I sat there in silence. Completely blown away. I couldn’t even process all the emotions I was feeling.
Finally, I broke the silence. “Nicole died. She overdosed six months later. She’d be alive today if you hadn’t been such a pussy.”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “I figured she did. I fucking hate myself, man. I drank myself into oblivion, started doing coke. Ended up in rehab. Don’t have a girl, or a job, living off the disability I get from the VA. I mean, being on the Teams was my life. I was a great SEAL. I’m sure you guys know that, if you did your research on me. Nothing was more important to me than being the best warrior I could be. I pushed away my girlfriend, my family, and my friends. Always used the excuse she couldn’t be faithful when I was away, or I would be a horrible husband because of my job. I stalked my ex on Facebook recently. She’s a great woman, married to a Marine, and has two beautiful boys. I fucking loved her, but I completely fucked that relationship up. Cheated on her, lied to her. Thought everyone should kiss the ground I walked on and take my bullshit because I was a SEAL. I used to be just like you guys, and now I’m the old Team guy in the bar, reliving my glory days when I play So Com in my apartment.”
I’d had enough. I didn’t want to listen to his sob story anymore. But every word he said resonated with me. “You could’ve saved her. Despite her dad. At least fucking told someone, anyone, she was alive. You condemned her to three more years of hell. And Nicole’s death is on you. There is no excuse for that. ‘I serve with honor on and off the battlefield.’ Remember our code?”
He squinted his eyes. “Don’t fucking judge me. You’re just like me. I didn’t have a choice.”
“No, Matt. I’m nothing like you. I met Annie in a brothel. Hired her. But unlike you, I came back. I saved her. I risked my job, my life, for her. That’s what we do. That’s our oath.”
I needed to get the fuck out of his truck. Imagining his hands all over my Annie made me want to pop him in the head. “I won’t tell anyone. Not for your sake, but for Annie’s. You better continue to keep your mouth shut.”
We exited the vehicle, and Matt began to change his tire. Vic, Kyle and I bailed shortly after. I’d given my word to Matt that I wouldn’t tell Annie I met him. And I never lied to SEALs, even former ones. I had to come up with another route. I needed to protect Annie and Gabriel from her father.
35
Patrick
I STOPPED AT THE FLORIST near my house. I chose for Annie a bouquet of wild flowers, nothing too pure and pretty. Carefree, damaged, and finally free, just like her. Matt had rattled me. I didn’t want to end up like him. Annie was my perfect match: strong, loyal, and a survivor. I wanted her and Gabriel in my life forever. And her smoking body didn’t hurt either.
Before I went home, I made one more pit stop. I had a surprise for Annie.
After my errands, I opened the door and Annie was sitting out on my small balcony, Trigger at her feet, Gabriel coloring. She wasn’t reading, on her phone, or listening to music. Just staring outside. I admired her ability to enjoy each moment of freedom, without having to always be busy. I needed to learn to do that. Maybe she could teach me.
“Hey, babe.”
Her face lit up when she saw me. She bounded over to me and gave me a kiss. “These are gorgeous. Thank you. How was work?”
I winced. I hated lying to her. I vowed to be honest with her from now on, but I couldn’t tell her where I’d been. I didn’t want to hurt her. “Good. An old Team guy stopped by.” I turned to Gabriel. “Hey buddy, do you want to go to Disneyland? See the Monsters?”
“Monsters? I go see monsters?” Gabriel loved Monsters University.
“Let’s get out of here.” I had plenty of other suggestions, but they all seemed wrong. My first thought was a marine style park with killer whales but I doubted Annie wanted to spend the day watching animals kidnapped and forced into captivity to perform tricks for strangers.
“Disneyland? Yes. I’d love to.”
I hadn’t been to Disneyland since I was a kid. “Pack a bag. Let’s go.”
Her face brightened. I surprised myself by how much I enjoyed making her happy.
I sent Kyle a quick text.
An hour later, we were headed up the I-5 to Anaheim.
