Though she vaguely remembered Jacob McCall, Mary Beth recalled that he was well liked. She sensed that Deke and his father had been close. Did his drive to compete have something to do with their relationship? Or was Deke, in some confusing way, trying to restore memories of his father through the rodeo? Whatever the reason, he still hadn’t accepted the loss of his father.
Have you?
Mary Beth closed her eyes. How could she accept her own loss when her father never cared? Dammit, she didn’t want to think of him on her birthday, not when she was happy. She didn’t want to feel the pain, the hurt. But how could she help Deke with his distress when she couldn’t even deal with her own?
Opening her eyes, she found Deke watching her. “It hurts losing someone you love,” she said softly, thinking of her mother. Time had eased the pain, but hardly a day went by that Mary Beth didn’t think of Della.
Deke’s eyes darkened. “On my father’s grave, I made a promise to him that I’d win the title for him.”
She turned toward him more and propped her head on her arm so she could see his face. “You were young, Deke.”
He stared solemnly back at her, his jaw taut. “I was old enough to know what I was doing. Old enough to take responsibility for my actions. I said some terrible things to my father.”
Puzzled by his answer, she frowned. “I’m sure your father loved you,” she said gently.
He brushed her hand from his arm, then rolled away from her and sat on the edge of the bed. “We had a terrible argument the night before he was in that airplane crash.”
Mary Beth remembered that day, remembered hearing that his parents had been killed. She’d felt terribly for them all. They’d seemed the perfect family, then suddenly, tragically, their lives were forever changed. “What happened?”
Deke gave a bitter laugh as he looked at her over his shoulder. “I’d been pushing his buttons for days. That night I sneaked out of the house. He embarrassed me in front of my friend by coming after me and hauling my butt home. I was so angry at him.”
Ashamed, Deke had never shared what happened with anyone, not even with his siblings. But something deep inside him drove him on. “I told him I hated him.” He paused and drew in a breath. “I didn’t know he would die the next day,” he confessed, his voice ragged. He forced himself to look at Mary Beth, expecting to see disgust in her eyes. He was shaken when he discovered compassion and concern.
Mary Beth sat up and drew her knees to her chest. Her eyes filled with tears. Two years ago she’d thought Deke callous and self-serving. She had let that view of him fester, allowing herself to erect a barrier against his charm. It was unsettling to discover that she’d been so wrong about him. The demon driving Deke to pursue a bull-riding title was the fact that he’d let his father down—and himself, as well.
Her gaze slowly drifted over him. Unapproachable, he sat with his back to her, his muscles stiff and unyielding, his shoulders tense. He was hurting, and her heart ached for him. She wanted so much to ease his pain. “Your father was a good man, Deke. He loved you. I’m sure he knew you didn’t mean what you said. You can’t go on torturing yourself forever.”
She’d barely finished speaking when he stood and snatched his pants from the floor. “I didn’t ask for your opinion.” He pulled his jeans on with jerky movements.
His words cut into her, for a moment stealing her breath. “I’m sorry,” she said automatically. But Mary Beth sensed that his sudden emotional withdrawal stemmed from unsettled issues with his father, rather than his feelings for her.
Still, it hurt when he pulled away. He’d been too busy running from his ghosts to deal with his past. Of all people, she understood. Her issues with her own father were why she’d remained in Crockett, why she continued to give every waking breath to making Paradise a success.
So the decision was hers. Protecting her heart from further pain, she could accept what he offered of himself, knowing he would never be there for her. Or she could say goodbye to him now and watch him walk out of her life.
Again.
Deke turned toward her, his expression remorseful. “Look, I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay,” she said, interrupting him. She got out of the bed and scooped up her clothes. Her hands trembling, she slid on her panties and jeans, then turned away to put on her bra.
He cursed under his breath. “I just wanted you to understand that I can’t stay.”
Glancing over her shoulder, she struggled to keep her face impassive when emotions inside her were exploding. Whether or not being with him led to something deeper, she wasn’t ready to let Deke walk out of her life. “I’m not expecting anything from you. I told you that,” she answered very softly.
