by Kara Parker
“How did you come to be so amazing?”
“Well, I always ate my vegetables and did my math homework,” she answered with a smile. “But you’re amazing, too, Falcon. You know that, right? You deserve better than this biker gang. It’s such a shame they snatched you up. You're so smart and strong; you could have been anything.”
“No one’s ever told me that before,” Falcon said.
“Well I’m saying it now and I mean it.”
Falcon nodded and kissed her again. No one had ever said anything like that to him before. No one had ever told him that he could have done something different with his life. He had always been told he wasn't smart and wasn’t clever and that he should have been happy the Screaming Eagles bothered with him. He knew differently now, but it was nice to hear Grace say it. It was nice to have it confirmed.
“What can I do to convince you to stay?” She was standing and he held onto her wrist as long as he could, but eventually she pulled away.
“That’s very tempting. You don’t have any idea how tempting. But I have to go. I will miss you, though.” She was fully dressed in her ridiculous hooker garb. Her hair was messy and her clothes were rumpled and she looked even sexier than she had before.
He watched her go and when the door closed behind her it was like watching a door close on the rest of his life. She was gone and he was alone and he had never been more aware the loneliness. Grace was the only person who knew what Falcon was going through. As far as the rest of the world was concerned, Falcon was just another biker trying to make a score. But it would be his last score, in every way. After this last job he would have to leave his daughter and Grace and his entire life behind.
He couldn’t sleep. He knew he needed to. He should have been exhausted, both from the fight and his night with Grace, but he had never felt more awake. He looked around his one-bedroom apartment and realized he would not miss this place. He wasn’t going to miss this place; he was going to miss the people.
How could he do this to Sophie? How could he leave her and then live his life like a normal person? How was he supposed to do that? He would mark everything by Sophie, her birthdays, the first days of school, her graduation. Every mark on the calendar would revolve around her. He would spend his life guessing at where she was and what she would be doing, but never really knowing for sure.
And he would have to leave Grace behind, as well. What would happen to her? She would probably keep kicking ass and busting bad guys. Maybe she would meet someone who was a good match for her. They would get married and then someone else would touch her; it would be another man’s hands on her. And where would Falcon be? In some nowhere town in the middle of the country? He had no idea what his life would look like. All he knew was that the people he loved wouldn’t be with him. They would be off living their own lives and as each day passed they would forget Falcon a little more.
His mind was going around in circles and Falcon couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled two oxycodones out of his cabinet and did them both. He quickly fell into a deep sleep and was woken, groggy and tired, at six am by his ringing phone.
“Yeah,” Falcon mumbled into the phone.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“When you run a job you don’t sleep past six,” Ernie said.
Falcon recognized his voice immediately and he fell back into bed and ran his hands through his hair.
“I need to know your route, your backup route, and your mile and gas estimates. Run it yourself, I don’t trust anyone else. I don’t want no one skimming off the top. Rubio and Marco will be calling you later, don’t miss their call.”
“Yup, got it,” Falcon said stifling a yawn. The line went dead and he sat up and rubbed his hands over his face a few times. The clock on his phone said five thirty. He groaned as he got out of bed and jumped into the warm water of the shower. He let the hot water pound over his shoulders and down his back and then his legs. He washed himself quickly and hopped out of the shower before shaving and brushing his teeth.
He went over the list in his head his boss wanted a run and the gas mileage, he could do that. Falcon headed towards the route, but his mind was on something else. He was thinking about Grace, about her body under his. He wished she had stayed the night. What would it have been like to wake up next to her, to pull her close to him and curl himself around her. She would sleep deeply and he would run his hands up and down her warm back and she would smile as she turned towards him. They could have made love before taking even a step out of bed. It would have been heavenly.
He ran the route easily and texted the mileage and gas to his boss. Part of that trip led him near Kelly’s apartment. He stopped in front of it and thought about going inside to see Sophie. But he knew it was around the time she took a nap and he wouldn’t want to wake her. And he was worried about his resolve.
He knew that Grace was right. Witness protection was the only way to ensure everyone’s safety. There was no other option, but Falcon still wasn’t sure he could go through with it and seeing Sophie might make it too hard for him to leave her for good.
So he worked. He called on Rubio first. The new warehouse was in the bad part of Echo Park. Falcon rode his bike down barren and empty streets, the noise of his bike echoing around the empty buildings. There were weeds growing in the street, some as tall as Falcon. The crumbling buildings with their broken windows seemed like endless copies of each other and when Falcon stopped at the address his boss gave him, he couldn’t see how it was different from the buildings on either side.
