by Kit Tunstall
She nodded, her throat clogged with unshed tears for a moment. When he started to move his hand, she acted on instinct, grasping it with her own and just holding it for a couple of minutes, drawing silent strength. When she let go to lift her fork, she found her appetite had returned slightly and managed to eat some of her serving.
“Sweet apple pie.” Shane made a production of licking his fork. “I haven’t had anything this tasty for a long time, ma’am.” His gaze lingered briefly on Mina before moving to her mother.
Janie smiled. “Once again, you’ll have to thank Mina.”
He grinned. “I’ll do that.”
She shuddered, losing what little appetite she’d found. Mina set down her fork and slid away from the table. “Excuse me,” she murmured. Without waiting for a reply, she turned and left the kitchen, aware of the buzz of sympathetic conversation following in her wake. In her room, she slammed the door and beat her fists against her bed several times. It didn’t do much to help relieve the anger and fear coursing through her. It wasn’t right to have to sit across the table from Shane and pretend like he hadn’t violated her.
If she couldn’t tell anyone, she’d just have to kill the fucker, she decided as she paced. That was the only alternative, right? Handle the problem herself and make it go away. After the things he’d done to her—and had threatened to keep doing, though she didn’t really expect him to follow through on that—she didn’t think it would be at all morally difficult to shoot or stab him. The problem was finding a way to do it, to catch him unawares and have a chance in hell of compensating for her lack of experience and his strength.
She paused in the middle of pacing, shocked to a standstill by the reality that she was plotting to murder someone. Had it really come to that? In this new world, could she count on anyone besides herself?
Immediately, an image of Coop came to mind, but she dismissed the idea before it could even fully form. She couldn’t tell him. For one thing, he was Shane’s friend and might not even believe the other man was capable of such a thing. If she did tell him, and he believed her, what would he do? Something rash, like run off and confront Shane? In a fight, which of them would win? Would Shane kill Coop? It seemed likely, if he really was as cold-blooded as his claims had suggested. That thought left an aching sensation in her chest.
Her pacing eventually caught up to her, and Mina’s meager energy reserve seemed to give way abruptly. She collapsed on the bed, curled into a ball, and buried her face in the pillow. She hadn’t really cried yet, other than small bouts of tears here and there, and still the tears wouldn’t come. The release would surely be cathartic, but she couldn’t seem to get past whatever dam was blocking her emotions. The familiar sodden ball settled heavily in her chest as she eventually drifted into sleep.
*****
She found it fairly easy to avoid Shane for the next few days, in part due to the new plan of pairing up. No one was supposed to go anywhere unaccompanied, though she noticed the men often still went off on their own. However, none of the women had a chance to go anywhere by themselves. Since Coop was the one acting as her partner most times, she didn’t mind it at all.
It was a hot afternoon with the women, except Dana, gathered in the kitchen to prepare some of the late-summer harvest for canning. Mina focused on her task, listening to the others without participating.
“When did this all become women’s work again?” asked Kelly. “Why the heck aren’t any of the men in this hot kitchen, boiling alive while canning?”
“Because they’re all out building fences and digging the trench for the escape tunnel,” said Chelle, pausing to pop a raw pea in her mouth. “Would you rather do that, Kelly? I imagine one of them would trade with you.”
“No, there’d be no trade,” said Lia with a sour expression. “That man would just insist on staying to act as Kelly’s freaking security detail.” With ruthless precision, she peeled the skin off a tomato she’d removed from the boiling water and dunked in the cool water. “Can’t go any-freaking-where around here without somebody following you around.”
“It must put a crimp in your love life,” snapped Mina before she could stay the impulse.
Lia looked up, frowning. “What?”
Mina shook her head, not meeting her sister’s eyes.
“Well, I don’t mind it,” said Emme, “Especially if it’s Owen. He’s cute.” She giggled.
Kelly rolled her eyes. “You’re twenty-four and a college graduate, even if your degree was only naturopathy. That’s too old to be giggling like a teenager.”
