by M. S. Parker
“It’s not great news,” I admitted. “I confirmed that Stacey is your sister, but she doesn’t know that she’s adopted.”
Jenna nodded as she folded her arms across her chest, one of those almost-unconscious movements that people made when they felt the need to protect themselves from some emotional threat.
“They don’t want me to meet her.”
“I’m so sorry, Jenna.”
“I get it,” she said. “They’re her parents. They have the right to decide whether or not they tell her about the adoption. I show up, and she’ll start asking questions that they’re not going to want to answer.”
She pushed herself out of the chair and walked over to the window. She didn’t say anything as she stared outside, but I doubted she was seeing anything.
“I didn’t tell them who you were,” I said, “but I did give them an idea of who Marcy – Helen – was, and I told them a bit about you. About how you were a good person, had a family. I told them to contact me if they change their minds.”
“You did the right thing,” she said. “Telling them about Helen. I doubt she’ll ever try to contact any of them, but if by some strange fluke she does, at least her parents will know to keep Stacey away from her.”
“They’ll have to tell her the truth sometime,” I said, “and maybe they’ll change their mind. Rather than risking her trying to find Helen, they’ll know they can reach out to you.”
She didn’t look at me. “Maybe.”
After nearly a full minute of silence, I excused myself. As I came down the hall, I heard Rylan and the kids laughing. Such a light, happy sound. It seemed so out of place after the gloom in the library. I almost considered going back and telling Jenna to go be with her family, but I’d been in a similar place before. Sometimes, forcing in the light didn’t push away the darkness. It just made it clear that sometimes there were places that even the light couldn’t go.
I slipped out of the house without anyone seeing, not trusting myself to be able to be convincingly upbeat. When Jenna wanted to tell Rylan about what had happened, she’d do it. Until then, the best thing I could do was let Rylan take care of their kids so she could work out things in her own head.
I drove about a mile down the road before I realized that I didn’t want to go home. I loved my apartment, but it was empty right now. As much as I usually liked having my own space, I needed to get out of my head, and I couldn’t do that alone.
I didn’t know many people in the city well enough to show up on their doorsteps, and with me coming from one of those places, it left me with only two options. Clay or Jalen.
It wasn’t the nearly hour long drive to Clay that had me choosing to go to Jalen. We hadn’t talked since the incident with Elise, but he was still the one I wanted. I needed. When I pulled up in front of his house, I wondered if I should have called first, but then the front door opened, and Jalen was there with a look of such relief that I knew I’d made the right decision.
Neither of us said anything as we made our way to the living room. I sat down next to him, close enough for our legs to touch, and wondered where to begin.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I should’ve called you.”
“Yes.” I was pleased with how steady my voice was. “You should have.” I put my hand on his knee. “But I could’ve called you, and I didn’t. Let’s agree that we both should have reached out and let that go.”
“I’d like that.” He put his hand on mine. “I want to clear the air about everything.”
“I’d like that.” I tried not to let myself hope that things were going to be fixed between us with a single conversation. What I’d seen tonight was proof of how dangerous hope could be.
“I was trying to protect you.”
“Protect me?” I wasn’t following.
“I needed to get you away from Elise and telling her to leave would’ve just made things worse. She would only start coming after you, and I couldn’t let that happen. Telling you to leave was the only way I could guarantee you wouldn’t be a target.”
Remembering how vicious she’d been, I could understand what he was saying. I didn’t like it, and I had a couple questions, but all of the hurt and anger that I still had under the surface faded.
“Why didn’t you call me that night and tell me all this? I would’ve understood.”
He flipped my hand and threaded his fingers between mine. “Couple reasons, some of which sounded more reasonable than others at the time. The biggest one is that I was scared.”
I squeezed his hand. It felt good to be touching him again. Right. “Scared of what?”
“Scared that you wouldn’t believe me.” His gaze caught mine. “Scared that Elise would keep coming after you. That she’d hurt you. Not physically. I don’t think she’d do anything like that, but when it comes to the things that she says…”
His voice trailed off, but I could see the emotions playing across his face. He meant it. All of it. He should’ve called me, but his reasons made sense.
“I can handle anything she throws my way,” I said quietly. “I appreciate what you were trying to do, but I refuse to let her behavior regulate my choices. If you want things between us to work out, you need to know that I don’t expect you to protect me. I don’t need it. If I ever do, I’ll ask.”
A little voice in the back of my mind asked if I was being honest. I wasn’t exactly great at asking for help, even when I needed it. I meant it though. I wanted to be that person, the one who could actually have an equal partnership with someone.
He put his hand on my cheek, his thumb brushing against my skin. “I’ll try to do better. I want this to work, Rona.”
I leaned into his touch. “Me too.”
He leaned forward, his lips grazing mine. It was barely a touch, but I felt it all the way down to my toes. Damn, I’d missed him. Missed this connection.
“Is this the only reason you came tonight or was there something else?”
