I sucked in a breath and swallowed. Oh shit he was on edge today, and somewhere in my brain I knew I was not the one who had put him there, but the fact was that he did apparently have a short fuse, at the moment, and it made me nervous.
I bit down on my lip trying to figure out what to say and do. I was not used to this side of him, and the few who knew me knew I did not like conflicts, because I didn´t think well on my feet. I was really good at expressing myself on paper, but oral communication tended to get me in trouble especially in situations like this. It was like I somehow forgot how to translate what I thought into speech.
So, in a very careful voice, I said. “He wasn’t drunk today, or mean. I figured I could handle him”
Nathan ran both his hands through his loose hair as he glared at me.
“Nathan.. I didn’t want to bother you over nothing” I told him looking down at the ground.
“NOTHING?!” He growled. “I worry every goddamn day if you are safe and I trust that you tell me when Mike shows up. I just want to be sure nothing happens to you Nikki!” Oh shit, Nathan never used my whole name, and on top of him doing so I could now hear some hurt slipping into his voice and mix with the aggravation there.
I then saw his feet take a step towards me, and in reflex I took a step back from him. I didn´t mean to, but my body was reacting to the anger that was pulsating from him. It didn´t matter to my body that I, in my brain, trusted Nathan not to hurt me because it had learned long ago to recoil from any kind of danger.
As I did step back though, I heard him take in a deep, shocked breath, which made me look up again where I saw his eyes change. The anger was seeping out of them and a glint of sorrow took over.
“Sorry baby.. I didn’t mean to frighten you or get mad at you.. It´s just.. That it angers me so much that he won’t leave you alone, and I don’t want you to get hurt”. He took a deep breath. “You are my everything!”
He held out his hand to me, palm up, eyes pleading with me to take his hand like I was a frightened child. In a way, I guess, I had come off like that. But could you really blame me? In my experience, anger meant violence and anger meant pain, for me. It didn´t matter if people were too drunk to walk a straight line; a mean person always knew how to hit with just the right amount of force and at the right angle. And Nathan was not even drunk.
After registering that there truly only was sorrow and love left on his face, that the anger had vanished completely, I took a deep breath letting the depth of his green gaze calm my nerves, and then I reached out and put my hand in his.
I had expected him to pull me into a smothering hug but he didn´t. He simply led me by the hand to the door and took us the rest of the way home.
We didn´t talk much the rest of the evening, just acting on auto pilot until we were in the bedroom, undressing for bed.
I was faster to undress, and it was clear to me that the reason for that was the frown that had been constant on Nathan’s forehead the entire evening, and it was getting too hard not to ask what he was molding over in his head.
I crawled to the middle of the bed, where I sat cross legged, carefully watching his every move. The man was so sexy and his tattoos never stopped intriguing me. They only added to his perfectly sculpted body, which never failed to make my body vibrate with need. And that was how he almost managed to shake my resolve of getting to the truth of why he was on edge and acting strange. At least his gorgeous eyes were not turned to me at the moment, because I knew that when they were I would be in trouble. I would forget the last train of thought and I would not mind the least.
When Nathan finally stood butt naked and lickable, he turned to me, walking towards the bed. “What are you looking at?” He asked with a bit of a twinkle in his eyes.
“Nothing” I answered, moving my eyes down to my own fiddling hands, in my lap, while I was unable to stop the goofy grin from forming on my lips. Looking away was the only thing I could do in order to not let his eyes hypnotize me.
“Mmhmm.. So, I don’t the least bit make you want to jump me?” He said teasing me.
“You know I want to… But Nate, I want to talk”
“Okay, what do you want to talk about?”
“Why you are acting so on edge today, I know you want to protect me from Mike, but I don’t think that is all there is on your mind..”
“Nikki, just drop it. It’s nothing you need to worry yourself about okay?” He said in yet another try to push it aside, but I was not buying it.
“But I want to know!”
He let out an exasperated breath and then he crawled onto the bed. “Okay, but can we crawl under the covers first? And can you snuggle that beautiful body into me? I have wanted to feel you all day.”
I gave my okay and was soon snuggled into his side. And after a while he finally told me what was bothering him.
His mother had called just as he had sat down at the office, in the morning,, and she had been sad and worried. It had taken him a while before he finally got her to tell him what had her upset. Apparently Liam, the oldest of Nathan’s younger brothers, had been caught by the police while breaking an entry at the local supply store in the town where he and their mother lived. She had no chance of paying bail for Liam and was out of wits end of what to do. Her last chance was to call Nathan, hating but having to ask him for some money.
Nathan’s mom was not like mine, who would demand money for her addiction, but she was a proud woman who had been dealt a shitty hand; struggling her entire adult life to make ends meet.
Without a second thought Nathan had agreed to help his mother pay bail, but he was irritated that Liam had gone back to his old ways.
“He promised me last time I saw him that he was done with breaking the law. He´s been taking responsibility for himself the last year and a half, and it bothers me to think he fell off the wagon… I need to understand why!” He said as he tried to drill what he was feeling into my head. I completely understood why he needed answers, and I didn´t judge him for what he had done to help his brother. I knew his family wasn’t bad people, but I guess he himself had regained some doubt in his brother and that was what really bothered him.