We pulled into the Downtown Disney parking lot and dropped Trigger off at the Disneyland Kennels just outside the gate. We headed straight over to Disney California Adventure Park, a first for me. Gabriel was having a blast. The first ride we hit was Monstropolis. He still didn’t talk much, but watching him run around, smiling and carefree, filled me with pride. He was a sweet boy. How could his grandfather want nothing to do with him? We used our fast pass for Soarin’ Over California, which I actually loved: seeing all the beautiful parks, lakes, and monuments of my home state made me happy to be back home. Normally when I was on leave, I was itching to return back to sea. For the first time in memory, I was finding joy in everyday life. Spending time with Annie and Gabriel made everything more enjoyable.
We hit some more rides, hopped over to Disneyland, and grabbed a quick bite to eat.
Annie was enjoying herself, but I knew this wasn’t really her scene, even though she was trying her best for Gabriel. She hated crowds, and was pretty jumpy with the loud noises from the rides.
“I’m ready to go, Pat. But I need to do something first.”
We walked to the main entrance of Disneyland, and Annie’s eyes were glued to the ground. There were hundreds of tiny memorial pavers. She paced up and down the rows and finally stopped. There was a small one which read: The Race Family. December 8, 2006.
Annie knelt down and traced the stone with her hands. Tears filled her eyes. I didn’t want to ruin her moment, so I stood back, unsure of what to say. She took out some Krazy Glue from her purse. She removed the necklace she’d worn in the brothel when I first met her, the rusty one with the key charm. She took the chain off, and glued it to Nicole’s paver.
Shit, it even made me want to cry.
Annie took a picture of the paver and sat down.
After around ten minutes, Annie stood up. “We can go now.”
“That was sweet, Annie.”
“Yeah. I wanted her to have it. I’d be dead if it wasn’t for her. She always talked about that vacation. How much fun they all had, and she was determined to come back here. One day, when I tell my story, I will go see her parents. Would you go with me to see them?”
“Of course.”
“That would be great. Thank you.”
This fake lie that Annie was living was preventing her from healing. She needed to tell the world what really happened. I put my arm around her, and pushed a tired Gabriel in the stroller. We picked up Trigger at the kennels, and headed back to the car.
“Where are we staying?”
“I have a surprise for you.”
“I hate surprises. We’re not staying near Disneyland?”
“Why don’t you crash? It’s a long drive. We’ll be there by morning.”
She tapped her fingers on the window. “Okay. This better be good.” She leaned in and gave me a kiss.
I stopped by a drive-through Starbucks and ordered a venti black coffee, chocolate milk, and a few bottles of water for the drive.
Eight hours later, we had arrived at our destination just as the sun was coming up. Annie was still passed out in the seat next to me, Gabriel asleep in his car seat in the back.
“Wake up, sunshine. We’re here.”
She rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times to gain sight. The vast, pure lake glimmered in the sunrise.
“Pat! Tahoe! You remembered?”
“Of course. I never forget anything. Kyle has a buddy with a cabin in Incline Village. We have it for the whole week.”
“The week? That’s amazing.” She leaned in to my seat and wrapped her arms around my neck, planting a kiss on my cheek.
I kissed her back. I couldn’t wait to get her into the cabin. I scooped Gabriel out of his car seat, still
asleep, and we took him into the cabin and into bed.
Annie was unlike any girl I’d ever known. She didn’t expect anything of me, didn’t try to change me, and accepted me for who I was. Maybe being with me the three months out of the year I didn’t deploy would be enough to make her happy. I was crazy about her.
I had to confront her father, protect her and Gabriel from him. And I knew doing so would shatter Annie’s carefully rebuilt world.
Kyle left out a detail about the owner of the cabin—apparently the guy was loaded. Probably one of his NFL buddies. The cabin was on the water in Incline Village, a hotspot of wealthy Silicon Valley executives. My mom and I used to stay in a crappy motel in South Lake Tahoe, but I loved it anyway. Annie and I checked the cabin out. The place had stonework, beautiful hardwood floors, seven bedrooms, a gourmet kitchen, a game room, an exercise room, a wine cellar, and a master bedroom with a private fireplace.
