She stood in the yard until he was out of sight, then burst into tears.
Chapter Twelve
S he cried until she was empty inside, and then she went to bed and cried herself to sleep. When she woke, her cheeks were still damp with tears. Had she been crying while she slept, too? It wouldn’t have surprised her.
She looked at the clock. It was almost four. She should get up, take a shower, change her clothes. Instead, she stared up at the ceiling.
Why had she behaved as if Chay had lied to her? A silly question, she thought, because she felt as if he had lied to her. But it wasn’t really a lie. He had made a promise and honored it. Why had she overreacted? Why had she made such a big deal out of it when it was really nothing? Maybe she had just been in shock to discover that she had been right all along. Instead of being upset, she should be glad that he kept his promises, that he was an honorable man, a man of his word.
Trust, she thought, it all boiled down to trust. Rick had betrayed her and now she was afraid to trust Chay. But who could blame her? Chay was tall, dark and handsome. She was, at best, ordinary. He could probably have his pick of women, so why did he want her? She wasn’t beautiful. She didn’t have any special talents. She wasn’t even a very good cook.
And there was the real problem, she thought. She lacked self-esteem. But then, she always had. Deep down, she had always known Rick would leave her for someone else, someone better, someone prettier. And that was exactly what he had done. Was that why she had pushed Chay away? Why she had made such a fuss over nothing? So she could leave him before he left her?
“Pathetic,” she muttered. “You’re pathetic.”
Tossing the covers aside, she got out of bed. She was heading for the shower when the phone rang.
Her heart skipped a beat as she ran to answer it. “Hello?”
“Hi, Dana. Is everything all right?”
“Oh. Hi, Mom.”
“Are you all right, dear?”
“Oh, sure, I’m fine. How’s everything at home? You and Dad okay?”
“What’s wrong, Dana?”
She sat down heavily. There was no use trying to fool her mother. Marge Westlake had always known when her daughter was in trouble or in pain. “Oh, Mom, I’ve made such a mess of things.”
“Is this about Rick? He was never right for you. I know this sounds cruel, but I think what happened was for the best. He would never have made you happy.”
“It’s not about Rick. It’s, well, I met a man up here…”
There was a barely noticeable pause on the other end of the phone. “Go on.”
In a rush, Dana told her mother everything that had happened. All her doubts and fears poured out in a flood of words and tears. “And now,” she said, “I don’t know what to do.”
“I remember Chay,” her mother said. “You say he’s Big John’s son? I met Chay and his mother one summer. He was a good-looking young man, very quiet, as I recall. Very polite. Chay was only, oh, I don’t know, fifteen or sixteen I guess. His mother was lovely.” Marge paused a moment before asking, “Are you in love with him, Dana?”
“I think so.”
“I see.”
“You don’t approve?”
“I didn’t say that. But you’ve only known the man for a short time. Less than a month. I don’t want to see you get hurt again, and I think maybe you’re rushing into something you’re not quite ready for.”
The words flitted through Dana’s mind. It wasn’t the first time she had wondered if she was making a mistake. But being with Chay didn’t feel like a mistake. He made her feel beautiful, desirable. Likable. Rick had said he loved her, but he had always made her feel inadequate, as if she wasn’t quite good enough or smart enough or pretty enough. He had made her feel as if anything she thought or wanted wasn’t as important as what he thought or wanted. Chay had never made her feel like that. Rick had declared she was beautiful, but she had frequently caught him looking at other women. When she was with Chay, she always had his full attention. When she was with him, she felt as if she was the only woman in the world. And that day at the lake, he had made her feel beautiful.
Why had she acted so foolishly? She knew why, though she was loath to admit it. She had started a fight and left him before he could leave her. Well, not exactly a fight, she amended, but she had withdrawn from him mentally and physically, and he had known it.
“Dana?”
“What? Oh, sorry, Mom. Listen, I’ve got to go. Thanks for calling. Give my love to Dad, will you?”
“All right, dear. We’ll see you when you get home.”
“All right. Bye, Mom.”
Dana hung up the phone, then ran to her room and changed her clothes. She had to go see Chay. She had to apologize for her foolish behavior and hope that he would forgive her for acting like a total idiot. She was only going to be up here for a short time, and she wanted to spend as much of the time she had left with Chay.
She only hoped she hadn’t shattered the tenuous bond between them.
Chapter Thirteen
C hay stood just inside the door of Big John’s bedroom, one shoulder braced against the wall. Sometime in the last few hours the old man had taken a turn for the worse. Chay had summoned the doctor, who had examined Big John, then shook his head. Chay couldn’t believe there was no hope left. He had assured Ashley that her father was going to be fine, had believed it himself. Big John had always seemed indestructible. But years of over-indulgence had taken their toll on the old man’s heart and now it was just a matter of time.
Ashley sat at her father’s bedside, her hand tightly grasping his, her gaze never leaving his face.
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to upset you. Please forgive me. Please don’t leave me. I love you.”
