by Gina Wilkins
“Thank you,” he said after a moment. “I needed this.”
“It really was a nice thing for them to have done, Joel.”
“I know. I can’t get over how great it was of them. They managed to take me completely by surprise. I had no idea they were planning anything like this.”
“A scholarship fund is such a perfect tribute. Much better than a memorial plaque or something static like that.”
“Exactly. I hope the kids who benefit from it will really make the school proud. I just wish—”
“You wish they hadn’t sprung it on you in front of everyone so that you had no private time to absorb it and decide what to say in response.”
“That’s exactly what I wish,” he admitted, seemingly grateful that she understood. “I don’t want to sound at all ungrateful, but it would have been nice if they’d told me what they were doing and had given me a chance to prepare a little speech beforehand.”
“I get the impression Heidi loves surprises. I bet she’s inflicted surprise birthday parties on everyone she knows.”
“As a matter of fact, she even got my dad once. And he hates surprise parties.”
She could feel the muscles in his arms and shoulders starting to relax. He’d been so tense when they had started the dance. She was glad her matter-of-fact tone seemed to be setting him more at ease. “I wonder if Heidi told your father about the scholarship.”
“I doubt it. She wouldn’t trust him to keep quiet about it. I’ll tell my family about it.”
“They’ll be pleased.”
His head very close to hers, he nodded. “Yes, they will.”
She was even more aware than before that others were watching them as they danced. She supposed his classmates wondered how she felt about the tribute to her escort’s late wife. As hard as they had tried, she wasn’t sure she and Joel had been entirely successful in convincing everyone that there was nothing but friendship between them. Or maybe they believed Joel thought of it that way but that she was hoping for more.
That made sense, in a way. There were several single women in Joel’s class, and more than one had eyed him in a way that made her suspect they had hoped he would come alone to the reunion. They would probably stand in line to offer him comfort and companionship in the loneliness they projected onto him.
If Heidi were any indication, Joel’s friends couldn’t see her taking Heather’s place in his life. Or in theirs.
As she had so many times during the past couple of days, she wondered if it was something in particular about her that bothered them. Or would they have been as reluctant to see any other woman try to step into Saint Heather’s shoes?
“I think we’ve done our share of socializing tonight, don’t you?” Joel asked with a quick glance around the room that let her know he was as aware of their audience as she was. “I think we can politely leave after this dance.”
While the event hadn’t been as dull or as awkward as she had feared, it was with great relief that Nic seized on his offer of escape. “Absolutely. Other people are already leaving. It won’t look at all odd if we call it a night.”
He seemed pleased that she had agreed. When the music ended, he turned with her toward their table, keeping a hand lightly at the small of her back as they moved across the clearing dance floor.
They said their good-nights quickly, promising to see most of his friends the next morning at the farewell breakfast. Without giving Heidi a chance to detain them, they slipped out, barely escaping the Watson twins, who had been weaving in their direction.
Nic noticed that Joel didn’t turn in the direction of his parents’ house when he left the resort, but she didn’t comment. Maybe he just needed to take the scenic route and unwind a little before he went back. She suspected he wasn’t really looking forward to telling his parents about the scholarship, probably expecting an overly emotional response from his mother.
The car radio was turned off, and it was very quiet within his father’s big sedan. The silence was actually nice for a little while, in contrast to the noise of the party, but eventually Nic felt the urge to say something. She glanced his way, studying his profile in the shadows of the car. The dim green lights from the dashboard did little to reveal his expression to her. “Did you have a good time tonight?”
“For the most part. What did Jimmy give you when we were leaving?”
She hadn’t thought he’d noticed the quick exchange. Not that she was trying to hide anything from him, of course, but she hadn’t wanted to make a big deal of it. “He gave me his home number. You know, just in case anything ever comes up when I might need a professional contact in Memphis.”
“And why would you need that?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted with a shrug. “But it could happen.”
“He was hitting on you.”
She sighed. “He wasn’t hitting on me. It was just a professional courtesy.”
“You exchange phone numbers with every cop you meet?”
“Well, no, but…”
“He was hitting on you.”
Her sigh was louder this time. “He was not hitting on me.”
Joel didn’t respond that time, but something about his silence made his skepticism clear.
Shaking her head, Nic looked out the window. He was driving along the lake road, and the water looked beautiful with the half-moon reflected across it. On the other side of the lake lay the resort they’d just left. Lights burned in multiple windows, but they were too far away now to tell how many people were still moving around inside the ballroom.
Joel turned onto a side road marked by a sign that pointed out a boat launch area ahead. The gravel road wound through a stand of trees, which made it all the darker inside the quiet car. Joel followed the road to an empty parking lot beside the launch ramp and drove into a parking space facing the lake. Without a word, he turned off the headlights and then the engine, leaving them in darkness and silence.
Had he been anyone else, she might have thought he’d brought her to this secluded, scenic spot for a quick grab-and-grope session. As it was, she figured he was just stalling before going back to his parents’ house.