I needed to sleep. I let Trigger out back in the yard. “Can you bring him back in when he’s done?”
She nodded.
I brought our bags in, then went upstairs to take a shower.
I took off my clothes and turned on the hot water. Should I confront her dad? It was pointless, really. He would either lie and deny it, or admit it and retaliate against Matt. No wonder her father hated my guts, probably knew I would figure his bullshit out, and was pissed I had saved Annie and Gabriel. Some may look at us enlisted SEALs as nothing more than brawn, but to get through BUD/S you had to be intelligent.
If I told Annie, she would have no one left in her life but me—and that was if she believed me. You never know, blood is thicker than water. And if I were all she had, who would be there for her when I was gone for months on end?
I stepped out of the shower and went into the bedroom. The fireplace was already on and Annie was sitting on the bed in some damn sexy lingerie. Pink silk nightie trimmed with black lace, split up high on her thigh. Damn.
I stopped in the doorway to watch as she smoothed lotion over her legs and it occurred to me I wouldn’t mind seeing her do this every night. I’d heard the poor bastards in the Teams wax poetic about coming home to their wives and it wasn’t until I saw her looking at home in the bed that I realized what they meant.
She looked up and saw me watching her. “Hey, Hero.”
“You’re hotter than that fire.”
“So are you, standing there with nothing except a towel wrapped around your waist. Come here.”
I walked over to the edge of the bed. She set the lotion on the nightstand, stood up, and took off my towel. She kissed my mouth, my chest, traced my scars, and worked her way down to my waist. I gently pushed her away from me.
We couldn’t do this. Not yet.
“Pat, please. Come on, why are we waiting? I love you.”
Those three words made me want her even more. But we’d waited this long, what was a few more days.
“Babe, I’m sorry. I love you, too. I need to sleep.”
She slumped on the bed, pulling the cover over her body. “Are you not attracted to me? Is this because you still have a problem that I was a sex slave?”
Dammit. She didn’t understand me at all. I didn’t want her to feel rejected. I wanted her completely. Next time I was stuck in a dirt hole in the middle of Afghanistan, I wanted to dream of her. Or freezing my balls off in the frigid water in a swift boat, waiting to kill some pirates, I wanted the thought of coming home to her to keep me going. I wanted to make sure I was the only man to ever make her come, touch her, protect her, and take care of her.
“No, babe. Not at all. I want you so bad it hurts. I can’t wait to make love to you. Just not tonight. Soon, I promise.”
“Okay.”
I wrapped my arms around her.
A sense of clarity washed over me. No more doubts. I wanted to make her mine, forever. She and Gabriel. They would never have to apologize or lie about who they were. I loved and accepted them completely.
Now there was only one question—would Annie say yes?
36
Patrick
EVEN THOUGH I LOVED TO ski and snowboard, I preferred summer to winter in Tahoe. The water was so blue and clear. We planned a hike on the Horsetail Falls Trail. It was a fairly easy hike which Gabriel could do, and not too crowded that our view would be spoiled.
We ambled along Pyramid Creek. I peeked through the trees until I found a great swimming hole. No one was around, so we changed into our swimsuits and dipped into our private pool. Gabriel was having a blast splashing around.
I climbed out, got dressed, and found a large, flat boulder for our picnic. I set all the food out, and poured three glasses of water. Annie and Gabriel were still wading in the swimming hole. She looked so blissful. I could stare at her forever.
I helped Gabriel out of the water and fed him lunch. Annie finally emerged, looking like one of those water nymphs. She gathered her clothes and I checked out her perky ass.
The sky didn’t have a cloud in sight, and the crisp air was almost like a drug to me. There were snow-capped mountains in the distance. After forever at sea, I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful sight. After five years of captivity, I’m sure the view meant even more to Annie.
