by Jill Shalvis
“I-You do?”
“I do. Is it okay that they turn me on?” He had to laugh again when she considered.
“Why don’t you just enjoy the reaction you’re getting from me…?” He slid his hips to hers and lowered his lips to her ear. “Feel what you do to me.”
She gripped him tight and nodded.
“More, Amber?”
“Yes, please,” she whispered politely, making him crack up again. He’d never in his life laughed while trying to get a woman naked. He liked it. And her. Very much.
“Still so in control…” He continued to stroke her, determined to shatter her restraint. “Touch me back,” he urged.
Her hands slipped beneath his shirt, streaking over his bare back. “Dax-” Her hips undulated against his. “Where’s my more?”
That needy, whispery voice nearly brought him to his knees. “Here.” His voice was rough. “Skin to skin this time, I want to feel you, all of you.”
Apparently in agreement, she tore off his shirt, then sucked in her breath. “You didn’t tell me how beautiful you are.” Her fingertips slid over his chest, her eyes wide with awe.
“Not like you.” He had his own ogling to do now as he undid the buttons on her blouse, then slid it down to her elbows. At the sight of her, he let out his own shaky breath, then bent to her. “Oh, baby, not like you.” Opening his mouth against her, he scattered hot little nips over her quivering skin. “Amber…you still okay?”
“What?” Dazed, she lifted her head, her arms still trapped by her blouse.
Through the white lace of her bra, her nipples were puckered and begging for attention, which he intended to give. “I asked if you were all right. You didn’t want to lose yourself, remember?” Cupping her breasts, he let his thumbs glance over the tips, back and forth as her eyes glazed over. “I don’t want to take this further than you want.”
“I…” She closed her eyes when he continued that movement with his thumbs, then slid her hands up around his neck, and squeezed him so he could scarcely breath. “I’m fine. Just don’t stop.”
He might have grinned, but he was having trouble with his breathing. The feel of her in his hands…
“Give me my more, Dax.”
Laughing softly he tugged her shirt completely off. Hunger and need pumped through him. It wasn’t comforting to realize that he would be only partially sated by making love with her tonight.
The fire was roaring, warm and enticing, and they sank to the thick rug in front of it. He expected some hesitation when he opened his arms, but she came right into them, fitting there as if she belonged forever.
Forever.
What a thought. He’d never believed in forever, at least not for himself. “Still okay?” he asked, running a finger down her body.
She sucked in a breath when he slid off the rest of her clothes, then his. “Yes.”
“Just wanted to make sure.” He played with her belly button, her hipbone, then her inner thigh, which had her letting that air back out again, through her teeth. When he lingered there, she made that needy little whimper deep in her throat. “You’re still in control, right?”
“Dax?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.”
He grinned, then leaned over her.
The kiss was long, wet, hot and left him aching for more. Levering himself up on his forearms, he cupped her face. “I want you, Amber. Want me back.”
She arched up. “Yes.”
He felt the wetness between her legs which she spread to accommodate his, but he needed the words. “Tell me.”
She licked her dry lips and writhed against him, encouraging him to sink inside her, still saying nothing.
“Tell me.” He stroked himself against her and her eyes went opaque.
“I want you, Dax.”
He had a second to wish she’d said she needed him, but his body was hard and pulsing, poised for entry and aroused beyond the point of no return. When she reared up and hugged him to her, his heart squeezed.
“I have a condom this time,” he said hoarsely, and when he finally managed to get it on, he drove them straight to paradise.
A MBER STIRRED first. Her body was a stranger to her, languid and lazy and newly tender in spots she’d almost forgotten about.
Oh, and she was wrapped in warm, solid arms.
It was still dark. Dax lay beside her, his breathing slow and deep and even.
For one weak moment, she let herself sink into him, into the heat and warmth and joy of his big body, enjoying the feeling of being secure and cared for.
In that moment she didn’t have to be strong, she didn’t have to be in charge, and she reveled in the letting go.
