by Steph Nuss
I watched Tessa closely as she paced near the head of my bed. I could tell she was becoming more anxious with the way she kept twisting her hair around her finger, which in turn overwhelmed me, having the room full of people when all I wanted was alone time with her. I just wanted to feel her and hold her tight so she knew I was okay, calming her down with just my touch. “No, they haven’t changed the dressing yet.”
Cash opened his mouth to speak, but before he could get another word out, I stopped him by holding my left hand up.
“Guys,” I stated, glancing around at their surprised faces. “I really appreciate you all being here for me, and waiting around so long to make sure I’d make it out okay, but … I really need to be alone with Tessa right now. I’m sorry. I don’t want to be the asshole who kicks his friends out of his hospital room, but—”
“You don’t need to explain,” Maverick said, reaching for Harper’s hand. “You’re not an asshole for wanting to be with your girl. I’ve been there.”
“Yeah,” Elly agreed, smiling back at me. “We can come back later.”
The gang filtered out after wishing me well, and Grandma made me promise to call her in the morning. Trey insisted on staying at the hospital with his sister, but he left my room with his camera in hand to give us some privacy.
Tessa moved to the left side of my bed and smiled weakly, like it was taking everything in her to keep it together. She kissed my cheek and then studied my features, grazing her fingertips over my facial hair as she examined me with her beautifully sad eyes. She was combing over every aspect of me to make sure I was all right, and I let her, knowing she needed it. But the more she studied me, the longer the silence grew between us, and then she broke like a dam giving way to a flood of tears as her body shuddered with sobs.
“Tessa,” I sighed earnestly. With my one good arm, I moved over slightly and pulled her onto the bed with me, running my hand down her back to soothe her. “I’m okay. I’m going to be all right.”
“I k-know,” she stuttered hoarsely. She reached up and cupped my face before gently taking my lips. Her mouth felt familiar, warm and soft yet eager and enticing at the same time, like she thought she might never get to kiss me again. So, I sank into her, devouring her to the best of my abilities, twisting my tongue around hers and sucking until I elicited a sexy little moan out of her. Every kiss should’ve been executed in this slow, sensual manner, cherished until neither one of us could breathe.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life kissing her like this, and if today taught me anything, it was that my time here on Earth should be cherished.
With her.
When she broke away panting, she wiped away another fallen tear and said, “I love you, Justin. I love you so much.”
Hearing and seeing her say those words for the first time triggered an unbreakable grin to spread across my face. “I love you, Tessa.”
“I was so scared when I heard you’d been shot,” she said, drying her face with her hand.
“I know.” I pulled her closer and continued rubbing her back. “How’s Trey doing?”
“He’s okay,” she grimaced. “I’m not really sure how he’s handling it all. He shuts me out in times like these.”
I nodded understandingly. “He had a moment in the park, when he was tying his shirt around my arm. His face went pale, and then he covered me up with his coat because he said he didn’t like the sight of blood. I think … he might have had a flashback to the night you were stabbed.”
She sighed audibly. “He was nervous when I got here, thinking you might not make it. It reminded me of when I was in the hospital after the stabbing.”
“Has he ever talked to anyone about that night?”
“No,” she replied, shaking her head. “But now, I’m thinking it wouldn’t be a bad idea to suggest some sessions with Elly.”
“Probably not,” I stated. “But if you don’t want him discussing that night with your friend, I can recommend a therapist just as good as Elly.”
She was quiet for a moment, but then she shook her head again, determined. “No, I want it to be Elly. Someone he’s comfortable with. And I don’t care if anyone finds out about what happened that night. I’ve spent so much of my life worrying about crap. Now, it just seems ridiculous. Like with you. If I would’ve just told you how I felt about you, instead of worrying that you wouldn’t want things to change between us or worrying that I wasn’t good enough for you, we’d probably have gotten together sooner.”
