‘Oh Tony, you know it doesn’t work for all sorts of reasons. You’ll be off to university soon —’
‘September or even October, that’s ages away.’
‘Yes but it’s not just that. You want more than me —’
‘No,’ he said. ‘I realised when you were away. I’d rather be with you and not have sex than be with someone I’m not that into who will have sex. I can change my university application. I could go to one in London and then we’d be together.’
‘No way! You’ve wanted to go to Oxford since I’ve known you. It will be fab there, don’t even talk about staying in London. I would really really really hate that you would do something like that for me.’
‘I would. Honest Lucy, I think we should get back together and, OK, so maybe I’ll go to Oxford but it’s not far. You can come there and I can travel back.’
As I watched him plead with me, it was weird. Here was everything I wanted from Tony, but I knew with complete certainty that we should both be free. Him to enjoy his time being a student. I didn’t want him meeting some babe then resenting that he had a girlfriend back in London. And I had only had three boyfriends: Tony, Daniel and Teddy – and Teddy was only a holiday romance. Whatever. I was too young to be tied to one person. Amazing, I thought, because when I first met him, I would have given anything to be his girlfriend for ever, anything – but I feel like I’ve grown up since then. I realised that I had changed and, although I still rated Tony totally, I didn’t think the time was right for us to get serious. Plus, he always started up eventually with the wandering hands and then I felt torn between wanting to go ahead and feeling pressured.
‘Oh I don’t know what I want, Tone. Can’t we take a break from it all for a while? Just be mates? I do know that I want to be friends whatever happens.’ We both smiled when I said that because we both knew that it was that same old line. ‘You know I like you loads,’ I continued.
Tony smiled sadly. ‘Yeah, yeah and don’t say the “It’s not you, it’s me” line too or I may have to kill myself.’
I reached out my hand to him and he took it and for a few moments we stayed like that, holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes. If I hadn’t been feeling unwell, I’d have pulled him in closer.
We let go of each other’s hands and he went to the door. ‘Later then, Lovering.’
‘Later,’ I said.
He half opened the door and went out, then he put his head back. ‘Still friends though?’
‘Always,’ I said. ‘And I’m always up for movies, coffees . . .’
Tony grinned. ‘Bar mitzvahs, weddings and funerals. I may just take you up on a movie sometime, hey?’
‘I’ll be there.’
And then he left.
Normally I would have called one of the girls, or all of them, to let them know the latest but my stomach gurgled and another wave of sickness came over me – plus I needed some time alone. Although saying no to Tony felt like the best option for the time being, it made me feel sad. I couldn’t help thinking of what might have been and, as I snuggled down under my duvet, I remembered all the great times we’d had together and how I felt when I was with him. I wondered if I’d made the right decision after all.
‘So how did it go with the lovely Lucy?’ asked Rob as we sat waiting for our biology class to begin. ‘Do I hear wedding bells?’
I shook my head. ‘Change of plan. Had to let her down gently.’
Rob looked puzzled. ‘But I thought you were going to . . . you know . . . declare your love on bended knee.’
‘Nah. Changed my mind. I mean, she’s a kid and she’s really into me. I thought it best to make a clean break. I don’t want to mess her around – you know what I’m like and Lucy deserves better.’
Rob grinned. ‘Andrea.’
I nodded. ‘Andrea.’
‘Oxford.’
I nodded again. ‘Oxford and a million girls waiting for the love meister.’
So Andrea hadn’t told them that I hadn’t taken up her offer down in Brighton? Just like I hadn’t told Rob that Lucy hadn’t taken up mine. I guess everyone has their pride, I thought as Dr Roberts arrived and took his place behind his desk.
Lucy’s Diary
3rd May
Note to self – write your diary more often!
Life has been full-on lately. Ever since I got back from Florence. First of all, Nesta, Izzie and I went to the pilot for a new TV show called Teen Talk and Izzie got to sing when the artiste who was supposed to play got delayed on the train. She was so brilliant and got a ton of fan letters afterwards, which was exactly what she needed because she’s been through hell in the lurve department recently.
