by Holly Martin
He smiled with relief and bent his head to kiss her briefly. ‘I’m crazy about you and I don’t want to do anything to screw this up.’
‘And I won’t let you.’
His smile grew and he kissed her again and this time he didn’t stop until their food arrived at the table.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rome was lying in bed waiting for Freya to come out of the bathroom. For reasons he couldn’t put his finger on, he was nervous.
He had tried to explain to her what he was going through but it all sounded very lame to his ears. Freya had the patience of a saint to put up with this rubbish.
She walked into the bedroom wearing only his t-shirt and the need to make love to her was suddenly so powerful, and not just because she looked sexy as hell dressed in his t-shirt. This was a need to connect with her in every way.
But what kind of restraint was he showing if he couldn’t even keep his hands off her for one day?
He lifted the duvet for her and she climbed in next to him. She didn’t look at him and as she spent a few moments rearranging the duvet properly, he realised that she was nervous too.
This was ridiculous, they had slept in the same bed together as friends before they had become a couple, they had already made love and it had been wonderful, they knew they were compatible in every way, so why were they nervous?
She lay down next to him and pulled the duvet up, so just her eyes were peering out over the top. He laughed.
‘I think it’s a bit late to be shy now, I’ve already seen you naked.’
She pulled the duvet down slightly. ‘I’m nervous.’ She pulled the duvet back up.
‘I am too, why are you nervous?’
She pulled the duvet back down and rolled on her side to face him. ‘I don’t know, I feel like I have to pass some test. That if this feels right for you, if us sleeping together but not actually making love is good for you then maybe you’ll want forever with me. And I want that so much, I want marriage and children with you and if I pass this test I might get that. But I have no idea what I can do to pass this test, how do I study for it, what’s the right move to make?’
‘Wait, this isn’t about you,’ Rome said, his heart aching for her that she felt that way. He was an arsehole for putting her through this. He gathered her close against him, pulling her onto his chest as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. ‘I’m not expecting you to change or do anything differently. The girl I have laughed with, talked with and spent time with over the last two years is the girl I want to be with, exactly as you are. This is not about you passing any kind of test, this is just me trying to get my head around it all.’
‘OK.’ She stroked his face. ‘So why are you nervous?’
‘Because…’ He thought about it for a moment. ‘Because I don’t want to screw this up, you’re too important to me for that. I’m scared that I’m not doing the right thing by doing this sex ban but I’m scared to go into a full-blown passionate relationship too in case that ruins things for us. I want this to work more than anything.’
She slowly smiled and then reached up and kissed him and as he pulled her tighter against him, he realised if it really was that important to him, it could only mean one thing.
Rome woke the next morning and smiled when he saw Freya fast asleep in his arms. He wanted to wake her up with gentle kisses and then make love to her and because he still wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, he decided to go for a run instead.
He kissed her on the head and she stirred slightly.
‘Baby, I’m going for a run,’ he whispered.
‘I’ll stay here,’ Freya murmured and he grinned because she was hardly going to come with him. She hated running. She had gone running with him for a few weeks when she had first moved to the island but she had ended up with pain in her shins, back ache and various chafing issues. She had found it hard to keep up with him and he had ended up jogging really slowly so she could still run alongside him. Looking back, she had obviously only wanted to run so she could spend more time with him and he loved her a little because of that.
He slipped from the bed and got dressed. He pulled on his running shoes and noticed that Freya had already gone back to sleep. He quietly left the house and ran down the steps onto Buttercup Beach. The sun had already started its rise into the sky and the forget-me-not blue was a sure sign it was going to be another glorious day. The sand sparkled in the early morning light, the sea a beautiful teal at this time of the day. It was still early and although there were a few people on their way to get the shops ready for the day and there were quite a few fishing boats on their way back in, the island was pretty quiet.
To his surprise, he saw Dougie running down the beach towards him. He was in his running gear too. Rome did a few cursory stretches as he waited for his friend to come towards him and a few moments later Dougie slowed to a stop in front of him.
‘Hey,’ Rome said.
Dougie grinned at him as he caught his breath. ‘Where’s your beautiful girlfriend? You two are normally glued at the hip.’
‘I left her in my bed and we’re not going to talk about her.’
Dougie shrugged. ‘You coming for a run or just going to stand there stretching like a big girl?’
Rome started running down the beach and a few seconds later Dougie caught up with him.
‘How’s the house search going?’ Rome asked.
‘Good. I’ve looked at a few and nothing felt right and then the house next door to Eden came up for sale and I think it’s perfect for me.’
‘The house right next door?’
‘Yes, how cool is that?’
Rome rolled his eyes. Eden had had a crush on Dougie since she was a teenager and that crush didn’t seem to have diminished over the years. As far as he could see, Dougie was well aware of his sister’s crush and seemed to enjoy teasing her, by insisting on staying with her every time he came over, hugging her and flirting with her constantly, but to the best of his knowledge nothing had ever happened between them. It was frustrating as hell for his poor sister and now Dougie wanted to dig the knife in by moving next door to her. That seemed a step too far. But how could he bring it up without telling him how Eden felt for him? If Dougie genuinely didn’t know then Rome didn’t want to be the one who told him. Eden would be mortified. She had never even discussed it with him so he didn’t have any real confirmation.
