by Steph Nuss
Table of Contents
Copyright page
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Extra
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Copyright 2015 by Steph Nuss
All rights reserved.
This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
ISBN: 978-0-9862246-3-8
Prologue
“Tess? Tessa?”
The memories from the sex dream I had the night before flashed through my mind. I shook them away and focused on my brother, Treylor, who sat across from me at the dining room table. “Yeah? What’s up?”
He laughed, shoveling cereal onto his spoon. “Did you hear anything I just said?”
“Nothing before my name,” I confessed with a smile.
Dropping the spoon back into his bowl, the smile on his face fell as his expression turned serious. Whatever he’d been talking about was important, and I instantly felt bad for spacing out over breakfast.
“Well, I’m listening now,” I prompted, taking a sip of my orange juice.
Trey leaned his elbows on the table and sighed. “I’ve been thinking about moving out.”
The silence that flooded the room was palpable. I honestly wasn’t expecting those words to come out of his mouth. Trey was only five years younger than me, and currently a sophomore in college. He had a part-time job and attended NYU full-time. I practically raised him since I was a little girl because our parents were rarely sober, and here he sat telling me he wanted to move out. Breakfast churned in my belly as I placed my cup back on the table.
“Josh has been wanting to move out of his parents’ place for a while now,” he continued. “But he can’t afford a place on his own, so he asked me if I’d be interested. And honestly, Tess, I am.”
I nodded silently. I knew this day would come, so I couldn’t understand why it was such a shock to me now. We were both adults, and every kid eventually wanted to leave the nest. It wasn’t the crappy, drugged-out nest our parents built; it was the home I made for us at the meager age of eighteen when I gained full responsibility for a thirteen-year-old after losing both our parents. My boss at the diner where I worked got us into this rent-controlled apartment in Chinatown, while the rest of the building paid a pretty penny to call this place home.
And now Trey didn’t want to live here anymore.
It was heartbreaking for me.
Especially since we lived so close to campus for him.
“Would you please say something?” he asked with a hint of humor. “You’re starting to freak me out.”
I smiled weakly. “Has Josh found a place yet?”
“No, he didn’t want to start looking until he found a roommate,” he explained.
“I see.” I nodded again, feeling as if I’d been blindsided by all of this. How long had Trey been thinking about moving out? Did he really not like living here, or did he just want his independence like Josh? None of that really mattered given the fact that he wasn’t a minor anymore. He was free to do whatever he wanted, and he definitely wasn’t asking for my permission. I just hated the thought of him leaving, not for my sake but for his. He had everything going for him right now. He was doing well in school and had a great job as building security for the Madison Square Garden Company. Elly’s dad helped him get the job last year. It paid well, but apartments in the city weren’t cheap.
“Tessa,” he stated, giving me his adorable boy smirk. “You know how much I love and appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”
“I know,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“I just think this could be perfect for us because you’ve never been on your own either. I mean, you could host girls’ nights or bring a guy home and not have to worry about freaking out your little bro while you guys go at it.”
“Treylor!”
Laughing, he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m just saying, I think this would be good for you, too. Not just me. I’ve loved living with you, but you know I’ll be fine living on my own. You’ve taught me how to cook, how to do my laundry, how to respect my neighbors and protect myself. And with this place being so cheap, you wouldn’t even have to get a roommate if you didn’t want to.”
I nodded understandingly. For years, I’d put my life on hold to worry about Trey’s, and he knew it. I never complained because I loved taking care of him and teaching him things and making sure his homework was done. Our parents never gave two fucks about those fundamentals. They only cared about themselves and their substance abuse.
I loved being an older sister, which was why I suggested, “Why don’t you guys take this place and I’ll move out?”
“Tessa—”
“Just hear me out,” I stated, as I gathered our dishes. “You can walk to school and work from here, and it’s affordable for both you and Josh because it’s under rent control. It’s a great neighborhood and, honestly, I’d feel better knowing that you’re living in a safe neighborhood rather than some hole-in-the-wall dump because it’s all you two can afford while going to school full-time and only working part-time.”
“So, I’ll go to school part—”
“No, Treylor,” I snapped, glaring back at him. “You’re getting a college degree. I’m not going to let you throw away your education just for some independence!”
“Okay, okay,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “So, you’d move out? Where would you live? I don’t want you in some dump, either.”
“I’ll find something nice.”
“And who are you going to live with?” he asked. “I don’t want you living with some nut job off of Craigslist. There are serial killers on there, you know.”
He watched one Lifetime docudrama with me, and now he was terrified of Craigslist. “I’m sure I can find some inexpensive place to live on my own.”
“I know I just suggested it, but I don’t really like the idea of you living alone,” he stated.
