SEAL of Approval

by Jack Silkstone

  “Hey, guys,” said Mike as they ran toward him and latched on to his legs.

  “Mike, where's Axe?” one of the boys asked.

  “He's not feeling great at the moment, Ryan. When he's better I'll bring him around.”

  “Who's that?” asked the younger of the two, James. He hid behind Mike's legs, peeking around at Ali.

  “Oh my god, they're so cute,” she said.

  “This is Doctor Ali, she's helping Axe to get better,” said Mike.

  “Is that your girlfriend?” asked Ryan. “Mom says you can’t find a good girlfriend.”

  Mike reached down, grabbed him by the coveralls and tossed him over his shoulder. “Is that right? Well your mom wouldn't know, because she's too busy bossing your dad around.” The boy squealed with delight.

  “Michael Saunders, I heard that.” Maria was standing in the doorway to the living area with her hands on her hips.

  “You're in trouble,” sang James as he clapped.

  Mike lowered Ryan to the ground and grinned sheepishly. “Every man wants a strong woman, Maria.”

  “Dinner is served,” she growled.

  “Dad loves it when Mike comes around,” said Ryan as they walked inside.

  “Why is that?” asked Ali.

  “Because he never gets in trouble when Mike’s here.”

  “Is that right?” She glanced at Mike and he shrugged.

  As Ali entered the dining room, she gasped. Maria had prepared was a veritable smorgasbord of Mexican cuisine. There were tortas, tamale, tacos, quesadillas, pambazos and a range of other dishes that Ali couldn't identify, but that looked and smelled amazing. Triggered by the colors and the aromas her stomach announced itself, loudly.

  Maria pushed a full plate in front of her. “Mike, get some food in the woman before she starves.”

  For the next half hour Ali ate her fill of the amazing cuisine as she was bombarded with questions from Maria and the two boys.

  “It's rude not to eat it all,” whispered Mike as Maria ladled another serving of tamale onto her plate.

  “Please Maria, your food is amazing but if I eat anymore, I’ll burst.”

  “Nonsense, a skinny little thing like you should eat much more.”

  Thankfully, the ring of Maria's cell phone ended the ladling of food. She excused herself and moved into the kitchen to answer it.

  Ali spooned some of the food onto Mike’s plate. “ You've got to help me with this.”

  “Nooo, I can't eat any more.”

  Maria reappeared, shaking her head. “Mike and Ali, I'm so sorry to do this but I've got to duck away and help out a friend.”

  Ernie rose from the table. “Is everything OK?”

  “One of the girls is having a bit of a cooking crisis. Tomorrow she has a school baking day. I shouldn't be very long. Will you be fine with the boys?”

  “Not a problem,” said Ernie.

  “Will you two still be here when I get back?”

  Mike grinned. “If you promise to bring back some of whatever you’re baking.”

  “Of course, darling. Ali, make sure you've got room for dessert.”

  Ali managed a sickly grin as Maria left.

  Once she was gone Ernie gestured outside. “Well, I think we should head back out to the deck and catch the last of the sun.”

  “Do you want us to help clean up?” Ali asked as they rose from the table.

  “No, we'll sort that later.”

  A moment later they were sitting in deck chairs drinking beers while the boys played in their sandbox.

  “This is the life,” said Mike as he relaxed. “Not a care in the world.” As he spoke his and Ernie’s phones started buzzing. He pulled it from his pocket and checked it. “You've got to be shitting me.”

  “What is it?” asked Ali.

  “We've been recalled,” said Ernie.

  “Recalled for what?” she asked.

  “Not sure.” Mike placed his beer on a side table and rose. “We've got to report to the base. Ernie, do you need a lift?”

  “I can't leave the boys.”

  “Yeah right, I forgot.”

  Ali stood and joined them. “I can watch them till Maria gets back. She said she wasn't going to be long. Then I can get a cab home.”

  Mike frowned. “You sure you're OK with that?”

  “Yeah, I look after my nieces all the time.”

  “These two can be a bit of a handful.”