‘I didn’t think a cute one-bedroom cottage would really be your thing,’ Rome said as they left the beach and then cut through the alleyway into the park.
‘Well, I never thought it would be either but I just fell in love with it.’
‘So you’re not just doing it to wind my sister up?’
‘Why would I want to wind Eden up? I adore her. I would never do anything to hurt her.’
Rome sighed. Dougie clearly had no idea how much his visits affected her.
‘I don’t know, you guys have always had that kind of relationship. You wind everyone up, including me.’
‘That’s because I adore you too,’ Dougie laughed.
They ran out of the park and up the hills that cut through the middle of the island and made Hope Island look a bit like a Nodosaurus from a distance with its low head and arched back. He shook his head, he was such a geek.
They reached the top of the island with those wonderful three-hundred-and-sixty degree views. Up here he could see St Mary’s Island and a few of the other Scilly Isles, but over in the west there was nothing but miles of deep blue sea that disappeared into the early morning haze.
Rome sat down.
‘You lacking stamina in your old age?’ Dougie said and Rome smirked. He was six months older than Dougie so naturally Dougie tried to use the ‘old man’ joke as often as he could.
‘Do you really want to test who has the most stamina and speed?’ Rome said, knowing that whenever they had tested that theory in the past, he had always beat Dougie in any distance race.
‘It wouldn’t
be a fair test today, I’ve already run to Mistletoe Cove and over ten miles before that this morning.’
Rome smirked. The island had a rough circumference of just over two miles, if you ran right around the very edge. He had measured it once, being the geek that he was. So Dougie would have had to have run round the island five times to cover a ten-mile distance, which he found unlikely.
Dougie threw himself down next to him and for a while they fell into silence as they stared out over the sea.
What was he waiting for with Freya? He loved spending time with her, chatting and laughing with her, he loved working alongside her, she was his best friend and there was no one he would rather spend his time with. They had off-the-chart chemistry and the thought of spending forever with her filled him with so much joy and happiness, so why was he holding back? Why was he bothering with this weird sex ban? Shouldn’t he be taking Bella’s advice and seizing the day? Shouldn’t he be enjoying his time with her while everything was good and perfect between them? Why couldn’t he tell her he loved her, what was he so afraid of?
He looked over at his friend. ‘You ever been in love, Dougie?’
‘Christ, you’ve changed.’ Dougie shook his head. ‘We used to talk about beer and football and farts, now you want to talk about love and puppies and rainbows and hearts. I don’t know you any more. Is this going to be a serious conversation as I don’t think my testosterone can take it?’
‘We’ve never talked about beer and football and farts.’
Dougie sighed dramatically. ‘I know, I need to choose my friends more wisely.’
‘You’re a geek, just like me, so we had to stick together. Only you’re a computer geek, which is worse. At least my facts about the world are interesting – you can only converse in computer code, which is beyond dull.’
‘Believe me, no one is interested in your stupid facts about sharks or the history of the oil can either.’
‘Answer the damn question.’
Dougie was silent for a moment. ‘Yes, I’ve been in love. Once.’
This surprised Rome. There had been a few girls in Dougie’s life over the years, but no one that had seemed that serious.
‘Who?’ Rome asked, trying to get some context for their conversation.
Dougie shook his head. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
Rome thought about this. ‘Was it not reciprocated?’
‘I… don’t know. Part of me hopes that she loved me too but if she did then I know I hurt her when I kissed her and then nothing else happened between us. Part of me hopes that she was able to carry on with her life without this agonising pain in her chest that I’ve carried with me for so many years.’
Rome stared at his friend. He’d had no idea. ‘Why didn’t anything happen between you if you both felt the same way?’
‘Wrong time, wrong place, thousands of miles apart. I don’t know, these all sound like lame excuses but I wasn’t sure how it could work.’
Thousands of miles? Was it someone he left behind when Dougie left Hope Island? Was it his sister? If Dougie had actually loved Eden at some point, Rome might have to beat him up for causing her so much heartbreak for no reason.
‘How did you know it was love?’
‘When I lost her. When everything was new and exciting and fantastic in my life and all I could think about was her. She filled my every thought, she still does if I’m honest. I think if it’s real love, it never goes away.’
Rome thought about this. If that was true then maybe he had never really loved Paige at all. He didn’t miss her, hadn’t thought about her in any kind of sexual way since he’d been having those nightmares about her as the grim reaper, and he knew what he felt for Freya was so much more than what he had felt for Paige.
‘You’ve not told her you love her yet, have you?’ Dougie said.
And because Dougie had bared his soul and for once in his life was being sincere, Rome decided to talk to him.
‘No, I just…’ It sounded so stupid when he had to vocalise his madness. ‘I’m scared.’
‘Because of Paige?’
‘Partly.’
‘You feel disloyal to her?’