.. “On top of that the rest of the day just got worse and worse! My conference call with Mr. Martin was right after and he had once again some changes he wanted to make. I swear that man cannot make a decision.” He said grumpily. “And finally when that call was over, my boss told me that he needed me to fly out for a few days to meet with a new important client”
I sucked in a breath. I knew Nathan sometimes had to go to different places to meet with clients, but it wasn´t until now that it would have an effect on me. I mean; I didn´t want to be selfish because this was his job, however the thought of being on my own for a few nights made the nerves build in my stomach.
“Whe.. when?”
“Breathe Nik, I am trying to figure out a way around it. I want to be with you as much as you do me!” he assured me and then he kissed my temple. “But now you know what have gone down today. And why I didn´t want to bother you with it, until I was sure if I could get out of it. Babe, I am so sorry for getting mad at you when we got home”.
“It´s okay..”. I mumbled just before he found my mouth and kissed me with so much tenderness and care. Or well that was how that kiss started, because before I knew any better I was under his spell, and he rolled us over until he was resting between my thighs.
He broke the kiss needing air and as he did he asked “Can we just not think about all that for the rest of night? Because I really need to be inside of you…”
“Okay” I answered breathlessly, needing to feel him in every way possible.
As he started kissing down my jaw and neck I ran my hands lightly over his broad muscular back, enjoying the soft feel of his skin. Nathans’s skin was always so soft that I couldn’t hold my fingers away from it. It was like the softest velvet wrapped over the most beautiful male creature on earth. And he was mine!
; I closed my eyes enjoying his teasing of all my senses and when he ran his teeth over my pulse point, at my neck, Goosebumps broke out all over my skin and made me whimper. I was already at the point where I began getting impatient. It didn´t help that I could feel his rock hard cock against my entrance, but was unable to wiggle my hips enough so he would slide into me and quench my need.
Feeling my eagerness Nathan caught my eye, giving me a wicked smirk and then he ran his hand down my hip, to my left thigh, where he took hold and lifted my leg up on the side of his hip. He then rolled his hips, running his hardness over my little bundle of nerves, making me moan. Still holding my gaze he took pity on me and guided his cock to where I needed him most, and when he slid deep he told me ”I love you” on a moan, which told me just how much he had needed that contact.
“I love you more” I told him back and as he slowly started moving inside me he let me know that that was not possible, because I was his everything.
That night we made sweet slow love which healed the memory of our not so perfect day, and took me a step closer to the knowledge that I could trust Nathan’s love for me to be real.
Next day went on as most days did. We got up together, cooked breakfast together and then we both went to work around 10am and had a normal day.
We were back home, at around 6 pm, and I was just putting the phone down after ordering food from the China grill, when the phone, still in my hand, began ringing. I might as well tell you that I had borrowed Nathan’s phone, because the restaurant number had already been encoded into his phone. I made a jump in shock and almost fell over the couch.
I looked down at the screen to see who was calling and the caller ID said Josephine M.?
“Babe..” I called. “Someone named Josephine is calling” I said, wondering who that was. I was a sucker at remembering names but the name did trigger some remembrance, just not enough to place the person.
He came running into the living room. “Oh that is just my mom. Throw me the phone”.
He caught it easily, though my throwing skills were sorely lacking and I had feared it would fall to the floor.
“Hey ma, what’s up? Did you get Liam home? …Yea let me check…” He said it in a voice that had become a bit more serious as he began talking to his mom. It didn´t sound alarming though, so I soon began zoning their conversation out and went to my computer to check my e-mail.
I had been waiting to hear from the music school about when I could start taking classes and to my joy there was an e-mail from them waiting on the first page of my inbox.
Dear Nikki Rosso,
We just read your application and are happy to inform you that we have a few classes, which will fit your needs, starting next month.
If you could please send us your mailing address we will sent you some brochures and the final sign-up sheet that you will have to return before the 6/18-2014.
Kind Regards
The School of Arts, San Francisco
Dean: Malone, Sylvia.
I wasted no time sending Nathan’s address their way and when I had clicked “Send” I began jumping up and down clapping my hands in excitement.
Nathan came back into the living room sending me a strange look as he told his mom bye and ended the call. “What is up with you?” He asked smiling softly at me, looking like he was not used to seeing me like this, and I suppose my little happy dance was quite out of character for me. I did however not care. I was so happy that I would finally be doing something completely for me.
“The School of arts answered my e-mail” I said proudly.
“That is good news babe” He said, now smiling wider and walking to where I was standing to wrap his arms around me from behind. Then as he put his chin on my shoulder he asked what the mail had said.
I had just finished telling him when the doorbell rang letting us know our food had arrived.
We sat down and the conversation topic was changed to what his mom had wanted.