  “Oh please, they're four. What could they possibly get up to?”

  He shook his head. “Don't ask.”

  ***

  As Mike backed his truck out of the driveway he shot Ernie a glare. “This is the test, isn't it? You're going to see how she fares with the boys.” He dropped the truck into drive and took off toward the base.

  “If she can manage those two after the amount of sugar they've had, she can handle anything.”

  “Sugar? Did Maria agree to this?”

  “In theory.”

  “So, you told her about the Girlfriend Selection Course.”

  “Not exactly. In fact it was TJ who convinced her it was a good idea.” He gestured to the side of the road. “Pull in here.”

  Mike brought the pickup to a halt behind a grey van and they got out. He followed Ernie who opened the side door revealing Rick in a camping chair, eating popcorn. “Hey boys, you got here just in time for the show.”

  The inside of the van was lined with monitors and there was a bench with a row of laptops. He recognized it as a surveillance setup. “Where the hell did you get this?”

  “TJ borrowed it from a buddy with the Feds.” Rick directed Mike to a chair. “Ernie and I spent the afternoon wiring the house for sight and sound.”

  Mike sat and watched the screens. Sure enough, they showed images from a half dozen cameras around the Ernesto residence.

  “Your girl's got her hands full.” Rick pointed at one of the screens.

  The boys had abandoned their play in the sandbox and were now pursuing separate activities. Ryan was in the kitchen with the dog and James was on the dining room table pushing leftovers around with a toy bulldozer. Ali was frantically attempting to talk him down, while at the same time catching plates as they spilled off the end of the table.

  “Damn, Ryan’s a straight up mountain goat,” said Rick. In the kitchen, the four year old had pulled out drawers and was using them to climb up onto the counter.

  “Maria’s going to kill you, and Ali’s going to help her hide the bodies. Things are getting a little out of control,” said Mike.

  “This is nothing,” said Ernie as Ali grabbed James off the dining room table, tucked him under one arm and searched for Ryan.

  “All things considered, she's not doing too bad,” added Rick. “I mean, they haven't started throwing poop yet.”

  Mike pointed at one of the screens. “What the hell is Ryan doing?”

  The preschooler was sitting on the counter with his back to the camera and was concentrating on something in front of him. Suddenly, a flame shot into the air above his head and he dropped a lit cooking blowtorch onto the floor.

  Mike jumped from his chair. “Are you shitting me? I'm going back in there.”

  “Ernie, I think your dog's on fire.”

  Mike turned back to the screen and watched in horror as the Collie’s coat ignited.

  Suddenly, Ali appeared and extinguished the dog with a wet dishcloth. She recovered the burning torch, turned it off, and grabbed Ryan off the counter, in the space of a few seconds.

  “She's fast, but not fast enough.”

  On another screen, James had climbed back onto the dining room table and was sliding through the remnants of dinner.

  Ernie laughed. “Maria is so looking forward to them being big enough to help around the house. Something tells me this is not what she had in mind.”

  “Guys, seriously. This isn't funny. One of the boys could get badly injured.”

  “You kidding me? They’re indestruct
ible, essé. They'll burn the house down before they get hurt.”

  “And that doesn’t bother you?”

  “Ali’s got it in hand, bud,” said Rick. “See, she’s got the boys under control… sort of.”

  She had the two boys outside now and they were running around on the lawn chasing the dog with a hose.

  “Mike’s right, Ernie. Maria’s gonna kill you.”

  “Like hell. She said this was a good idea. I quote, ‘I don’t want Mike dating anymore of those vacuous, narcissistic, princess bitches.” He imitated Maria’s high-pitched voice perfectly.

  “She said that, she actually said that?” asked Mike.

  “Hey, you can’t argue, it’s true, buddy. That Stacey chick was hot as hell but damn, she was a selfish bitch,” said Rick.

  “Rick’s right, essé. You’ve picked some loco women.”

  “Thanks guys, we’ve been over this, remember.”

