“My life is not in danger.”
He gently pushed my shoulders until I was sitting in the chair. Christian knelt down and sat on one leg, speaking in his usual dark voice. “Then whose? Logan’s?”
“Everyone,” I whispered. “I have to do exactly as he says. All of this is an elaborate play to get back at Logan. Years ago, Tarek had a kindred spirit that he was ashamed of—one that he never claimed in front of his elders. She fell for Logan and they mated, and Tarek never raised a challenge because she wasn’t good enough for his family. He raped her, she got pregnant, and through another set of circumstances, she was murdered. In Tarek’s mind, he thinks Logan stole her away… even though he’s the one who let her go.”
“And the threat?”
I released a heavy sigh and looked at his dark lashes. “I had to betray Logan. But that wasn’t enough because now he keeps taking it further. Now he plans to mate me, and that’s as good as marriage. Yeah, a Mage,” I said, nodding as the stoic expression on his face slid away.
“Why haven’t you told Simon? He’s a strategist and this is his area of expertise.”
“He’ll tell Justus. Tarek laid down a threat that if anyone finds out, or if he even suspects that anyone knows, hell carry out the murders. You know as well as I do that a Chitah is good on their word. I can’t take that chance. I don’t know what to do,” I said in a defeated voice. “I can’t have even one person die because I made the wrong decision.” Tears welled in my eyes and I angrily wiped them away. “He’s Lord of his Pride, and you know by law I can’t accuse him of anything without evidence. All that I have is my word, and that isn’t enough because he hasn’t committed murder. He hasn’t committed anything, just made threats. I don’t even think the elders of his race would care if he did kill me because I’m a Mage and beneath them.”
“So disappear.”
I shook my head with a ghostly expression. “He’ll do it to spite me. He’ll always have this ace up his sleeve. Anytime he wants me to do something, all he has to do is pull it out.” I slammed my fist on the table. “And now he’s got me wearing this damn slave collar! I can’t even fight him.”
Christian lowered his eyes. “So that explains it,” he whispered.
I pushed my face into my hands. “I’m so sorry. There was no one else I could choose and I feel so embarrassed for what I did.” My face flushed when Christian’s hand touched my knee.
“It’s already done and forgotten. It’s more shameful to know you were forced upon me and I went along with it.” A muffled crack came from the floor and I glanced down at a fissure in the concrete where Christian’s fingers were splayed.
“He’s already won. Even if I were to kill myself, he’s won.”
“Don’t talk like that, lass, or I’ll kill you myself.”
That roused a smile on my face. “Can you wipe his memory of me, or—”
Christian shook his head and his voice fell to a lower octave. “He’s too protected now. Without knowing the specific moments to erase, it would be too dangerous. Tarek or someone else will notice he’s been scrubbed and all hell will rain down on you, or perhaps the Mageri. Attack a Lord and not even the Mageri could protect you. It might instigate war.”
I rubbed my cold nose and looked at a broken cobweb in the corner. “Why do you have a bed? I thought Vampires didn’t need to sleep?”
His eyes skated away.
“Oh.”
“Vampires can be particular about our privacy.”
“So you bring the luscious ladies to a dirty mattress on the floor?”
He shrugged and I changed the subject. “What if you ask Novis to leave your post? He can’t force you to stay.”
“Fecking not. Now start from the beginning—I want every detail.”
Chapter 18
“He doesn’t care that I’m spending the night with you?” I asked.
“You know Justus,” Christian assured me. “Always full of questions. But he trusts me when it comes to my job. It’s not to say he didn’t give me a thick ear.”
The chair wobbled as I rubbed my lower back and stretched. “How long are we staying here?”
“Until we work out a solution. If you think I intend to watch this go down, then you’re a piss-poor judge of character.”
“Maybe we should bring Simon in after all.”
“No, you were right to not tell anyone. We can’t risk it. Tarek’s a cunning bastard, and if you have a Vampire on your tail, it won’t be hard to track Simon’s leathery arse and pull the truth from him.”
“The Vamp could get that information from you. A stake might change your mind.”
“I rather enjoy steak, now that you mention it. But my secrets are not easily given up, and I’ve already knocked him around once or twice—enough to know that he couldn’t pull a tooth out of a six-year-old’s mouth.”
“Hardy har har.”
“So nice to see your nasty temper again. I missed it,” he said, taking a seat on the edge of the mattress.
“Do you know anything about Chitah laws or history?”
“I’m afraid I would be of little help there.” His knuckles rubbed the soft hair on his chin. “Why not have Logan challenge him?”
“Hell no! I don’t want anyone hurt, especially him.”
Christian snorted. “It’s a bit late for that.”
I turned my head away, rubbing my drowsy eyes. Candlelight had a soothing effect—maybe that’s why Justus clung to that lifestyle. “The only way Tarek might drop the façade is if Logan chose another woman. He thinks Logan was lying to me about being a kindred spirit, and it was nothing more than an infatuation.”
“Do you believe it?”
I picked at a splinter poking up from the table. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. Maybe he’s got his wires crossed. If I no longer matter to Logan, then Tarek loses.”
