by Jerry Cole
“Okay,” Jason said. “But where?”
“That coffee shop downtown is open until one,” Taylor replied. “The one that’s right next to the theater. We could meet there.”
“Alright,” Jason replied, looking around him. It wasn’t too far, but it wasn’t too close. It would be a good enough walk to clear his head. And he really needed his head to be clear when he spoke to Taylor. He couldn’t have his thoughts filtered by both alcohol and Taylor, he wasn’t sure what would happen if his mind was that foggy. And it would be foggy, he knew, as soon as he saw Taylor. “But this doesn’t mean anything.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m giving you twenty minutes of my time,” Jason said. “And nothing else. I can’t guarantee I can give you anything else.”
“That’s okay,” Taylor replied. “Twenty minutes of your time is more than I deserve, anyway. And I just want you to hear me out, please. And after that, if you don’t want anything to do with me, that’s okay. I can live with that. But I need to tell you this.”
“Fine,” Jason said. “Okay. But I can’t promise you anything, that’s what I’m trying to make you understand.”
“I know,” Taylor replied. “And you don’t have to. That’s something I can promise you.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Jason wasn’t sure how long he was supposed to wait for Taylor, but even just a few minutes seemed like too long. He was sitting on the brick steps near the coffee shop, next to the theater, and drinking a cappuccino out of a foam cup. It was hot outside, so normally, this wouldn’t be the kind of drink that Jason would order for himself. But he needed something to sober him up and he thought that a cold drink might not do the trick. He was contemplating calling for a car again when one pulled up in front of him and Taylor stumbled out of it.
When he said he was drunk, this wasn’t what Jason was expecting. Taylor barely managed to find his footing as he got out of the black SUV, almost falling on his knees on the asphalt.
“Hey,” Jason said, rushing to him. Taylor looked at him and smiled. “Are you going to fall?”
“No, sorry,” Taylor said. “I think I may have drunk a little too much. I just needed to gather up my courage to call you and things — things got out of hand. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Jason replied, guiding Taylor to the steps. He helped him sit down. Taylor slumped back until Jason held him up. Then he slumped on Jason and he didn’t have the heart — or truthfully, the inclination — to move him. “Are you alright?”
“No,” Taylor said. “I’m not. I’m an idiot. And I’m throwing myself a massive pity party, when it shouldn’t be about that. It shouldn’t be about me, it should be about you. Again, because I’m a selfish bastard.”
“Okay, slow down,” Jason said, a smile on his face. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be finding this cute, but he was. “Why did you come out here in the first place? You didn’t sound that drunk on the phone.”
“I wasn’t,” Taylor replied. “I was a little, but then I thought I should loosen up some more so I had a couple more beers. And I think they went right to my head. I don’t know what’s going on, I can usually handle my beer.”
“It’s cool,” Jason said. “It’s actually kind of sweet. What did you want to talk to me about?”
“About, about what I said to you,” Taylor said. “Or rather, what you said to me. You were right. This was about my family.”
“Yes,” Jason replied. He wasn’t sure what else to say, but suddenly Taylor’s head was in his lap. He looked at Taylor’s face, his eyes closed. Jason was a little startled, but Taylor looked comfortable. Well, as comfortable as he could be, slumped over on Jason’s lap, looking drunk as hell, his eyes closed. “But I mean —”
“So I called my dad,” Taylor said. “I called him and I told him about you.”
Jason looked at him, his eyes widening. “You did?”
“Yeah,” Taylor replied. “I think he wants to meet you.”
“That’s very sweet,” Jason said, laughing. “And only a little creepy.”
“I wasn’t trying to be creepy,” Taylor said. “I’m serious, Jason. He was really supportive and nice, and I was only freaking out because of me. And you shouldn’t have to put up with that.”
“Which is the reason I said we couldn’t go out,” Jason said, brushing the hair away from Taylor’s face. “If you remember.”
“I remember,” Jason replied. “I remember all the time. It’s all I can think about, all the time. When I get out of bed in the morning, when I’m trying to do homework, when I go to class. When I’m getting drunk by myself in my house. When I’m in the Uber coming over here, it was all I could think about. It’s all I can think about now, too.”
“It’s not that big a deal, Taylor,” Jason said.
“You’re wrong,” Taylor replied, shaking his head. “It’s a really big deal. In fact, it’s such a big deal that I had to talk to you about it in real life.”
“So now you are,” Jason said, smiling and shaking his head.
“Right,” Taylor said. “But I’m not just talking to you. I wanted to talk to you, too. Because I want to make it up to you. If you want to.”
“What did you have in mind?”
“You know that date that you talked about? Why don’t we do that?”
Jason smiled. This wasn’t what he had in mind, exactly, but he couldn’t be mad at Jason making this much of an effort. Yes, he was drunk and he was hopeless, but he was being really adorable about it. And he had gone out to meet him in the middle of the night, even though he didn’t have to.
“We — okay,” Jason said. “When?”
“Right now,” Taylor said, trying to straighten himself so that he was sitting up. He wobbled and almost fell back onto Jason’s lap, which, if Jason was being honest with himself, he wouldn’t have minded. He wanted Taylor to be on him, touching him all the time.