She could be a good friend now, let him talk about his feelings, give him a bracing pat on the back, if necessary. And she wouldn’t be at all disappointed about the lack of grabbing and groping during that talk, she vowed.
She gave him time to begin the conversation in his own way. Braced for Heather’s name, she was dumbfounded when he said, “Jimmy’s a pretty nice guy, but I’ve heard rumors that he’s been married twice.”
“We’re still talking about Jimmy?” She shook her head in bemusement. “Why?”
“Just thought you should know.”
“Joel, I keep telling you there’s nothing between Jimmy and me. Why on earth do you keep obsessing about him?”
He turned then, and his face was barely discernible in the deep shadows lightened only by the pale moonlight. “I don’t know,” he admitted after a minute. “First it was Heidi trying to fix you up. And then you and Jimmy got along so well. And then he gave you his number….”
“He was just being friendly. We had a few things in common—we’re both cops and we were the only two people at the table without advanced degrees—but that was the extent of it. I doubt that I’ll ever hear from him again. But even if he was hitting on me—which he wasn’t—I’m a big girl, Joel. I can tell a guy no if I’m not interested. And I can say yes when I am without needing any brotherly warnings or advice.”
“Brotherly?” He sounded thoughtful as he repeated the word. “You think I’m being brotherly?”
“Well, maybe buddy-ly,” she said with a chuckle at her own bad joke. “But it isn’t necessary, Joel. I’m perfectly capable of—”
“Of knowing when someone’s interested in you?” he cut in. “Of being aware when a man wants more from you than friendship?”
Had he been anyone else, she thought with a ripple of doubt, she might have
read too much into those questions. “Well, yeah.”
“Then it shouldn’t surprise you,” he said, reaching toward her, “if I do this.”
He was wrong, she thought even as his mouth covered hers. She was more than surprised by this totally unexpected kiss. She was flabbergasted.
It seemed like a long time before Joel lifted his head, though the kiss probably lasted only a few moments. His mouth only an inch or so above hers, he searched her face in the very little light that was available to him.
She was glad it was dark. She didn’t want him seeing her expression too clearly at that moment, since she wasn’t at all sure what it would reveal to him.
“Well?” he asked after a moment. “Are you still so sure you always know when a man wants you?”
“But you…we…we’re not…” Annoyed with herself for stammering, she stopped and drew a deep breath before trying again. “You and I are just friends.”
“I know. At least that’s what I’ve tried to be to you,” he added. “But lately…I don’t know. Something’s changed.”
This was absolutely the very last thing she had expected this evening. Especially now, after that big tribute to Heather.
He drew back a little farther, not quite releasing her but giving her more space. “Look, if you’re not interested, it’s okay. I don’t regret giving it a shot, but I can go back to the way things were before if that’s what you want. We’ll never mention any of this again.”
Her head spinning a little, Nic tried to decide exactly how she felt. “It isn’t that I’m not interested,” she said finally. “I just—Well, I’m not so sure it’s a good idea. I mean, you’re one of my best friends, you know? I wouldn’t want to do anything to mess that up.”
“Neither would I.”
Nodding, she added, “Besides, I’m a little concerned about the timing of this thing. You know, here in your hometown during your reunion, when your emotions are all stirred up and confused. It would probably be best if we didn’t start anything here that we might both regret later.”
He took his hands away from her then, settling back into his own seat. “You’re suggesting that I don’t know what I’m doing?”
Oops. Definitely a hint of wounded male ego there. Funny. She’d never seen evidence of it in Joel before—but then, he’d never made a pass at her before, either. As badly as she was handling this, he probably never would again.
That realization left her feeling oddly depressed—and wondering what she could say to keep from closing that door altogether. “I didn’t say you don’t know what you’re doing. I just wonder if you would have ever said these things to me if we hadn’t come to your reunion.”
“I think I would have…eventually. Even though I’ve been trying to deny it, the attraction has been there for a long time. I guess I was just waiting for the right time.”
“And you thought that was tonight?” She knew she sounded skeptical, but it was hard to completely hide her doubts that he’d been able to conceal so completely the attraction he claimed to have felt. She didn’t know what exactly had triggered his kissing her, but she found it hard to believe he’d been suffering from unrequited lust for her.
More likely he was just feeling a bit lost and lonely after the evening with his old friends, most of whom appeared to be happily paired off. He had needed to reach out, and she was the closest woman available.
It occurred to her that her conclusion wasn’t particularly flattering to either of them, but that didn’t change the possibility that she was right.
He reached for the car key. “I guess you’ve made it clear enough that I was wrong.”
She reached out quickly and laid her hand on his arm before he could start the engine. “You’ve really been attracted to me?”
He went still for a moment, then replied in a wry voice, “Let’s just say I had a hard time hiding how pleased I was when Cowboy Brad rode off into the sunset.”
She swallowed hard. Was Joel actually implying that he had been jealous of Brad? “You hid it very well.”