“She wanted me to come and talk to Liam, because she thinks he will listen to me more than her, and well, she just wanted to see me soon as well. I haven’t been home in nearly half a year because work has been so busy”. That made sense I guess. He was the big brother, and he was the son that had really put his past behind him and found his own path leading to success. I don’t think Nathan cared much about success, he just wanted to do well enough to make life easy and he cared about having something that was both his and which he enjoyed doing most days.
“I was hoping you would join me? I know you got a bit worried last time we talked about seeing my mom, but it would mean a lot to me if she could meet you” He explained.
“Yea, it does make me a bit nervous” I admitted. “But if it will make you happy then, I think, I can manage.”
“It really does”. He answered and then he kissed the side of my forehead making my choice of joining him even easier to make. Who would turn down a chance to make the man you love happy.
“So.. when are we going?” I asked.
“Next weekend. But only for a day”.
Okay one day didn’t sound so bad and I knew from what Nathan had told me of his family that I had nothing to fear. However I had this strange idea that parents just did not like me. I didn´t know why but I couldn´t help to blame it on my past, on the relationship I had had to my parents, which was now a non-relationship entirely. I had not seen my parents for eight years and that was partly my own choice, but also my aunts because she had tried to shield me from them ever since she adopted me when I was a 12 year old kid.
Mike’s parents had liked me as much as Mike had, which meant they would trash talk me to my face and just in general treat me like an unwanted dog. They might not have kicked me under the table, but the words had stung just as much even though that was what I had been used to from most people. Except, from my aunt. My aunt and Nathan had always been the exception to every painful truth I had learned about people.
Thinking about my aunt it all of the sudden flew out of my mouth “I want you to meet my aunt”.
Chuckling at my unexpected outburst Nathan answered “Of course bade. But actually I did meet your aunt once before I think it was a few years ago so she might not remember me though”.
“You did?” I had found that a lot of the stuff happening while being with Mike was stuff I had easily forgotten.
Thank the goddess that they did not throw Nathan off though. He knew I forgot and he seemed to understand why it happened too, a knowledge I was not completely sure I had myself.
“I have told her about you” I told him earning yet another of his precious smiles.
It felt strangely normal to sit and talk to Nathan about family and to an extent; our future. A future I no longer feared but was excited to conquer.
Nathan also told me funny stories about him and his brothers getting into trouble, and I in return told him about the few good memories I had from my childhood, all of them after I moved in with my aunt.
In the morning I woke with aching muscles and the reason for that was that we had fallen asleep on the couch while watching a late movie at the TV. I was snuggled tightly into Nathan’s arms, with my neck at a bad angle because of my makeshift pillow that was partly Nathan’s arm and partly the armrest on the couch. I tried carefully to wiggle myself free, but when my neck hurt I moaned out, and that made Nathan stir and pull me even tighter into his body.
He yawned and then said “Where are you going?”
“I’m just getting up; we slept all night at the couch”
“But I am so comfortable, stay!”
I furrowed my brows. How could he possibly be comfortable? I admit I was too when I fell asleep, but the couch was narrow and left little room for moving around in your sleep, much less when you were lying two people together.
To Nathan’s disappointment I managed with a little more wiggling to get free, and as I reached the bathroom door he had sat up as well and was rubbing his eyes to wake up prober.
/> I went into the bathroom, hurried to strip down and got my sore body under the lovely warm spray of the shower. And as I let the warm water caress my body, I closed my eyes and wished I didn’t have to get out and get ready for work today. I just wanted a day to relax. However I was in pretty good time this morning, so I allowed myself to enjoy the warmth a little longer than I usual would and hoped it would loosen up my muscles. I began singing to myself while washing my hair and as I started rinsing out the soap I felt big warm hands finding their way around my midsection and lips at my neck. I leaned my head back and sighed. Nathan had such a calming effect on my mind and as always I relaxed into his body.
“Want me to help rinse out the shampoo?” He asked me in a soft voice while his fingers drew little calming circles over my stomach.
“Yes please” I said enjoying how caring and sweet he was.
Nathan then began massaging my scalp, and when all the soap was out he found my body wash and began rubbing it into my entire body until I was about to fall over because I was so relaxed. He managed to get some of the kinks out of my sore body as well. When he finished I insisted to pay him back, but it was not entirely meant to be a payback but an excuse for me to have my hands all over him. He never stopped to amaze me; his gorgeous physic and his caring heart. After I allowed myself to have him and allowed myself to love I had begun to feel horny as hell all the time. But not just that I just couldn’t stop touching him and wanting to spend every minute with him. I might have woken up cranky, because I was hurting and had slept like hell, but his small gestures had turned my mood to a much happier one like the flip of a switch. He was my happy. Just the knowledge that he was close by had begun making me happy.
We both got out at the same time and helped drying each other off, the entire time smiling at each other and stealing small kisses. When I began putting on make-up Nathan did leave the bathroom to go put on some clothes though. But not before trying to convince me that he could do it just as well. Of course that part was just him teasing me because he didn’t see why I needed the make-up. To him I was beautiful just as I was.
From The Shadows (From The Shadows #1) Page 9