She’d stride out of the room, touching my shoulder on her way out.
Between Leah and me, I didn’t know which one of us was busier. Leah was eventually promoted to night shift manager at the diner, which meant that she spent more time sitting in an office than rushing around, holding a tray of dishes and silverware. I’d been wrong to assume that Leah needed me to be happy. She knew what she was doing, and she could take care of herself. Through sweat and physical labor, she worked until she could unfasten the Velcro of her medical boot and rest her feet comfortably on her office desk. I was proud of her, but I had to admit that I was disappointed when she told me she was managing the evening shift.
I was a morning person. I had to be, otherwise I’d never have the time or energy to keep up with my workload. Leah’s schedule was the opposite of mine. She went into work at six in the evening and didn’t get home until as late as one in the morning. By then, I was usually asleep. We communicated with sparse texts throughout the day. I always sent her a text before bed; she’d usually respond within an hour, telling me that she loved me.
One morning, when I awoke to my alarm and a full day of classes ahead, I rolled over in bed and checked my phone. I had texted her right before I had fallen asleep the night before. When I opened my inbox that morning, I saw that for the first time, Leah had forgotten to respond.
With closed eyes and a slow, calming exhale, I wanted to believe that it was a simple mistake. She was tired and overwhelmed with scattered thoughts zipping through her head. That’s why she had forgotten to tell me she loved me that night. It had nothing to do with the fact that she and I were slipping away from each other, growing further apart every day.
But I wasn’t that naive. Leah had recently signed the lease for her first apartment. When we were in high school, she had promised me that when she moved out of her mother’s house, she’d find an apartment close to campus. I even thought about inviting her to live with Rosie and I, but I knew that Leah would vehemently reject the offer. She would lose her mind if she had to live in closed corners with Rosie, so instead, she chose a one-bedroom flat in Collingswood, which was two and a half hours away from campus.
I wanted to question her decision, but whenever the opportunity presented itself, I went speechless. What was I supposed to say, anyway? I love you, Leah. That’s why you should abandon both your job and your sick mother to live close to me.
But that would be selfish. Leah’s life didn’t revolve around me, and mine didn’t revolve around her. We were both growing into ourselves, and we were drifting apart with time.
It wasn’t until the fall of my junior year that I finally addressed what was bothering me. Once I had spoken my mind, I later regretted it.
It was the weekend of my twenty-second birthday. Leah had come up to visit me with flowers and a card. Later that night, I invited her to tag along at a bonfire that Dave Buckley, some guy Rosie was dating, had invited us to. A small group sat in a circle around the fire. A cold chill crept up my spine when Rob Seagrave took a seat beside me. God, I couldn’t stand that guy. The firelight casted moving shadows on his face, distorting his features. I held onto my beer bottle. My fingers were numb in the cold air.
Across from me, Rosie squealed as Dave Buckley nibbled her earlobe. His hand was slowly making its way up her inner thigh. If we weren’t in public, the two of them would be making love to each other right now. The sexual tension between them brought heat to my cheeks. I wished they’d take their hands off of each other.
I waited impatiently for Leah to return from the bathroom. This was the first time she had come to visit me all semester, and she’d been acting distant all night. As Rob sat beside me, his constant staring did nothing to calm my unease.
“So Leah’s your girlfriend, yeah?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
“Good for you. She’s pretty hot.” Rob smiled and sipped his beer. “I gotta admit, I was disappointed when I heard she came here as your date. I could’ve sworn she was straight. She ever been with a guy before?”
“No,” I replied. “It’s not her cup of tea.”
“And what about you?”
“I’ve never been with anyone else.”
“No?” Rob’s gaze slid down my chest and flickered across my lap, making me squirm beside him. “Maybe both of you just need to experience a guy who knows what he’s doing.”
In a dry voice, I replied, “Or not.”