Emme pelted her with a pea. “Kelly, you might be a certified genius, but your bachelor’s degree in engineering isn’t going to be nearly as fun to cuddle up with at night as a warm male body, especially in our sucky new reality.”
Their mother smiled. “She has a point, dear. Lighten up.”
Kelly’s mouth gaped. “Mother!”
Janie sighed. “You don’t think your father and I had five children by discussing the merits of French poetry every night, do you?” Poetry had been her mother’s college major when she met a third-generation farm boy one summer when her car broke down on a cross-country trip with some girlfriends. She had traded in poetry for cow pies, she liked to tell the girls, but hadn’t regretted it for a minute.
“Oh, that’s just gross. No one wants to hear about your sex life with Daddy.” Kelly was beet red.
“I don’t mind,” said Chelle cheerfully. “Mr. Marsden is prime real estate, ma’am.”
Janie grinned. “He sure is.”
The other women laughed, except Kelly, who looked outraged. Mina managed a small chuckle, feeling more normal than she had for a while. So far, no one had given her a look of concern, or had the question in their eyes that they didn’t want to utter. How are you coping? Coping was a strong word, but she was enduring, focusing on getting through each day, sometimes broken down by hours, or even minutes.
“Coop seems to be your shadow,” said Emme, looking at her with a small smile.
Mina shrugged. “He’s nice.” He also didn’t demand anything from her. If she wanted to talk, he let her. If she wanted silence, he was content with that too. “He makes me feel safe,” she said softly. When she was with him, she didn’t spend every moment looking over her shoulder, wondering if Shane was going to try to attack her again.
“How’s your wrist?” Emme eyed the slightly dirty white wrap. “You haven’t been overdoing it, have you?”
Mina shrugged. “Don’t know. Trying not to.” Not using it made it hard to prep the fruits and vegetables, so she’d been put in charge of boiling the jars and lids, since that could be done one-handed.
“I think Coop wants you,” said Kelly. “He has this look in his eyes sometimes, like you’re something tasty, and he just wants to jump on you and tear off your clothes.”
The kitchen fell silent, and Kelly looked up. Her face flushed red, and she gasped. “Oh, god, I’m so sorry, Mina. I didn’t mean…I mean, I forgot…oh, hell.”
Mina spent a minute analyzing her reaction before a small giggle burst free. “It’s okay,” she reassured her sister. “I’m glad you forgot. I wish I could. It helps me when everyone else treats me just like you always have.”
Kelly looked relieved, but seemed to be focusing extra hard on her tasks. She didn’t say anything else.
“I don’t think you’re right though.” Mina fished out a jar ring with the tongs and placed it on the stack of towels. “I think he’s a kind man, and he feels bad for me, but there’s nothing more to it than that. He’s a friend.” At one point, she had wanted him to be more, but couldn’t fathom anything like that now. Recent events were too fresh, and she was still too raw, emotionally, to even think about a relationship with anyone.
For once, Kelly didn’t argue or insist on pushing her viewpoint. The women returned to companionable chatter, and Mina let it wash over her. It was soothing to be surrounded by normality. Perhaps she would soon feel normal again.
*****
Mina dreamed she was trapped and unable to move, so when she first woke, it took her a moment to realize she was no longer dreaming, but she still couldn’t move. She tugged her at wrists, finding them tied to the bed. Vomit churned in her stomach, and she opened her mouth to scream when she realized she was naked. His hand was there to stop her, pushing down forcefully across her lower face with enough pressure to hurt.
“You know the rules, baby girl.” Shane gave her a sadistic grin. “It’s really important to be quiet, with your sisters sleeping nearby.” Leaning closer, he told her in a conspiratorial whisper, “Did you know Kelly snores? I thought she might keep her mouth shut at least while sleeping, but even then, it’s gaping wide, drool pouring out, and god awful snoring.”
Her eyes widened with fear, and she opened her mouth to speak. To her surprise, he lifted his hand to allow it. “You didn’t hurt her, did you?”