  “The good news is this one’s a bit of a kid whisperer.” Rick pointed up at the screen where Ali had the boys sitting on the grass. She’d found a book and was reading them a story.

  “That’s impossible,” said Ernie. “I jacked them up on so much candy they should be bouncing off the walls. Now they’re eating out of her hand. Mike, don’t let this one go. She is a goddess.”

  He managed a smile. “It would seem so. Well, I guess she passes this phase. Only one to go.”

  Rick shook his head. “TJ isn’t gonna believe this.”

  “You know, if we head back now we might be able to clean the place up before Maria gets home,” said Mike.

  Ernie jumped out of his chair. “Good idea, you know what they say. ‘A Happy wife, a happy life’.”

  Rick stuffed another fistful of popcorn in to his mouth. “Nah, ‘no wife, happy life’. You cats have fun, I’ll see you at the beachfront tomorrow for training.”

  “You’re such a dick, Rick.”

  “That’s what she said.”

  Mike slammed the door of the van. “What are we going to tell Ali?”

  “Same old story. False alarm,” answered Ernie.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “I have to admit, Mike, that girl of yours is impressive,” said TJ as he led the squad on a run along Coronado beach.

  “That’s what I’ve been telling you the whole time,” said Mike as he avoided a patch of seaweed.

  “Hey, let’s not pin the trident just yet boys,” said Rick. “There’s still one more gateway.”

  Mike sighed. “What’s that Rick, some kind of idiotic opportunity to cause her even more discomfort? You going to test her ability to carry five tons of shopping over an obstacle course?”

  “Hey, that’s not a bad idea. But no, this phase is all about pleasure. I call it the honey Rick.”

  Mike scowled. “The honey Rick?”

  “Yeah, it’s like a honeydick except…” He held his arms wide and pointed to his chest as he pranced through the sand.

  “What the fuck is a honeydick?” asked TJ.

  Mike shook his head. “The opposite of a honeypot.”

  Ernie grunted from the back of the squad. “You know, how an attractive woman uses her sexuality to seduce a man and gain information. Well a honeydick is the male version.”

  “I know what a honeypot is, dipshit. Mike, Rick seems to think he’s a goddamn lady slayer. So tonight he’ll try to charm Ali.”

  “What!” Mike stumbled and almost fell. “And I’m supposed to agree to that?”

  Rick turned and ran backward, facing the rest of the squad. He stripped off his tank top. “You afraid I might succeed? You afraid she might succumb to the body of Adonis?”

  “I’d be more scared of Axe stealing her.”

  Rick flexed his arms. “Good thing she’s a vet, because I’m going to be bringing out these sick puppies.”

  “Sweet beard of Zeus, that’s bad.” TJ gave the Rick a shove, sending him tumbling backward into the sand. “Mike, I think your girl’s pretty safe. Let’s get this last phase wrapped up so we can start planning the bachelor party.”

  ***

  As the squad trained Ali was finishing up a rehabilitation session with Axe. The dog now walked normally and showed no sign of his previous behavioral issues. She was immensely proud of what she had achieved in such a short period of time.

  “Is that the stud’s beast?”

  Grinning, she glanced back at her sister who handed her a coffee. “Yes, it is. This is Axe.”

  Leonie sat on the grass. “He’s a handsome fella, just like his dad.”

  “Yeah, we’re almost ready to take him to the next level.”

  “You talking about Axe or Mike?”

  She joined her sister on the patio as Axe stretched out at their feet. “Mike’s in the dog house.”

  “Really?”

  She shook her head. “No, not really. But, last night’s dinner did prove interesting.”

  “How so?”

  “Everyone got called away to an emergency and I was left looking after two hyped-up preschoolers.”

  “Worse than my two?”

  Ali rolled her eyes. “The girls are angels compared to these two. Leonie, they set fire to the dog.”

  Her sister’s coffee splashed, almost spilling on Axe. “Holy shit, that’s serious. I tell you what girl, from the amount of drama that comes with this boy he better be hung like a rogue bull.”

