“Sally took that much out of you?”
“Heh,” he chuckled. “When you’re dating a girl like her, you tend to overanalyze even the smallest of things. You know, stuff like, will she rip my arm out of its socket if I try to hold her hand? It makes for a slightly more stressful than average evening.”
Attack of the Mighty Mongolian Monsters
The thing about phantom, non-immediate threats was that they tended to fall off the priority list pretty quickly. Thus our research into giant vampire-hating beasts was almost immediately derailed by our normal everyday activities, or as normal as they got, anyway.
A quick check of my email the next morning provided me with the realization that I’d missed several days of work without bothering to let anybody know. I may be an immortal creature of the night, but I was young enough that the fear of unemployment was still ingrained into my mind. I thus kicked my ass into high gear and dove straight into work, all thoughts of Mongolian mist monsters forgotten.
My roommates must have also gotten back to tending their lives because it didn’t come up again in conversation, at least in the following days. Fortunately for me, I was still technically on my vampcation, thus between my nights being free – yeah, yeah, I didn’t need to be reminded of how pathetic that was – and my enhanced vampiric typing speed, I was able to catch up to my workload in just a couple of days and maybe even push a little bit ahead of schedule.
In some ways, those few days were kind of nice. Aside from my powers and tendency to drench all my food in blood, I actually felt kind of normal. It was relaxing.
Needless to say, it didn’t last.
On Thursday night, I got a somewhat frantic call from Sally. Tom was out with Christy again, and Ed was off puttering around somewhere. It was probably for the best, as they’d no doubt want to tag along on any adventures I was stupid enough to find myself in. Anyway, my phone rang, and Sally’s melodious voice greeted me.
“I think you need to get over here.”
“What? No hello, how are you?”
“We don’t have time for this crap, Bill.”
“We never talk anymore,” I said with a fake sigh and then smiled. Regardless of the urgency, it felt good to have Sally on the receiving end for a change. “Okay, so what’s up?”
“There’s something here!”
“Define something and here.”
She mumbled something under her breath before continuing. I didn’t catch it, but I would have bet money that there was also an accompanying eye-roll. “I’m here outside of the Office. Something burst in through the doors a little while ago, and all hell broke loose. Whatever it is, it’s been calling your name.”
“My name?” Oh, there came that sinking feeling again.
“Yes, your name.”
“Did you see what it was?”
There was a pause. “No, I...”
“You what?”
“Fine! As soon as the ruckus started, I got out of there.”
“Nice display of leadership, MacArthur,” I quipped.
“Fuck you.”
“I knew one day you’d beg me for it.” Hot damn, I was loving this. Although, if something had Sally frazzled, then perhaps it might not be the best time to enjoy rubbing it in. Ah, fuck it! I could help out and enjoy her discomfort at the same time. “Okay, aside from running away, have you done anything?”
“I sent Brian and Dusk Reaper in to see if they could flush it out.” She was no doubt swallowing whatever venom she wanted to hurl at me.
“And?”
“And Dusk Reaper came back out ... or ran back out. Brian didn’t.”
Shit! I was kind of hoping it would have been Dusk Reaper who bought it. That guy was a serious douchebag. Yeah, I know, horrible thing to say, but well deserved – trust me on this. “All right, I’m heading over. Try to barricade the door until I get there.”
“Way ahead of you, boss,” she said and hung up.
Great! A rampaging beast was just fucking dandy all in itself. A rampaging beast that knew my name, well, that was ... actually, that wasn’t particularly surprising. I had almost started to expect things like that to happen. Weird. That still didn’t solve the mystery of what was causing chaos in the coven’s office, but it took the edge off a little bit.
I paused for a moment before leaving, very much considering borrowing the shotgun Ed kept stashed under his bed. He’d appropriated it back when we had to deal with Jeff. It had served him well in that ordeal, assuming you considered blowing the head off our geriatric former neighbor to be a check in the win column. Poor Mrs. Caven. Jeff had kidnapped her, wrongly assuming her to be my mother, and had subsequently turned her into a bloodthirsty monster. We attempted to rescue her, but had been too late to do anything more than put her down for good.
Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk.
Considering I had half a city and several trains to traverse before reaching my destination, I decided against the gun. It was almost a pity to do so. Note to self: talk to Sally about stocking a small arsenal on coven premises.
