by Quell T Fox
“Fine! Okay. Yes, I’ll call. But I don’t plan on drinking. Probably not anyway.”
“That’s my girl.”
I get up and walk over to her and give her a hug, careful not to disturb Milo who finally seems to be sleeping. Friday smiles down at him. “The only time he’s calm is when he has a boob in his mouth. Just like your brother.”
“Gross.”
She takes one look at my face and throws her head back and laughs, quickly placing her hand over her mouth to quiet herself, not wanting to wake Milo.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”
“Okay,” I drawl out. “Good night then.”
“Night, Nana!”
I leave the room and go downstairs, wanting to get a snack before bed. Flickering light catches my eye from outside and I see all four guys sitting around the fire having a beer, talking and laughing. I wish I could have grown up with them, like how my brother did. The bond they have is amazing, something I wish I had with someone. They’ve all known each other since they were little kids. They know each other better than they know themselves, I’d bet. I used to think they had a better relationship for it because really, Friday hasn’t been around all that long. Not much longer than I’ve been here. But after spending time with them, I realize time doesn’t define a relationship. Sometimes your soul knows who it wants to be with, and that’s all you need. Your soul’s approval.
Lenny was raised by Maddox even though they’re only a few years apart in age. They don’t know I know. I think they try to keep it a secret so I don’t think worse of my mom. I overheard them talking about it one night and it’s stuck with me.
My mother abandoned him, left him alone in the house they were living in. He would have died if Maddox hadn’t found him. And if he hadn’t taken him Lenny would have ended up in the system and I’d probably never know him.
And then I’d probably be dead.
I wouldn’t have had anyone to save me that day. Leaving the house to find someone wasn’t an option for me. My mother instilled so much fear into me, even being close to the door made me nervous. It was a hard thing for me to overcome. Trying to relearn the rules of life and what it’s like to have a normal one. Going outside is okay. Eating when you’re hungry is okay. Using hot water is okay.
Who would have thought any of those things were wrong? It’s so sad to even think I once did.
Part of me is glad Lenny didn’t grow up the way I did. Part of me is resentful I got stuck with that life when he had such a good one. But he’s my brother and I know if it were up to him, he would not have chosen that life for me. I know he would have switched places with me in a heartbeat because that’s how much he loves me. I also know he has his own battles, just as I do. He’s just had more support over the years to overcome it.
I sneak into the kitchen and pull out a bag of cookies and pour myself a glass of milk. I sit at the table and eat until I’m full. I shouldn’t indulge in snacks like this before bed, but sometimes I really don’t care. I’m still not entirely used to having food whenever I want it which is why I overdo it at times. I will never forget the expression on Lenny’s face the first time I opened the fridge and saw how full it was. He was equally happy and nauseated at my reaction. That was the first moment I knew I could trust him. I knew he felt for me and understood my pain. He knows what it’s like; he gets it.
Before heading upstairs, I pop my head outside and say goodnight to the guys. They ask me to stay with them, but I politely decline, giving an excuse of homework when really, I just want some quiet time. When I make my way back to my room, I catch a glimpse of Friday asleep on her bed, still leaning up against the headboard with Milo laying down on his belly beside her. I check in on Briella who is tucked away in her bed, sound asleep. Her and Milo are the complete opposites, always have been. Briella is fierce and independent. She’s witty and smart. Milo needs someone, needs the physical connection. Briella is confident enough to be alone. Granted they are only kids, Milo is barely walking on his own yet, but I can sense who they’re going to be when they get older. It’s something I really look forward to seeing. I’m glad I get to be a part of their life and I’ve promised myself to do everything I can to make it better for them. I’m going to be the cool aunt, not the boring one who gets them in trouble.
