by Maisey Yates
She laughed. She had nothing but complications now. She had nothing but heartbreak spread from here to Ace’s. She wasn’t sure if there was a view on the entire West Coast that could offer comfort at this point.
Still, being home was a little like being wrapped in a fuzzy blanket. Even if it wasn’t entirely comforting, even if she did still feel her losses keenly, painfully, there was a buffer here.
She had been resistant to setting foot back on West property after what happened with her dad, but she was glad she was here now. Glad she had spent the night in Madison’s little house. Glad she was wandering through the stables and visiting with the horses.
Well, maybe glad was too strong a word. Glad might be somewhere beyond her right now.
She curled her fingers around the top rung of the fence, leveraging herself into a standing position with her foot before bringing her other foot up to join the first. She released her hold, spreading her arms wide and letting the wind blow her hair backward. The sun shone on her face, but she didn’t feel warm. The wind just felt cold.
She sighed heavily, stepping back down, turning away from the view and leaning back against the fence.
“I didn’t expect to see you here.”
She looked up, her heart slamming against her breastbone when she made eye contact with her father’s icy blue gaze. “Well, I am,” she said.
Her mind was racing and she tried to figure out what she was supposed to say. What she was supposed to feel. Like every feeling hidden here on the ranch, this one was complicated. She was angry. But she was happy to see him. She wished—not for the first time—that he was the kind of father she could run to. The kind of father who would take her into his arms and tell her everything would be okay, even if it might not be.
But he had never been that kind of father. And it was strange to be upset about it now. He hadn’t reached out to her at all since she’d left; his pride wouldn’t allow it. And even knowing that she was here, he wouldn’t reach out.
“Are you through having your tantrum?” he asked.
His words touched already tender places inside of her, making her ache. “It was never a tantrum.” Although she suspected part of it might’ve been at first. “Though I admit I didn’t handle it very well. We are family and cutting you off was immature.”
“Living without my money for a couple of months has been that difficult?”
She had to fight back a bubble of laughter that threatened to escape. The money? She hadn’t missed the money once since she had met Ace. All of the strange, new, wonderful, terrible things she had experienced with him made money seem pretty small.
“No, it hasn’t been. At least, things didn’t feel all that difficult until yesterday.”
Nathan West looked confused by that statement, but didn’t ask for clarity. Of course not. “Are you staying?”
“I don’t think so. I mean, I might for a while until I figure out a new place to stay. I really can’t go back to Colton’s with the wedding and everything so close. And I need to find a new job.”
“You got fired?”
“So you knew I had a job?”
“Of course. I have kept up on your comings and goings by speaking to your brother.”
“Not all of them, I bet. I’m having a baby.”
That effectively shocked him. His face was almost comically frozen. “What?”
“Well, these things happen. As I’m sure you know.”
“With who?”
“Ace Thompson. You know, he owns the bar. And a brewery.” And her heart, and her soul. Nothing major.
“Sierra, this is unacceptable. Are you still in touch with that ex-boyfriend from school?”
“What?”
“He was from a good family, if I recall. And if he’s doing well in business he might be looking to settle down.”
Sierra put her hands up. “Wait a second, are you actually suggesting I find someone else to claim the baby?”
“Yes, I am suggesting that. I spent years doing what I could to protect our family reputation, and regardless of the fact that Monaghan is now doing his best to ruin it—”
“Jack isn’t ruining anything. Jack is trying to live. He wants to have his life on his terms and not on yours. I refuse to be angry at him for that. I can’t be. He’s my half brother. That matters to me. It means something.”
“Why should it? The fact that he’s my son has never meant anything to me.”
Sierra felt like all the wind had been stuck straight out of her. “How?”
“What I did, I did to protect our family. I did it to protect you, even though you weren’t born yet. I did it to protect your brothers. Your birthright. An affair is one thing, Sierra, and I’m not going to judge you for your behavior on that score, but what you do afterward is important.”
“So, Jack was collateral damage. The rest of us are supposed to be grateful because you preserved the appearance of our life?”
“That’s all anyone is. Appearances. If you haven’t realized that by now—”
“No, I did realize it. I realized that was my whole life, too. I can’t live that way. I would rather have nothing, I would rather live in a small house alone than have a sham marriage.” She thought not just of Mark and her father’s edict that she track him down and marry him, but of Ace, and the loveless union he had proposed. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past couple of months it’s that I would rather hurt honestly than be happy in a lie.”
“I built a lot of years on a lie,” he said, looking around them. “Most of a lifetime. All of yours. So you can say you would rather have honesty, but you’ve never lived with it. You don’t know. If your mother had found out before you were born you might not even exist. She might have left. You don’t know what it’s like to grow up with honesty, so it’s easy for you to stand there and talk about it.”