She took a sip of her water. “So, when you deploy next month, where are you going?”
“Middle East.”
She nodded. “How will I communicate with you? Do you even have a phone?”
“Well, when we’re on ship or one of the bases, I can check email. Maybe even use the phone. But if I’m out on an operation, it might be a month or so with no word.”
Her lip trembled. I knew it would suck for her to get this close to me and then be left without a way to even contact me.
“Can I call someone? I mean, to see if you are okay?”
I took a bite of my sandwich. This was a talk we needed to have sooner or later. “Well, the wives have a number to call, and groups to meet at. But there isn’t really something set up for girlfriends.”
She shrugged her shoulders, then turned around to get more water out of the backpack. “I get it. I’ll just call Vic’s mom or Tori.”
“Or you could just marry me.”
“Ha. Ha.”
When she turned back around, I had a surprise for her. I dropped to one knee.
“Pat, what are you doing?” her voice quaked.
“Will you marry me?” I held a small, princess cut diamond ring I’d purchased the other day.
“Are you serious?”
“I love you, Annie. And I love Gabriel. I want to adopt him. You’re not damaged, you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met. You’d make a great Team wife. Plus, I’ve gone months on end without sex. I’m patient, I can wait for you. I’ll help you heal. I don’t want another man ever touching you again. You’re mine. All mine. I’ll be able to take care of you, always and forever. I’ll do anything for you. Just say yes.”
Her bottom lip quivered. She loved me, I knew that, but I also knew she didn’t see this coming from a mile away. The thing she didn’t understand was she was it for me. And the only way this would ever work out, with my job and her father, was if she became completely mine.
“You really love me?” she whispered.
Of course I did. “I love you, Annie. Completely.”
She closed her eyes. I wished I could climb inside her head. Crush out her bad memories and replace them with good ones. But I couldn’t do that. The only thing I could do was take care of her for the rest of her life and make sure no one ever harmed her again.
Her eyes opened—those gorgeous hazel eyes I’d seen the first night in the brothel. I knew her answer; she didn’t have to speak a word.
Her eyes darted from me to the ring and I placed it on her finger. “Yes, Pat. Oh, my God. I never thought you’d propose. Not ever. I didn’t even think you wanted a girlfriend. You’re crazy, but I love you. Yes.” She climbed in my lap and pushed me over. Our lips met and she showered me with kisses.
&
nbsp; She stopped kissing me and grinned in such a silly way, it shocked me.
We stood up and I scooped Gabriel up. “Gabriel, do you want me to be your daddy?”
“Pat Daddy?”
I held on tight to him. One day, I would have to tell him the truth, that I’d killed his father. That his father had stolen his mom and abused her. I had the stupid thought to compare it to Luke Skywalker, who was still a good man, despite having Darth Vader as an evil father.
“Planning. I can’t wait to start planning. When do you get back from your next deployment? It will take at least a year to organize. Don’t worry; my dad will pay for everything.”
Here we go. Of course, I knew all women wanted to plan their dream wedding. Enough of Annie’s dreams had been taken away; I didn’t want to burst another. But over my dead body would I let her father pay one penny.
“That’s the catch. We are only going for three months this time, but I will have another mission right after that. And we have to get married before I go or you and Gabriel won’t get any benefits. I want to start the adoption before I leave. I need you both taken care of and you’re nothing to the military if there isn’t a marriage license to back it up. The SEAL wives will welcome you, and their husbands who aren’t deployed will be there if you need anything. I leave soon. I want to spend as much time with you as my wife as possible. Let’s go now.”
“Now. Here? Today? Without my family? They’ve been through enough without me and now you want to elope?”
I wanted to tell her exactly what her parents thought of her. But I’d take that secret to my grave. Maybe one day she would learn the truth—but it wouldn’t be from me. No way in hell.
BEAST: A Bad Boy Marine Romance Page 31