Actually, scratch that. Now that I thought about it, the words Sally and arsenal in the same sentence kind of gave me the heebie-jeebies.
I thus grabbed my jacket and, armed only with my wits, headed off to save the day ... hopefully.
♦ ♦ ♦
I arrived at the Office about an hour later which, all things considered, was a pretty good pace – although thinking about breaking my midtown commuting record was probably something I shouldn’t have been worrying about right at that moment in time. But hey, sometimes it’s the little victories that really mattered.
I walked up to our floor and came upon Sally, Dusk Reaper, and a few other assorted coven members standing outside the main doors.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Sally hissed. She was clearly having a bit of a stressful day. I didn’t make it any better.
“Nice to see you, too. Sorry, I would have been here sooner, but I had a brief moment of sanity in which I had to question the wisdom of facing an unknown monster that’s been shouting my name. Fortunately for you, it didn’t last.” She wasn’t so stressed so as to spare me the eye-roll I knew was coming from that one. “So did any of you see anything?”
“I did,” Dusk Reaper said.
On the train, I had some time to think about what might be after me and therefore had a theory. Not sure how it would have gotten here, though. Then again, a few months ago I didn’t even believe in vampires, so who was I to say what was and wasn’t possible? I turned to Dipshit Reaper. “Let me guess, about nine feet tall, built like a bulldozer, and screams a lot?”
“No,” he replied.
“No?” Okay, that was unexpected. Not that I should be all that sad about it. Facing off against a creature that had almost turned my rib cage into paste wasn’t exactly número uno on my priority list. “What did it look like then?” I asked with a little uncertainty.
“I’m not really sure,” Dusk Reaper said. “It was too fast to get a good look at. I think it was pretty small, but I’ve never seen anything move like that. It was like this tiny little whirlwind. It went after Brian before I could even think of doing anything, and...”
“And you ran like a pussy,” I finished. Dusk Reaper had been one of Jeff’s supporters, just not a particularly brave one. Nevertheless, I made it a point to assert my position as alpha dog to him at every turn, just in case he ever got any bright ideas.
“So what do you think?” Sally asked.
“Tasmanian Devil?” I offered unhelpfully.
“Well, then you get to be Bugs Bunny, especially since it was calling for you,” she replied.
“It knew my name?”
“Dr. Death,” answered a female voice from off to my left. It was one of the younger coven members. Eliza, I think her name was. I didn’t know her too well, other than she was one of the conscripts who helped man Sally’s suicide hotline scheme.
“What was that?” I asked, turni
ng to her. I can’t say I minded doing so. Much like all of the other women in the coven, she wasn’t exactly hard on the eyes.
“It was calling for Dr. Death,” she repeated.
Hmmm, aside from James and the occasional mocking by Sally, nobody really called me that anymore (my subconscious aside). James didn’t exactly fit the definition of tiny, and Sally was standing right there.
“All right, let’s do this, I guess.” I turned to Sally. “Are you in?”
“I’ve got your six,” she replied.
She unlocked the door and held it open. I stepped through, trying to portray an aura of leadership for the others – one that I didn’t really feel.
I had no more than crossed the threshold when the door slammed shut behind me and locked. Somehow, I wasn’t surprised. Maybe I should’ve been nicer on the phone.
The place looked like a bomb had gone off in it. Papers were everywhere, desks were overturned, and there was a man-sized hole in the wall with a pile of dust in front of it ... no doubt Brian’s last stand. Dusk Reaper was right. It did look like a mini tornado hit this place.
Speaking of which, I should have been paying attention for the perpetrator instead of making a mental checklist for the cleanup. While I was busy observing the damage, something slammed into my back and drove me to the floor.
“FOR THE LAST TIME...” a shrill voice screamed. Strong hands grabbed me and flipped me over. Something jumped on top of me and a small familiar face filled my vision. “BRING ME ... oh, Dr. Death. It is finally you.”
“Gan?!”
♦ ♦ ♦
“Open the fucking door, Sally!” I shouted from the other side. “I have your monster.”
“Did you get it?” she called back.
“Yeah, I got it.” And she was gonna get it for locking me in.
The door unlocked, and she opened it. The other vampires stood behind her, peering in with curious eyes. Goddamn, sometimes the undead could be such pussies.
“Did you kill it?”
“Not quite,” I replied, gesturing to the small girl standing next to me. “Sally, meet Gan. Gan, meet Sally.”
