Just this once.
“I meant what I said to Lily’s psychotic mother,” Victoria offered behind me. “I cannot imagine that trying to tell the police any of this would go particularly well.”
“For what it’s worth,” Campbell told Victoria, “more than one person might be willing to pay you to keep your mouth shut.”
Campbell had a vested interest in the truth about the Lady of the Lake not coming out. Given Sadie-Grace’s relationship with Boone, she did, too. As much as I might want to, I wouldn’t say a word to the authorities without Lily’s blessing—and Lillian’s.
That just left Victoria.
“Generous,” Victoria commented. “But I’ll pass. If the last month has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t need my father’s money—or anyone else’s. I have his brain.”
“But you’ll keep quiet?” Campbell asked. “For Walker.”
I had no idea what, if anything, had passed between Walker and Victoria since Walker and Lily had taken a step back from their relationship.
Oh, God, I thought suddenly. Walker and Lily.
If Lily was Ana’s baby, then her father was Sterling Ames. And if Lily’s father was Sterling Ames, that meant that Campbell was her half-sister.
And Walker was her half-brother.
The light on the front of the boat was bright enough to illuminate Lily, who sat on the bow, her knees pulled to her chest, her arms around her knees. Her back was straight, her chin held at an angle that made her neck look miles long.
Walker stood behind her. “Everything okay?” he called when he saw us.
Not even a little bit.
“We have to tell them,” Campbell said softly beside me. “Don’t we?”
Given the way we’d left things, I didn’t know why Lily had come back. She probably shouldn’t have. And once we tell her the truth…
There would be no recovering from that.
The water surrounding the island was too shallow for Walker and Lily to bring the boat any closer, so we had to wade out to board. Lightning struck in the distance. I mentally counted as I stepped into the lake and began making my way through the water.
I made it to five before I heard the thunder.
“Storm missed us,” Walker commented. “It’s headed the other direction now.”
On the front of the boat, Lily was silent. I wondered what she was thinking. I wondered what, if anything, she knew about what her mother had done.
But mostly, I wondered how in the world I could tell her that Walker was her brother. He was the only boy she’d ever dated. The only one she’d ever loved. Even if she wasn’t sure what she wanted now, even though they’d broken up…
This will destroy her.
I was waist-deep in water now. Campbell was on one side of me, Sadie-Grace on the other. I twisted to look for Victoria and discovered that she was still on the shore. As I watched, she bent and retrieved something from behind the brush. It wasn’t until we’d all made it onto the boat that I realized what Victoria had gone back for.
“Here,” she said, handing a scarlet robe to me and one to Sadie-Grace. The gloves came next. “You’re shivering.”
I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or Sadie-Grace. The night air was warm, but still, with my clothes soaked through, I could feel goose bumps rising on my flesh.
Lily’s eyes flickered over the lot of us, over the robes and gloves in our hands. “Go ahead,” she told me. “Put them on.”
I did as she said, then met her eyes. “There’s something we have to tell you.” I glanced toward Walker. “Both of you.”
Before I could say more than that, Campbell stepped in front of me, literally coming between us. “How did you know where to find us, anyway?” she asked her brother.
I recognized an attempt to stall when I saw one.
“Victoria texted me,” Walker said.
“No, I didn’t.” Victoria took a few steps toward him, then stopped. She reached into the pocket of her robe. “My phone is gone. It doesn’t get reception out here anyway….”
So who sent the text?
“Hope,” I said suddenly, answering my own question. “Do you think she got off the island?”
“With my phone?” Victoria said. “Sounds about right.” She turned back to Walker. “What exactly did this text say?”
I realized between one breath and the next what she was really asking. How much does Hope know? What did she see—and hear?
“The text just said there was an emergency.” Walker paused. “That it involved Sawyer and Lily’s mama, that you were all trapped on King’s Island, and I shouldn’t call the police.”
That didn’t exactly answer the question of how much Hope knew.
“So he called me,” Lily said. “And I called Lillian.”
“You came,” I said, feeling the weight of what I had to tell her a thousand times more.
“Of course I came,” Lily told me, sounding offended. She hesitated. “Is my mama okay?” she asked. “Victoria’s text—or Hope’s, I guess—was a little vague on the details.”
Because Hope didn’t know them? Or because she was being discreet?
“Details later,” I told her. “For now…your mama’s fine.” That was what Lillian would have called a bit of a stretch. “More or less.”
“I sense that this is a very long story,” Walker put in. “And based on how closely Campbell is standing to me right now, I have the general sense that it doesn’t have a happy ending.”
We have to tell them.
“Remember how you spent most of the summer being mad at me for things that weren’t my fault?” Campbell said flippantly. “Pretty sure what I’m about to tell you is going to extend that by a few dozen years.”
“Wait.” Victoria stopped Campbell. She moved toward Walker. “I need you to tell everyone on this boat what you told me at my father’s funeral, Walker.”
From what I’d gathered, Victor Gutierrez’s funeral had been a private one. Family only. I hadn’t realized Walker had attended.
By the looks of things, neither had Lily.
You should have left, I thought, unable to look away from the frozen expression on her face. Wherever you were going—you should have run away and never looked back.
