Offside

by Juliana Stone

  At least the gash wasn’t so sore anymore, and even if it was, damned if she was going to let it keep her from playing.

  She tossed the gear into the sink, and winced as she turned around, though she couldn’t help the smile that followed it. She was sore all right. But it wasn’t her stitches that were causing her pain. It was a muscle in her lower back. A muscle that had been strained because the night before Logan had done some wicked, wicked things to her body. Who would have known she’d be able to twist that way? Who would have known he’d be able to position himself and follow through on his promise to make her beg him for more?

  Ever since Monday she’d been sneaking out of the house like a naughty teenager, spending most of the hours between nightfall and dawn under the sheets with Logan.

  “[i]Hello?[i] Billie? Are you listening?”

  “Yes,” she glanced at the clock. It was nearly time to head to the arena for their Friday game. “What’s up?”

  Bobbi looked tired and something clicked inside Billie as she stared at her sister. Bobbi’s perfect hair and makeup complimented her perfect pinstripe suit and matching heels. Her accessories were bang on, the lilac colored beads and earrings a great contrast to her gray suit. But it was the look in Bobbi’s eyes that didn’t match.

  There was something there, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on, and it made Billie feel guilty, mostly because she’d been in such a great place these last few days.

  And because she was sick of being at odds with her sister.

  “How was Dad today?” Bobbi asked.

  “He was good,” Billie answered. She’d spent the entire day cleaning the house and puttering around with her father. They’d even made it outside to help Herschel with yard work. He had been responsive, interested, and most of all he’d been in this time and place. “He had a good day. He’s in the family room watching [i]Criminal Minds[i] with Gramps.”

  Billie followed her sister into the kitchen and leaned against the countertop as Bobbi helped herself to a generous glass of wine.

  “Want some?” Bobbi asked.

  “No,” Billie answered. “I’ve got a game in an hour…”

  Bobbi took a long sip and then set her glass down, glancing over to the Crockpot on the counter. “You made chili,” she said.

  Billie nodded. It was her sister’s favorite. “I followed Gramps’ recipe to a T.”

  Bobbi took another sip of wine and the pressure inside Billie cracked. It crumbled and made it hard to breathe.

  “Bobbi, I don’t want to fight anymore.” She shook her head. “I don’t. I don’t know what happened to us or how so much time and space came between us and I don’t care. I,” she exhaled and struggled to find the right words but in the end she could only utter the truth. “I miss you.”

  Her sister glanced up and Billie was overwhelmed when she saw the tears that shimmered in Bobbi’s eyes. One moment there was an entire kitchen between the two of them and the next they were hugging each other as fiercely as when they had been little girls and one of them had a boo-boo.

  Adult boo-boos were so much more complicated, but still, hugs were good and they went a long way in starting the whole healing process.

  Bobbi was the first to break away. She sniffled and wiped at the corners of her eyes, where her perfect makeup now ran and her eye shadow was smudged beyond repair.

  “I miss you too,” she said quietly. She paused and ran scarlet tipped fingers through her hair as she took another sip of wine. “Everything has just gotten to me, you know?” She kicked off her heels and sent them flying across the floor as she slid into a chair. “Dad being sick has been pretty awful.”

  There was no condemnation in her sister’s words, just a sad and tired acceptance. Billie slid into the chair opposite her sister. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help out, and though I can’t change the past, I’m home now. And even though I’m not one hundred percent sure what I’m going to do with my life,” she shrugged. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I don’t begrudge your hockey career, Billie. I don’t. And you have to believe me when I say that I’m sorry things worked out the way they did, and….” She lowered her eyes. “You were right. I [i]was[i] insanely jealous of you and Betty for a long time,” Bobbi spoke softly, her fingers splayed around the wine glass as she slowly swirled the dark liquid. “The two of you took off and had these awesome careers and lives that didn’t include me. I was stuck here, Shane was…things got complicated and…”

  Billie waited for her sister to finish but she took a sip of wine instead and wiped away the past with a quick brush of her fingers across her brow. “The point is that I think I’m just a little jittery about the future and Gerald and well, I was out of line the other day and I said some things that weren’t exactly nice.”