“Gan?” replied Sally, completely flummoxed.
“This is your whore, I presume?” Gan asked, looking up at me.
“What did you call me?” snapped Sally.
“A whore, obviously. A woman of status would never dress like that in my culture. What else could you be?” Gan asked matter of factly.
Sally turned beet red, which was really impressive considering her lack of a pulse. She looked like she was about to let fly with something, but I interrupted.
“Well then, now that the introductions are out of the way, what are...”
“What the hell did you think you were doing in there?!” she yelled at Gan, her courage apparently restored now that she’d gotten a good look at the big bad monster.
Gan ignored her and continued to look up at me as she replied, “Your whore is insolent. You should have her whipped.”
“She’d probably like that,” I said, which caused Sally to turn even redder. Much more and I’d be able to fry an egg on her forehead. “But she does have a point, Gan. Why were you wrecking the place?”
“Your servants did not immediately heed my command to bring you forth. Thus, I felt a lesson was in order.”
“You killed one of my coven members,” I pointed out.
“It is little matter. But I shall make you another if you wish.”
“That’s quite all right. Maybe some other time.” I looked up and noticed that all the other vamps present were still gawking at us. I had lots of questions for her, but I neither needed nor wanted an audience. “Okay, everyone, show’s over. There’s a lot of cleaning to do. Get to it before I let the rest of the coven know about this.”
There was some mild grumbling, but soon enough all of them – save for myself, Gan, and Sally – had gone back into the Office to start the not-so-miniscule task of cleaning up. In at least one way, Gan was no different than any other kid. She could make a hell of a mess with very little effort.
♦ ♦ ♦
A few minutes later, the three of us were seated in Sally’s executive suite (bitch). I sat Gan down and got her a blood pack from the mini bar (grrr) to suck on.
“I normally prefer my food fresh,” she complained.
“Maybe later. For now, just eat this, please.”
She beamed up at me. “I will do it for you, Dr. Death.”
“So you wanna tell me who Wednesday Addams here is?” Sally asked from behind her expensive mahogany desk. Goddamn it!
“Very well,” I replied. “This is Gansetseg, daughter of the Khan ... you know, as in the Khan who’s a member of the Draculas? I hear he’s kind of a big deal.”
“Oh,” she replied, her mouth dropping open. She hadn’t been expecting that part. Anything that was even remotely connected to the Draculas got instant respect in the general vampire community. “Pleasure to meet you, Gansetseg,” she finally said.
“You may call me Gan, whore. I have grown to prefer it.”
Regardless of Gan’s station in the vampire hierarchy, her comment immediately popped the little bubble of awe that had been forming around my partner. Sally glared daggers at her and then turned her venomous gaze toward me. “And what, pray tell, is the Khan’s daughter doing here?”
“Actually, that’s a good question,” I remarked, realizing that I didn’t know either. “Gan, what are you doing in New York?”
“I followed you, obviously.” She finished her drink and tossed the empty blood pack unceremoniously into the trash, much like any normal child might dispose of a juice box.
“Obviously,” Sally mimicked with an eye-roll.
It didn’t go unnoticed by Gan. “What is that expression the whore makes?”
“Oh, that? It’s a ... sign of respect,” I said, throwing Sally a sideways glance. Hopefully, she was smart enough to realize that I had probably just saved her life. Pint-sized or not, Gan was three hundred years old. That meant she was most likely more than a match for both of us combined.
“That is good. Perhaps she knows her place after all.”
Before Sally could open her mouth and ruin it – because believe me, she was going to – I continued with my questioning. “So why exactly did you follow me?”
Gan smiled as she answered, “Because I have chosen you as my mate.”
Gan and Billy Sitting in a Tree
“WHAT?!” Sally and I blurted out in unison.
“I have decided you are to be my mate,” Gan replied evenly. “I shall be your queen, and you shall be my consort.”
I turned back toward Sally and saw that her face had gone red again (no idea how she was doing that). However, this time it wasn’t anger. She looked like her head was about to explode. She quickly excused herself. The door had just barely closed behind her when I heard an eruption of laughter from outside. Good to see she had my back.
“I’m not sure I understand, Gan,” I said, ignoring the guffaws still coming from beyond the closed door.
The Tome of Bill Series: Books 1-4 (Bill The Vampire, Scary Dead Things, The Mourning Woods, Holier Than Thou) Page 41