She had repeated the same words over and over again during the last two hours, convinced that she had somehow caused her father’s relapse. Her eyes were red and swollen, her cheeks damp with tears that seemed to have no end. Chay had tried to comfort her, tried to get her to go lie down for a little while, to try to get some sleep, but she refused to leave Big John’s side. Looking at the old man, Chay couldn’t blame her.
Big John lay unmoving, his eyes closed, his breathing shallow. There was an unhealthy pallor to the man’s skin. His cheeks looked sunken. Chay shook his head. Though there had never been any love lost between the two of them, he knew he would miss Big John when he was gone.
The doctor hovered on the far side of the bed, coming forward every fifteen minutes or so to take Big John’s blood pressure and listen to his heart. Chay could tell, from the doctor’s expression, that there was little hope his patient would recover.
Chay had left the room only once since Big John had lost consciousness, and that had been to put in a call to his mother. She had listened quietly to what he’d had to say, then asked him to send Big John’s plane to pick her up.
Chay checked the clock on Big John’s nightstand. It was just after five. His mother should be at the ranch within the hour.
Anna Mae tiptoed into the room, bringing a pot of fresh coffee for Chay and the doctor and a cup of hot chocolate for Ashley. She knelt beside Ashley and gave the girl a hug.
“Young Mr. DeHaven called,” Anna Mae said. “He’s on his way over.”
Ashley nodded, but didn’t reply.
Rising, Anna Mae looked at Chay, her eyes filled with sorrow. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Just let me know when my mother gets here.”
With a nod, Anna Mae left the room.
Chay blew out a sigh. If Big John died, he knew he was going to spend the rest of his life wishing he had tried harder to win his father’s acceptance. Muttering an oath, he walked over to the window and stared into the distance. He was twenty-nine years old, and still trying to win his old man’s love and approval.
His gaze wandered over the ranch, wondering what would happen to it when Big John died. He had no doubt that Big John had left it all to Ashley, b
ut she was too young to look after the place. One thing was for certain, he couldn’t leave here now, not when Ashley would need him more than ever. She would be able to live here year-round now, if she wanted, or she could go and live with her mother. Chay grunted softly. Either way, Chay would have to stay on at the ranch and look out for her best interests until she was old enough, and wise enough, to do it on her own.
He glanced over his shoulder at Ashley. He knew her better than she knew herself, knew she wouldn’t leave the ranch now. He wondered if Jillian would move back to the ranch to look after her daughter, wondered if Big John had bequeathed anything to the two women who had borne his children. And Georgia Cookson. No doubt the old man had made provisions for his latest paramour, as well.
Chay blew out a sigh. Deep down in a dark corner of his soul where he didn’t look too often, jealousy reared its ugly head. Though he didn’t really begrudge the ranch to Ashley, he couldn’t help feeling it should rightfully be his—or at least partly his. Whether Big John liked it or not, Chay was his firstborn. No one loved the place the way Chay did. No one else had put in the long hours he had to make sure things ran smoothly. Sure, Ashley loved the place because it was home, but the ranch was in Chay’s blood, as much a part of him as the color of his hair or the dusky hue of his skin. Working on the ranch was more than just a job to Chay. His heart and soul had been poured into every inch of ground.
Chay muttered an oath under his breath, hating the feelings coming to the fore. He had told Dana he stayed because of that thousand acres, but the truth was he would have stayed because he loved the land itself. Dana…the rift between them had left an ache in his heart. He knew she was angry with him for no good reason. She acted as if he had lied to her when all he had done was keep a promise he had made. Was that any reason for her to act as if he had betrayed her trust? He thought about it and decided she was just running scared, afraid to get involved with another man so soon after she had been hurt. He could understand that, and maybe he didn’t blame her, but he wasn’t going to let her go without a fight. She was overreacting, and when she’d had time to think about it, he was sure she would realize it, too. He wasn’t so sure he could convince her that her place was here, with him. She was a city girl, after all, and as much as she seemed to be enjoying her vacation, he didn’t know if she would want to live in this part of the country all year long. So, he thought with a wry grin, he would just have to persuade her.
A heart-wrenching sob from Ashley drew Chay’s attention. A cold certainty welled in his heart as he turned slowly from the window. Ashley sat at her father’s side, shaking her head, murmuring, “No, no, no,” while the doctor bent over Big John.
Chay closed the distance between them in two long strides, drew Ashley into his arms and led her out of the room.
“No!” She looked up at him through red-rimmed eyes. “He can’t be dead, Chay! Not now. I have to tell him I’m sorry. I have to tell him that I loved him!” She twisted out of his arms, intent on returning to her father’s room.
Chay caught her by the hand and drew her into his arms once more. “Ashley, honey, you need to get some sleep.”
“I can’t! I have to tell him…don’t you understand? The last thing I told him was that I hated him…and…”
“He knows you didn’t mean it, honey. There’s a lot that will need doing in the next few days. You need some rest.”
She stared up at him, mute. “It isn’t fair. So much has changed so quickly.”
“I know.” He hugged her close, his heart aching for her loss, for the pain etched in her face. “I’ll be here for you, you know that. Your mother is on her way, and so is mine. Everything will be all right.” Putting his arm around her shoulders, he led her down the hallway to her bedroom. She sat down on the edge of the bed and he pulled off her shoes and socks, then tucked her into bed. “Go to sleep, honey.”