I go into my room and close the door behind me. I wanted to go to sleep but I end up lying in bed for hours thinking about things I don’t want to think about. Like how I’ve been miserable for seventy percent of my life and I’m only seventeen. And those boys. Why can’t I get them out of my mind? Hunter with his dirty blonde hair and perfect smile. He’s hiding something, but I can’t tell what it is. Thorne with his rugged face but gentle nature. I can sense that about him, even after only sharing a few words. He’s an open book, I can see it. And then Castor. He bleeds male dominance and confidence all over the place. All dark and fierce features. I know for a fact if he wanted to bend me over the cafeteria table, I’d ask him how quickly he wanted me there.
I shouldn’t be thinking like that. Dirty thoughts don’t come from virgins. Which is exactly what I am. My body has no idea what it will be in store for, but it sure knows what it wants.
Three gorgeous guys who I can’t get out of my head.
Chapter Seven
Leona
After discreetly promising Friday one more time I will call her if I drink, I finally escape the house. When Lenny asks where I’m going, I tell him I’m going out with Lina. He doesn’t ask anything more. After knowing Lina for so long, they don’t question much. They know she’s a good kid. Friday will deal with Lenny if he becomes more curious.
I’m greeted by cool, fresh air when I step outside. Fall is coming and I cannot wait. I enjoy the summer, but there is nothing like a cool, crisp fall night. I hop into Lina’s car where she has the heat blasting. Another opposite for me and Lina. She is always cold, and I am always warm. A grin spreads across her face as I buckle my seatbelt.
“Did you tell them?”
“Only Friday.”
“Pussy!”
“Oh, please. Did you want me to come or not? Cause if I told them, I’d be handcuffed to my bed and not for pleasure purposes.”
Lina bursts out laughing. It takes her a few minutes to compose herself. Once she does, she puts the car in drive and starts down the driveway, still giggling every now and then over something that wasn’t a joke.
My stomach begins to do somersaults when we turn down the dirt road which leads to the cabins and lake where the party is being held at. It’s an old camping ground, but the owners stopped caring about it long ago. No one checks on the place anymore and we’re pretty sure the locals know us kids use it for partying. No one cares as long as we don’t cause any trouble. There isn’t anything around here, just woods and the lake for miles, so there aren’t any neighbors to complain about us being too loud. Ironically enough, these cabins sit directly across from my house. It’s pretty far, but if we make a big enough fire, I know my family would be able to spot it if they were out by the lake.
I can’t pinpoint why I’m so nervous about this party. Perhaps it’s just excitement. Every other year it was like going anywhere else with Lina but for some reason this year my stomach is in knots. Ever since school started, I’ve been on edge and I’m not entirely sure why. I tell myself it’s just excitement over it being my last year, the changes in school with the new people, and the fact I’ll be turning eighteen soon. Not that it means much other than being a legal adult. I don’t plan on going anywhere. No one wants me to move out and I’m perfectly happy with staying where I am so I can continue school. Not much is changing for me, just another year older.
When we reach the clearing at the end of the road, we follow the signs pointing towards the lake. The biggest cabins are down this way. Two sit right over the lake, both have decks above it. They’re still in good condition considering no one takes care of them anymore. We don’t use them often, mostly we hang around the fire.
As we make our way down the bumpy road, going as slow as possible not wanting to mess up Lina’s car, we hear the music before we see anything. The area is pitch black, being out in the middle of nowhere. Even with the headlights on we can’t see much, that’s how dark it is.
The music grows louder and as we curve to the left, the area lightens with the fire that’s ablaze between the two cabins. We find an empty spot by the tree line and Lina parks. She checks her makeup one last time in the mirror, dabbing at her eye to wipe away a stray spot of mascara. Lina won’t leave her house without makeup.
“You ready?” I ask after staring at her for a long minute. She could sit here for another hour fixing her flawless makeup. She blows me a kiss and then opens her door. I get out and pull my leather jacket closer around me. It’s colder by the lake, but I love it. Prefer it, even. I get itchy and uncomfortable in the heat. The cold weather is comforting to me. Most people find comfort in the heat and warmth on their skin, I prefer the cool air nipping at mine.