But she didn’t fool herself; it couldn’t last.
In the end, she had only herself to depend on. No matter how much Dax insisted he wanted to be there for her and Taylor, she could see fear lurking deep in his gaze.
A fear that matched hers.
He’d been so right, she thought, her heart hitching. There was no road map when it came to matters of the heart, no directions to follow.
And God help her, she was hopelessly lost.
10
W HEN D AX WOKE UP the next morning, he had an armful of warm, naked woman, a raging erection and a grin on his face.
“I could get used to this,” he murmured, turning, tucking Amber beneath him. They were in her bedroom, in her bed. He’d carried her there himself sometime during the middle of the most erotic night of his life.
As her eyes fluttered open, he made his move, swooping down to take her mouth before she could utter a word. A sensuous, sleepy murmur escaped her throat and she rubbed languidly against him, returning his kiss with such heat and passion he groaned.
At the sound, she went perfectly still.
Dax raised his head. “Hey there.”
She blinked slowly, looking confused, her usually perfect hair wild and willful.
Because he couldn’t help it, he went for that creamy skin at the base of her neck. “Do you have any idea how sexy you are?” he asked.
She lay sprawled and gorgeous, a feast for his eyes. While he nibbled at her neck, his fingers found a velvety nipple that quickly responded to his touch. “Mmmm. You taste better than breakfast.”
Her eyes closed again, her head fell back. Her breath came in little pants, quickening when he switched to her other breast. He took his time there, as well, and skimmed a hand down her belly and lower. Finding her deliciously hot, and so wet he moaned, he sank a finger into her. He played in and out of that slippery heat, his eyes crossing with lust when she clamped her legs around his hand, holding him to her.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he promised, kissing her lips, her jaw, her ear. He took the sensitive lobe into his mouth and bit gently as his fingers danced over her.
She arched up into his palm, whimpering every time he withdrew. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Feels good, doesn’t it?”
“Dax?”
“I’m right here, Amber. Always.”
Her eyes flew open again. “Dax?”
Hadn’t they already established that? “Still me.” He rose up on an elbow to study her. “Amber, are you awake?”
Again that slow blink. “I had this dream that we…” She licked her lips. “I guess it wasn’t a dream.”
She was adorable, he decided, slowly shaking his head. And most definitely not a morning person. “Not a dream.”
She groaned.
“Regrets?”
“I don’t feel comfortable with this type of a relationship.”
“You felt comfortable enough during the night,” he pointed out. “Three times, in fact.”
She blushed and looked away. “Five,” she muttered.
“Well then…” He grinned. “Why don’t we go for an even dozen?” But when he leaned close with wicked intent, she put a hand to his chest.
He sighed and sat up. She had the entire sheet-who knew what had happened to the rest of the bedding-which
left him stark naked, but he didn’t care. “You still have a problem with us.”
She darted him a glance. “When you say ‘us’ like that, it makes me nervous.”
“Join the club.”
“You don’t look nervous, you look…” She paused, and in an unusually revealing gesture of vulnerability, she bit her lower lip. “You look hungry. As if you could eat me up for breakfast.”
“In one bite.”
“We’re very different,” she said softly. “I need time to think.”
“No, you need time to control your emotions. To distance yourself from me. It really scares me how easily you can do that.”
“And it scares me how much of me you see, how much you understand.”
“Yeah, I understand you. Maybe someday you’ll understand me back.”
Eyes stricken, she opened her mouth, but Taylor chose that moment to cry out.
“She’s my alarm clock,” Amber said with a shaky laugh. She still held the sheet to her chin, and somehow managed to get out of the bed and keep herself covered. “She’ll need to be changed and fed. I’m sorry, Dax.”
It was beyond him how she could look as ravaged and luscious as she did, yet so prim and proper at the same time. The heady combination threatened his sanity. “I’m sorry, too.”