First of all, Jay, the boy she met in Italy, turned out to be a love rat because he had a girlfriend back here that oops, he just forgot to mention. Then she got into a whole self-loathing thing about her shape, which is mad – she thinks she is big and boys won’t like her when actually she is just curvy and gorgeous and boys adore her. And then to top it all, she went and fell for a guy she met at the Teen Talk show who turned out to be gay. I think they’re going to be mates though – like me and Tony, although Tony and I do have the occasional snog still every now and then. Like last night – it was the Diamond Destiny ball and I couldn’t resist him, he looked so gorgeous dressed up in black tie, like a prince. The ball was for charity. All Nesta’s idea. She went a bit OTT at first and laid an ENORMOUS guilt trip on us all about all the poor and sick in the world – typical Nesta – but in the end, it was a gas and we raised a ton of dosh. What’s more, Nesta got off with William Lewis, a boy she met at the history project do. I think love is deffo in the air there. Of all the boys I have ever seen her with, he’s the one I’d say is her match, and that’s saying something.
I don’t want a boyfriend at the moment. I like the way things are with Tony, no pressure because we’re not ‘in a relationship’ but he calls me often and I feel that I can call him anytime. I know that he’d be there for me if I ever needed. I also know that he isn’t seeing anyone else at the mo. Nesta keeps me filled in. He’s studying like mad because he really wants to get the grades for Oxford.
Feeling good about life lately. I like being single. It’s liberating! No having to worry about whether he’ll phone or if I said the wrong thing or can he be trusted and will he come on too strong and all the stuff. Yay.
I had booked Biasi’s for the day after Lucy’s birthday in May. We had been there a few times and now we thought of it as our special place. We had our usual table and had our usual meals. Pizza for Lucy and pasta alla vongole for me.
‘So, Lovering, how does it feel to be the ancient age of fifteen?’ I asked.
She shrugged and smiled. ‘Same as being fourteen but a day older,’ she said.
I laughed. ‘Any plans for the next year – like succumbing to me and my wicked ways?’
‘Yeah, course. Top of my list. Not. We have some plans for the summer holidays though. TJ’s Mum and Dad have bought a holiday cottage down in Cornwall . . .’
‘Nesta told me. Sounds fab. She said you’re all going down.’
Lucy nodded. ‘Yeah, but first my whole family is going for a week and then Izzie, TJ and Nesta are coming down later. I can’t wait. What about you? Nesta said something about you doing a bit of travelling?’
‘Yeah. Me and Rob. Before we get stuck in to the next round of studying.’
She took my hand. ‘Big changes coming for you. Moving on.’
I squeezed her hand. ‘Not from you. Never from you.’
She let go of my hand and picked up a fork. ‘This is my fairy wand – I mean fairy fork – and I hereby free you, free you to go to uni and meet loads of girls, or boys if that takes your fancy, but I free you.’
‘Does that mean you don’t like me any more?’
Lucy looked sad. ‘Never. I will always like you.’
I would miss Lucy. Miss her sitting on the end of my bed reading quietly while I did my studying.
Miss her knock on the door and her bringing in a bagel or a cake or a CD or some treat to distract me from my work. I’d miss hanging out in Highgate drinking smoothies, going to movies, sitting in the dark holding hands. I’d miss the way her hair smelled of apples and almond. Not that she was the only girl who had been in my life lately. There had been a few. Val, Beth, Sienna, Nicky with a K and Nicci with two Cs. None of them serious though. They were just girls who I’d got off with at parties, girls I’d met at mates’ houses, girls at picnics, but no one that had any impact. I didn’t want to get tied down, not yet, not with any of them. There was only Lucy who had really got to me. She was completely in tune with me, like just then, doing her fairy spell and letting me go. If only she knew. Setting me free was the perfect way to keep me enslaved to her.
‘Hey Lovering, I have an idea,’ I said.
She rolled her eyes.