Most men would have cowered with embarrassment after receiving such a harsh rejection, but Rob seemed amused. He moved his chair closer to mine, his proximity sending a prickle down my neck. “I know plenty of lesbians that bring guys into the bedroom for fun.”
“I’m not one of them,” I replied. “And even if I was attracted to men, I’d have no interest in you. You’re vile.”
He threw his head back and laughed, then winked at me.
I rolled my eyes.
When Leah finally returned, she sat close to the fire, her jacket zipped up to her chin to protect her from the air’s chill.
I reached over and placed a warm hand on her knee. “What took you so long?”
“I’m not feeling well tonight,” she replied over the loud chatter around us. “I have a headache.”
On the opposite side of me, Rob’s face lifted into a devious grin. He looked around and addressed the circle. “Now that we’re all here, let’s get the party going.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a plastic bag with white powder inside. “Here’s the number one rule on campus,” he announced proudly. “The best cocaine comes from me. And if you wanna try something new and exciting, I have connections to drugs you’ve never even heard of. I am the guy.”
I looked away from Rob, disinterested. It was rumored that Rob Seagrave’s father was not only the rich CEO of a major chemical distribution company, but he was also connected to a drug cartel. Some students around campus mused that Rob didn’t even attend college for a degree. Supposedly, his purpose was to expand the markets to college students. I didn’t know if I believed any of this, but I didn’t care to know the truth, either. Rob wasn’t a good guy. That was obvious, so I avoided him when possible.
Across the flickering flames, Dave’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “Oh, you’re the guy?” he asked mockingly. “Right.”
A hard line spread across Rob’s lips. “You don’t wanna know the kinds of people I have connections with. Keep that in mind.”
Dave shifted in his seat, squirming under Rob’s suddenly menacing gaze. Grim silence floated across the fire. For a moment, only the crackling flames could be heard amongst the group. Then, Rosie spoke.
“I’ll do a line,” she said. Her gaze flickered to mine across the fire. “Wanna try with me, Dani?”
I shook my head. “I’m cool with just beer.”
“Always so responsible,” Rosie said with a warm twinkle in her eye. “You’re gonna make it far in my uncle’s company. I have no doubt about that. I’ve never met anyone so disciplined.”
“I still haven’t decided if I’ll stay with the company after my internship,” I replied.
I felt Leah’s eyes swivel toward me. I knew what she was probably thinking. Just two years ago, she and I were set to travel the world together. My plan was to start a travel blog, gain an audience, and eventually become established as an independent journalist. It had been at least a year since Leah and I had brought up that topic of conversation. Since she was now settled into her full-time career as a restaurant manager, I doubted that Leah was still planning on traveling with me for a living. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to take that leap either. The reality of life had settled in since then. I didn’t even know if Leah wanted to be a photographer anymore.
Rosie grinned at me affectionately, then turned toward Dave. “Don’t you think Dani has the perfect face to be a news anchor?”
Dave slid his eyes in my direction, then nodded in agreement.
“So gorgeous,” Rosie said. “Per
fect lips, bright blue eyes, sharp cheekbones. That’s a face made for TV. She’ll make her viewers fall in love with her.” With her arms still wrapped around Dave’s neck, she shot me a wink. I couldn’t tell if the gesture was playful or seductive. Maybe it was both. Heat sweltered in my cheeks, the way it often did when Rosie looked at me like that.
“Okay, that’s enough,” Leah blared. She sent Rosie a piercing glare that produced a cold shiver up my spine. “Do you think you’re subtle?” she asked Rosie. “Do you think I can’t see what you’re doing?” She stood from her seat, and I lightly touched her arm to stop her.
“Leah…” I said calmly.
Cluelessness and innocence swept across Rosie’s features. “I was just offering a compliment.”
“Sure you were,” Leah said with a spark of sarcasm in her voice. “As if I can’t see you flirting with my girlfriend right in front of me. I don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but I can’t sit here and watch it anymore.” Without another word, Leah stepped out of the firelight and stomped into the darkness.
