by Nicety
Tears moved forward wishing to burst from my eyes but I wiped them as quickly as they fell. Just once I wanted someone to give a shit about what I wanted, how I was feeling, and what I needed. That shit couldn’t even come from the people that it was supposed to. They were too busy throwing me in the trash so they could be happy with themselves. Resentment seemed like it would turn into a deep depression. My heart was crumbling. Soon there would be nothing left. That was the realest thing I had ever known.
“Hey girl,” I cringed and threw my partial smile on as I walked through the sliding glass doors right on up to Daisy.
“Oh thank God you’re here. I don’t know what I would’ve done up here by myself. Thank you, girl. Thank you.” Daisy wrapped her bony arms around my neck and up came that vomit feeling from earlier. But I held it down.
“Hey girl. You gonna be alright,” I replied prying her arms from around me. “What are they saying?”
“Nothing. Nobody will tell me anything but stay calm and have a fucking seat. My nerves are on edge like a motherfucka. I’m about to snap in a minute,” Daisy paused shooting an eye up and down my body noticing the fly change that had taken place since the last time I saw her. “Damn girl. Coming up I see.”
“Coming up? Hmm. I guess so.”
“Well shit, I see you’ve got your tresses back flowing and a fucking Birkin on your arm. You’ve gotta be doing something or someone big.” She sniffled wiping her tears away before cracking a faint smile.
“It’s funny?” My lips curled up. “What’s so funny, Daisy?”
“Nothing. Geez. What the fucks gotten into you? I was just admiring your shit. Good for you bitch.” She rolled her eyes turning back towards the nurse’s station.
I just shook my head cause nothing had even hit her. I was broke as fuck but she didn’t even notice that. All she could think about was my exterior rather than my interior. I was a fucking person with feelings. Inside I was crying, ready to kill myself cause I couldn’t seem to catch a break regardless of what my outside portrayed. It was bullshit but because of my trust issues, I had a hard time opening up to tell anyone what I was truly feeling. It was only out of fear of someone using it against me to hurt me.
“Daisy, you okay baby?” Q walked in with someone familiar trailing behind his fine ass.
“Yeah baby. I’m so glad you’re okay. I was so worried sick about you.” Daisy locked her grip around his neck refusing to let go as he did the same to her waist.
It was sickening. I wanted to kick the shit out of her and scream in her ear that I had him first. The shit was so unfair and watching them standing there like they were so much in love was the grossest shit I had ever witnessed. I could’ve spat on them right then. Just as I was about to sit down, a tall chocolate king walked right up extending his hand out to me. I hadn’t even noticed him at first because I was too focused on the revolting display before me.
“Hey baby. I’m Montana.”
“Hey, yeah, I remember you from the party that night. We spoke briefly remember?” I paused noticing the sudden blank look on his face realizing that he in fact didn’t remember me at all. “Never mind. Hey, I’m Embry.”
“Embry, that’s a beautiful name.” He smiled a perfect set of pearly whites back at me.
“That’s what you told me at the party too.”
We laughed. Montana had the dreamiest dark brown eyes I had ever seen. They matched his Hershey chocolate skin and his debonair swag. I loved it. There was something about him that made my panties moist and my heart flutter. He seemed like he was sure of himself, like he was a boss and ran shit with no problems. I liked that quality in Quince as well but it was Quince who lacked the ability to see me as the perfect woman to be on his arm.
Checking the fresh J’s on Montana’s feet and his crisp clean look from his fresh haircut to his intoxicating Clive Christian scent, he caught my attention quickly. I don’t remember him looking that sweet at the party. Then again there was a cloud in the air that night so thick that I could barely see straight.
“What’s good with you shawty? You straight?” Montana turned his attention to the bawling songstress in Quince’s arms. “How’s she doing?”
“I don’t know. No one’s came to tell me shit and it’s going on 2 hours. I’m freaking out right now.” Daisy buried her face in Quince’s chest as he rubbed her back lovingly to console her.
My eyes rolled by habit before I could notice it happening. Luckily no one paid me any attention, as usual. “She’ll be fine I’m sure of it.”
“Thanks, Embry. You’re always positive. That’s why you’re my girl.” Daisy rubbed my arm while secretly it made me squirm.
Montana eyed me lustfully licking his lips. He was hungry for this pussy I could tell. If he played his cards right I just might give it to his sexy ass. I wanted to take him away from that drama that had nothing to do with us and go somewhere so we could get to know each other a little better. He looked like the type that would be a puppy dog for me and if not I was sure I could mold him into one with enough work.
He knew nothing about the skills I possessed between these jaws and walls that made any nigga weak at the knees. I didn’t see him as an instant quick payday like the rest of the niggas I had hunted though. But he would for sure pay triple of what he weighed and love every minute of it with no complaints. I knew how to keep a nigga like him happy enough to keep spending and never want to let it go. He just don’t know he fucked up by giving me that lustful eye.
“Daisy Faye?” A young black doctor swooped in from out of nowhere startling us all out of our trances.