She fumbled with her shirt for a minute before she was able to get it on. “You’re reading way too much into this.” She said the words she knew he wanted to hear. “Making love with you was special, but you don’t have to worry. I’m not going to fall in love with you.”
Wishing he could see her face, Deke narrowed his gaze on her. “What?”
She turned and faced him, her heart pounding. “Regardless of what you think, I’m not waiting around for a man to make my life complete.” She’d given that dream up long ago. “Nor am I staying in Crockett.”
Deke felt gut punched, which was ridiculous. He didn’t want her to fall in love with him, did he? And he wasn’t in love with her. No chance of it. Hell, he’d even spelled it out for her.
So why did it bother him that she had dismissed their intimacy as little more than enjoying an afternoon of heat between the sheets? “What are you talking about?” His tone sharpened. “Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving Crockett as soon as I get Paradise solvent. I enjoyed living in San Antonio, a lot more than here. Besides, there are a lot of places I’ve never been. I’m not sure where I’ll end up living.”
That explained all those travel magazines he’d seen around her house. He sensed that she wasn’t telling him something. “If you miss it so much, what’s holding you here?” She didn’t seem in any big hurry to head back to San Antonio. Nor did she appear to have the money to travel the world like a socialite.
She shrugged. “Like you, I have something to prove. My father spent his entire life letting me know what a disappointment I was to him.” She walked to her dresser and picked up her brush. “I was the daughter he never wanted,” she told him, dragging the brush through her hair.
That explained a lot, Deke decided. Though she acted as if she hadn’t been hurt by her father, he could see in her eyes that she was still suffering. Why else hadn’t she cleaned out his things? Apparently, the pain of losing him was still too fresh to sort through years of memories. “And it means that much for you to make the ranch a success?” he prompted, wanting to know what she was thinking. “Your father isn’t here, Mary Beth. He won’t even know whether or not you succeed.”
“Your father isn’t here, either,” she said pointedly. “Besides, I’m doing this for me.” His expression said, “yeah, right,” and she glared at him. “I am. For years I begged him to let me help around the ranch, but he totally ignored me because I was a female. Now I’m the one in charge, the one making the decisions.” She tossed the brush on her dresser. “I am going to make this ranch a success. I know I can do it. Especially now that I have Lightning and Lady.” Thinking of the money she needed to hold on to the ranch, she sent up a silent prayer that she would succeed. She couldn’t bear the thought of failing, especially in front of Deke.
Her gaze drifted lazily over him. Just looking at him made every breath she took just a little bit more exciting. Having him in her bed, well, that was a dream come true. Whatever the cost to her heart, at the moment she just couldn’t pass up the chance to be with him.
You can do this. You’ve been crazy about him all your life. You can enjoy being with him, making love with him, and when it’s over, you’ll survive.
She shook her head to clear her mind, then s
aid, “Speaking of the dogs, I wonder what they’ve been up to.”
Deke went to the door and opened it. Just as he’d suspected, Lightning and Lady were waiting for them. They jumped up in unison and shuffled with excitement. “Hey, guys!” His greeting was met with more prancing, then the dogs ran over to Mary Beth. Deke followed them and stood beside her. “If you want, we can go outside and work them a little before I leave.”
Her stomach in knots, Mary Beth gave both dogs a pat. “I need to freshen up a bit. Why don’t you go on out, and I’ll join you in a few minutes?”
Deke looked at her flushed skin and swallowed hard. All he really wanted to do was to drag her back into bed and make love to her, but that wasn’t an option. He needed to get on the road soon, needed to get his mind on the next competition.
Struggling between his promise and his desire for Mary Beth, he said, “All right. I’ll go on out and get things ready.” But he didn’t walk away. Instead, he leaned down and kissed her. Her lips were soft and pliable, and the way they clung to his made him groan. He forced himself to pull away. Without looking back, he left the room, the dogs in tow.