Shane looked offended. “Of course not. You’re all the woman I need, baby girl, but I didn’t know which room was yours. I had to take a peek in a couple of others first.”
When he leaned closer still, the strong scent of pine soap burned her nose, and she wanted to wretch. She hadn’t been able to stand to use any of Emme’s soap since that day in the chicken coop until her sister had produced a new batch with honeysuckle. Thank goodness he hadn’t ruined that scent for her yet, or she’d be left with no cleaning options.
“Why are you here?” She wanted to draw up the blankets to cover her bare legs, but couldn’t with her arms bound.
“I’ve missed you.” He stroked the side of her face. “Plus, you no longer look like a patchwork quilt, baby. You’re healing nicely and should be ready for round two.”
“I’d rather die.”
His hand slipped to her throat, squeezing just enough to make her gasp. “You sure about that, Mina? If it’s what you really want…?”
For just a second, she longed to tell him to keep choking her until the last breath left her body, but then the urge passed, and she shook her head. He immediately loosened his hold. Fuck him. He wasn’t going to steal her entire life or drive her to suicide. What he wanted was just physical and wasn’t the end of the world. “Just get it over with,” she hissed.
“That’s so unromantic, baby.” He stretched out beside her, throwing his leg over hers to anchor them to the mattress. “Last time was about me. Tonight is your turn.”
For a second, she didn’t understand, until he stroked lightly between her legs. Her eyes widened, and she shook her head frantically. “Don’t touch me like that. I don’t want it.”
“You say that now, but I think you’ll change your mind.” He slid closer to kiss her, seemingly not bothered by her lips remaining as passive as a dead fish. As his tongue slid inside her mouth, his finger did the same to her folds.
Mina whimpered when he pushed inside her. It burned, and she clung to the pain when he started circling her clitoris to entice a response. She did everything she could not to respond, including reliving the memory of every last impact of his fist against her body. In the end, biology betrayed her, and she grew slick under his touch. No part of her mind wanted him at all, and she hated that he could force a response from her.
“Good girl.” He was stroking her harder now, his thumb caressing her sensitive spot while his fingers surged inside her. Shane put his mouth right against hers. “I can feel your body tensing. You say you don’t want it, but you’re going to come in a few seconds. Your pretty little mouth can tell lies, but your body can’t.”
She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and gritted her teeth as the pleasure built despite her hatred of it. Everything inside her was crying out against surrendering, but still her body yielded to his manipulations. A whimper escaped her when she climaxed, and his mouth swallowed the sound.
Afterward, she lay shivering, feeling disgusted and betrayed. How could she have let him do that to her? It wasn’t right or fair that he could make her orgasm. Bad enough that he could take her physically whenever he wanted, but it was so much worse that he could make her enjoy it, even on just a physical level. If his goal was to totally dominate and break her, she didn’t know how long she would be able to fight back.
“See, that wasn’t so bad.” He brought his fingers to his lips and licked them obscenely. “This relationship should be good for both of us.”
“We don’t have a relationship.”
He sighed. “You just keep fighting as long as you need to, sweet Mina, but you’ll eventually have to accept you’re mine now.”
She wanted to refute his words, but after the way he’d forced her to orgasm, making a mockery of her will power, what was the point? The yoke of his ownership was already a phantom weight around her neck. As he rolled on top of her and pushed into her, this time without pain thanks to pleasure he’d inflicted first, she clung to her shadowy plan. If the only way free from him was to kill him, she’d do it or die trying.
When Shane finished, he kissed her for several more minutes before untying her. “Next time I come for you, baby girl, I don’t want to have to tie you up or go through any of this nonsense.” He gripped her chin in a punishing hold. “You’re going to be ready and waiting, right?”
She wouldn’t meet his gaze as she gave a reluctant nod.
“Good girl.” He kissed her forehead gently, which was still worse than the most violent thing he could do to her. “Sleep tight, baby girl.”