“Yes,” Daisy spoke up turning out of Quince’s grab to address the doctor. “I’m Daisy. Is my mother okay? Tell me my mother’s okay. She has to be okay, right? She’s a fighter…”
“Daisy. I’m so, so sorry young lady. There was nothing we could do for her. We tried everything but the bullet entered her chest and traveled to her brain. We tried to save her, revive her even though we couldn’t remove the bullet. But she had lost too much blood already before she even got to us. We really tried. I am truly very sorry for your loss.” The doctor stood with a solemn remorseful look on his face as Daisy unleashed a blood-curdling scream and fainted into Quince’s arms.
“Oh no. Oh no, not my momma. Lord why? Why?” She repeated while Quince held her up so she wouldn’t hit the floor.
“Com’ on baby. Com’ on,” Quince recited.
“Why my momma Lord? Give her back please just giver her back to me.” Daisy’s face was flooded with tears.
I didn’t know what the fuck to do. Looking over at Montana, he didn’t either. We stood side by side probably thinking the same shit, which was when the fuck would we be able to get the hell from up out of there. I wasn’t good in these types of situations not to mention I really wasn’t in the mood to be there for Daisy right then.
I felt sorry for her but she didn’t give a fuck about me no matter what kind of front she put on. She was selfish as hell just like her damn momma thinking they were so much better than everybody else. Honestly, Daisy will probably be better off without her. May that old hating bitch rot in hell where she belonged. Effortlessly, I hid the grin on my face with a sorrowful gaze secretly enjoying the overdramatic spectacle.
Chapter 5
2 Days Later
Daisy
My eyelids felt heavy as fuck. I didn’t want to breath. I just wanted to lie there and die right in the bed. Fuck eating. How could I eat? Fuck sleeping. I was a zombie much like one in those old Tomb Raider movies except the only motherfucka I wanted to bite the shit out of was the bitch ass nigga responsible for my mother’s murder. I was parentless, a fucking orphan. My momma, the only person in the world who truly loved and knew me, was dead and never coming back again. Some bitch made nigga stole her lovely life from me. He took the very thing that meant the most to me and it stung like sitting on a thorn repeatedly and expecting it not to hurt you the very next time you sit down.
&n
bsp; “Daisy, you up baby?” Quince entered the room sitting on the bed next to me.
“I was never sleep,” I replied groggily.
“Let’s go.”
“Naw, Quince. I’m not feeling doing anything right now.” I waved him off before turning over getting comfortable in another fetal position.
“That wasn’t a request. Let’s go, Daisy.” He stood headed towards the bedroom door.
“Where the fuck do you want me to go, Quince?” Agitated as hell, I peeled myself from the bed and followed him down the stairs.
Couldn’t he understand that I was in the grieving stage of my heeling process? I needed to grieve my loss and he was busy trying to figure out ways to fix it. I didn’t want to fix it. I just wanted my damn momma back. Stomping down the stairs, he slid a pair of my white Nikes my way and scooped his hand against the air for me to follow him once more. The look on his face was blank. I couldn’t read what he was up to.
For the past two days I had been cooped up in his bedroom not even wanting to look out the window and my house, the one that held so many happy memories once. I was annoyed that every time I entered that door I would never be able to hear my mother’s nagging voice, or hear her tell me she loved me, or that she was only looking out for me. Thinking of all that only reminded me of our last conversation. I didn’t even get a chance to make amends with her. The last thing I said to her was to stay the fuck out of my life since I was grown. How could I say something so mean to the woman who risked her life to give me life?
“Com’ on girl.” Quince reached out his hand to me.
“Where the fuck are we going?”
“Home.”
“What?” I stopped in my tracks becoming as still as a statue. “No… No Quince. I can’t. I just can’t.”
“Naw, you’re going to. You have to bury your moms. You need to go find her life insurance paperwork. Whatever expenses you need help with, I got you. But you need to make sure she didn’t leave you anything for you to be able to take care of yourself.” Quince walked up on the porch forcing me to look at the freshly cleaned spot where my bleeding momma once lay. “Now com’ on.”
“Ugh.” I shook my head profusely for a second. “My mother just died and all you can think of is getting paid? Are you serious right now?”
“Daisy, you’re not thinking straight. Just trust me. You need to do this—“
“I’m trying to heal right now—“
“And this will help you heal. Trust me. I’ve been there before. I know what it feels like to lose the one person in this world who knew you best.” Quince wasn’t wavering as he placed his hand on the screen door.
“I can’t dammit. I just can’t right now.” Tears escaped my eyes once more and I didn’t even try to fight them.
“Woman up, Daisy. You can do this shit girl. You have to be strong. That’s what your momma would have wanted right? You know that’s what she would’ve wanted,” he woofed at me almost scolding.
“How can I bury her, Quince?” I broke down coming to a sitting position on the porch. “I can’t let her go.”
“You have to. She wouldn’t want you to live your life like this. She would want you to go on and make your life the one she always dreamed for you.” Quince consoled refusing to leave the door. “Let’s go, Daisy.”