That stabbed deep, in part because it was true. She couldn’t prove different. She might not have been born had he not covered up his affair with Jack’s mother. Or her mother might have left eventually under the strain of dealing with shared custody of a child who served as a reminder of her husband’s faithlessness.
“It’s too late to go back,” she said. “I know that. But I can go forward. I can go forward having the kind of life I want, being the kind of person I want. I’m going to do that.”
“I wish you would make a better choice for yourself than a bartender.”
“I’m actually choosing to be single. Because he isn’t in love with me. So I imagine you’re really thrilled with that.”
“I can find someone to marry you,” her father said, his tone fierce. “I have a great many colleagues who would love to have their sons...”
“No. I’m not a horse. This isn’t some kind of ideal match you can arrange. I don’t think we’re ever going to agree on this. I’m not sure how we’re going to reconcile each other’s decisions. You did what you did with Jack. It’s over. It’s too late to fix. And I’m making this decision. Either we accept each other and we move forward or I don’t see us having a relationship.”
“Of course we will keep the peace,” her father said. his tone measured.
“For Colton’s wedding?”
“For family gatherings, for the wedding. But I don’t approve.”
Sierra’s heart felt like a brick. “I guess it’s important to you that I understand that?”
“I want you to understand that you’re making a decision here. One that has consequences.”
“Yes, I am. And I’m grown up enough to accept them. I’m adult enough to know that I prefer the consequences. As hard as they are.”
“If you end up needing work, you know you can get it here. I won’t have the town saying I abandoned my pregnant daughter in her time of need.”
�
�Wow, thank God for town gossip.”
“Do you accept?”
She shook her head. “I’m going to have to look for something else. But I will see you again for Colton’s wedding. Maybe it’s best if we don’t talk to Mom about any of this until it’s finished. I don’t want to upset her.”
“I agree with that.”
She started to walk away, then she stopped. She turned to face her father. “It isn’t that I don’t understand. I do understand. When you first explained to me about Jack I understood so well it almost scared me. I really valued my comfortable life. You have no idea how much. I suppose I should thank you for it. I do. I... I loved my life. And I could see how you would want to lie to protect it. Why you would want to cover up your mistakes so that the consequences didn’t touch this little thing that you loved. So that it didn’t rock your kingdom.
“But I fell in love with someone,” she continued. “Really fell in love. And I knew that my life with him had to be built on honesty. I knew that we had to feel the same way about each other, that I couldn’t walk around just pretending things were okay when they weren’t. Because when you’re in love it isn’t the words that matter. It isn’t the appearance that matters. It’s the deeper things. The harder things. And I want that more. More than the comfort of a job at the ranch, or a nuclear family that looks good on the outside but is rotting at the core. I don’t hate you. But I feel a little bit sorry for you.”
“I have everything,” he said. “Everything I ever wanted. There’s nothing to feel sorry for me about.”
She realized then that he didn’t care if anyone loved him. As long as he had this place, his name...he didn’t need it to be real. And she could never understand that.
“Be happy with it, then,” she said. “And I’ll go find my happiness.”
Then Sierra turned away from her father, and started walking away. She closed her eyes and let the breeze clear her mind.
But she would come here still. She would see him, see her mother. She would make sure her child knew them both.
Her relationship with her father had changed forever, but she didn’t have to let it turn into endless bitterness. She didn’t have to hold on to the anger, just because she thought he was wrong.
And as she walked on, she felt a weight she didn’t know she’d been carrying fall away.
It turned out that anger was heavy. And she was glad she wasn’t carrying it anymore. Whatever Nathan West chose to cling to was his own sad story.
Sierra was going to cling to her child. Her family. To love.
She walked on ahead, into the sunlight. And then she smiled.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
ACE GOT OUT of his truck and walked across the driveway, headed straight toward the barn. He was going to get Lemon Drop and load her up and take her to Colton’s. Or to the West ranch. Or to the moon if that’s where she was.
He had to find her.
He had to tell her.
He heard a truck engine and the sound of tires on gravel behind him and he turned, just in time to see Sierra’s cherry-red truck pulling up to the front of his house. And he ran.
He ran like his life depended on it. He was pretty damn sure it did.
He didn’t want her to take one more breath thinking he didn’t love her. Didn’t want her heart to beat one more time believing a lie.
Even if she said no now, he didn’t want her thinking that. He didn’t want those last words he’d said to her to be the ones she believed.
She got out of the truck and slammed the door, turning toward the house.
“Sierra!”
She stopped and turned, her eyes round. “Ace. If you came to—”
He didn’t let her finish. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her with everything he had. With every bit of love he had inside of him. Because he had to come with something more than words. He had to erase the memory of everything hurtful he’d said, erase the truth he’d tried to put into them.
She clung to his shirt, holding on to him while she kissed him back. It wasn’t a happy kiss. It was angry. But he was glad. Because it meant she still felt something. He would take anger over apathy any day of the week. From now until forever.