  “Okay,” Billie said quietly.

  “Okay.”

  Bobbi chewed her bottom lip for a few seconds. “But we need to talk about Dad. About what his illness means and what his future looks like.”

  Panic hit Billie in the gut. “But, he seems to be better.”

  A sad ghost of a smile touched the corner of Bobbi’s mouth. “He does. And he has been before too, but it comes and goes and I’m afraid that he’ll do something crazy when neither one of us is around to look out for him.” Bobbi sighed and shook her head. “He came after you with a rifle.”

  “But there were no bullets in the damn thing!”

  Bobbi gazed at her in silence, while inside that little piece in Billie’s heart, the one that had been frayed and torn, sort of disintegrated, leaving a hole where it had been.

  “What are you saying?” Billie whispered.

  “I’m saying that he won’t be able to stay home forever. I’m saying that his dementia isn’t going to get better and you’ve got to prepare yourself for that. I’ve had time to digest it but you haven’t.”

  For a moment there was only silence.

  Bobbi cleared her throat and cocked her head to the side. “What’s going on between you and Logan Forest?”

  “Nothing!” Billie glanced up in surprise. “I mean,” she swallowed and took a moment. “What do you mean? Why would you say…” but she couldn’t finish her sentence because A) it was a lie and B) her sister wasn’t stupid.

  “I know you’re leaving the house every night around nine and coming home before I leave for work in the morning. So you’re spending the night with someone and since Shane says it’s not him, the only other guy I can think of is Logan.”

  See? Not stupid.

  Billie sat up straighter, suddenly more interested in the fact that her sister had talked to Shane.

  “When did you see Shane?”

  “Tuesday morning.” Bobbi’s cool façade was back in place, in spite of the smudged makeup and glittery eyes.

  Billie thought back to Tuesday morning, back to the moment when she’d practically been having sex with Logan in his kitchen and Shane had walked in. Heat suffused her cheeks as the image in her mind wavered. What the hell? Shane wouldn’t have sold her out, would he? Logan had promised no one would know. If anyone found out she was sleeping with Logan, her already shady reputation would be mud. It would be worse than mud. It would be heading into the crud that was beneath the mud kind of territory.

  She didn’t need that. Not right now.

  She thought of the fundraiser that previous weekend, of the jeers and insinuations thrown her way. She thought of Sabrina Fairfax, joking about her servicing the entire league, and her stomach rolled.

  “What did he…” she cleared her throat and grabbed the bottle of wine. After taking a long drink straight from the bottle she wiped her mouth. “What did he say exactly?”

  “That he wasn’t sleeping with you.”

  “Oh,” she muttered, hating that her cheeks felt as hot as the red paint on Bobbi’s nails.

  “So you’re sleeping with Logan Forest.” It wasn’t a question. It was definitely a statement.

  So. Not. Stupi
d.

  Billie thought about denying it but what was the point? She pushed the bottle of wine toward her sister—who’d just drained her glass.

  “Does anyone else know?” she asked quietly.

  “Oh, Billie.”

  God, she hated the way her sister inserted that tone into her name. It made her feel like she was eleven years old again, when she’d been caught peeking through the fence at their then, fifteen year old neighbor Paul, while he was ‘entertaining’ his girlfriend in the back yard.

  “Logan Forest? He’s way out of your league.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean? Out of my league? I’m not an idiot.”

  “No, that’s not what I meant. Bad choice of words. Logan is just…he’s a player and you’re not.”

