the water. Other times it was the neighbor complaining because my cats got loose in their yard.
Tonight it was one of two people, and neither one of them was welcome. It was either Glenna from one door down, or it was Janna from one door up.
“Please be Glenna!” I hollered as Simon finally moved to answer the door. Karen shushed me. The door opened and the first thing to blow in on the stiff October wind was three orange leaves.
The second was not Glenna. It was Janna and she wasn’t smiling.
“Good evening,” my father said formally, and I wished he slept in something other than his boxers and a T-shirt. I felt my face get red.
“Simon,” Janna said with a stiff nod for my father. Then, glancing at my mother, “Karen.” Her eyes slipped over the top of me without focusing. My eyes were more than happy to avoid her, too. Her stern lips and thin cheeks made me queasy.
“Bed,” Karen said firmly before Janna could say anything else. With her hands on my shoulders, she steered me around the broken glass. I limped on the tiptoe of my injured foot and hobbled down the hallway toward my bedroom, casting a nervous glance over my shoulder as I did. Sim
on offered Janna a chair, and she refused. Her sweatpants had stains. I didn’t like the way she was frowning.
Karen looked at me lovingly as she led me to my room, but there were other emotions all tangled up in the creases around her eyes. I couldn’t name them all. Miss Mandy liked to tell me it was okay not to know the names of all the emotions I saw, but I didn’t like not knowing the names for things. I liked names. I liked to memorize lists of them. These emotions weren’t simple like the happy and sad and angry flash cards Miss Mandy liked to show me. They didn’t make flash cards for this.
“Sweet girl, please don’t get up again tonight,” my mother pleaded.
I felt an uneasy feeling in my stomach that I think was called guilt. This one was familiar enough I had a name for it. “I promise,” I said quickly.
Her smile looked tired. “Good girl.”
“Hey, Kar—Mom?” She accepted me calling her Karen, but sometimes joy got crinkled up in her eyes when I called her Mom, so I tried to remember. “Was there really not a whistle?”
“I don’t know, darling. I just didn’t hear anything.”
“ ’Cause I heard it loud and clear. Just like at the Sun House. Six and six.”
She smiled and kissed my forehead one final time. Then turned on my fish lamp and turned off my big light. She piled my nine blankets on top of me so I felt weighted down enough to sleep.
“Good night, Livvie-bug.”
“Good night, Karen.”
Only, tonight I couldn’t sleep, not with Janna’s voice going on in the kitchen, loud enough to hear over the familiar whir of my fish lamp. I turned on my side and watched the little plastic speckled fish swim endless circles around their tiny swath of fake ocean. I wanted to hear the ocean, like Tasha showed me in a seashell once. Instead I heard Janna and caught the words “inconsiderate” and “out of control.”
Not quite forgetting my promise to Karen, but hiding it in the back of my thoughts, I slipped from my bed just behind her and crept down the hallway to listen. Janna was pretending to be patient. I knew she was pretending because she was talking faster than usual and I could hear a note of stress in her voice.