“Do you think Logan would take another female?”
Christian flopped onto his back with his arms folded behind his head, blinking at the ceiling with scheming eyes. “Think about it very carefully, Silver. Do you think there is any small part of Logan that wants to be with another woman?”
“I don’t know. It might be appealing for him to date a Chitah. Less drama, no stress, it would make his family happy. What’s your point?”
“Consider it. If Logan fell in love with another woman, then Tarek would be defeated. Why would Tarek continue ripping your life apart if none of it mattered to the one man he wants to destroy? You’re merely the hammer he’s holding to beat down the nail. If Logan has any doubts about your relationship, if you think there’s any small hope that he would take another woman, then I can plant the idea in his mind and erase our conversation.”
“You mean—”
“Charm him. If it doesn’t work, then nothing’s lost. It means you won’t get him back, Silver. But at this point in the game, I don’t think he’ll pursue you much longer. You belong to Tarek now. You’ve refused him, and a man’s pride cannot be mended.”
Charming was how a Vampire could weasel into your subconscious. “What are my choices?”
“Stay with Tarek and live in fear and keep those around you alive. Or give Logan a woman and gain your freedom. Either way, you’ll lose Logan, but perhaps it might be a bittersweet parting; you’ll be free and he’ll be happy.” Christian put his hands over his face, elbows in the air. “You don’t have to decide now. Jaysus. What a load to put on someone.” His voice fell to a soft murmur. “I should be hunting men like him. I always thought about that line of work.”
I got up from my chair and sat at the foot of the mattress with my back against the wall and my knees bent. “Can you clean his memory of me?”
“No, I don’t recommend it. Long-term memory removal renders one insane. To remove so many moments that are weaved in your life and embedded in specific places in time leaves gaping holes like Swiss cheese in your head. If I’m part of a particular event in their memory, that is preferable. It’s
clean, like an eraser on a chalkboard. Intense memory cleaning is like using whiteout in a thick book, you’re going to miss spots and they’re going to notice several pages are missing unless you clean them all. Your mother took some time, but I left the romance with Grady intact and only removed that last bit at the end.”
“The last bit being my conception,” I grumbled.
I reached behind my shoulder and picked at a chip in the wall. My decision would sever any hope that Logan would wait for me, as he once promised he would. I had a rebellious streak in me that was difficult to overlook, and he would endure criticism from his own kind. In time, Logan would eventually want children. The closer I came to a decision, the more I knew.
I’d wasted every precious moment of opportunity. Logan came into my life as a man who couldn’t be trusted, and ironically, he was the man who taught me to trust again. And yet I was the one who wasn’t worthy of him.
“Will he love her?” I whispered.
“If he chooses. I can only plant the suggestion, but if any part of him is willing, then it’s out of my hands. Do you think he is hurt enough to take another?”
“No. There’s something I have to do to finalize it.”
“Don’t fret over it, lass. Hearts are made of glass, and once broken—no one can reassemble it for you. They can cut themselves trying, but it’s better if you just sweep up the pieces. Nothing good ever lasts for long.”
Maybe Christian was right, but now that things were set in motion, there was one last thing I had to take care of. “Do you know how I can get some liquid fire?”
***
It displeased Justus when I quit our early morning training sessions. He kept my body conditioned through workouts and taught me maneuvers through our sparring. Sometimes they were simple moves to escape an attacker, other times he focused on teaching me how to control my energy. With the chain locked around my neck, I wouldn’t be able to flash or heal, and he would know something was up. I kept it tucked beneath my shirt since it wasn’t a heavy piece of jewelry.
He wanted to groom me into a warrior, but refrained from showing me complex maneuvers I’d seen him perform. It was just enough to fight off juicers—rogues living outside Breed law who were energy addicts, stealing light from young Learners. I’d had several encounters with juicers, although Justus had always stepped in to protect me.
“What is this supposed to mean?” Justus shouted from my doorway.
An invitation had arrived in the mail, announcing my acceptance of Tarek’s claim.
Our engagement party.
Tarek had invited everyone close to me, moving his chess pieces strategically around the board in case I decided to back out. I had argued with Justus for an hour before he stalked off, and now I was facing the cooled off version.
“You can read, can’t you?”
His face was uncharacteristically red and blotchy. “If you think I will agree to this then—”
“We went over this, Ghuardian. It’s not your choice who I marry,” I replied calmly, brushing my hair in front of my bedroom mirror. He stood behind me with an angry vein protruding from his forehead.
“I am your Ghuardian, and that means I have control over your welfare while you are in my custody. I have say in the matter.”
“Once we mate, I’m no longer in your custody. You have limited control over my care, but you can’t control who I’m going to marry. I won’t have independence until you officially release me, but you know as well as I do that if I marry, then that law is overruled. Your job will be done.” If a stone could be sliced with a sword, I knew what it would look like. Justus lowered his head. “Ghuardian, we all move on eventually. Now you’ll have your life back. Don’t worry about me.” I turned to face him. “I want this more than you know. So much has changed in the past few weeks, and I need you to trust that I’m making the right decision. People aren’t always who they seem to be; you above anyone should know that. I’m not asking that you like it—I only want you to accept it.”