I ran my hand over his cheek, enjoying the rough scruff against my palm. “I had to give a client some disappointing news, and when I left, I knew I didn’t want to be alone. You were the only person I wanted to be with, and I was tired of waiting for you to make the first move.”
He slid his hand around the back of my neck, his fingers strong and comforting. “I missed you so much.”
His thumb rubbed the base of my skull, sending a shiver down my spine. This thing between us…it didn’t seem to matter what we did or said, it kept pulling us together. Like magnets. Unable to resist the attraction. Not that I wanted to resist it. I was done trying to stay away, trying to explain it. From here on out, I was just going to accept it. Whatever work we needed to do, I’d do it.
“Tell me what you need,” he said.
“Hold me.”
His arms immediately wrapped around me, and he kissed the top of my head. “I’ve got you.”
For the first time that week, I felt safe.
Eleven
It’d been late by the time I’d gotten home last night, but I’d needed to sleep in my own bed. I didn’t want things between Jalen and me to always result in us falling into bed together. We’d made out a little bit, sure, but we hadn’t had sex. I’d dreamed about it last night and woken up with my entire body throbbing with need.
Needless to say, my shower had been on the cold side, but at least I wasn’t running late for lunch with Clay, and I’d gotten in a nice run before taking a second cold shower. My libido was in hiding at the moment, and I intended to keep it that way until I was done with work for the day. After that, all bets were off.
Clay had come down to Fort Collins to pick up some information from Jenna that he and Agent Matthews wanted in hard copy, which was perfect since that meant I could fill him in on my own contributions to the case. I hoped that common ground would keep things from being awkward between us since this was our first alone time since I’d gotten back from Indiana.
Snooze was one of my favorite places to ea
t in the city. I’d found it my second day here, and it’d become one of my go-to places to eat. I could cook well enough, but the time it took usually meant I didn’t get into anything too complicated.
I arrived before Clay and took a booth close to the door, so he’d see me when he came in. My phone buzzed, and I picked it up. I smiled when I saw who it was from.
I’m supposed to be getting together specs for a lunch meeting, but you keep distracting me.
I tapped out a quick response. How am I distracting you from all the way over here?
It took him a minute to respond, and I found myself restlessly tapping the glass of water a waitress had brought over.
I keep thinking about what it would be like to take you in my office. Bent over my desk. Naked and spread open on top of my desk. Up against the door. In my chair. I’m hard as a fucking rock.
I flushed at the images his words prompted. We’d had sex on my desk – technically, it’d been Adare’s desk at the time – and I still had moments where I’d zone out at work, the memories of that first time pushing every other thought out of my mind.
Don’t expect any sympathy from me, I typed. You’ve got me all hot and bothered now.
“You look…busy.”
I raised my head at the sound of Clay’s voice. By the time he was in the seat across from me, the waitress was there, taking his order for coffee and checking him out at the same time.
I watched, curious as to whether or not I’d feel even the tiniest prickle of jealousy. I hadn’t had any issues with jealousy before, but when we’d started sleeping together, I had experienced a thrill of satisfaction when I’d seen women flirting with him. He’d been mine, and while we hadn’t been dating, we had been exclusive. Now, however, there was nothing stopping him from meeting the waitress in the bathroom or behind the restaurant or whenever and wherever.
Nothing. I felt nothing more than a hope that he’d find the sort of happiness that Jalen and I had.
I quickly typed out another message. Gotta go. Clay’s here to go over case stuff. Rain check on finishing this conversation.
I tucked my phone back into my purse and gave Clay my full attention. At least as much attention as I could give considering how turned on I was. A run and two cold showers for nothing. Damn Jalen for getting me all worked up.
“It’s nothing important,” I said. “Just talking to Jalen a bit while I was waiting.”
I watched him carefully for any sign of annoyance or hurt, but he just smiled at me and took a long drink of his coffee. I could see the steam rising off of it, but he didn’t even wince.
“How’s business going?” he asked.
“Great,” I said. Then I sighed. “Actually, I’m not sure if great is the right word.”
“What happened?”
“I have one case at the moment, and it’s a huge one, so money isn’t the issue.”
Or it wouldn’t be when I got around to sending Jenna an invoice for hours worked. I could’ve done it earlier this week after I’d talked to Stacey’s parents, but it’d felt wrong to charge her for shitty news.
Then again, knowing that Stacey existed and was with a solid, caring family was good news, and either way, Jenna wouldn’t hold it against me.
“I had to deliver bad news,” I said, giving him a wry smile. “I hadn’t gotten to that part of my FBI training before I…left.”
“Do you know what you want, or do you need more time?” The waitress gave Clay a winning smile and then turned it on me.
I ordered pancakes even though it was a little past noon and Clay asked for a bacon cheeseburger with a side of fries. When she walked back to the kitchen, I shifted the conversation. I didn’t mind talking about the business, but I didn’t want to give Clay enough to figure out my client was Jenna. I intended to take the privacy of all my clients seriously, but Jenna was also a friend.
“Jenna has me doing some research for her,” I began, “on some people she’s looking into for human trafficking.”
