Yeah, it was tough way to grow up, but he’d been lucky. He had grown up on different bases, but he’d had a more settled childhood than most kids. His mom handled each move with a smile. Still, he suspected there was more to Isabella’s story than she was letting on.
“How long did your dad serve?” he asked.
“He did his twenty and then did a few more. He works part-time at one of the large hardware stores. I suspect he’ll go full-time soon. He moved to San Antonio when I settled here a couple years ago.” She sighed and picked at the fabric of her dress. “Our relationship has many ups and downs, it always has. He went on a trip just after our second date and I haven’t spoken to him about it since he returned.”
“What about your mom?” he asked. Thinking back over their dates, not once had she mentioned her mom.
“I don’t know where she is. I haven’t seen her since she walked out on me and Dad when I was a teenager.”
Shit, that had to be the hardest thing for a girl to grow up with—no mother figure. “I’m sorry, Izzy.”
She shrugged off his sympathy. “It was a long time ago and, after she left, Dad worked hard to get on a special forces team so we had some sort of stability and didn’t have to move around so much.”
“I wouldn’t have thought that was a good type of stability. Usually those guys are sent into situations that are far more dangerous than what I see when I’m deployed.”
“You’re right, it wasn’t pleasant when he went away, but as I said, it was far better than what we had both been living with for countless years.”
There was so much more to this story and he wished Isabella would just spill it. “What were you living with, Izzy?”
“My parents fought all the time. Mom hated military life, which was dumb because Dad was in the army when they’d met. I’d go into my room and shove my head under a pillow so I didn’t have to hear the ugly words my mom spewed at Dad. It was worse when Mom decided to hit the bottle. Things always turned ugly then.”
No girl, or son for that matter, should be exposed to what she had been exposed to. Unfortunately, it wasn’t an uncommon story in military or civilian life. A guy at his school had had to deal with a deadbeat father while his mom worked three jobs to keep food on the table. It hadn’t worked out well for that family; all three had died in a car accident—his father was driving when he shouldn’t have been. “Saying sorry that you had to go through that seems so pitiful, but it’s true. I wish things could’ve been different for you.”
He was also slowly beginning to understand her aversion to being with someone in the military. “I’m guessing your mom didn’t deal well when your dad was deployed.”
A harsh laugh erupted out of her. “That’s an understatement. Mom would disappear for the first couple of days.”
“What about the other women from the base? Or your dad’s unit? Did no one help you?”
“Oh, yeah, they were great. They would feed me and say I could stay there, but I’d always go back home, just in case. When Mom returned, we both acted as if nothing had happened. I never asked where she went because I never wanted to know. When I got married, I was determined to be completely different from her. I couldn’t wait to experience the real joys of being a proud wife of my military man, like some of the women I saw on base.”
“You’re married?” He glanced at her left hand and couldn’t see a ring. Nothing in her house suggested she had a significant other in her life. Was her breakup recent? Was that why her dad set her up on a blind date?
“Was. I’m a wi-widower.” Her voice broke.
And, as if a lightbulb turned on above his head, everything fell into place.
He stood and went over to where she sat. The devastation in her eyes when she looked up at him pierced him in the middle of his chest. He held out his hand, not saying anything just hoping she’d reach out to him. When her smaller hand slid into his, he smiled softly and tugged so she was standing next to him. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her tightly against his chest, relishing the feel of her in his arms again. They stood there for a few seconds before he walked them over to the small couch on her patio.
He took hold of her hand, blowing out a short breath when she didn’t snatch it away. “I’m sorry, Izzy. So sorry that you had to go through that. Can you tell me what happened? I’m assuming he died in action?”
Another shudder rippled through her but her stiff body relaxed at the end of it. “Travis and I were high school sweethearts. With Dad based in Fort Hood, I was able to enjoy my final years of high school. Get involved with all the activities. I wasn’t popular, but I was a damn good band leader. Travis was on the football team, one of the stars, and had the cheerleaders fighting to get his attention. He ignored them and zeroed in on me. We were inseparable after our first movie date.
“Travis, like you, knew he wanted to go into the army the second he finished high school, and he asked me to marry him on graduation day. I said yes because all I’d dreamed about was being his wife and supporting him with his career. A month later, we were married at city hall.”
A million thoughts swirled around Ethan’s brain. Her voice had softened as she spoke about her husband, her love for him obvious.
“What did your dad think of your marriage?”
Isabella sighed, her thumb making random patterns on the top of his hand. “Dad wasn’t happy at all. He wanted me to go to college and do the long-distance thing. But I just wanted to be a wife and a mom as soon as possible. When he could see I was determined to do it, not to mention how happy I was, he gave his blessing. Dad liked Travis and had no doubts that he would look after me.”
“Did your husband die on deployment?”
Her breath hitched, and she closed her eyes momentarily. When she opened them they glistened with unshed tears. Fuck, this wasn’t going to be good.
“No, he died here in the States during a training exercise.”
Jesus, no wonder she freaked when he told her about his close call. The memories it must have brought up for her. “What happened to him?”