Entwining our hands together, I kissed her temple. “That’s the thing about life though: no amount of regrets can change the past and no amount of anxiety can change the future. But if you really think about it, we’ve always been together. We started out as friends who danced with each other whenever we didn’t have dates. Then we became roommates who accepted each other’s habits. Now, we’re panions who are completely in love with each other. It might have taken us a while to get here, but I don’t regret a single minute of it because I got to know you, the real you, and I continue to fall in love with you every day.”
She leaned up on her elbow so she could look at me, all the anguish in her features gone as a lively grin lingered on her lips. Her perfect gray eyes shined bright again, and they were smiling back at me. “You always manage to say all the right words to make me feel better, even when you’re the one who’s hurt.”
Languidly, I brushed the hair out of her face and latched onto the nape of her neck, feeling the side effects of the pain meds. “Tessa, with you by my side, I’ll never hurt.”
A dreamy sigh escaped from her as she lay her head back on my pillow. “See, there you go again. I feel like I’m not contributing enough to this panionship. What am I supposed to do?”
I laughed faintly, but it quickly turned into a yawn. “Just lay here with me.”
“Okay,” she whispered softly as she kissed my cheek and let my eyes fall shut.
My body surrendered to the medication without a fight, but the last thing I heard before I slipped into sleep was her lovely voice.
“I love you, Justin Jameson. I’ll lay with you forever.”
That’s all I needed from her.
Chapter Eighteen
Two Weeks Later
When I arrived home from the gym, I found Tessa in the kitchen baking. She was hunched over the countertop with a tube of frosting in her hand, decorating. The smell of freshly baked cookies hit me as I shrugged out of my coat and shut the door behind me. Today was Christmas Eve, and we had plans to go to church with Grandma tonight and eat dinner at her place afterward. In typical Tessa fashion, she’d spent most of the day in the kitchen preparing too much food.
I’d spent most of my afternoon at the gym with Maverick going through my physical therapy stretches since it was the holiday and the PT office I normally visited was closed. My arm was healing well. I already felt restless since I couldn’t work out on a regular basis, but I was slowly getting back to my routine. Tessa had mastered redressing my wound early on, but thankfully I didn’t need the dressing anymore. There was a scar now, and whenever I looked at it, I thought about what I told Tessa about her own scar: it was proof that I survived.
And I planned on taking advantage of my survival. Since the shooting, Tessa and I had grown closer. She still had the occasional night terror, more so after my hospital stay, but she and Trey had started therapy sessions, together and apart, to work through everything they’d been through. Sometimes, she even wanted me to attend her sessions with her. I willingly went, supporting her one hundred percent.
We laughed more often and enjoyed the ordinary things in life, like watching the snow fall while wrapped in each other’s arms. We catered to our needs in stimulating, intense measures that took sex to a whole new level. We simply appreciated every moment like it might be our last, turning the ordinary into extraordinary every chance we got.
Walking into the kitchen, I stole an unfrosted cookie from the tray and smiled at Tessa. “How’s it going, panion?”
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“All I have left to do is frost these snowman sugar cookies,” she said, wrapping her arms around my waist. She leaned into me and gave me a kiss, and then took a bite of the cookie in my hand. “I can’t remember the last time I made sugar cookies.”
I took a bite and nodded in approval. “They’re good.”
She smacked me in the stomach and scoffed. “The frosted ones are better!”
Laughing, I took in the rows of snowmen smothered in white frosting. I grabbed her hand and led her into our living room. “You don’t skimp on the frosting. I like that in a woman.”
“Good to know,” she smirked.
We sat down on the couch together, and admired the Christmas tree lit up beside the TV. It wasn’t a normal green Christmas tree. Tessa insisted on having a white one because she thought they were prettier. So, we’d bought a fake white tree for our living room. It was the first Christmas decoration to ever grace my apartment, and I had to agree, it looked great in here. We’d decorated it with brightly colored ornaments and silver garland, strung white lights around it, and placed a white star on top. The tree, in its enormity, lit the living room in a romantic setting that needed no other lights. I think that’s what I loved most about it; Tessa and I could spend hours in here with our tree.