Students have already gathered around the fire, everyone with a drink in their hand. Groups of kids are also gathered by each of the cabins, hanging with their cliques. The awesome thing about these parties, and about my school in general, is there isn’t any bullying because everyone minds their own business. We have the jocks, the nerds, and the popular kids, just like every other school, but we all coexist. There are rules set and everyone follows them.
Like how the parking spot you choose on the first day of school is yours for the year. It stops people from fighting over spots every day. The seat you grab for lunch will always be yours unless you go and sit somewhere else. And if you catch someone doing something you look the other way, as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or someone else. In most schools, things like this would cause issues because someone always wants to be on top, but everyone is fine with the rules. They respect them, therefore, there is no reason to lash out at others just for the sake of it. Don’t get me wrong, kids have arguments and disagreements. People fight. It’s still a high school, but it happens for legitimate reasons and not because someone isn’t as popular as the other. People don’t get stuffed into lockers or hung from flag poles at Roseland.
There is a lot of nervous chatter going on around school about the new kids. About how they’re going to come in and try to take over and run things like it’s their own school. At the same time, they’re all trying to abide by the rules and accept everyone for who they are, let them do their thing. I guess only time will tell. The newcomers are outnumbered. Ninety-seven kids were transferred into our school, and the first few days have gone by smoothly.
Because of these rules we have in place, the nerds are just as welcome to this party as the jocks are. They don’t spend time with each other, they may share a few words, but they accept they aren’t friends and aren’t offended by it. The nerds always leave earlier; they aren’t as loud and don’t get as drunk. Even when the popular kids get loud and drunk, they still aren’t mean. Everyone just wants to have fun. And it’s something I love about this school and the people who attend. They accept you for who you are, even if they don’t want any part of it. They understand people are different and there isn’t a reason to bash someone for it.
“Hey! Leona, over here!” I turn my head to where the voice is coming from. I find Eli flagging me down. I raise my hand to wave and look at Lina.
“I’ll be back,” I tell her.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m getting myself a drink and finding a boy to keep myself entertained.” I huff out a laugh and head over to Eli, shaking my head at Lina’s antics.
“Hey, wasn’t sure if you’d be here or not,” I say once I reach Eli. He’s standing in a circle with a few other guys we go to school with. They’re considered high end nerds—yes, everyone still has labels. They’re super smart but don’t come to school with the sweater vests and pocket protectors like the lower-class nerds. I guess I’d fit in with Eli’s clique, though I’ve never really thought about where I fell. I guess I could be an in-between because Lina definitely doesn’t fit in with Eli—not anymore—though she doesn’t fit perfectly into any other category either.
We’re definitely part of the in-betweens.
“Nothing better to do on a Saturday night around here other than tipping cows and that’s old news. Besides, I was hoping to see you.” He shoulder-bumps me and I smile.
I’ve known Eli since I started school here. I met him the same day I met Lina. We used to hang out more, but then something happened between the two of them. Something I haven’t asked about and she hasn’t told me about. And ever since then, we’ve barely seen each other outside of school. Eli started to keep his distance, hanging out with other guys more than us. Then we fell into what became our new norm. Me and Lina, him and the guys. But it’s no secret he has a minor crush on me. I, on the other hand, do not have those feelings for him.
“You been here long?” I turn my head and look behind me as two more cars pull down the road. I don’t recognize either one of them, but they’re pretty fancy for dirt road driving. A lot of the kids around here are well off, but they all know not to bring the nice cars down here. Except Lina, she didn’t get the memo.
“Long enough for this to be my second beer.” He holds up his empty cup. “I’m gonna grab another, you want one?”
“Sure. Thanks.” I offer a smile. I know you shouldn’t accept drinks from people at parties, but I trust Eli. I don’t think he would ever put anything in my drink. Honestly, I don’t think anyone in this school would. It’s no secret the kids in this school are horny as hell, they wouldn’t have a reason to spike anyone’s drink. Everyone is DTF. Okay, maybe not everyone, but most. Enough for it to not be a problem to get laid.