Something flickered in his eyes, but his expression didn’t change. “You’re involved in one of her cases.”
“She said she sends the information to Agent Matthews. I’m guessing that means he shares it with you too.”
He nodded slowly. “He does. We build cases with the information Jenna gets us.” He shifted in his seat. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to help her?”
I frowned. “Are you really asking me that? Is it a good idea to stop people who are kidnapping and selling human beings? What the hell kind of question is that?”
My voice rose on the last question, but I caught myself before it became too noticeable.
“Hey, hey,” he held up his hands. “I’m just trying to look out for you.”
“What is it with you men thinking I can’t take care of myself?” I shook my head as I leaned back, crossing my arms. “Jalen did the same thing. Insults under the guise of protection.”
“And what if you need our protection?” Clay countered.
“I’ll ask.”
He sighed. “Fair enough.”
“Now, can we talk about work?” I gave him a hard look.
How he responded here would determine where things went from here, and my stomach twisted into knots at the thought of not having him in my life, but we needed to have this conversation.
“We can.” He mimicked my posture. “Just promise me you’ll be careful. That’s all I ask.” He gave me a half-smile. “I’d say the same thing to anyone else doing what you’re doing.”
“I am,” I promised. “Jenna and I both are.”
“Jenna handles things online,” he pointed out. “You’re actually going out and doing things. Besides, Rylan could kick the ass of anyone who tried to come after her.”
He had a point.
“Jenna found the addresses.” I moved the conversation along. “Usually, she can get camera footage online, but these were in blind spots. I gave her the photographs I already took, but I’m going back soon to take some more. I think they’re rotating where they’re keeping the people.”
“Raymond thinks the same thing,” Clay agreed. “We’re trying to get IDs on the guys who are renting the locations.”
As we settled into the conversation, the edge between us softened, and I knew we were going to be all right.
Twelve
Thanksgiving was next week. It didn’t seem possible that we were heading into the holiday season. Even the more frequent flurries couldn’t make it feel real.
Holidays were hard. An understatement, really, but it wasn’t like anyone could blame me. After my mom died, Uncle Anton and I had come up with our own traditions and ways to celebrate that let us remember without sadness taking over. Then he was gone, and I was alone.
As much as Clay looked after me, I’d always made sure he knew I had plans for the holidays. I never did, of course, but I wasn’t about to let him make us both uncomfortable by asking me to spend the time with him and his family. Hell, I wouldn’t have wanted an invitation even if he hadn’t been the son of a congressman.
This year, I didn’t know what I was going to do. Clay wouldn’t be a problem. He’d assume that I was spending my days with Jalen, and I wasn’t going to do anything to dissuade him. I was hoping that Jalen would assume I would be with Clay, but if he didn’t, I needed to have a plan in place. I didn’t want pity invites.
I was staring at the calendar, frowning as I counted the days between now and Thanksgiving, when I heard the front door shut. I straightened in the chair and put on my best professional look.
“Come on back,” I called.
My first walk-in client.
If he hadn’t been a man in his late fifties with thinning gray hair, a bit of a paunch, and a leer that he didn’t even try to hide, I might’ve jumped up to shake his hand. Instead, I gestured to the chair across from me and told myself to ignore the suspicious-looking stain on his pants. The guy was probably just having a bad day. And he probably wasn’t staring at my bre
asts. He was probably just…
Nope.
He was definitely staring at my breasts.
Still, I stayed polite. “Sir? Can I help you?”
“I hope so.”
If he propositioned me, I was going to need a lawyer to get me out of what I did next. And possibly an alibi.
“My name’s Evan Lee.” He grinned at me with an expectant look on his face. When I just raised an eyebrow, his arrogant expression faltered. “I own Lee Automotive.”
I knew of it, but only from the television ads. They were badly written, and the women on them looked as if he’d hired them straight off a porn set. Not really the most politically correct advertisements.
But none of that was a good excuse for kicking him out before I heard what he had to say. “How can I help you, Mr. Lee?”
“I think my wife’s cheating on me.” He sighed as he dropped into the chair. “Hard to believe, right?”
Not so much. “You’d like me to follow her, find out one way or the other?”
He nodded. “I want to hire you to find out who she’s fu–” his eyes dropped to my chest again as he cleared his throat, “who she’s sleeping with so I can get her to divorce me without getting a single penny.”
As much as I didn’t like this guy, if he passed the background check I was going to do on him, I saw nothing to prevent me from taking the job. If I found out he had a single domestic assault charge, however, I would offer his wife the opportunity to get enough shit on him to be safe. Part of me didn’t want to tell him about the background check, but I did it with all my other clients, which meant I had to do it here too.
“Before I take on any sort of domestic case, I do a background check on my client. This is your opportunity to tell me if I’m going to find anything that would make me think twice about tracking your wife.”
He shrugged. “Got some parking tickets. Couple barroom fights that landed me in jail for a night.”
He sounded sincere. Probably a creep, but not an abusive one.
“Do you have a picture of your wife?” I asked.