Confusion streaked across his face like lightning and I smiled. “Never underestimate the decision of a woman,” I told him. “Sometimes we do the most surprising things. You have to let me make my own decisions when it comes to matters of the heart; love is unpredictable and makes you do things you never imagined.”
I had to put him at ease and somehow, my words and reassuring tone did.
He folded his arms and leaned against the door. “If this is your decision, then what more can I do to stop it? I’ve known you long enough, Learner, to have figured that much out. But know this: if Tarek Thorn or any man ever lays a hand on you, then I will rip a hole in his universe.”
“How’s everything with Page?”
Justus spun around, and I could have sworn I saw that man blush.
“She’s… ah…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. All that and a bag of chips.”
Justus tilted his head over his shoulder and threw me a smile. The man had charm. Blue eyes that could give the sky a run for its money, chiseled jaw, shaved head, masculine cologne, expensive clothes, and a flashy smile. He never needed the gift he was given as a Mage—the one he considered a curse. Justus was a natural-born charmer, whether he knew it or not.
I had caught him surfing websites for flowers, so I had a feeling that while he admitted nothing, Justus was considering a little wooing of his own. I felt wistful that I would miss out on so many things. Then again, Justus would probably back out or drag it on for years.
This part of my life was ending, and I would miss the banter I shared with Justus. He was a Mage who upheld the laws, and I was an obstinate young Learner who broke them. Still, he was confident that he would one day shape me into someone he could be proud of. It would take time to squeeze out the impulsive nature that was so ripe within me.
Justus despised Tarek to the marrow. My Ghuardian had witnessed an attempt on my life by this man. I’d come close to dying in his arms, and that kind of thing haunts a man. How I met Logan was no secret, and Justus had eventually accepted our relationship, as I’d pointed out to him in our previous argument. Immortals differ from humans in that we are more likely to accept the improbable and more willing to believe that a person can change.
When Justus left the room, my heart thundered in my chest. HALO, the organization that Justus worked for, brought down men like Tarek. But they had no power to protect lives—it’s not what they did. If the Mageri found out about this and sufficient evidence was provided, it could instigate war.
The scar on my neck burned and I covered it with my hand. The door suddenly swung open and Christian came in and leaned against the wall.
“It’s done,” he said in a quiet voice.
My heart sank.
Logan had plenty of beautiful women from his past to choose from, and Christian had given them all a little Vampire hypnosis to win him over again. It took very little convincing because Logan was a prince among his kind—his family was coveted by Chitah women.
No one ever thinks the last time they’re with someone intimately could be the very last time. I thought a lot about our time together at his condo that night and regretted that I wasn’t more attentive. Why hadn’t I just thrown caution to the wind and shared a night of passion with him? I would have let him remove my clothes and see all of me, because my modesty was one thing he tried to protect. I would have spoken sweet words to him and not held back on my feelings because of fear. I would have made love to him in front of that open window for all the world to see, because now I’d never have that chance again. I would have savored our time together and run my finger across the tiny laugh lines on his face as he held me close while we pillow-talked.
I would have loved him.
I would have told him.
“There’s just one problem,” Christian said, scratching his jaw and widening his stance.
I raised a brow.
Christian walked toward me with a pensive gaze. “He’s got the idea that there might be a
chance between you two. After everything, he’s clinging to a hope that’s preventing my magic from taking hold. He told me he’d wait for you, and I wasn’t sure what he was rambling on about.”
“Then maybe I need to sever what he’s holding on to.”
Christian tilted his head.
“I know what to do to make this final between us. I can’t have him holding out for me. It wouldn’t be fair for him to waste his life pining over someone who isn’t worth it. I refuse to see him live his life feeling defeated by Tarek. Maybe this won’t affect him the way I think it will, but he deserves better than that. I need privacy to do this, so I want you to be a shadow and out of sight. No matter what happens, Christian, stay out of it.”
My tone was serious, and he nodded in response.
“Before I go through with it, there’s something else I want you to help me with. You might know a little bit about this kind of thing, but I want to do it tonight. I’ll handle Logan tomorrow since we have two more nights until the party.”
“Just say the word and I’ll make it so.”
Chapter 19
“Is it going to hurt?”
Paul gave a thin-lipped grin and winked, flashing his silver tooth. “It only hurts the first time, but I think you’ve heard that before,” he said with a smoker’s chuckle.
“Ha. Funny.” I glanced around at the art on the wall while Paul got ready to ink me. I’d never gotten a tattoo before, not that it was a big deal for a Mage since our body would gradually absorb the ink because of our healing abilities.
“Why don’t you get this?” Christian said, sitting on top of a cabinet, holding up a thick book.
“Because that is a penis.”
“Isn’t that what all you ladies want?”
Paul snorted. “I had a guy come in recently who got one of those put on his head. I don’t know what the hell the story was with that, but it was the funniest shit I’ve ever been a part of.” He rolled up his chair. “Kept calling me a wanker or some shit, so I made his dick crooked.”
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