But I couldn’t forget the gifts underneath it. There were three packages neatly wrapped in their holiday-themed paper, just begging for us to rip them open. The minute I noticed a gift for me under the tree, I’d started nagging her to let me open it.
“It’s Christmas Eve,” I declared, nudging her arm.
She rolled her eyes. “You can’t wait until tomorrow?”
“You can’t tell me you’re not curious about what I got you. I know you want to open your gift, too! Let’s open them! Grandma always let us open gifts on Christmas Eve. It’s tradition.”
“Then what’d you do on Christmas morning?” she asked, completely serious. “I thought that’s when everyone opened gifts.”
Sometimes I forgot that Tessa didn’t grow up celebrating holidays like most people. She never had Christmas Eves or Christmas mornings, and she never opened gifts, even on her birthday. She didn’t have her own family traditions to uphold, so I was determined to teach her mine or create new ones with her.
“On Christmas morning, we’d sleep in and Grandma would make an awesome breakfast. Then we’d spend the day watching Christmas movies and eating leftovers from Christmas Eve.”
Tessa sighed, pressing her lips together playfully. “Fine. We can open gifts now.”
I jumped up from the couch. “Seriously?”
“Yes,” she laughed. “But you have to open yours first.”
“Okay.” I grabbed her gift from me and handed it over to her, and then I set mine from her on the coffee table. Reaching for the last gift under the tree, I glanced over my shoulder at her. “Who’s this from?”
“Trey said it’s for both of us, that we’re supposed to open it together,” she said with a shrug. “He told me not to open it until after I opened yours. I figured you guys went in on something. You didn’t?”
“No.” Sitting back on my heels, I admired his wrap job, thoroughly impressed that the kid could wrap pretty damn well, even if he did use newspapers instead of actual wrapping paper. Glancing down at his present reminded me of the day of the shooting, when he was nagging me about Tessa’s gift.
“What?”
I smiled nostalgically and shook my head. “The day of the shooting, he was begging me to tell him what I’d got you for Christmas. He didn’t know what to get you. I was about to tell him, but then the shots were fired.”
“Did you ever tell him?” she asked, in a hopeful tone.
I nodded. “Yeah, I told him in the hospital.”
“Well, you must’ve helped him figure out what to get me … Or I should say us because it’s to both of us, not just me.”
“Yeah.” I moved back over to the couch, placing Trey’s present on the coffee table. Taking a seat next to her, I grabbed the box from her and smiled. “I love opening presents.”
“Speaking of gifts, are you sure Mrs. J. is going to like what we got her?” she asked doubtfully. “I feel like just a gift card is impersonal. Maybe we should’ve gotten her something else, too.”
“Tessa,” I deadpanned. “We’ve been over this. Grandma is all about gift cards. She hates shopping, so she wouldn’t want anyone wasting time on it just to find her something she might hate. Her theory on gifts: here’s a gift card so you can buy whatever you want. She’s going to love the hundred-dollar gift card we got her to Amazon. She loves Amazon; it has everything.”
“Okay, fine,” she grumbled, smiling weakly. “I’ll let it go.”
“Can I open my gift now?” I asked playfully.
“Yes, open it!”
Ripping the red and white candy cane paper off, I leaned over the box and peeled the tape off the lid. When it opened up, a mass of white tissue paper greeted me, and the smell of new leather permeated the air. I dug the tissue paper out to see a brand new brown leather messenger bag sitting in the box. I took it out, immediately admiring the silver personalized engraving on the front that said JAMESON. It was beautiful, and I was in need of a new bag for work. My old one had holes in it and was starting to fray on the edges. This one was perfect though. It had all the pockets, if not more than, my old one had, and it was slightly bigger than mine, which meant I’d be able to carry more.
“Tessa, this is just what I needed,” I declared excitedly, giving her a quick peck on the lips. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” she giggled, moving closer to my side. “There’s more though. Open the bag.”