He knocked twice and a huge man opened the door.
“Falcon?”
“Rubio?” Falcon said. But the man didn’t move. He looked Falcon up and down and cocked his head. He was so large that he blocked the door and Falcon couldn’t see past him. He was pretty sure he could knock the guy over if he had a running start, though.
“Let me see the ink, man.” Rubio said.
Falcon rolled his eyes, but he lifted his shirt over his head and turned around, showing the man his infamous tattoo.
“Nice,” Rubio said.
Falcon put his shirt on again and Rubio nodded and walked inside, with Falcon behind him. The building might have looked old from the outside, but the inside was all new. There were smooth floors and high ceilings. There were separate tables set out where the drugs were counted and weighed and separated. There were ten men working and they barely glanced up when Falcon entered,
“First operation, right?” Rubio said.
“Yeah,” Falcon said with a nod.
“Nervous?”
“Nope?”
“Cool.”
Falcon pulled out his phone and sent a text to Grace about the location and how many men were working. She responded quickly asking if he sensed any more tension and Falcon had to answer no. Maybe he had been imagining things the other day, maybe no one had a clue.
It was dark by the time he was done and he went home and slept alone. He had to stop himself from reaching for his phone. He wanted to text her. Not for any real reason. He didn’t have any reason to see her; he just wanted to talk to her. He never minded living alone before, he had preferred it in fact, but now that he knew what he was going to have to leave behind, being alone seemed like the worst thing in the world.
He thought about going to Kelly’s but it was after ten and Sophie would have been asleep for hours. So instead of reaching out to anyone, Falcon took two sleeping pills and passed out alone in his bed. His dreams were strange that night. He dreamt he was in an empty town, one the residents had long since deserted. He walked past empty windows and walked through empty grocery store aisles and no matter how loudly he called out for someone, anyone, there was no response.
“Police cruisers are normally here, and here,” Marco said, pointing to a map. They were eating burgers at a road-side stand, sitting outside at picnic tables, a map spread out before them. “The bikers will need to back off and separate a mile before and a mile after to avoid any
suspicion.”
Falcon nodded as he chewed his burger. He wasn’t worried. The police were certainly going to be a concern, but they were on Falcon’s side. The cops would do what Falcon said; he would know exactly where they were and exactly what they had planned.
“You’re not worried about the cops?” Marco asked. He was a young guy, an orphan. His mother had died when he was a kid and his father had never really recovered from his wife’s death and he followed a few years later. Marco was a short guy with long brown hair that fell almost to his shoulders. Falcon had always liked Marco, and he felt a pang of guilt knowing, by this time tomorrow, Marco would be in jail and staring down the barrel of a long prison sentence.
Falcon shrugged at Marco’s question. “I’m not that worried. You know where they usually are we’ll break up before we hit them. Doesn’t seem like there’s much to worry about.”
“Look, Falcon,” Marco said, leaning towards the other man and speaking in a low whisper. “It looks weird that you’re so calm. This is your first job and it’s like you barely care about it. People are getting worried that your heart’s not in this any more.”
Falcon took a moment to think before he gave his response. “I’m not nervous because I know the Screaming Eagles are good. I’ve been on the other side of this, I know the hard work that goes into it, and I know the boys on the ground do good work.”
“Yeah, but the cops have busted us twice and they’ve promised to wipe us out.”
Falcon shrugged. “The cops are gonna do what they do and we gotta do what we do. As long as nobody rats, everything should go fine. And if there is a rat, then we need to worry about finding him. Worrying about the shipment is a waste of time. All we can do is plan and then move forward and that’s what we’re doing.”
He spoke clearly and with confidence. He didn’t know where the confidence came from, maybe it was because he already knew how this was going to play out. But he didn’t want to pretend to be scared or nervous. He had acquired this position through his confidence; it had done well for him and he needed to stick with it. For the first time he was allowed to choose who he was going to be. Was he going to be the nervous Falcon or the confident one? Confident was definitely more fun, so he decided to stick with that.
Marco crossed his arms and leaned back as if Falcon was a painting being appraised. “Something about you is different, Falcon. I just can’t put my finger on it. You got a new girl or something?”
“Let’s not mix business and pleasure,” Falcon said, wadding up his wrapper and throwing it in the trash.
“Oh, I see,” Marco said with a knowing nod. “She must be really good to make you so calm under all this pressure. Who is she?”
“No on you know, and no one you’re ever gonna meet.”
“You always did think you were too good for the groupies,” Marco said with a shake of his head. “I never understood that. Groupies are easy; other girls are too much work.”