After he’d left, she curled up in the fetal position, tears pressing at the back of her eyes that refused to fall. She was sick at what he’d done, and what she had let him do, what he’d taken, and she’d surrendered. Was he right? Did a secret part of her get off on his forced attentions? Did she want him to rape her?
Even as she had the thought, Mina rejected it. She knew she didn’t want what was happening to her. She just had no idea how to stop him, or her own physical responses. He clearly knew how to work a woman’s body, even when she didn’t want it worked.
Feeling hopeless, powerless, and lost, Mina slid from the bed, pausing long enough to wash and dress before leaving her room. She wasn’t entirely sure where she was going until she found herself on the sun porch, where Coop lay sprawled on a twin mattress, covered by several covers to ward off the late-night chill of September.
Acting on instinct, she walked over to him. His eyes opened as she knelt on the bed, and he looked confused for a second. “Mina? Are you really here?”
It was a strange question, but she nodded. “Could I sleep with you tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”
He seemed to realize she didn’t mean anything sexual as he lifted the covers and scooted over to make room for her. Mina had never slept beside a man before, so she would have expected it to be awkward, especially after the nightmare she’d just been through again with Shane. Instead, he was a familiar, soothing presence, and his body provided needed warmth when she curved against him. His arm was a comfortable weight across her waist when he held her.
The tears she’d been unable to shed suddenly gushed from her in a torrent, and quiet sobs escaped her. Coop wrapped both arms around her, offering his broad chest as an absorbent pad for her tears. Mina curled against him, sobbing and crying until she was as drained as the desert, with nothing left to pour out. They didn’t speak a word, but she felt more at peace than she could have imagined after Shane had renewed his attacks. Sleep came slowly, and she thought she felt his lips brush against the top of her head as it claimed her. It was a nice image to take with her into slumber, and no nightmares followed.
Chapter Five
Having fallen asleep in Coop’s arms, it was a surprise to wake in her own bed. She was fully clothed, as she had been when she’d gone to him, and her blankets were drawn neatly over her and tucked under her chin. He had clearly carried her back to her bed and treated her with care as she slept. It made her insides feel warm. Eventually, she forced herself to get up and go downstairs.
The women we
re finishing the canning, so she had to be discreet as she prepared the tea Emme had made a couple of weeks ago. There was still half a canister, but she’d soon have to ask her sister to make more and had no clue how she was going to explain that request. The alternative was no protection at all, with the risk of carrying Shane’s child, so she’d have to find a way to handle it, because that was no option at all. She really would rather be dead than pregnant by him.
She had no appetite for breakfast, so skipped it and headed outside. Coop was in the yard, and she waved at him. He came over, already looking hot and sweaty this early in the morning. “Morning,” he said, not a flicker or expression betraying she had sought him out last night.
“Hi.” She felt shy around again after the shared intimacy last night. It was hard to meet his gaze knowing she had cried in his arms before falling asleep curled against him. “I need to check the chickens. Are you free to come with me?”
“Sure.” Coop waved for her to precede him, and she walked to the coop quickly, still not speaking. He opened the door for her.
As always, Mina took a deep breath before crossing the threshold. What had once been a peaceful place was now tainted with violent memories. She couldn’t avoid entering the coop, but she always dreaded stepping inside. It made her angry, and it hardened her determination to continue taking care of the chickens and carrying on as she had before Shane.
The girls and other roosters were placid, but Lionel was his usual strutting self. The familiar routine was soothing, despite her issues with the building, and they worked in companionable silence. Coop had started shoveling the straw into the wheelbarrow as she collected eggs, and she went to help him finish the job before they scattered fresh straw across the concrete.
When they had finished, she walked beside him to the fields, where more food waited to be harvested. They didn’t speak about anything important, but just being near him was a balm to her nerves. She appreciated that he didn’t ask why she had crawled into his bed, or why she had been so upset. Mina wasn’t ready to talk about it, even if she’d been free to without fearing the repercussions.