“A rubber bullet hit him in the chest between heartbeats and he died. They tried CPR, but it didn’t work. It’s the sort of accident that’s more than likely going to happen to an adolescent than adult. One minute he was there, the next he was gone. I hadn’t spoken to him for a week. I never got a chance to say goodbye.”
Her hands covered her face as the tears tracked down her cheeks. He gathered her close and rubbed circles across her back. Every word about her husband stuck a dagger deeper and deeper inside of him. Her admiration and love for the fallen soldier was palpable—how could he compete with that?
*
How could being held by Ethan feel so right after talking about the man she’d promised to love for eternity when she was eighteen? It was hard to relive the memories of the short time she had with Travis and the circumstances of his death. The flag they’d given her from his coffin was in a box on the top shelf of her closet. She couldn’t bear to have it on display at the time. After a while, it seemed easier to keep it there. Being with Ethan resurrected memories she thought she’d dealt with. How wrong she’d been. Instead of living, she’d been existing.
“I’m sorry, Izzy. So, so sorry.” The pain in Ethan’s voice echoed hers.
“Thank you.” What more could she say? Yes, talking about Travis had been difficult, but, right now, she felt as if part of the binds that had been shackling her were finally breaking free.
Being in Ethan’s arms was giving her the courage to believe she could be strong enough to deal with being in a relationship with a military man.
He released her from his hold and stood. A chill swept over her at the loss of his warmth. “I think it would be best if I leave. I’m bringing up too many memories, and I don’t want to cause you any more pain.” He leaned down and kissed her softly on the forehead. “I hope you find someone who makes you as happy as Travis did.”
For a heartbeat she sat, sho
cked at his departure. He was at the French doors when she sprang up. “Wait, Ethan.” He paused but didn’t turn.
She could let him walk through the door and out of her life, permanently. Or she could take the leap. The leap her dad called her a coward for not taking. The leap she needed to start to truly live her life again.
“I don’t want you to go,” she said. “I want you to stay.”
Ethan turned, his face partially in the shadows so she couldn’t read his expression. “Are you sure? Because we’ve been doing this forward and backward dance since we met.”
No truer words had been spoken. The dance they’d been doing was mainly because she was leading it. Leading it in the wrong direction.
Isabella joined him by the door. “I’m very sure, Ethan. I told you about Travis because you need to know where I come from and what I’ve been through. I’m only now working out that I do want to live and take risks.” She reached out and placed her hand on his arm. An electric current hummed between them, and Ethan’s muscle jerked beneath her fingers. “I want to take that risk with you, Ethan. Will you take it with me?”
She held her breath, waiting for his answer. His eyes were shuttered from her and his body rigid beside her.
“Are you sure, Izzy?” he asked.
God, every time he called her Izzy a thrill buzzed through her bloodstream. The frozen wall around her heart was beginning to melt a little. “Yes, I’m sure.”
He hooked a finger under her chin and nudged it up so she was looking at him. God, he was so handsome. His features were accentuated in the dim backyard lighting. Shadows enhanced the strong line of his jaw. His pupils dilated when she reached up and placed her hand against his cheek, the roughness of his five-o’clock shadow pricking her palm.
“I can’t fight my feelings for you anymore, Izzy?” he said in a whisper.
“I can’t either,” she responded before she moved so she could place her lips over his.
Ethan’s arm swept around her back and lifted her so he could deepen the kiss. His tongue traced the seam of her lips encouraging her to open up and she did. Her own arms moved up and around his shoulders, her fingers cupping the back of his head, letting him know the last thing she wanted was for their kiss to end.
This was what she’d been craving for so long. To be held in the arms of a man again. A man who was good and kind, and Ethan was all that. He might not be Travis, but it didn’t matter.
God, the man could kiss. Never had she been swept away by a simple kiss like this. Nothing mattered except being held by him. Not what would happen when he went away on a training exercise or deployment. All that mattered was for this moment in time it was just the two of them sharing something special.
She gasped in a lungful of air as he trailed his mouth along her jaw, alternating between nipping at her tender flesh and then soothing the little bites with his tongue and lips. Heat pooled between her thighs and she shifted in an attempt to alleviate the growing desire in her. If anything, it only heightened her need for him.
“God, Ethan, I want you.” Her eyes snapped open the second the truth of her words hit her. She did want Ethan.
He chuckled against her neck and an involuntary shiver wracked her body. “I want you too, Izzy. And as much as I’d like to continue this inside, I think we probably need to slow things down. Take our time. We’re beginning all over again.”
Her head dropped to his shoulder, inhaling his scent, a mixture of spice and lemon. A scent she could easily get addicted to, and she’d be totally fine getting addicted to Ethan. “You’re right, but I can be a little unhappy about it.”
“I am, too, but I want to do things the right way,” he murmured as he ran his hand up and down her back, keeping her firmly entrenched in post kiss bliss. “What are you doing on Saturday?”
“Nothing. Why?”
“One of the guys is having a grill-out and I was wondering if you wanted to come along?”