“The reward is worth the work,” Falcon said. “Keep an eye on the road and let me know if you need more bribe money for the cops. This is an important run and it needs to go smoothly or the boss is gonna have my head. So stop worrying about my love life and get back to work.”
“Whatever you say, boss,” Marco said as the two men mounted their motorcycles and went their separate ways.
Before Falcon could start his bike his phone chimed. His heart leapt when he saw it was from Grace. “Meet tonight, at seven, usual place?”
“Yes,” he responded and then he began to count down the hours until he could see her.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Falcon took the long way to his meeting with Grace. He drove down the long coastal roads. He never thought he would need to say goodbye California. He never wanted to live anywhere else. What other place had views like this? The road sheared off to a steep Cliffside where crystal clear waves crashed against the shore. Kids laughed and played on the beach while surfers waited out in the deep for the perfect wave and behind them the ocean stretched into infinity.
He should have appreciated it more. He should have taken this route every single day, twice a day, once in the morning and once at night. He wanted to capture it. Not a picture, a picture couldn’t be enough. He needed something that could grab the sounds and the smells, the feel of the wind and the sun on his face and the huge ocean and the endless shore. But there was nothing. He knew even his memory of this place would fade after enough time.
He walked quickly to the cabin, but when he got there he felt restless. He paced up and down the weathered floorboards, picking up and folding the many blankets he had brought here over the years. He recognized the red and brown quilt his grandmother had given him when he was a boy. There was a blanket with three wolves howling at the moon he had stolen from a Wal-Mart late one freezing cold night.
He decided to leave them all here. The blankets and the candles. He would leave them for the next kid who needed to get away. Maybe it could serve as a safe place for the other misfits who had nowhere else to go. Besides, there was no way he could take it with them.
At six-forty-five his cellphone rang and Falcon saw it was Grace.
“Hello,” he said breathlessly into his phone.
“I can’t meet you. I’m sorry,” Grace said quickly into the phone.
Falcon slumped down onto the floor with his back pressed against the wall.
“Is everything all right?”
“You know how you were worried about someone finding out about you?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, now I’m worried, too. We caught two rookies trying to break into the conference room we have set aside for this investigation. They haven't confessed yet, but we’re pretty sure they’re Screaming Eagles. There have been some other issues, too, but nothing we can confirm. I know this all sounds really vague, but my gut is telling me something is up and it’s never been wrong yet. I do want to see you, Falcon, desperately. But not so much that I want you getting killed for it.”
“No, I get it,” Falcon said leaning back and putting his head against the wall. He closed his eyes and sighed.
“Have you heard anything on your end? Are people still suspicious?”
“Yeah, but I don’t know if it’s because they suspect we’re working together or if it’s just jealousy about me being bumped up.”
“How are you?” she asked, emphasizing the word “you.” The care and attention in her voice almost broke Falcon’s heart.
“I wish you were here,” he said.
“I do, too,” she said and he could tell she meant it.
“Where are you right now?” Falcon asked.
“I just got home. I’m in my kitchen pouring a glass of water.”
“What does your place look like?”
“It’s a small house on the outskirts of town. It’s a brick, two story house with white shutters and a big, green front yard.”
As she spoke Falcon could easily see the house in his mind. It was the kind of house he had never lived in. One that was clean and nice, the walls would be freshly painted and the carpets wouldn’t be covered in cigarette burns.
“My kitchen is blue and white and there are hardwood floors that lead to the living room. Upstairs there are two bedrooms and a bathroom.”
He could see himself in that house. Barefoot he would walk from one room to another. He would wake up next to Grace in the morning, let her sleep, and go downstairs to brew fresh coffee. He would know how she liked it and he would carefully carry the two cups upstairs so they could drink them together in the morning as the room was slowly illuminated by the rising sun.
“Have you given any more thought to what we talked about the other day?”
Falcon had to put his fantasy away. There was no way he could ever have that life with Grace.
“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” Falcon asked. “You were right, it’s the only thing that make sense.”
“I know it’s hard, Falcon, but you’re d
oing the right thing.”
“I have some money I want to leave to Sophie, but it’s not exactly in a bank account.”
“I can make sure she gets that and we’ll make sure there’s money to see her to eighteen.”
“That’s something, I guess,” Falcon said. “We should probably talk about work at some point...” He still wasn’t quite ready to talk about leaving. It was like this fresh and raw wound that Grace kept wanting to re-open. Falcon didn’t want to do it, but he knew he had to. There was no other choice. But he wasn’t looking forward to it. It wasn’t what he wanted and he wasn’t going to thank anyone for the opportunity.