Mary Beth sucked in a deep breath. Oh, she was in trouble. She’d thought she could control her feelings for Deke, but after he’d revealed the turmoil of his past, she wasn’t so sure. Shaking, she hurried to finish dressing.
By the time she got outside, Deke had saddled two horses. They spent the next couple of hours working some of her cattle with the dogs. Mary Beth tried to focus her energy on learning about the dogs’ herding ability and not think about her ever-changing emotions about Deke. As she watched the border collies work, she was amazed by their skill all over again.
Afternoon approached, and the time for Deke to leave drew near. After spending the morning in each other’s arms, she’d feared that things would be awkward between them. She couldn’t have been more wrong. He’d seemed perfectly at ease with her, and she’d enjoyed being with him. Too much. She’d treasured every moment. When it came time for Deke to leave, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her thoroughly. As she watched him drive away, tears gathered in her eyes, and her heart ached. He’d said he’d be back.
She wanted to believe that he would.
Hot and sweaty, Mary Beth bedded down the horses for the night, then dragged herself into the house. She ached all over.
Entering the kitchen, she drank two full glasses of water, then summoned enough energy to feed Lightning and Lady. She thought fleetingly about finding something to eat for herself, but in the end was just too tired to put forth the effort. Right now she needed a hot bath. And rest. Lots of rest.
She went straight to the bathroom and filled her bathtub with water as hot as she could stand it. Her muscles were hurting so much it was all she could do to strip off her clothes. Literally crying out from the torture of raising her leg to get into the tub, she sank her aching body into the steamy water.
It had been a rough two days. With a bit of trepidation and a lot of reservation, she’d begun the process of seeding hay for the next year. Why she bothered was anyone’s guess. She hadn’t had a good crop this year. And she didn’t even know if she’d be here in the spring. Still, she figured it wouldn’t hurt to try another crop.
She’d spent the entire first day out in the field. The weather had started to change, and autumn had officially arrived. That night she hadn’t been too sore, so she’d tackled the second day of seeding with even more vigor. That had been a vital mistake. Now she was exhausted.
The reality was that, as she’d suspected, no one had answered her advertisement for help. It was time for calving, and she wasn’t going to be able to handle that alone. She needed to separate the spring calves from their mothers.
She’d toyed with the idea of calling Jake McCall and asking for help. In the end she decided against it. She felt awkward asking him for help since she’d slept with Deke.
As she crawled into bed, Lightning and Lady wandered into the room. She gave both dogs a pat, praised them for their hard work during the day, then watched them settle on the floor. Every time she looked at them she thought of Deke, and every time she thought of Deke she longed to see him.
Where was he tonight, she wondered. Was he alone? Was he thinking of her?
Lightning and Lady began barking just as Mary Beth finished eating the last bite of her toast. Seconds later she heard the roar of a motor and was amazed at the dogs’ keen sense of hearing. Then her heart thumped. No, it couldn’t be Deke! Still, she jumped up from her chair, raced to the window and peered out.
“Of course it isn’t Deke,” she told herself as she watched a white pickup truck pull into the yard and stop in front of her house. “You’re wasting your time thinking about him. He’s in Lubbock, and he probably isn’t thinking of you.”
She recognized Matthew McCall as soon as he got out of the truck. Glad to see him, she walked outside to greet him, stopping on the porch as he approached. Each time she saw the youngest McCall male, she was struck by his resemblance to his father, from his chiseled face and sturdy built body, right down to the swagger of his walk. He’d filled out since he’d come to Texas to live and had grown at least five inches. He gave her an easy smile as he approached, and Mary Beth suspected that he must be driving the girls of Crockett absolutely crazy.
“Hello, Matthew.” She hadn’t seen him in a while, but she wasn’t exactly surprised by his visit. He’d stopped by occasionally, usually arriving by horseback because he’d been working nearby.
“Hi.” Matthew barely had time to speak before Lightning and Lady were vying for his attention. “Hey, who are these two?” He bent down to give both dogs his attention.