“Vee,” Walker said lowly. Clearly, whatever he’d told her wasn’t something he particularly cared to share with the rest of us.
“Trust me,” Victoria told him, “you’ll be very glad once this secret is out. Very. Glad.”
“Fine.” Walker turned his attention to the boat’s console and hit a sequence of buttons that had the anchor pulling up. The noise was loud enough to drown out anything that was said, so he waited until the job was completed. “I’m a bastard.”
“This again?” Campbell asked. “I thought you got all of that pesky self-loathing out of your system last year.”
“He’s illegitimate,” Victoria clarified. “Your father isn’t Walker’s father.”
There was a moment of stunned silence, and then Lily spoke up. “How long have you known?” she asked Walker. I thought of everything that had passed between them this summer.
“Since Mama started drinking,” Walker replied. “She never would have told me if he hadn’t gone to prison.”
“Back up,” Campbell ordered her brother curtly. “Explain.”
“They got married because Mama was pregnant,” Walker said. “He didn’t know I wasn’t his.”
“No way,” Campbell replied.
“She had me tested, right after I was born.”
“Daddy didn’t know,” Campbell said decisively. “You were his favorite. You’re still Mama’s favorite….”
“She told me that she loved me extra—in case he didn’t.”
Campbell took a moment to recover from that and then shrugged. “In that case,” she said, pivoting, “Lily, we have slightly less devastating news for you.”
Sadie-Grace took off her scarlet robe and placed it around Lily’s shoulders. �
��Just remember,” she cautioned, “what we’re about to tell you doesn’t change who you are. It’s just like musical chairs, but with parents.”
o, to recap,” Lily said, sounding calm, but not entirely apathetic, “Campbell isn’t your half-sister. She’s mine, because my daddy’s mistress, who had Campbell’s daddy’s baby way back when, is actually my biological mother, and that baby was me. Victoria is my great-aunt, and technically, so is Lillian, because my adoptive mama is actually Lillian’s identical twin sister’s daughter. The real Liv Taft was killed twenty-five years ago in what might—or might not—have been an accident, involving practically every adult I know.” Lily paused. “Does that about sum things up?”
It was just the two of us now. Walker had driven the boat across to the Ames family’s lake house. Campbell, Sadie-Grace, and Victoria had stayed there, but I’d known without asking that Lily needed to get away.
I’d asked Walker if we could take his car.
He’d told us to keep it.
“You forgot the part with the lighter fluid and the imminent threat of death,” I told Lily. “But otherwise, that seems to be a fairly accurate summary.”
Lily started giggling. Hysterically.
“This isn’t funny,” I told her.
“I know,” she agreed. “It’s not funny at all. I just can’t stop laughing, because if I do…” The muscles in her throat tightened convulsively.
“I know,” I said. Lily had already been pushed past her breaking point before any of this had come out. There wasn’t any place left to go.
“I thought I could get away,” she said, giggling madly. “Do you know why I went to Two Arrows? Because that’s the place that Lillian got away from.”
I doubted my grandmother had ever imagined, when she’d entered high society, that it was a place that decades later, another member of her family might want to flee.
“This is so messed up,” I said, because someone had to say it.
“It is,” Lily agreed. She still didn’t have the laughter under control. “You know the crazy thing?” she wheezed. “I’m not even mad anymore. It’s just all so…” She shook her head, unable to put it into words. “And to think, I was so terrified about the Secrets blog becoming public knowledge. At this point, I could literally become a porn star, and I still wouldn’t be the real scandal in this family!”
“Do you have aspirations toward the adult film industry?” I joked.
“Very funny.” And just like that, she was very serious. “I don’t even know where to go now. Or what to do.” Her voice was hoarse. Her breathing turned jagged. “I spent weeks trying not to feel all of this, and then, when I finally let it come, I just wanted to start over. I was supposed to run away and find myself, Sawyer. Even when I said I was done with it all, I was still trying to be like her. I was still emulating my mama.”
“If it’s any consolation,” I told her, “I’ve spent the summer trying not to be like mine. I saw her fall head over heels so many times, to no avail.” I closed my eyes. “So I spent this summer not falling for Nick. He accused me of living life with one foot out the door. He said that I was the runner, and that you’d be fine.”
“Guess we showed him,” Lily said, in a laugh-or-cry kind of way. “And besides, Mama never ran away. She didn’t find herself. She’s been pretending all these years.”
I tried to think of something I could say that would make the evening’s revelations hurt less. “It wasn’t all pretend, Lily.”
“That’s the kicker, isn’t it?” Lily said. “Because she really does love me.” Lily paused. “She wouldn’t have hurt you or Sadie-Grace or Campbell, even if Lillian hadn’t shown up. I believe that, Sawyer.”
“She hurt you,” I pointed out.
Lily was quiet for just a moment. “They all did.”
Her father. Aunt Olivia. Ana, who’d birthed her and taken money in exchange.
I wanted to say the right thing, but I couldn’t even begin to imagine what that might be, so instead, I opted for: “There’s a club.”
Lily arched an eyebrow at me.