A MBER SAT in the little café across the street from her office, contemplating her day. It could have been a better one.
Yesterday she’d lost a deal when a client had backed out of a sale at the last moment. Harried over that and the ensuing chaos, she’d forgotten to pick up her dry-cleaning, which had left her with nothing to wear but her now slightly too small red suit.
Despite the unseasonably warm weather, she’d been forced to keep the jacket on all day, which only emphasized her new cleavage. But at least it hid the indecently tight blouse and skirt.
The client she’d seen that morning had certainly appreciated her problem. It had taken most of their meeting to assure him she didn’t combine business and pleasure.
In hopes of improving her mood, she sat with a bowl of frozen yogurt. At least she was finally cooling off. The pleasant buzz of people around lulled her. She took a huge bite filled with delicious strawberries and leaned back with a sigh as it melted down her parched throat.
“The way you eat that looks positively sinful.”
Dax bent over her, his mouth close to her ear, so that the low, sexy timbre sent shivers racing down her spine. “Did you know you’ve got every male customer in this place hard as a rock, just from watching you enjoy that thing?”
“Where’s Taylor?” she asked, pleased her voice sounded so steady. She wasn’t about to let him know he’d made her bones dissolve.
“Mom’s spoiling her for us.”
Mom’s spoiling her for us. So intimate. As if Amber herself was also a part of his family.
Dax helped himself to the seat next to her, leaned back and made himself at home. Faded denim snugged his long, powerful legs, though she had no idea why she noticed. His T-shirt invited her to Fear Nothing. “I take it you’re off-duty.”
He grinned. “Yep. I’m going to take Taylor for a picnic. Want to come?”
“You’re taking a baby on a picnic? She’ll eat the ants and get itchy from the grass and-”
“Amber.” He laughed. “I want to take you on a picnic. I’m shamelessly using our daughter as an excuse.”
“Oh.” Another huge bite of frozen yogurt helped her stall, but she stopped when she realized Dax’s gaze was riveted to her mouth. His body seemed tense, his muscles tight beneath his shirt. And oh Lord, she’d have to be totally naive to miss the bulge behind the button fly of his Levi’s.
“Take some mercy on me, Amber,” he said with a groan. “Either stop eating that thing as though you were in the throes of an orgasm or toss it. You’re killing me.”
“Hmm.”
“Was that an apology?”
“I refuse to apologize because you can’t keep your mind out of your pants.” Gathering her briefcase, purse and yogurt-she wasn’t about to give that up for him!-she rose. “I’m going back to work.”
“Amber. Come on, wait up-”
When she kept going, she heard him swear behind her, heard the scrape of his chair as he came to his feet.
She moved faster.
They didn’t speak as she practically ran across the street and into her building, but when she entered her office and tried to shut the door behind her, she was stymied by a one-hundred-and-eighty pound block wall.
Half in, half out, with the door nearly cutting off his nose, he grinned down at her. “You’re nuts about me, I can tell.”
She groaned and backed away from the door. “I’m only letting you in because I can’t stand the sight of blood. That, and my secretary, Nancy, is watching.” She plopped into her chair and glared at him.
He shut the door behind him, then set a lean hip on the corner of her desk. “Let me see,” he said, reaching for her spoon. “If it’s as good as it looks…hmmm.” His tongue darted out to catch a drop. “Oh yeah. It is.”
So rattled by the sight of his wet tongue sliding over his own lips, Amber lost every thought in her head. Her hands loosened with the loss of blood flow to her brain, and the small bit of frozen yogurt still left in the cup spilled out…right down the front of her jacket.
Dax was there in a flash, laughing, slipping her jacket off her shoulders.
“No, don’t,” she gasped, gripping the edges of her jacket, pressing it to her too-tight blouse. “I want it on-”
“Hurry,” he urged, tugging the jacket from her shoulders, leaving her exposed in nothing but the blouse she didn’t want anyone to see. “Before it gets on your-” Abruptly, Dax stopped talking.