“I didn’t come to...whatever you were about to say,” he said, breaking the kiss, his heart thundering hard, his breath coming in harsh gasps.
“Why are you here?”
“Well, it’s my house. Actually, you’re the one who came here.”
“All of my stuff is here. And my horse.”
“I was going to bring you your horse. And your stuff. And me.”
“That’s a lot of things you were going to bring me,” she said, sounding dazed. “It’s not even my birthday.”
“No. But it is ‘I Was an Ass and I’m Sorry’ day.”
“I’m not sure sorry is enough.”
“Well, that’s not the only thing. I went to church this morning.”
She blinked rapidly. “You did?”
“Yeah. Not for a service. Well, maybe for a private one.” He cleared his throat. “This will come as no surprise to you, but I’m fucked up.”
She laughed, a watery, shaky sound. “I do realize that.”
“I can’t promise that I’ll just be fixed.”
“I didn’t ask you to be fixed.”
His heart burned, his whole body shaking. “I know. I couldn’t believe that. I couldn’t accept it.”
“I know,” she said, sliding her hand along his jaw. “I had to believe that if I just stood my ground you would. But I was scared. I was scared you wouldn’t see it.”
“I don’t deserve that, either. That faith you have in me. I didn’t have it in myself, I have no idea how you held on to it for me.”
“Someone had to.”
“A lot more people were holding on than I realized. I pushed so many people away. My parents, you. I’ve been...coasting. I’m everyone’s drinking buddy and nobody’s friend. Because I never wanted to explain my past to anyone. I’m... I’m ashamed of it, Sierra. I feel like I let her down. Callie. I—”
She wrapped her arms around him, pressing her head against his chest. “You didn’t. You did everything you could. You fought for her, Ace. You did.”
“It wasn’t good enough. My hardest fight wasn’t enough.”
“It was an impossible battle. One you fought anyway. One you kept fighting long after you lost.” She took a deep breath. “When you first told me about Callie, I was so sorry for you. So sad. But so...satisfied for myself.”
“What do you mean?”
“Because I looked at you, at that fierce protectiveness in your eyes, and I thought...that man is the father of my baby. I could see that you would die for your child, that you would move heaven and earth for him or her. That you love hard, even when it hurts. That you are as faithful as they come. Ace Thompson, you think you’re unworthy for the very reason I think you are the only man on earth I could ever have children with. The only man I could ever think of marrying.
“You can’t guarantee the outcome of a battle, Ace,” she said, her voice soft, her fingertips tracing lines over his cheek. “But the fact that I know you’ll fight? That means more than anything else.”
“I didn’t feel like I was good enough for you,” he said, his words strangled. “I still don’t. But you’re right. I will fight for you. For us. For our baby. And I would... I would give anything to go back and never say some of the things I’ve said to you. To never say you were a silly rich girl. That I didn’t trust you. That I didn’t love you.”
“I guess,” she said, taking a slow breath, “all you can really do is apologize. That’s something I learned from you.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, the words rough.
“Next time you say something stup
id let’s start here. I won’t storm out. You won’t try to keep pushing me away.”
“I think that’s a great idea. I will say more stupid things, you know.”
“I know. And I’ll be unreasonable. And too emotional about things. I’ll take things personally that I shouldn’t and hang on to being mad for too long because that’s...what I do. But under all of that you can be sure that I love you. That I want this to work more than I want to prove I’m right. More than I want my way. More than I want to win a fight.”
“And I love you,” he said. “More than I want to be protected. More than anything. I’m not the man I used to be, I don’t think I ever will be. I’ve been beaten pretty bad by life and I’m kind of jacked up as a result. I spent a long time just not dealing with it. And then you bounced in.”
She made a face. “You keep saying that.”
“You bounce,” he said. “It’s charming and irresistible.”
“Am I charming and irresistible?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“But more important...you do love me.”
“I do,” he said, brushing a kiss over her lips. “Sierra... I love you so much. You dragged me out of the darkness, baby. I didn’t even realize I was there. I was so used to it. I had accepted it. But you showed me light. You made me want to walk in it again. You’ve given me...so much and I don’t know if I’ve given you even one damn thing.”
“You have,” she said, taking his hands in hers. “Ace, you were the one who showed me what I wanted. Even when it ended up with me...leaving it was because of you. Because you made me realize that I had to stand and fight. That I couldn’t run. That anything worth having was worth waging war over. Even if you might lose.”
“I’m so glad you didn’t lose.”
“Me, too, Ace,” she said, kissing him slowly, thoroughly. “Me, too.”
Ace Thompson knew the secrets of nearly every person in Copper Ridge. He had listened to countless confessions from across the bar at Ace’s. Had heard every trial, tribulation and sin the citizens of town had endured and committed.