  Billie was now really irritated. “First off, Bobbi, you don’t know what I am or what I’m not. And secondly, why exactly do you think Logan is a player? Because that’s not the vibe I get at all.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because he’s thirty and nowhere near close to settling down. He dates a girl, six months max and then breaks up with them. Just ask Sabrina or Melanie or Christy, or—”

  “I get it.” Billie took one more swig of wine and got up from the table. “Maybe he hasn’t met the right girl yet.”

  Bobbi’s eyes widened and she cursed under her breath. “Oh, shit. You don’t think…you’re not thinking of him as a permanent kind of guy, are you?”

  Billie made a face. “Of course not. We just started hanging out, but give the guy a chance.”

  The thing was, and she knew how pathetic it looked, she [i]was[i] thinking along those lines. Heck, she’d been thinking along those lines ever since she’d tricked him into having sex with her all those years ago.

  “I gotta go. I have a game.” Billie pushed her chair back into place and stared down at her sister. “You can’t tell anyone, not even Gerry, all right? With this whole hockey thing,” she sighed, “it will just make things worse.”

  “I won’t say anything but I hope you know what you’re doing with Logan and that you keep your eyes wide open. Because if I remember correctly he had a thing for Betty a few years back and…”

  Billie winced. It still stung to hear those words.

  “And?”

  Bobbi filled her glass once more and settled into her chair. “Look, don’t get upset but he slept with Betty.”

  Shit.

  “How do you know that?”

  Bobbi must have sensed something was up because she straightened in her chair and plunked her elbows onto the table. “Shane told me back when we were still together. Apparently she hooked up with Logan at some Christmas party and then blew him off, which is so typical of Betty, but…” her voice trailed off and Billie shifted beneath the intense observation. “You don’t seem surprised.”

  “I’m not,” Billie offered weakly.

  Bobbi made a face. “So you’re perfectly fine sleeping with a guy who’s already slept with your sister? Your identical sister to be exact? Don’t you find that creepy?”

  [i]Keep your mouth shut. Don’t say anything else[i].

  “He didn’t sleep with Betty.”

  “What?” Bobbi was confused. “Are you on drugs?”

  As if a tiny crack appeared inside her soul, the secret she’d been carrying around for years came tumbling out. She couldn’t help it. Her brain and her mouth were not getting along.

  “Logan thinks he slept with Betty because the two of them had flirted outrageously all night. But she left with someone else and it wasn’t Betty who followed him into that room at the party. It was me.”

  She waited for Bobbi to say something but her sister remained silent, though her eyes were wider than before, and with the smudge of liner around their edges she looked like a deranged raccoon.

  “Do you understand what I’m saying?” Billie said quietly.

  “You pretended to be Betty so you could nail Logan Forest.”

  “Pretty much.” She winced at the crude words but what the hell, they were true.

  “Why?” Bobbi asked, clearly puzzled.

  “Because I wanted him.” Something twisted inside Billie and it was nearly a full minute before she could continue. “Because I was in love with him.”

  “But he didn’t even know you existed! He was all about Betty and her trashy reputation.”

  The pain intensified. “I know.”

  “What about now? Billie, you can’t be in love with him. I mean, can you?’

  “I don’t know.”

  [i]Liar[i]. Had she ever stopped loving him? Thinking about him? Hadn’t she compared every single boyfriend she’d ever had to Logan Forest? Hadn’t she found every one of them wanting?

  For a moment there was silence and then Bobbi spoke. “And you haven’t told him yet.”

  Billie shook her head, ashamed. “No.”

  “Are you going to?”

  “I have to, I just…I don’t know how he’s going to react.” She thought again of how disappointed and hurt he had been when he’d shown up at their house the next day looking for Betty. Of how she had lied to his face and sent him on his way.

  “Doesn’t it make you wonder?” her sister asked carefully.

  “Wonder what?”

  “Look I know it happened a long time ago, but still,” Bobbi looked as if she thought Billie was crazy. “Doesn’t it make you wonder if he’s thinking of Betty when he’s with you?”