“You want me to meet your friends?” It was one thing to wrap her mind around pursuing a relationship with Ethan. It was another to meet his friends and immerse herself in a world that had been snatched away from her.
“Yeah, I do. And, after what you told me, I know inside you’re freaking out a little.”
“I’m not sure, Ethan. We’ve only just agreed to move forward with seeing each other. Meeting the guys you work with, and their partners, is a big step. Are we ready for that?”
“I’m sure it will be hard.” He brushed a finger down her cheek. “But, yes, this is a new start for us and I want to share my military family with you. You won’t have to do it alone; I’ll be right beside you every step of the way. Please say yes.”
How could she deny him his request when he’d been patient and understanding with her during their stop/start beginning? She’d asked him over tonight for a purpose—to move forward. The only way to find out if she was cut out for a relationship between them was to close her eyes and jump.
Chapter Ten
The phone ringing on the table had her heart leaping out of her chest. “I seriously have to get over myself,” she mumbled as she reached for her phone.
Her initial instinct was to ignore the call when she saw Dad flashing on the screen. After her talk with Ethan the other night, she’d become aware that for her to move on with her life she also needed to talk to her dad about their relationship, only she hadn’t summoned up the courage to phone him. She wanted her dad in her life. What girl didn’t? Fathers were the ultimate champions, but she’d never let her dad be her champion. She’d been thirteen and hormonal when Mom had left them. Everything was changing in her life and she didn’t have her mom to guide her through all the changes. With usual teenage irrational anger, she’d blamed Dad and his job for everything going wrong.
Now, through the wisdom of an adult, nothing her dad could’ve done would’ve made her mom happy.
Just like she was building a relationship with Ethan, rebuilding her relationship with her father was a priority too. After all, if it weren’t for Dad, she wouldn’t be getting ready to go out with Ethan today.
“Hey, Dad, how are you? How was your trip?”
“Hey, honey bee, I’m good and the trip was great. Got some deer and boar. I’ll bring you over some meat if you’d like.”
Honey bee? Why was he calling her by the name he hadn’t used in years? After their last conversation when he dared her to call Ethan, she’d expected him to be short and crisp with her.
His meat offer wasn’t new; he always gave her that option whenever he returned from his trips, and every time she said no. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the meat, when he hadn’t been deployed he’d gone hunting and she’d been more than happy to eat her fair share of what he’d caught.
If she thought about it, those times were good when he’d grill the meat and she’d sit outside and talk to him. Most of those times had happened when she’d been in high school. After Mom left, he had always made sure he was around and if he had to go away, he ensured she was looked after. Hmm, she’d forgotten about June, the lady who looked after her. June had been a shoulder to cry on when the kids at school played a prank on Isabella. Had helped her understand that, in life, there were always people who would do things she didn’t agree with.
How could she have forgotten June?
“Isabella, are you still there?”
“Yeah, Dad, sorry I was thinking about June.”
“Oh, yes, she was wonderful, God rest her soul.”
Isabella sat a little straighter in her chair. “She’s dead?”
“Yeah, she died last year of a heart attack. I thought I told you?”
“I don’t think you did. Or if you did I didn’t pay attention to what you were saying.” Her voice trailed off and sorrow slammed into her like a freight train. How selfish had she become? So consumed in her determination to ignore everything about her past that she forgot about the woman who tried to make her feel comfortable in an uncomfortable situation.
>
“I’m sorry, honey bee, I haven’t been the best in keeping communication lines open with you.”
She shook her head, even though her dad couldn’t see her. “No, it’s not your fault, Dad. I need to take some responsibility as well. I haven’t exactly been forthright in talking to you either.”
“Guess we both should try and do a little better, huh?”
“Yeah, Dad, we should. Let’s get together tomorrow and I’ll come and get some of the meat you offered, if that’s okay.”
“I’d love that. There’s enough here to feed an army.” He chortled at his own joke and Isabella joined it. It had been a long time since she and her dad had connected. “And speaking of army, did you take up my dare? Did you hit it out of the park, or did you strike out?”
Baseball? “Since when did you start using baseball analogies?”
“Oh, Jerry used them. I guess some of them stuck in my mind.”
Again she shook her head, enjoying the lightness in her father’s voice. Seemed like he’d done some thinking about their relationship, too, while he was away. “Right, well, please don’t, I can’t take all these changes at once.”
“Changes? What changes are you talking about?” This was a serious dad tone. “Do I need to go do some recon and take him out?”
A knock at the door pulled her attention from her dad’s attempt at a threat. “No, Dad, you don’t need to do that,” she started as she got up and walked to the front door. “In fact, Ethan just knocked on my door. We’re going out today.”
“Is that right? Well, I guess Dad did knock it out of the park. So things are going well?”
She opened the door and pointed to the phone. She also made sure she kept eye contact with Ethan as she answered her dad’s question. “Yes, Dad, things are going well, now. We hit a few bumps, but Ethan’s a good guy.”
A large smile broke out over her face when she glimpsed a faint pink hue bloom over Ethan’s cheeks. She never took him as one to be embarrassed easily. Especially not considering the way they’d met.
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