‘No. Nothing naughty. No. You set me free. I set you free too, free to snog all those pukey boys that chase after you. I won’t object. I won’t get jealous – but how about . . . how about we make a promise that when we get to thirty —’
‘You get to thirty or I get to thirty?’
‘Um, you, that will give me more time —’
‘Time to what?’
‘Stop butting in. Hear me out. How about when you get to thirty, if you’re not with anyone and I’m not with anyone, how about we get together.’
‘Get together?’ she asked. ‘Like now, for a meal?’
‘No. As a couple. You, me. Lucy and Tony.’
She laughed, but she didn’t say no, then she smiled. ‘Want to know a secret?’
‘Maybe.’
‘It’s about you.’
‘Definitely then.’
‘Remember back when I first met you? Remember I had been looking for a boy at your school? We called him the Mystery Contestant.’
I nodded. I remembered all right. ‘Yeah. A boy at my school. You’d been looking for him.’
‘He was you,’ she blurted. ‘I mean, you are he.’
I tried to feign surprise. ‘No way! You’re kidding. Me? You serious?’
Lucy nodded. ‘I went through agonies, especially after Nesta introduced you as her brother. I thought I’d never be able to tell anyone.’
I decided to play along. ‘Oh God,’ I said. ‘And I kissed you and you still didn’t say anything.’
‘I couldn’t,’ she said. ‘And you asked me to describe the boy I was looking for and there you were, standing right in front of me. It was hysterical. Actually it wasn’t. At the time, it was a nightmare.’
We sat smiling at each other for a while, holding hands, remembering back then. I wondered whether to tell her my secret – that I’d overheard her talking with the others and had known all along.
Another day, I decided. Another time . . . because I know that, although our lives may be taking us in different directions, there will be other times with Lucy. Maybe, just maybe, the right time will come to tell her that I’ve always known that it was me she was looking for.
The MATES, DATES series
1. Mates, Dates and Inflatable Bras
2. Mates, Dates and Cosmic Kisses
3. Mates, Dates and Portobello Princesses
4. Mates, Dates and Sleepover Secrets
5. Mates, Dates and Sole Survivors
6. Mates, Dates and Mad Mistakes
7. Mates, Dates and Pulling Power
8. Mates, Dates and Tempting Trouble
9. Mates, Dates and Great Escapes
10. Mates, Dates and Chocolate Cheats
11. Mates, Dates and Diamond Destiny
12. Mates, Dates and Sizzling Summers
Companion Books:
Mates, Dates The Secret Story
Mates, Dates Guide to Life
Mates, Dates and You
Mates, Dates Journal
Mates, Dates and Flirting
Mates, Dates and Saving the Planet
Other series by Cathy Hopkins
First impressions count. A few weeks after moving to London, India-Jane has managed to convince boy-of-her-dreams Joe that she is an artistic, nit-infested stalker who takes things to extremes. It’s not quite the new life she was looking for.
But a fresh start is never easy – starting a new school in Year 11 without looking like a No-mates Nellie, finding real friends who’ll share everything with you, discovering what the people you fancy are really like – it’s all just a fraction of the mad whirl that is India-Jane’s life.
Cathy Hopkins explores, with her trademark wit and wisdom, deeper issues for teens – but with all the humour and cringe-making situations that fans can’t get enough of!
The CINNAMON GIRL series
1. This Way to Paradise
2. Starting Over
3. Looking For a Hero
4. Expecting to Fly
What would you do if you had to tell the complete truth for a day? Would you dare enter a national singing competition? Could you cope with what happens when you kiss the school heart-throb? Could you promise to be faithful, whatever form temptation takes?
Becca, Cat, Lia, Squidge and Mac all enjoy playing the Truth, Dare, Kiss or Promise game to liven up their lives – but they can never predict where it’s going to lead them!
The TRUTH, DARE, KISS, PROMISE series
1. White Lies and Barefaced Truths
2. Pop Princess
3. Teen Queens and Has-Beens
4. Starstruck
5. Double Dare
6. Midsummer Meltdown
7. Love Lottery
8. All Mates Together
The Secret Story Page 13