“Leah, wait,” I called, running after her.
“Looks like someone’s mad,” Rob said as he watched us with an amused grin.
I hastened my speed and followed Leah out of the backyard, around the side of the house, and onto the sidewalk. I grabbed hold of her elbow. She spun around to face me, her expression dark under the glow of the streetlight.
“Don’t worry about Rosie,” I said. “She just has a bubbly personality. Sometimes her friendliness gets confused for flirtation, but—”
“What are we even doing, Dani?” Leah interrupted.
I sucked in a shallow breath. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” Leah took a step back and rubbed her eyes, as if her headache had worsened. “Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like we’re a couple anymore. You never visit home anymore, and you hardly ever invite me to spend time with you. Are you even interested in seeing me?”
“Of course I am,” I replied. “That’s why I invited you here this weekend.”
“Why do I always have to come here? We can never be alone, especially not with Rosie hovering around you like she wants to devour you. I wish you’d visit me at my apartment more often. You could give the parties a break for once. We can order take out, relax, and just enjoy one another. But it seems like you’ve been swept away by the college experience.”
“The college experience?” I asked, eyebrows raised. “By that, do you mean working my ass off, earning a high GPA, and balancing that with an internship?”
“And all the partying,” Leah said, coldness etched into her tone. “Every time we talk on the phone, you tell me how hungover you’ve been, and how you can’t focus in class because you were partying with Rosie all night.”
Anger ignited in me. “Why does every argument have to be about Rosie? She’s my friend, Leah. I don’t know why you’re so convinced otherwise.”
In a cold voice, Leah replied. “I’ve already told you that I don’t like the way she looks at you.”
“Do you not trust me?” I asked. “This conversation shouldn’t be about how Rosie looks at me or doesn’t look at me. If you actually trusted me, we wouldn’t even be talking about this.”
“I do trust you,” Leah said with an exhausted sigh. Her demeanor softened slightly, her anger dissipating. “I’m sorry. I…I know that nothing would ever happen between you and her.”
“Alright then,” I said with crossed arms, waiting for her to explain herself.
Leah rubbed the back of her neck with her hand. “It’s just…heartbreaking to see how much you’ve changed. How much both of us have changed. That’s what’s really bothering me, not Rosie.” Her eyes went dull. “We used to be so bright-eyed. We actually believed in what was right, and we were willing to leave everything behind so that we could give one another everything we wanted in life. But then…”
I bit my bottom lip. “Is that why you moved into an apartment without me?”
Leah hesitated and carefully held my gaze. “It’s complicated. I still have to stay close by to help my mom, even if I don’t live with her anymore.”
“But is this really just about your mom?” I asked. Warm tears flooded my eyes. I knew the truth, but I’d been avoiding the subject until now.
“No,” Leah replied. She spoke in a gentle voice. “I have to be honest. It isn’t. I know you’re gonna take the job that Rosie’s uncle offered.” She took a step toward me and wiped my tears with her thumbs. “And you should. It’s good money, and you’ll be great at it. You can work in the city, and I’ll stay home to take care of my mom. Deep down, I know it’s inevitable.”
I sniffled as tears rolled to my chin. “You made me promise not to give up on us.”
“If you’re willing to keep trying, then I will too,” Leah said. She slid her hands around my waist. “I’m not giving up on us yet, but if things don’t work out, I need to be ready for it. I can’t lie to myself any longer. There’s a wedge between us, and that wedge will keep getting deeper unless you distance yourself from your college friends.”
“I only have a year left,” I said. “I’ll visit home more. I promise.”
“Alright. I’ll make more of an effort too. I can cut back my hours at the diner.” Leah held me for a moment, her arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders. I breathed her in, savoring her scent. When she pulled away from the embrace, she said, “I have to go now.”
“You won’t come back to the party?”
She shook her head. “I need some space tonight.”