Eagerly, I unlatched the top and peered inside. She had the damn thing stuffed with more presents already unwrapped for me. The first item I pulled out was a timepiece. It was a Komono analog watch with a brown leather strap, stainless steel casing, and a navy face.
“If you don’t like it, you can exchange it,” she said shyly. “I just saw it, and thought it’d look good on you.”
“No way am I exchanging this,” I said, smiling at her. “I really do like it. I’ll wear it tonight.”
She leaned her head against my shoulder, pleased with herself. “There are a few more things.”
I set the watch to the side and reached back into the bag. I pulled out a book, but when I realized it was a cookbook, the smile on my face fell. “A cookbook?”
“It’s a man’s cookbook!” she exclaimed, through a fit of laughter. “The recipes are super easy, and I thought you might enjoy it because it was written in a straightforward way. It even states it’ll elevate your kitchen game.”
“You think I don’t have kitchen game?” I asked, playfully tickling her sides. “I assure you there are many things I can do in the kitchen. Specifically with you.”
“Ha! I know, but cooking is not one of them, panion,” she laughed, wrapping her arms around my neck. She pulled me in for a kiss, and pressed her forehead against mine. “Open the book.”
I pulled away and opened it, smiling when I saw gift cards to my favorite takeout restaurants taped to the inside cover. She even wrote me a note: When all else fails, use one of these and order takeout! Love, Tessa.
“Perfect,” I laughed, kissing her forehead. “Thank you.”
She cupped my face in her soft hands and drew me in for a kiss. “There’s one more item in there.”
I grabbed the last gift and smiled. It was a game of Scrabble for the fridge, with the letters in magnetic tiles.
“You’re always kicking everyone’s ass in that Words With Friends game.”
“And you thought this would improve my game?” I asked jokingly. “I don’t think that’s even possible.”
“That’s exactly why I got it!” she exclaimed. “So, you could teach me your ways while I teach you how to cook.”
“Some teacher-student role-playing in the kitchen? Count me in,” I teased, nodding to my gift in her lap. �
�You’re turn.”
She let go of me and turned her attention to her Christmas present, shaking it in an attempt to hear the gift rattle inside. “It’s pretty light. What could it be?” The smile on her face widened as she ripped through the paper almost as fast as I did. She quickly undid the lid by sliding her finger under the tape.
Digging into the box, she pulled out her gift card to Amazon and laughed as she read what I’d written on the cardholder: For the books you want me to read to you.
The next gift card she grabbed was an iTunes card, and her face turned a shade of red as she read aloud: For the music you can dance to naked.
Then she peered inside and grabbed the last item sitting at the bottom of the box. A Leo Ingwer ring box.
“Justin …” She popped the box open slightly and peeked inside before shutting it abruptly. “There’s a ring in there!”
I laughed, taking the box out of her shaking hand. “I know. I bought it.”
As I moved to kneel down on one knee in front of her, I explained. “Lying in that hospital bed, I realized that our days here are numbered, that every single day we have left should be cherished.”
Tears glistened in her eyes.
Opening the box, I grabbed the round two-carat diamond ring with its antique shank and smiled. “I bought this before the shooting, and I want you to know that because I need you to know this wasn’t some impulse decision from getting shot. You know I’m not impulsive. I’ve thought this through, and even though we haven’t been together very long, I know in my heart that I want to spend the rest of my days cherishing them with you. That is if you’ll have me.” Taking her hand in mine, I took a deep, nervous breath and exhaled it. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes!” she exclaimed, nodding enthusiastically. “Of course, I’ll marry you!”
I quickly slid the ring onto her left hand and covered her mouth with mine, sealing the moment with a slow, satisfying kiss.
She broke away first and admired her hand. “Justin, it’s gorgeous.”
“I’m glad you like it,” I said, running my finger along the length of hers. “It took me forever to find the one that reminded me of you.”