by Gail Bradley
I Will Find You
Gail Bradley
Copyright 2017 Gail Bradley
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I Will Find You
My chest hurt as I heaved in a breath, trying to calm down. The voices were swimming around in my head again.
Yesterday, I had been in the middle of dropping off an unsent letter for a spirit when I got the call from her roommate. She didn't make it home the other night.
Leila. My girlfriend.
My Leila was missing.
A strangled cry came from my lips as I fell to my knees.
Her spirit hadn't visited me, that was good, I think. It had been just under 48 hours since she went missing. There was no trace of her, the police said.
"Leila," I cried out in despair as I covered my eyes. They all thought I did this to her. I was just some crazy person to them, but not Leila. No, she believed me and loved me. Tonight was supposed to be a special night. I had planned an amazing dinner to cook for her. It was Valentine's day today. I was going to ask her to move in with me.
"SHUT UP!" I hollered, my hands smacking the sides of my head. The voices became so loud sometimes that I felt I couldn't breathe. Their despair, anger, and desperation seeped into my soul. My psychiatrist thought I was schizophrenic, tried to medicate me. The medicine made me feel as if I lived in a fog, it made the voices sound like they were underwater. I hated the way I felt on them.
Since I met Leila, she helped me gain better control, she was there to help me focus in the worst of times. Now that she was missing, I felt all that progress go down the drain. I had never thought of a possibility where she wasn't here with me.
Out of desperation, I headbutted the wall over and over again, until I became disorientated and slid down the wall. I went back over what had happened to leave me here in this locked room. My psychiatrist, Dr. Sanders had visited me earlier this afternoon at the police station. Said she had gotten a call from them explaining I had made some threatening remarks to both myself and to others last night. I had gone to the bar Leila and I used to frequent in hopes someone had seen or heard something. All I got was a smart ass who remarked Leila had finally gotten sick of my crazy ass. I remember saying something about them being happy if I killed myself. Then the same asshole said something I can't remember, then I blacked out, waking up at the police station.
Dr. Sanders thought it best if I was placed under careful watch for the time being. Pleading with her that I was fine, I began to hyperventilate as two officers walked in ready to handcuff me.
"Please don't do this." I scrambled back, away from the approaching officers. I shook as panic gripped me and frustrated tears fell.
"I'm sorry Declan, but this is for your own good." She stood there watching me with a solemn expression as I struggled. The police shoved me against the wall and handcuffed me. I yelled. I cursed. I struggled more. It didn't matter.
A small crowd had formed outside the station as they escorted me out. I wasn't struggling now as they led me to a police car. As they put me inside, something caught the corner of my eye. My breath hitched. I turned in the seat to look out the back window. The tight cuffs caused me to wince but that pain disappeared when I saw her. She was in the crowd, walking slowly towards the cop car. She was wearing the same outfit when she left the other night, albeit dirtier.
I was about to yell at the cops that she was there when I noticed no one around seemed to notice her. Her eyes met mine. No smile, no tears. Just a solemn look upon her face as she walked through the crowds towards the car I was in. More tears fell as they drove off. I swallowed back the sobs that so desperately wanted to be let out as I slumped over, my heart breaking into a thousand pieces.
It was late into the night by the time I was alone, sitting in my room- or as I called it, my cell. I hated the paper thin scrubs they made us wear and the slippers were even worse. Dr. Sanders tried to talk to me but I refused to say anything. She thought I was still on my meds. I wasn't. Made her think I did.
I laid on that uncomfortable bed just staring up at the ceiling. I went over that night Leila left my apartment. It was five blocks to her apartment that she shared with a roommate.
Suddenly I was aware I wasn't alone. My head snapped to the side and I froze. My breath hitched at the sight of her standing off in the corner. She looked terrified and upset.
My heart felt like someone had it in a vice grip and squeezing the life out of it. Hot tears fell fast as I let go of any remaining control I had. The love of my life was dead.
"What happened?" I sobbed as I stood. Four small steps later and I stood in front of the one person who I wanted to spend forever with. That dream had now been cut short.
Her eyes glistened but she didn't answer.
"Talk to me. Tell me what happened. Just...tell me."
All she did was continue to stare at me with that sorrowful gaze.
"SAY SOMETHING!" Anger began churning in my gut. Out of impulse, a fist slammed into the concrete wall. I ignored the pain as I hit the wall a few more times, letting out my anger. My busted knuckles stung as I flexed my hands, trying to reign my emotions all in. I was pissed at this shit. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was going to move in with me. She had dropped obvious hints around Christmas. I played dumb and oblivious so I could surprise her over dinner tonight. It was all planned.Now she stood in front of me as a ghost.
The only noise in the room was of my ragged breathing and my racing heart.
She shook her head slowly at my outburst.
"Why won't you say anything?" my voice cracked again as the emotional turmoil inside of me spilled out.
Another shake of her head.
Sudden realization hit me then.
"You're not dead. You're dying but not dead yet. That's why you can't speak. Can you take me to where you are?"
She nodded once.
I blew out a breath as a crazed smile broke out.
"I'll find you. Just hold on baby. Okay? I'll come and get you. I just...have to get out of here."
My mind started racing at the possibilities of how to get out of this locked room. Who knew how long she actually had left. I needed to get out of here fast. I had to be smart about it though.
It was almost 11 at night. The security would be down to a skeleton crew by now. I needed them to open up the door for me which meant them having to come in. The best way to do that was to stage a suicide. I had to do this right- I'd only get the one chance. Now, how could I still get the jump on them when they came in?
I could strangle myself, I can make it look convincing without actually harming myself. Yeah, I can do that. I looked back over at Leila and cupped her cheek, as if she were really here. She tilted her head towards my hand which caused a choked laugh to sound. I sniffled.
"I'm coming. I will find you. I love you."
A small smile graced her lips at my profession which made me grin. My hand fell as I stepped back.
"Let's do this."
Minutes later, I had wrapped half my ripped bed sheet around my neck and was currently pretending to tie it around the metal headboard. I was crouched over the one side, listening carefully for any approaching footsteps. A wicked grin was plastered on my face, I didn't bother hiding it- they all thought I was crazy anyways.
"I'm coming baby," I told Leila who still watched me from the cor
ner. I began fake choking myself and seconds later I heard fast footsteps down the hall. Leila began walking towards the one door and passed through it moments before it opened and an orderly and a security guard ran inside. I lay limp as they unwrapped my neck then sprang into action. A surprise headbutt to the orderlies nose had him flying backwards, giving me time to push the guard back against the wall. The guard didn't have much time to react as I managed to hit his jaw then pin him against the wall. I jabbed him twice before he shoved me back. I charged him and slammed his head back against the concrete- he slumped to side as he lost consciousness. The orderly grabbed me from behind but I slipped from his grasp, spun, and sent him an uppercut. He flew back again and I took this moment to grab the guards keys and run out of my room. I slammed the door shut and glanced inside just as the orderly had stood back up.
"Sorry," I apologized before sprinting off. I had to be quick about my escape as the orderly began yelling for help. I skidded to a stop in front of a set of locked doors to find the correct key. It sucked I didn't have any shoes.
Only two more sets of locked doors and I'd be out the back door- less lights and the woods were less than 50 yards away. The alarm went off seconds later causing me to