“Right now you can barely walk,” he replied, quietly.
“The stars,” Taylor said, looking up at the sky. “There is a meteoroid shower tonight and you’re supposed to be able to see it from here. But there’s too much light pollution in the middle of town. I thought we could go somewhere without as many lights. Like a — like a forest or something. Like a prairie.”
“We’re both drunk,” Jason replied. “So while it’s a nice idea, neither one of us is going to drive to the prairie just to see the meteoroids. Not to mention that they close at sundown.”
“But —”
Jason smiled at him. Partly because he really wanted to, partly because Taylor looked like he was about to burst into tears. “Hey, it’s okay. We can do the date some other time.”
“No,” Taylor said. “You don’t understand. I’m an expert at self-sabotage. I can’t go another week without seeing you properly.”
Jason laughed again, shaking his head. “If you were going to self-sabotage, you were probably going to do it with or without a date.”
Taylor punched him on the arm, feebly. “You’re not being very encouraging. I just wanted to show you I can — I’m up for a good time and I can do something romantic, too. This isn’t just about sex for me. In fact, I’m like super scared of having sex with you, though I do think about it a lot.”
“You do?”
Taylor opened his eyes. He set his gaze on Jason’s face and squinted. “You put something in my beer. Some sort of truth serum. I’m not supposed to be telling you any of these things.”
Jason laughed again. “Actually, if you remember correctly, you kind of just told me you would meet me out here for no reason and then started spilling your heart out to me.”
“Okay, yes,” Taylor said. “I was trying to seduce you. See? This is what I told you. I’m not good at wooing. You were supposed to tell me how to woo you. You haven’t told me how to do that yet.”
Jason smiled down at Taylor. “You have some good ideas,” he said. “The problem is you’re not following through.”
“I’m not, am I?”
“You’re really not,” Jason said.
Taylor looked at him with watery eyes. “Will you give me another chance? Just one more,” he said. “I promise I won’t fuck it up this time. I mean, maybe I will, but not as badly. I want to show you that this does matter to me, though.”
Jason shook his head, the smile on his face widening. If this had been anyone else, he would have found it pathetic. But Taylor was being really adorable about the way he was pursuing him. Yes, it was needy, and a little bit weird, but it was also sweet. Jason had never demanded that he tell his father that he was seeing him — they hadn’t even gone out on one date. And he had no reason not to give Taylor the benefit of the doubt. He had handled things poorly, but what could Jason really expect? He was new at this whole thing. And Jason had promised that he would help him navigating it, and when the first challenge had come, he had flaked. Because he had felt afraid, but mostly, because he had felt insulted. And that wasn’t cool.
That wasn’t something that he could allow himself to do. So he swallowed his pride and decided to forget about what Taylor had said to him.
“I think you’ve made that pretty clear,” Jason said. Then he took a deep breath in. “One time. And this doesn’t count. It has to be a proper date. And you have to plan it.”
“Deal and deal,” Taylor said. “But could we still do something tonight? We’re both here and there’s so much of the city to see. There’s so much to do.”
“Honey, you can hardly stand up,” Jason reminded him, again.
Taylor twisted his lips. “But we’re already here.”
“I know,” Jason said. He wasn’t aware of when he had started to do this, but he suddenly noticed that he was twirling a strand of Taylor’s hair around his finger, and he had probably done it for a while. Taylor seemed to notice, though, because when Jason was done looking at his finger, Taylor was looking right at him. And grinning.
Jason shook his head. “We can’t do anything here, and you’re under no condition to go anywhere.”
“We could look at the stars,” Taylor said. “I’m good with astrology.”
“Really? What’s your star sign?”
“Virgo,” Taylor said. “But that’s not what I meant, that shit isn’t real. I mean, like, constellations and stuff. I’m good at that. Trajectories. When stars die. You know you can tell if a star is about to die by looking at it with the naked eye.”
Jason looked at Taylor and frowned. “Do these bullshit lines usually work on girls or —”
“Oh my God, you’re good at science? Of course you’re good at science,” Taylor said, looking up at him. “Science always seems to impress the women I go out with it.”
“If you’ll forgive me, I think they’re probably impressed by your muscles and just nodding along with you until you shut up and give them football wifey status.”
Taylor put his forearm over his eyes as he seemed to consider this. “Jason.”
“Hmm?”
“Do you want to be a football wifey?”
“No,” Jason said, laughing. “I don’t want to be an anything wifey, thank you very much.”
“Not even mine,” Taylor said, flatly. It wasn’t a question, it was more a matter-of-fact statement.
Jason sighed. “Taylor,” he said. “For the record, I think that you’re an idiot, too.”
“I know!” Taylor replied. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. And if I can’t impress you with fake facts about space, I don’t know how I’m supposed to impress you with real facts about triangles.”
“Triangles?”
“Any geometric figures,” Taylor said. “I’m good at geometry. Don’t tell anyone this, but that’s what makes me good at football.”
“How?”
“Because football is all about getting somewhere quicker than anyone else, right? And it’s all about positions, and stuff. What is that?”