‘No… Yes. No it’s not that. This is so different to what I had with Paige and if this is love then what the hell did I have with Paige? And I do feel guilty about that, maybe I never loved her at all.’
‘Don’t feel guilty. You adored Paige, you gave her everything. You had an amazing eighteen months, you had a lot of fun and a lot of great sex, but maybe that was all that it was, just a bit of fun. Tell me, if she had come back and you had lived together and after a few months it all just fizzled out, would you regret the time you had together?’
‘No, I’d never regret that. We had a blast.’
‘And I bet she wouldn’t regret it either. Do you think she would be hurt or angry to see you moving on with Freya after all this time?’
‘No, she told me once that she expected me to find someone else if she died. It was one of those silly conversations but I know she was sincere.’
‘So what’s the problem?’
‘It’s not Paige. I mean, that’s a tiny part of it.’
‘Do you love Freya?’
‘Yes. I… I think I do.’
‘Oh Jesus Rome, no girl wants to hear, I think I love you.’
‘I know, that’s the problem. I don’t want to tell her if I don’t. I won’t hurt her like that.’
‘If you’re waiting for some life-changing lightning-bolt moment of clarity, a definitive sign that shows you love her, then you’ll be waiting around forever.’
‘I just don’t want to lose Freya. It would destroy me if I screwed this up and lost her. I want to do this right.’
‘She has been head over heels in love with you since she met you, the only possible way you are going to screw this up is by not grabbing her and telling her you love her too. She’s not going to wait around for you forever.’
Rome sighed. Dougie was right.
Dougie got up and stretched his arms above his head. ‘Don’t cock this up.’
He turned and ran down the hill, leaving Rome alone with his thoughts.
‘Right, I think that’s enough for today,’ Rome said, stretching, and Freya enjoyed the flash of toned stomach as he raised his arms.
They had spent another day in the tent on the beach, putting the mural together. It had been hot and unbelievably sweaty and she was filthy. She wanted to just go home, take a long bath and lie on her sofa for the rest of the night, preferably wrapped in Rome’s arms, but she had to go to dinner with Rome’s family and, while she absolutely adored his parents, she now felt like she had to impress them too.
Rome was in the process of packing all the tools away, and she started helping him. While it was very unlikely that anyone on Hope Island would steal Rome’s tools, she knew he wouldn’t leave them in the tent overnight. Ordering new tools to be delivered to the Scilly Isles always took a lot longer than anywhere else in the UK. It wouldn’t take long to pack everything away, they didn’t have a lot of tools with them, as they had already done most of the work with the pieces of glass they were using that day back at the shop.
He picked up the tool box and they stepped outside into the cool sea breeze. The beach was still quite busy, though lots of families that had been there at lunch time had already packed up and gone back to their guest houses or holiday cottages for dinner.
He secured the flap with the piece of rope, which was completely redundant as it would have taken seconds for someone to untie the rope and peer inside if they wanted to have a look. When they had arrived that morning, the rope had already been undone, proving that the curiosity of the islanders was so great that a little piece of rope wasn’t going to stand in their way.
Rome took Freya’s hand as they walked back towards the shop and she couldn’t help but smile at his sweetness.
‘I need a shower,’ Freya said, pulling at her t-shirt to stop it sticking to her.
> ‘I do too,’ Rome said, and when she looked up at him he arched an eyebrow at her.
She laughed. ‘Don’t look at me like that.’
‘Like what?’
‘Like you want to have a shower with me and want to do rude and dirty things to me in the shower.’
‘Wow, you got all that from one raised eyebrow?’
‘Was I right?’
‘One hundred percent.’
‘I know you, Rome Lancaster. And I don’t think us getting naked together is going to help your sex ban. We’re just going to end up getting sexually frustrated.’
‘Is this ban making you sexually frustrated?’
‘Of course it is! Two years I’ve been waiting for this to happen between us and then twenty-four hours of making love and it’s suddenly stopped. I feel like a contestant on one of those cheesy eighties game shows, “Here’s what you could have won.” I’ve seen the fabulous prize, I’ve even got to experience it for a while, and now it’s been whisked away. If this is what you need then I’m prepared to wait but I don’t think this is going to do anything to strengthen our relationship, the only thing it will achieve is driving us crazy.’
‘Well, if it’s making you frustrated, we’ll have to do something about that,’ Rome said as he let them into the shop. Still holding her hand, he led her inside, dumped the tools on the workbench and then pulled her upstairs without breaking his stride.
She followed him into the bathroom and he started to undress her. She stared at him for a moment, wondering if she should stop him. A naked hot kiss wasn’t going to do anything to quell her need for him. But then she decided against it. If he really was going to make her wait a week, then she’d take any little sniff of action she could get.
She pulled his t-shirt over his head and he quickly wrestled himself out of his shorts so they were both naked and then tugged her into the shower.
The hot water poured over his shoulders and chest and he pulled her into his arms so the water covered her too. Steam billowed between them and she immediately thought about the wonderful first time they made love. He kissed her deeply, holding her face between his hands.