Stopped breathing.
He couldn’t help himself, she was incredible. Yes, he’d already seen her, seen everything. He’d touched and licked and kissed every inch of her, but that didn’t stop his heart from constricting and certain other parts of his anatomy from standing at attention at the sight of her straining against the tight confines of her white silk blouse.
“I wanted that on,” she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest.
He hardly heard her, could hardly think, but he had to touch.
Her face remained cool, impassive as he slid his fingers over her, but at the base of her neck, her pulse drummed wildly, giving her away.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, watching her nipples harden, pressing for freedom against the fabric. “But you’re so beautiful, you stun me.”
“We agreed we’re too different for this,” Amber said, not quite steadily, tightening her arms in front of her.
All it did was emphasize her glorious body, and the breasts she seemed embarrassed of. “No, you agreed.”
She gave him a hot look.
It was filled with such frustration, he had to smile. “Okay, we agreed that you think you need space in order to protect your emotions from me.”
“I don’t think it, I know it.”
And so did he. Dammit, so did he. “I shouldn’t have come.” He shoved his fingers through his hair and backed away.
“I’m sorry.”
“For which?” At the door, he spun around. “For driving me crazy, or for driving me crazy slowly?”
That comment had anger flashing in her eyes. “I’m sorry you’re upset that you’re not getting your way.”
“What’s my way? Do you even know?”
“You want to have a…a fling.”
That stopped him cold and he stalked back toward her. “Why don’t you just marry me, dammit, and settle once and for all what I really want.”
11
A MBER GAWKED at him and, in truth, Dax couldn’t blame her. He was shocked, too. After that first time when he’d so foolishly asked her to marry him, he’d vowed not to think about it again.
But he knew now how he felt about being a father to Taylor. He wanted to do it right. Part-time wasn’t right, not in his opi
nion.
He also knew how he felt about Amber, knew it was permanent, not some passing phase.
He knew this, just as he knew he’d been using her resistance to fuel his own, using it to mask his own fear of commitment.
But that was cowardly. The deep emotions he had for Amber were here to stay, and he would face them.
He had to convince her to do the same.
“Did you just…” She gazed at him helplessly, her head going back in forth in an automatic denial that had his jaw so tight he could barely breathe. “Did you…”
“Yes. For the second time. And I have to tell you, that frightened, trapped-doe look is not quite the response I was hoping for.”
The look disappeared instantly as she veiled her thoughts from him.
“I told you before,” she said slowly. “It’s unnecessary. Nothing’s changed.”
“That’s not an answer,” he said grimly. “An answer would be ‘yes, I’ll make your wildest fantasies come true,’ or ‘no, let me rip out your heart.”’
“You’re being impossible.”
“Yes,” he snapped. “We’ve already established that I’m wildly emotional, temperamental and overly sensitive. That I can’t control any of that. I’m also, apparently, impossible. But I want to marry you. I want to be a family. So answer the damn question.”
He couldn’t have handled this any worse, and he knew it. Thanks to his own stupidity, he’d backed her into a corner with no way out. But he wouldn’t withdraw the question, not when he’d put his pride on the line.
In control now, Amber didn’t even blink.
“It’s that tough, huh?”
“It’s not as though we’ve had the most conventional of relationships,” she told him in a tone that said she expected him to be reasonable.
He wasn’t in the mood for reasonable. “Of course this relationship hasn’t been normal, not from the very beginning! We met under extraordinary circumstances, for God’s sake, and we’ve been through things other people haven’t.” He lifted his hands helplessly. “Nothing’s been the same since that earthquake, and nothing’s been the same since I met you.” Dropping his hands, he shook his head. “I held you when I thought we were going to die, Amber, and yes, that was a long time ago, and yes, now everything’s different. I see things differently, I feel differently.” He reached for her, touched her pale face. “I have never regretted what happened. You have to know, you and Taylor are the best things that ever happened to me.”