Smiling, I started rinsing the dishes and loading them into the dishwasher. “I think I can handle it. I am the one who taught you how to throw a punch.”
He laughed out loud, stood up from his seat and walked into the kitchen. Leaning against the counter, he smiled down at me, which reminded me just how grown-up he was now that I had to look up to meet his eyes. “You’re the best sister in the world, you know that?”
I playfully punched his hard stomach and smiled. “And don’t you forget it!”
Chapter One
I spent the morning at work searching online for apartments, which caused a ball of anxiety to tighten in my stomach as reality smacked me in the face. I knew living in the city was expensive, but I didn’t think it was that expensive. I’d found studio apartments, where the bathroom and kitchen were practically in the same room, and I still couldn’t afford them. I was one second away from a cry fest when Justin Jameson and Carter Jennings walked into Elly’s psych clinic for lunch. Just the sight of Justin in his professor ensemble brightened my day. He paired brown loafers with khaki pants that hung from his lean hips. The navy blue sweater vest ov
er his light-blue plaid button-down highlighted his wiry frame and made his hazel-blue eyes pop against his tan skin. His long, sandy blond hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, his normal work style. To some, his appearance probably wasn’t sexy in the slightest, but it was one of my favorites.
Ever since Carter had moved back to the city last year, he and Justin spent most of their lunch breaks at Elly’s clinic. It wasn’t too far away from NYU, where they both taught. Now that Carter and Elly were married and expecting their first child together, not a day went by that he missed having lunch with her.
“Hey, Tessa,” Carter said, placing their bags on the table in the lobby.
“Hey, guys,” I said, smiling politely. I was in no mood to have lunch with anyone, even my friends, so I decided to forgo the sandwich I’d packed and continue apartment hunting. “Elly’s last patient just left, so she should be out in a minute.”
“Okay,” Carter said, taking a seat. He started unpacking the lunch he’d brought, a smile proudly stamped across his face. Justin sat across from him, doctoring his sandwich with dressing.
Elly soon appeared in the lobby, rocking an adorable black dress that slightly hid her baby bump. “Hey, guys!”
“Hey, babe,” Carter said, as Justin offered her a silent nod.
She immediately greeted Carter with a kiss and plopped down in the seat next to him. “What’d you bring us today?” she asked, rubbing her belly.
“A turkey sub without mayo this time,” he replied.
“Oh good, because Baby Jennings is not a fan of mayonnaise,” she said with a cringe as she unwrapped the paper. “Did you get the vinegar and oil and oregano?”
Carter laughed. “Of course.”
“I love you,” she said, offering him another kiss. She turned her attention toward me and smiled. “Tessa, are you going to eat with us?”
I sighed and shook my head. “Nah, I’m not really hungry.”
“How are you not hungry?” Elly asked, before taking a bite of her sub.
Well, I wasn’t eating for two, and the reality check of apartment hunting had completely stolen my appetite.
“What are you looking up on there?” Carter asked, nodding toward my computer.
Leaning back in my chair, I gazed over at my friends and confessed. “Trey wants to move out and get a place with a friend, but I told him they could have my place and I would find something. So, I’m apartment hunting now.”
“Are you having any luck?” Elly asked.
“Not really,” I said gravely. “Even the crappier places I’ve found are on the higher end of my budget. I had no idea how expensive apartments were now. Living under rent control will do that to a person.”
“You know, I could give you a raise,” Elly said, smiling genuinely. “But you’ll probably just say you don’t need one, so why don’t you move in with us for the time being?”
“No, I don’t deserve a raise, and I couldn’t do that to you guys. You just got married a few months ago, and you have a baby on the way. Thanks for the offer, but I just can’t.”
“Okay,” Elly said, rolling her eyes. “But the offer still stands. You’re always welcome.”
“I know,” I said, turning my attention back to my computer screen. I decided to widen my search to other boroughs, so I began looking there while they ate in comfortable silence.
“What about Paige?” Elly asked. “She has a spare bedroom at her place.”
“You lived with Paige back in college,” I stated. “You really think she wants a roommate now? She couldn’t wait to find her own place once you guys graduated.”
“True,” she said.
“Speaking of Paige,” Carter said. “Where is she? She usually has lunch with us.”
Paige had texted me earlier, saying she had a lunch meeting for work. Elly and I shared a glance, and then she turned to Carter and sighed. “She had a work lunch she had to attend today, and she’ll probably have them until the baby arrives. She’s avoiding me now that she knows I’m pregnant.”
“Are you serious?” Carter asked, brows furrowed.
“Carter,” Elly warned, shaking her head.
“Whatever,” he stated, taking a bite of his sub. “She needs to get over whatever issues she has with babies. Everyone loves babies.”