“Now you know.”
Her hand still rested on his arm. She could feel the muscles bunched beneath her fingertips, an indication of the tension that gripped him. She was suddenly reminded of that moment outside the guest bedroom the night before, when their eyes had locked and something powerful had passed between them.
She’d convinced herself then that her imagination had gotten away from her. Now she was rethinking that assumption.
“Maybe…” She moistened her lips and tried again. “Maybe we could talk about this again. When we get back home. If you still want to, I mean.”
He surprised her yet again by chuckling, though it was just a weary murmur of a sound. “Am I to take that to mean that you might be interested after all?”
“I never said I wasn’t interested,” she reminded him again. “But I think we need to take this very slowly and cautiously if we’re going to try to change our relationship.”
“Slow and cautious?” This time his amusement was a bit more pronounced. “That doesn’t sound like the Nic Sawyer I know.”
“Yes, well, that Nic Sawyer’s been burned more than once. And this time there’s a lot more to lose if something goes wrong,” she added candidly. “I didn’t mind so much when things fell apart with Cow—with Brad. But if anything happened to ruin things between us…well, that would be hard for me to accept.”
His expression completely hidden in the darkness, he reached again for the ignition key. “We’d better get back. It’s getting late.”
Wistfully acknowledging that the awkward discussion was at an end and wondering if she could have handled it better, she sat back in her seat and looked out the window as he backed the car out of the parking space. It was so pretty here, she thought, her gaze lingering on the rippling, moonlight-streaked water. He couldn’t have chosen a more romantic spot to bring her to.
She couldn’t help but wonder if this had been a place where he’d often brought Heather.
Though she and Lou had already turned in, Elaine had left a few lights on downstairs for Joel and Nic’s sake. Joel turned them off behind them as he escorted Nic through the kitchen and up the stairs toward their bedrooms.
They reached her door first, and he paused there with her. “Good night, Nic. Sleep well.”
As if that were going to happen now. She doubted that she would sleep a wink. But she said only, “Thanks. You, too.”
She reached for the doorknob.
This time he was the one who reached out to stop her movement, his hand covering hers on the brass knob. The metal was cold beneath her palm, his skin very warm on the top of her hand. The contrast made a funny shiver run down her spine, and she swallowed hard before looking up at him in question. She didn’t say anything because she didn’t quite trust her voice to remain steady.
He held her eyes with his own. “What you said in the car—that you didn’t want to do anything to mess up our friendship? I just want you to know that I feel exactly the same way.”
“So you don’t think we should—”
“What?” he asked when she hesitated. “Do this?”
He bent his head and kissed her. There was more confidence this time, more familiarity. Less tentative exploration and more heat. She wanted to grab him by the tie and drag him into the room behind her, letting them both find out exactly how much more they could have than platonic friendship.
It was a long time before he lifted his head, and when his eyes met hers again, she saw a similar sentiment mirrored there.
He lifted his hand to cup her cheek. “Nic, I—”
“Joel?” Elaine stood at the end of the hallway, just at the top of the stairs, looking their way with a frown. Neither of them had heard her approaching, and they both froze at the sound of her voice.
Joel dropped his hand, though he didn’t immediately step away from Nic. “What do you need, Mom?”
“I was just making sure you got home okay. Um…do
either of you need anything?”
“No, thank you, Mrs. Brannon. I’m fine,” Nic replied, proud that she’d managed to keep her voice steady despite her tumultuous emotions.
“We’re good, Mom. Good night.”
“Good night.” But she didn’t move, and Nic got the feeling she didn’t intend to until Nic and Joel were safely closed into separate bedrooms.
To make it easier on all of them, Nic took the initiative. “G’night, Joel. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Without giving him a chance to respond, she stepped backward into the guest bedroom and shut the door.
Maybe Nic had questions about whether she and Joel should even try to go beyond friendship, but she knew Elaine had no doubts at all that it would be a horrible mistake.
Chapter Ten
Nic didn’t usually wear much makeup for daytime, but she donned a bit more than usual Sunday morning in a vain effort to hide the shadows beneath her eyes. Sleep had been elusive, and the results of her restless tossing and turning were visible in her face. An extra dab of concealer and sweep of blush had little effect, she noted in discontent, studying her face in the mirror.
The vivid red sweater she wore with gray slacks and black boots was another attempt at optical illusion. The bright, cheery color—the one she should have worn to the football game, she thought ruefully—should draw attention away from her face. At least that was her intention.
Not that she expected it to fool Joel for a minute. The most she could hope was that he looked a bit ragged himself this morning.
If only they didn’t have to attend this farewell breakfast. A few of the former classmates had mentioned that they were skipping this part at the party last night. Jimmy, for example, had said he would be leaving quite early this morning.
But Heidi had insisted on one last gathering to see everyone off, especially since so many were staying at the resort and would be wanting breakfast before they left anyway. Joel hadn’t seemed to know how to bow out gracefully—a real weakness of his.