Jason shrugged. “Boring?”
“Yes,” Taylor said, laughing heartily. “Boring. But you know what else it is? It’s math. And I’m good at math. Like I’m really, really good at math.”
“Why?”
“Because math never changes,” Taylor said. “And after my fucked up childhood, I sought some sort of stability. Numbers are so cool and they’re always the same.”
“That’s, uh, not what I meant,” Jason replied. “I’m just wondering why you think you can’t impress me with math. Math is impressive. You know, like, I dance a bit, I cut people’s hair. Nothing that I do is impressive.”
“That’s not true,” Taylor replied. “You’re impressive. The way you move is impressive. Everything about you is pretty impressive, actually. I’m just a bumbling idiot who really likes you.”
“You’re an athlete and you’re super smart,” Jason said. “I would say you’re anything but an idiot. If anything, you’re out of my league. By miles.”
“I’m not!” Tyler said. He sat up, finally, this time without help. He kissed Jason on the lips, softly, sweetly. It wasn’t long enough for Jason to really process what was happening. He could hardly register the intense pleasure spreading all over his body. He wanted to kiss Taylor back right then and there, but Taylor was drunk, and he didn’t want to take advantage of him. Plus, there was the fact that they were in public. Even though Jason didn’t want Taylor to be ashamed of him, he understood the value of being discreet. He was about to say something to Taylor when he moved back and smiled at Jason, wrinkles appearing around his eyes.
Then Jason could almost forget all his reservations. He had to hold himself back from kissing Taylor again.
“You’re amazing,” Taylor said. It was more like a whisper than something that Jason was supposed to hear.
Jason could feel himself blush. “What was that for?”
“I just wanted to remember if it was as good as I thought it was,” Taylor said.
“Was it?”
“Better,” Taylor replied. “Better and it only lasted like, two seconds. Can we do it again?”
“Fine,” Jason said, trying to sound begrudging. But when Taylor kissed him again, it was like the first time they had kissed. It was incredible. Taylor’s lips were soft and warm against his own and his smell was intoxicating. Then Taylor opened his mouth slightly and Jason’s slid his tongue into Taylor’s mouth, and every neuron in his brain seemed to go off at the same time. He didn’t even know that people could feel this way from kisses and he had wondered if he was building up Taylor to be too much. If the kiss that they had shared before was better in his head than it had been in real life.
But by the way that they were kissing then, and the things that this kiss was doing to his body, he knew that he hadn’t been wrong. He had been right, so very right. And he needed to give Taylor another chance. If it wasn’t for Taylor, then at least for himself. Because he needed to kiss someone. He needed to kiss him like that again.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Taylor only remembered Jason saying something about going back to his apartment vaguely, but when he woke up under a quilt that wasn’t his, wearing only his shirt, he had some idea of what had happened the night before. He knew that he wanted it to happen, he just wished that he could remember — he wanted his first time with Jason to be special, something they both remembered. Something sweet and romantic. After a date.
Which was what he had been trying to tell Jason in the first place.
If they had ended up sleeping together when Taylor had tried to apologize, that undid all of Taylor’s plans. And it also put a dint in his motivations, because now, he didn’t know how he had performed the night before. He wasn’t sure how he was even going to measure up to his drunk self. All he knew was that he had made a fool out of himself the night before. That was the one thing he did know for sure. He had been trying to be apologetic and adult, but instead, he had managed to sound like a needy cock-end. A needy cock-end that Jason seemed to have liked, but nevertheless.
“I can’t — I mean, I think so?”
“Relax,” Jason said, sitting next to him. “Nothing happened. I slept on the sofa, which, by the way, was no small feat. Considering recent history.”
“So how did I end up here?” Taylor said, shaking his head. “I was —”
“Talking to me,” Jason said. “We talked. For ages. We talked and talked and talked, until people were leaving clubs and bars, and there was no one else outside. And it started to get cold.”
“But we were kissing,” Taylor replied, touching his lips. “I remember because —”
“Because they’re something else? I know,” Jason said. “But you were far too drunk to take it any further than that, though, trust me, I wanted to.”
“You did?”
“Yes, I very much did,” Jason replied. Then he looked at the nightstand and nodded his head toward it. “There are painkillers in the drawer there. And you’ll feel a lot better and a lot more clear-minded after you have some.”
“So what happened? Once we — once we stopped —”
“Making out like a couple of dumb teenagers? Nothing, really,” Jason said. “You put your head on my shoulder and asked me if I wanted to get some ice cream.”
“Why did we stop, though?”
“Because,” Jason replied, laughing and shaking his head. All this laughing was starting to worry Taylor. Maybe it was worse than he had thought. “Because you said you wanted to save it for our date. Then you tried to kiss me again and I had to remind you of what you had said. Then we talked. Is your coffee okay?”
Taylor took a sip of the coffee that he had all but forgotten was in his hand, even though he had taken it off Jason’s hand less than a few minutes ago. The coffee was bitter and hot, exactly what Taylor needed. “Yeah, it’s great. Thank you. What happened after that?”