She clung to his hand. “Stay with me.”
“All right.”
Chay pulled her old rocker up next to the bed and sat down, her hand clasped in his. “He knows you loved him,” he said quietly. “He knows you didn’t mean any of the things you said, just like you know he loved you, no matter what.”
She nodded. “Did you love him, Chay?”
“No, but I respected him.”
“He didn’t love you, either, did he?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Maybe because we were so much alike in some ways and so different in others.”
“I love you,” she said with a yawn. “I’ve always loved you.”
“I know.” He brushed a lock of hair from her forehead. “Go to sleep now.”
With a sniff, she closed her eyes. Moments later, she was asleep.
Chay stayed by her side for a long while, watching her sleep. How different their lives had been. Ashley had been treated like a princess her whole life, pampered and spoiled by everyone who knew her, including him, while he’d been forced to pretend he was nothing more to Big John than just another hired hand. Well, as far as he was concerned, people could go on thinking that.
Rising, he brushed a kiss across her forehead. She was likely one of the richest girls in the state now. In a few years, she would be swamped by men, young and old alike, who would be eager to marry her for the ranch alone. Well, he thought as he left her room and closed the door behind him, they would have to come through him first!
Anna Mae was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. “We have company,” she said, nodding toward the front parlor. “Your mother is here.”
Chapter Fourteen
C hay felt himself smiling at the thought of seeing his mother again. He hadn’t seen her in over a year and he had missed her.
After thanking Anna Mae, he hurried into the parlor.
At fifty-three, his mother was as beautiful and vibrant as she had been at twenty-three. Her thick black hair fell to her waist. Her skin, a shade darker than his own, was smooth and unlined.
A smile lit her face when he entered the room. “Naeha,” she murmured. My son. She opened her arms and he went to her.
“Na-hkoe,” he said, embracing her. “How was your flight?”
“A little bumpy,” she said with a grimace. “You know how I hate planes.”
Chay led her to the sofa and sat down beside her.
“I’m too late, aren’t I?” she asked softly.
Chay nodded. “He died about an hour ago.”
With a sigh, she reached for his hand. “I’ll miss him,” she said, and he heard the surprise in her voice. “I loved him and I hated him.” Tears welled in her eyes. “But I never thought I’d miss him.” She wiped away her tears. “Did you two ever make peace?”
“No. He would never let me in.” Chay shook his head. “Why did he hate me so much?”
“Because you were everything he wanted to be. He had money, but you had integrity. He had power, but you had courage. He could command people to do his bidding, he could earn their respect, but never their devotion. And I suspect part of his hatred for you was because of me, because I turned my back on everything he could give me and walked away. He never forgave me for that.” Her fingertips slid down his cheek. “You were a constant reminder to him of what I’d done. How’s Ashley taking it?”
“Not very well. They had a fight just before his attack. She’s feeling guilty, blaming herself for what happened.”
“Have you called her mother?”
“Yes, she’s on her way.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
“Why don’t you let me take care of the funeral arrangements.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course. I’ll talk to Anna Mae and get a list of people who need to be told.”
“Thanks, Na-hkoe.”
“I’d like to go freshen up a little if it’s all right.”
“Sure.” Rising, he offered her his hand. “I had A
nna Mae make up your old room for you,” he said, then frowned. “Maybe you’d rather not stay there.”
“No, it will be fine.” She smiled up at him. “Not all my memories are bad. Is dinner still at eight?”
Chay nodded.
“I’ll see you then.”
“Right. Let Anna Mae know if you need anything.”
He walked her to the staircase, then, in need of some space and fresh air, he left the house.
Feeling restless, he went down to the barn and saddled his favorite horse. He had a good three hours until dinner. There was nothing to be done this afternoon. The doctor had made arrangements to have Big John’s body taken into town. His mother would take care of all of the funeral arrangements. The foreman would make sure the ranch work got done.
Swinging into the saddle, Chay rode out of the yard. He told himself he was just going for a short ride even as he turned his mount toward the path that led to Dana’s place. He just hoped she was still there.
Dana got out of the car and stared at the rear right tire. Of all times to get a flat, why did it have to be now? Muttering under her breath, she kicked the tire, wincing as pain lanced through her big toe.
Grimacing, she limped over to the porch and sat on the bottom step. She could call Chay, but she really needed to see him, to apologize face-to-face, although doing it over the phone would undoubtedly be easier, especially if he wouldn’t forgive her.
She stared into the distance, wondering if she was making a mistake. Maybe her mother was right and she was just setting herself up to be hurt again. Maybe she should just pack up and go back to Ashton Falls where she belonged. She couldn’t hide up here forever. Sooner or later she had to go home and face her friends and family, endure their sympathy and their snickers and get on with living.
She looked over her shoulder, thinking that she would miss this house, this place, but most of all, she would miss Chay, the crinkle around his eyes, the touch of his hand in her hair, the way he sometimes whispered her name, the sound of his laughter, his kisses that were more potent than the oncoming storm.
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