I elaborated. “The ‘I Owe My Entire Existence to a Stupid Teenage Pregnancy Pact’ Club. I’m the founding member.”
And Lily was member number two. I’d wanted someone who understood. I’d wanted someone to process this with. And all along, it had been her. Nick was right. I’d never needed a backup family, or an exit plan, or ten layers of protection around my heart.
I was done knowing better, when I didn’t really know anything at all.
“Does the ‘I Owe My Entire Existence to a Stupid Teenage Pregnancy Pact’ Club have an initiation?” Lily asked me, after several minutes of silence. “Because you’re still wearing that stupid robe.”
atcalling Lily was a mistake that most customers at The Holler only made once.
“Do I come to your place of employment and make rude noises in your direction?” she asked the man leering at her over the bar. “No. No, I do not. And would you appreciate someone talking to your daughter or sister that way? No. No, you would not.”
“Honey,” the man drawled. “You’re wound awfully tight. How ’bout I loosen you up?”
“Want me to take this one?” I offered.
Lily shook her head. “My parents raised me to be a lady,” she told the man primly. “And now I’m a lady who knows an awful lot about a whole range of medieval torture techniques….”
The one-bedroom house Lily and I were sharing was smaller than the one I’d grown up in, but instead of dollar-store shower curtains, a hand-sewn privacy curtain sectioned Lily’s bedroom off from the living room. She’d taken to shopping at flea markets and thrift shops to furnish our place, and the decorations—even the faded and chipped ones—showcased what even I could recognize as impeccable taste.
“Knock, knock!” my mom called as she entered through the front door.
We really needed to start making use of the lock.
“Trick still huffy that I told that gentleman exactly what I could do to him with a sterling silver salad fork?” Lily asked.
Normally, my mom would have grinned in response. She’d been surprised four months earlier when we’d shown up on her doorstep, to say the least.
Coming back to the town where I’d grown up had been Lily’s idea. I’d spent a year in her world. She’d wanted to give mine a try. I’d asked her once and only once if she was sure about putting college on hold, and she’d told me that college would still be there when we were ready.
Both of us.
Lily needed a chance to figure out who she was when she wasn’t trying to be what other people wanted, and I needed to find my way to putting the past to rest and living now, with no backup plans and no feet out the door.
I thought of Nick most days but had only called him once. He hadn’t answered.
“Is Trick actually upset with me this time?” Lily asked, startled by my mom’s lack of response to her initial question about The Holler’s owner.
“Trick couldn’t get upset with you if he tried,” my mom assured Lily. “And no one would dream of taking umbrage to any threats you may or may not have made involving salad forks and soup spoons.”
“What were you going to do with the soup spoon?” I asked. But my gaze stayed on my mom, because something had brought her to our door, and I had the general sense that something wasn’t good.
“Lily, sweetheart…” My mom’s tone confirmed my assumption. “There’s someone at the bar looking for you.”
My mom almost never referred to The Holler as “the bar.”
“Is it Lillian?” I asked. I’d been waiting for this since the night Lily and I had shown up here, both of us wet and me wearing a scarlet robe.
“No,” my mom said gingerly. “It’s Ana.”
It took everything I had to stay in the position I’d taken up near the pool table and not join Ana Gutierrez and Lily at the bar.
“She’s going to be okay,” my mom told me. “Our Lily’s equal pa
rts sugar and steel.”
I picked up a pool cue and nodded for my mom to start racking up the balls. I needed to keep busy, if I was going to persevere in giving Lily space.
“Are you okay?” I asked my mom once she’d finished racking.
My mom glanced back at Ana. “I just keep thinking that this was how it was supposed to be—Ana and her daughter, me and mine.”
Things between us weren’t the same as they’d been before my debutante year. Too much had happened since, and my mom was still learning to just let me be. A lifetime of interdependence was a nasty habit to kick.
“Sawyer? I know the pact was stupid.” My mom grabbed the cue ball and broke, sending the rest of the balls scattering around the table. “It wasn’t just our lives we were playing around with. It was yours, too. I know that it was selfish for me to think that you could solve everything that was wrong with my life, fill every hole.”
In the months that Lily and I had been here, this was the first glimmer I’d gotten that my mom had really changed.
That at least some part of her understood.
“You were a kid,” I said, lining up my first shot. “You were dealing with a lot. And if you hadn’t been…” I hit the ball. “You wouldn’t have me.”
The day after we’d arrived, I’d told my mom the truth about Liv. I’d expected her to explode, to go storming back to the city, demanding to know how Lillian felt about having chosen an impostor over her.
Why she was protecting Olivia still.
But instead, my mom had grieved. She’d told me, a few nights back, crying for her sister, that the truth hadn’t been a blow. It was a relief. The sister she’d known hadn’t iced her out. The disconnect she’d felt with Olivia wasn’t in her head. Her teenage anger at being forced to pretend otherwise, the grief that no one had understood…
It was real.
“You’re stripes,” my mom commented when my first shot went in.
“Ellie.” Ana cleared her throat behind us.
I turned around first. A few seconds later, my mom followed suit.
“I want you to know,” Ana told her, “that I’ve stopped seeing J.D.”
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