“Lightning and Lady. I just got them a few days ago,” she said, but she didn’t reveal they were a gift from Deke. She doubted that he’d told his family he’d been with her.
“They’re something.”
“They’ve been a great help.” Glancing at the truck, she said, “Driving now, huh?”
Matthew glanced at the shiny truck, then back to Mary Beth. “It’s not mine. Dad’s letting me drive it some, though. I can only go on the back roads by myself.” He shrugged. “I don’t have my license, yet.”
“I see.” Smiling, she leaned against the porch railing. It was nice to have someone to talk to. Better still to have a reason to put off starting her work. “How is everyone at the Bar M? I saw Ashley in town recently with the girls. They’re growing like weeds.”
Looking up at her, Matthew put a foot on the lowest step and leaned his arm on the railing. He adjusted his ball cap up slightly. “They sure are. Taylor is, too.”
“I bet they keep everyone busy.”
“Yeah, they do,” Matthew readily agreed with a laugh. “Russ and Lynn had a baby boy last month. They named him Shayne.”
“I’d heard they had a boy.”
“He’s real cute. Actually, it’s great having cousins. They’re all a lot of fun.”
“How are things at the Bar M?”
“Good. We’ve just finished seeding.”
Mary Beth tamped down the envious feelings inside her. The Bar M had the equipment and manpower to get the job done in the minimum amount of time. “I’ve planted, but my crops haven’t done well the past two years. I’m hoping to start separating calves from their mothers today.” It would be a daunting job that would take days.
Matthew straightened. “I heard you needed some help. Have you hired anyone yet?”
“No, I haven’t. Why? Have you heard of someone wanting work?” she asked, and hope began to build inside her. “I’d be willing to take anyone, as long as he’s not an ax murderer.”
Matt chuckled. “Well, I’m not an ax murderer.”
She stared at him, her mouth dropping open. “You? Why on earth would you want to work for me? Your father owns one of the most profitable ranches in the county. I’m sure there’s plenty of work on the Bar M.”
“I’d be grateful if you gave me a chance. I’
ll work real hard for you.”
She came down two steps toward him. “I know you would, Matthew. That’s not in question. But why would you want to?” Mary Beth fleetingly wondered if Deke had something to do with Matthew coming over to ask for work. Had he gone home and told his family about the horrendous condition of her ranch?
“I’m trying to earn some money for my own truck,” Matt explained. “Dad said he’d help me get one, but only if I came up with part of the money.”
His explanation put her at ease. Embarrassed to admit how bad things were for her, she told him, “I can’t pay that much.”
“I’m willing to work for minimum wage,” Matthew said.
Her eyes widened. “Really? Are you sure? What does your father say about this? Like I said, there must be plenty to do at the Bar M.” Afraid he’d have second thoughts, she tried to hold back her excitement.
“It was his idea for me to come over. He saw your ad in the paper and thought it would be a good experience for me to work for someone else. All I have to do is keep up with my chores. So, how about it?”
Mary Beth couldn’t have asked for anyone better to come along. Though she’d put an ad in the paper, she’d been a little nervous about hiring a stranger. But she liked Matthew, and she could trust him. “You’re hired. When do you want to start?”
“How about now?”
With a relieved smile, she shook his hand. “You’ve got a deal.”
With the help of Lightning and Lady, they spent the remainder of the day separating calves. Spotting cows ready to give birth, they moved them to a pasture closer to the house. Mary Beth enjoyed working with Matthew, but she hadn’t been prepared for his fascination of his uncle’s exploits at the rodeo. He talked incessantly about Deke’s competing. While she tried her best to listen with indifference, Mary Beth shamefully hung on every word.
But when Matthew began talking about the women who hung around the rodeo, she had a hard time concentrating on work. According to Matthew, who obviously admired his uncle’s prowess with women, there were plenty of ladies at the rodeo flirting with Deke, willing to keep him company.
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