He walked inside the house pushing the door open with ease. The door was supposed to be locked but in the mist of all the commotion, I must have forgotten to do so. I ran over busting in the door noticing the house smelled of her, lilac and vanilla. She loved that scent. Quince stood in the living room looking at my old grade school pictures that my mother had hung all over the walls of the living room. She kept all of my accomplishments out in the open so she could consistently brag to whomever entered her domain. It was embarrassing sometimes but for the most part I always blushed with pride when she boasted about me. She loved me so much.
“A cheerleader, gymnast, karate, ballet…” Quince pointed to the pictures. “Damn, is there anything you didn’t do?”
“I didn’t do swimming. I can’t swim for shit,” I laughed for the first time in days. “Naw, but momma thought it was important for me to be well rounded and experience something other than the hood.”
“And it looks like she succeeded, huh? First place, first place, second place. Damn girl. You’re more woman than I thought.” His wistful eyes locked with mine and I remembered all the good times we shared that led up to this point wondering if momma was right about him or not.
Momma died trying to warn me about him for some reason but I never gave her a chance to tell me what she knew. She was protecting me from something and I had to figure out what it was. I wanted to melt in Quince’s arms every time he held me. My body wanted to merge with his so badly that I felt him inside me without ever knowing what it felt like. It was as if our bodies were meant to be one with one another. But momma’s dying words stuck with me. Be good and open your eyes baby girl. I had to figure out what she was trying to tell me before she got shot. My fucking heart was bleeding with every step I took. I felt like the walking dead.
“Alright, gon’ and look for the shit you need,” Quince instructed sounding more like a demand.
“If she has something like that, I think I know where to look.” I headed past him towards the kitchen. “You know what’s weird though?”
“What’s that?”
“The fact that the police dismissed the shit as an unsolved case. They said they would keep looking for the suspects but told me to just try and move on while they conduct their investigation because things like this never really get solved. Ain’t that about a bitch?”
“Hmmm.”
“I mean, they could have been a little more sympathetic to my situation or something. My mother was killed. Them assholes need be out there doing everything they can to find her killer.”
Quince didn’t speak much on the issue. A typical man. Just when I needed him to back me up the most he froze not knowing how to. It was all the more reason for me to finish my degree so I can hunt and prosecute the whack ass niggas that did this to my family. My family. The only person left in it was me. I was alone in this world with no one to look after me or care for me when I needed it. Quince was everything to me but I didn’t know if he was going to be around for the long haul. He headed over to the stereo flipping through stations and cd’s.
“Police have to tell you that sort of thing so you don’t go rogue trying to seek out revenge on your own. I’m saying, you’re not exactly a gangsta so you’re good. Don’t worry about it. I’m sure they’ll find something in a few days.” Quince rubbed my cheek as I entered the room with some papers from State Farm Life Insurance.
I was water in his hands again. “I got ‘em. Can we go back to your house to call them though. I’m just not feeling being here for too long. It’s just too soon right now.”
“Yeah you know you can stay with me for as long as you need to. You can stay forever if that’s what you want.”
“Thanks, Quince. That means a lot to me, especially now. I don’t know what I would do without you right now.” I smiled up at him.
“Naw, I don’t think you hearing me shawty.” Quince took both of my hands in his being sure to get my eyes locked on his before planting a sweet tender kiss on my dry lips. “Your momma was the driving force behind your success and your great upbringing. So I wanted her to be here, even if it’s in spirit, for every big event in your life.”
“She will be. I know it.” I felt every bit of his words as I fought back the need to shed tears from thoughts of momma.
“So let’s start by giving her one right now.” Gradually Quince lowered to the ground on one knee never unlocking his eyes from mine. Immediately tears burst through my eyes as a wide grin filled my face. “Daisy, these past few months have been everything to me. I’ve never met a woman quite like you. You’ve humbled a nigga and made me want to change from my old ways and just be with one woman. From the moment I saw you, I s
aw you as a queen and never just one of these hoes. You are the fire that burns in my heart, my sun that rises in the morning, the air I need to breathe. Without it all, I can’t live. For that reason, I can’t live without you. Baby, Daisy, will you do me the honor, with your mother’s blessing of course, of becoming my wife?”
Ooo, want to but I can't help it
I love the way it feels
This got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real
I need it when I want it
I want it when I don't
Tell myself I'll stop everyday
Knowing that I won't
I got a problem, and I (don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did, I don't know if I would quit
But I doubt it; I'm
Taken by the thought of it
And I know this much is true
Baby, you have become my addiction
I'm so strung out on you
I can barely move, but I like it
So, then it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, then it's all because of you (all because of you)
And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, then it's all because
Never get enough
She's the sweetest drug
It was perfect timing. Neyo serenaded us as Quince’s eyes glossed over slightly like he wanted to cry but he was too much of a man to let even a drop fall from his eyes. His words were so heartfelt that I almost fainted right there on the floor not knowing what to say. I didn’t know much about this man especially with all the secrets he kept. He was an onion that I was peeling back slowly but it looked as if I needed to peel it a little faster. Every second I thought about what he just did, made my heart cry tears of joy. What was I to tell him kneeled down on one knee with the words of my momma plaguing my thoughts? I didn’t know if he could be trusted. I didn’t even know who the fuck he really was and he wanted to marry me?