  “Tell me about it. I feel like the first five dates have been some kind of test. Every time we’re together I come up against some kind of obstacle or problem that I have to solve.”

  “Babe, that’s just life. It likes to throw you a shitload of curve balls. You like this guy and he likes you. Go with the flow. It’ll all work out in the long run.”

  “I’m just wondering what else life’s going to throw at me.”

  “When’s your next date?”

  “Tomorrow night, we’re going to a show in town.”

  “Well, that sounds pretty straightforward. I’m sure it will be fine.”

  “Yeah, we’ll see. What are your plans for the day?”

  “I was going to do some shopping then pick up the girls from preschool, excitement plus. What about you?”

  “I’ve got a full day here, then I might have an early one.”

  “Shall we do lunch on Thursday?” asked Leonie as she rose.

  “Yes, let’s.”

  She kissed Ali on the top of her head and said, “You can tell me all about your date.”

  When her sister was gone. Ali leant down and scratched Axe between the ears. “Well, handsome man, how about we get you inside for some breakfast?”

  Once in the clinic she poured him a bowl of dried food and checked on two other canine patients. As she finished filling their water, the phone in her office rang.

  “Hello,” she answered.

  “Is this Ali?”

  The voice was familiar, but she couldn’t place it.

  “It’s Ernie's wife, Maria.”

  “Oh, of course, I’m so sorry. I didn’t recognize your voice.”

  “I’m sorry if this seems out of the blue. Ernie’s mother had your number and I wanted to ring and apologize again for the other night.”

  Ali smiled, Maria was such a sweetie. “That’s no problem at all. I’m just glad that we got everything cleaned up.”

  “You did an amazing job with the boys. They can be a real handful.”

  “They’re actually very sweet.”

  “Yes, well you more than passed the test.”

  Ali frowned. “Test?”

  Maria chuckled. “Yes, it was the boy’s idea. You see Mike keeps dating the most inappropriate women. They thought it would be a good idea to see if you were family material. I stupidly agreed to their silly plan. Poor Mike didn’t even know.”

  “I see.”

  “After meeting you last night. I know that he’s in fantastic hands. You’re divine, my dear.”

  “Thanks, Maria. And thanks again for a wonderful meal.
I look forward to seeing you and the boys, soon.”

  “You too Ali, have a great day.”

  As she hung up a tsunami of anger crashed over her. Now everything made sense. The mountain hike, the sickness, and, most recently, the chaos with Maria’s boys. They were running some kind of test to see if she was worthy of a SEAL. The sheer arrogance of it made her cringe.

  What if she’d failed one of the tests? Would Mike have discarded her despite what they had? Hell, she hadn’t dropped him when it turned out that he had financial problems. She shook her head in disbelief. How stupid was she? Mike probably wasn’t broke at all. More likely, they had staged it all as part of their stupid selection process.

  Reaching for her phone, she started to message him, then stopped. No, that was letting him off lightly. She tossed the phone on her desk and folded her arms. Failing the next test would be a suitable gauge of Mike’s commitment. If he was willing to let a stupid test destroy what they had then it wasn’t worth keeping.

  ***

  The border guard took the stack of passports from Ramirez and checked them individually before handing them to a colleague. “You’re all from Castle Insurance?”

  “Yes, that’s correct. We’re all here for the big event in San Diego. We’re pretty excited to be attending the fifteenth Annual Home Insurance Conference.” He handed the officer actual tickets to a conference that was being held in the city that week.

  The officer checked the documents and handed them back. Then he peered in through the windows at the freshly-shaved men inside. All of them were dressed in dull business suits and wore bored expressions.

  “The next one yours as well?” He pointed to the matching grey minivan behind them.

  “Yes sir, there are twelve of us. We’re the best in the company at what we do, that’s why–”

  “Sir, I don’t give a shit how good you are at selling insurance. You just need to answer my questions. Then I can get you on your way.”

  “Yes, very good.”

  The guard walked to the second vehicle and inspected the men inside, along with their luggage, as the passports were processed. Once that was complete he handed them back to Ramirez. “Have a good time.”