“Look at that car!” Miles says, elbowing Josh. He’s pointing behind me at one of the cars that has just pulled in.
“Is that…”
“1970 Hemi Cuda. Yep.”
The boys across from me are practically drooling. I look over my shoulder at the car they’re talking about and I’m not quite getting what the big deal is. It looks like your run of the mill old car, one that someone’s grandfather would drive around town to show off.
“What’s so fancy about it?” I ask, earning me dirty looks from all three of the guys. Even Turner gives me a dirty look and he’s probably the nicest and quietest of all. “Sorry, I just don’t get the whole car thing.”
Josh opens his mouth to speak when Eli makes his way back over. “Whoa. You guys check out the Cuda? Must be the new kids.”
Must be the new kids.
The new kids.
Great.
Eli hands me a cup, bringing it to my lips I take a long sip. I said I wouldn’t drink, but that doesn’t mean I won’t drink anything. It just means I don’t plan on getting drunk. Which I don’t. It’s only one beer.
Hunter climbs out of the car the boys can’t stop staring at while Castor and Thorne climb out of the other. If I had to pick, I think I prefer their car over Hunter’s. Not that I know what it is but it’s more appealing to me. Even if Castor hadn’t climbed out of the driver’s seat, I’d know it was his car. It’s dark and intimidating, just like him.
They meet around the back of the Cuda and share a few words. Castor looks up, his eyes meeting mine. They glimmer in the fire, like a cat’s eyes might. I don’t look away even though every nerve in my body is telling me to. The familiar tickling sensation in my chest strikes again. Castor looks up towards the moon; it’ll be full in a few days. I always keep track of the moon’s phases. Astronomy is one of the most amazing things to me. I took the class freshman year and I wish I could have continued, but they only offer a basic intro class. Castor’s gaze finds mine once again, his jaw ticking. His eyes narrow and he looks away and back at Hunter. They’re met shortly after with the group of girls who came from their school, the same girls who were rude to me the other day. They take off down the beach and I try not to think about what it is they’re doing down
there, alone.
Eli stays by my side, going heavy on the flirting. I just laugh and dodge most of his comments. I’m used to him being flirty, he’s never been shy about it. And this isn’t the first time I’ve seen him drunk, because he most definitely is drunk. He’s assured me multiple times he isn’t driving. Thankfully Miles hasn’t had any more than the first cup I saw him with, so I know they will all get home safely. I don’t proudly admit that after my second beer, I begin to flirt back, my inhibitions going out the metaphorical window. I’m not laying it on as thick as he is, but I’m doing a lot of giggling and I know my face is beat red from the blushing.
Eli is a great guy. Perfect boyfriend material. He’s funny, nice, and smart… but there is nothing there. No spark, no butterflies. Something about him gives off brother vibes. He’s been friend zoned and we all know once you go there, there is no returning.
Sorry, not sorry.
I look around in search of Lina from my spot on the old bench, just wanting to keep an eye on her, and I find her sitting on Eddie Houghlen’s lap. I shake my head and laugh. She must be drunk. Her and Eddie have an on again/off again thing. Never a relationship, always FWB, just not on a continual basis. I think there is more going on there, but neither of them will act on it because neither of them are ready for the commitment. I get it though. We’re still young. Why rush into something like that? We have our whole lives ahead of us.
When she throws her head back laughing and almost falls off his lap—thankfully she doesn’t, only because he catches her—I know it’s time to go.
“All right, boys. It’s been fun. See you all in school on Monday?” I ask, finishing my beer. I’m wondering whether or not I should call Friday for a ride or just drive home. Lina is in no shape to drive, and I probably shouldn’t either. I don’t drive on a normal day, never mind after having a few drinks. I make the decision to call Friday when Eli turns towards me.