  Bingo. That was the million dollar question. But it was one Billie didn’t know if she wanted an answer to.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Three weeks later, on a Monday morning, Billie was skating laps around the arena by herself. It was Logan’s last official coaching session, but he’d left for the airport sometime the night before and would be on the west coast by now. She wouldn’t see him until Friday, possibly Saturday and maybe that was a good thing. She’d spent every available minute that she could with him—under the cover of darkness of course—but still, she shouldn’t get so used to being with him.

  It’s not as if they’d ever discussed the future and he seemed more than happy to keep things low key and secret. It shouldn’t annoy her since it was her idea, but still, it would have been nice to know he wanted more than just Shane to know they were together.

  Though, was having lots of really, hot and spicy sex considered ‘together’?

  Billie pushed those thoughts away and concentrated on the mechanics of using both her inside and outside edges as she burned off a ton of restless energy. She flew along the circles in the end zone. First forward and then twice backwards, carrying a puck and shooting at the net as she finished her cycle. Even though Logan was away she’d decided to take advantage of the donated ice time. Though if he was home, she could think of a lot of different ways to burn energy.

  Her cheeks heated. A [i]lot[i] of different ways.

  She’d spent a quiet night with her father and Herschel and it had been nice. There was no leaving early or sneaking out. Bobbi had attended a wedding shower for one of her co-workers—it must have been one hell of a shower because her sister hadn’t come home until after Billie had gone to bed.

  And that would be in her own bed—something she hadn’t done in over three weeks and something she’d be doing for the next few days. Sure, Cosmo probably had a ton of articles on why it was a good idea to be away from Logan for a little while. They’d been burning hot and fast ever since that first night.

  But it was such a [i]good[i] hot and fast that she was kind of annoyed, which was most likely the reason she’d had such a crappy sleep in the first place.

  She flew over the blue line, shooting pucks at the net on the other end of the rink and tried to clear her mind, but it was so hard. She hadn’t seen Logan since Sunday morning when he’d woken her with a slow, lingering kiss. The kind of kiss that curls your toes and makes your stomach tremble.

  God, she loved watching him while they were having sex. Everything he felt was reflect
ed in his eyes. He had treated her to a morning of incredible, steaming hot sex and they hadn’t surfaced until nearly noon. And that was only because Weird was hungry and wouldn’t leave them alone. Not surprising since the damn cat had perched on the end of the bed and refused to leave for hours.

  What the hell could the damn cat see out of one eye anyway?

  “Hey, Billie!”

  She rounded the far end of the rink and waved to Kendall and several of her teammates. They practiced every Monday morning at six as well, and she was surprised to see them milling about the player’s bench. They should be doing laps on the other pad.

  Billie skated over to the girls. “Aren’t you guys on the wrong side?”

  Their trainer, Dave Sloan, leaned over and smiled. “Where’s Forest? He couldn’t take it anymore?”

  “No,” she grinned, “he’s out of town.”

  “Ah.” Dave Sloan straightened. “So you’re on your own today?”

  “Yep. ‘fraid so.”

  Sloan cleared his throat and looked as if he was going to say something but before he could, Kendall butted in. “We want you to teach us your drills.”

  Billie looked at the eager and expectant faces and then back to Dave who was staring at her with an equally large, equally hopeful grin.

  “The girls have been watching the tail end of your sessions with Logan and I gotta tell you, Billie, they’d benefit a lot from someone with your skill set and knowledge.”

  “Oh,” she was surprised and flattered.

  “Please, Billie.” Kendall smiled and poked the girl beside her. “We’ll pay.”

  She was horrified at the thought of collecting money from a bunch of teenagers, especially since the ice time had been donated. “Don’t worry about that.” She glanced around the large expanse of empty ice.

  Why not?

  Their enthusiasm for the game was written all over each and every face and she felt a spark hit her square in the chest. It mobilized her and she moved back, pointing toward the pylons and bucket of pucks in the corner.