Reluctantly, I let her go. After a light kiss on the cheek, she left me standing on the driveway.
Wiping the tears from my eyes, I watched her get into her pick up truck and quickly take off. After the taillights of her truck disappeared around the curve of the dark street, I stood alone for several minutes, unable to stop the tears from leaking.
Chapter Seventeen
Almost two weeks had passed since Leah vanished. Rob Seagrave was brought in for interrogation yesterday, according to the local news. Social media posts continued spreading like bacteria, all of which accused Rob of murdering Leah. Every day, I’d been checking obsessively to see if a body was found. So far, there was no evidence to prove that she was killed.
I woke up on a Tuesday afternoon with a hangover, as usual. I dragged myself out of bed, stumbled into the kitchen, and popped a Tylenol into my mouth. After washing it down with a swig of white wine, my phone buzzed.
It was my mom. She’d been calling for the last three days, and I had been refusing to answer. I switched the lock of my home screen and lifted the phone to my ear.
“Yes?” I croaked. My voice sounded hoarse.
“You know I have access to your bank statements, don’t you?” she asked.
“I’m aware,” I replied.
“So you know that I can see all the transactions you’ve made in the last week?” Through the speaker, I could hear paper rustling. “I see here that you’ve been to the liquor store every single day this week.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. “God. That’s none of your business, Mom. I’m changing my bank account.”
“It is my business if my child’s well-being is a concern. I’ve been covering your half of the rent until you complete your internship. You can’t expect to depend on me financially, but also demand privacy.”
“That sounds pretty unconstitutional,” I said.
Ignoring me, my mother went on, “You spent forty-seven dollars at Wine Warehouse on Sunday. Have you been spending your rent money on expensive scotch?”
“No,” I said. It wasn’t scotch, actually. It was rum, but I didn’t bother to correct my mother.
“Please, Danielle. Will you come home? You’re experiencing a traumatic incident, and as your mother, I can’t sit back and allow you to go through it alone. You need help.”
“I can’t come home,” I said. “I have an exam this week.”
“Y
ou can email your professor and explain the situation. Your professor might allow you to complete the test online.”
“That shouldn’t be necessary,” I said. “I can cut back on the drinking.”
My mom hesitated. “Saying that you can isn’t enough. The question is…will you?”
“Yes.”
“Do you promise?”
“I promise,” I told her. “I won’t drink for the rest of the week.”
Three hours later, I skipped class and went to the bar. Tossing my head back, I downed the rest of my vodka tonic in one single gulp. As I placed the glass back down, my veins pulsing at my temples, I glanced at my watch. Rosie was supposed to meet me here soon.
The bartender glanced at me with wide eyes, as if he was shocked that I had finished my drink so fast. “Ready for another?” he asked.
As I nodded, I felt a warm hand glide across my back. I spun around in my chair.
Rosie was dressed in a loose, low-cut romper that was short enough to accentuate her slender thighs and shapely hips. She removed her denim jacket and took a seat beside me. “Looks like you’ve become a regular here,” she said. “Making friends with any angry old men who drink Coors Light and complain about politics?”
“Very funny,” I said.
The bartender placed a freshly poured vodka tonic in front of me.
Rosie ordered a Tequila Sunrise and settled into her seat. There was a bright television propped up on the wall behind the bar. A news report about Leah was displayed across the screen. The bar was too loud to hear what the news anchors were saying, but captions flashed across the bottom of the screen.
Staring at the screen solemnly, I asked, “What are the chances she could still be alive?”
“Oh, Dani…” Rosie said in a soft, compassionate voice. The sugary smell of her body lotion permeated off of her body as she leaned close to me. “I don’t know. Statistically, I don’t think it’s very likely at this point.” She paused, her green eyes wandering aimlessly as she appeared deep in thought. “Do you remember that night Dave Buckley had a bonfire? Leah came to visit that weekend.”
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