“Some people prefer a child-free lifestyle,” she continued. “We’ve talked about this.”
“I know, but she’s one of our friends,” he argued. “All I’m saying is that she shouldn’t feel the need to avoid us for nine months.”
Elly smiled at him and then playfully took a bite of her sandwich and asked with a mouthful, “Can we please drop this so I can go back to enjoying my lunch?”
“Yes,” he laughed, placing a chaste kiss on her cheek. “Fuel up, babe.”
I laughed as I scrolled through the apartment listings. I’d been spoiled for too long, and now I was paying for it. I worked full-time as Elly’s receptionist, and I still couldn’t afford any of these places. I couldn’t imagine what dump Trey and Josh would’ve ended up finding on their measly part-time paychecks.
“Move in with me.”
Turning my head back toward the table, I looked up in shock and found Justin staring back at me. “W-what?”
“I said, you can move in with me.”
I couldn’t possibly live with Justin Jameson, especially not after the sex dream I had starring him the night before. I had the world’s biggest crush on him, and it’d somehow moved into wet dream territory. How the hell was I supposed to live with him?
“I can’t,” I said shyly, shaking my head. “I-um-I don’t know if I can aff—”
“I have an extra bedroom,” he explained. “I’ve never had a roommate before, but I think we could make it work. Plus, I think I speak for everyone when I say I can’t let one of my friends live in a box just because it’s in her budget.”
Great. Now, I’m his charity case.
“Thanks, but I don’t think I can afford even half your rent.”
Justin lived in a nice condo near Washington Square. The building had a doorman and included amenities like a spa and housecleaners. It also had a five-star restaurant and a lounge in the lobby. I probably couldn’t even afford a third of the rent at a place like his.
“You wouldn’t have to worry about rent,” he stated, his smile widening. “I bought the condo years ago, so it’s mine now.”
Of course, he had it paid off already. Justin came from ridiculously smart, rich parents who authored science textbooks now. Apparently, they’d been genius scientists back when he was younger, but they’d since retired to write. He never talked about them and we’d never met them. All I knew was that they passed all of their intelligence on to him, which led to Justin entering college at the age of fourteen. Now, after acquiring several doctorate degrees in various fields, he was 30-years-old and already tenured at NYU.
I didn’t even graduate high school.
“I can’t just live with you for free,” I said, feeling my cheeks heat with embarrassment.
“Why not?” he asked earnestly.
Carter and Elly quietly watched us as if they were watching a tennis match, back and forth, with considerable interest.
“I-I don’t know,” I stuttered, nervously playing with the buttons on my keyboard. “I would feel like I owe you, and I don’t want to be some charity case.”
Justin sat back in his seat and gave me a smirk. “You’re no one’s charity case. You’re my friend.”
My heart sank at the mention of our friendship. Sadly, friends were all we’d ever be.
Get over it already, Tess.
“If it makes you feel better, we can split the utilities or groceries or whatever,” he said, before popping a chip in his mouth.
I watched as he chewed, smiling back at me, and the knot of anxiety that had settled in my stomach quickly crawled up into my throat. His sweetness was one of the things I loved most about him. He would do anything to help anyone. He didn’t hav
e a mean bone in his body. But God, it would be impossible to live with him, feeling the way I did about him.
Justin was a man of habit: he wasn’t too keen on change. So, the fact that he even offered me his guest bedroom was a huge step for him, especially since he’d never had a roommate. We were opposites in almost every way. He came from money and intelligence; I came from parents who abused drugs and alcohol. He had several academic degrees; I only had my GED. Where he was the silent observer of our group of friends, I was our social butterfly, always chatting away and eager to go out and have fun.
For years now, I’d believed he deserved a woman more like himself, but my beliefs couldn’t deter my feelings for him. He had no idea how I felt about him, and I chalked it up to his obliviousness to women and the effect he had on us.
“I think this is perfect!” Elly cheered. She gazed over at me excitedly, and I sent daggers her way. She knew how I felt. She knew he favored consistency. Yet, she was encouraging this living arrangement.
“What do you say, Tessa?” Carter asked with a smile.
The three of them stared at me, silently begging for my answer. Justin looked slightly amused, as if he couldn’t figure out why I even had to think about it. Carter appeared as eager as his wife, which made me question what he knew about my feelings toward Justin. Elly’s gaze never waived, pleading with me to agree.
So, I did.
“Okay,” I replied, nodding stiffly.
“Yay!” Elly squealed, clapping her hands. “When can she move in, Justin?”
He laughed, smiling back at me. “As soon as you want. The room is already furnished, but you’re welcome to change anything and make it your own.”
You’re welcome to change anything. Who was this guy and where did Dr. I-Hate-Change go?
“Thanks,” I offered. “I really appreciate it.”