“She’s not my girl.”
“Well she never will be if you don’t chase after her.”
Potter shook his head at her words. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I did chase after her. I proposed to her and she turned me down.”
“Did she say why?” Betty asked a mixture of curiosity and concern in her voice. She cocked her head to the side and considered Potter. “I really could have sworn that she loved you. She was glowing that day at the beach-staring at you like you were some kind of god. And then at volleyball-she may have been mad, but she still had eyes only for you.”
Potter let out his breath in a loud hiss. How could this hurt this much? He shook his head again and said, “She said we had no future. Look, I really don’t want to talk about this.”
Potter left Betty and grabbed a beer from the kitchen. Today was the last day of November; all in all it had been a sucky month. Since Puck had dumped him, he’d been busy at the surf shop designing boards.
Potter drained his beer and stared out at the crowd of people. He was getting too old for parties like this. He just wanted to be home, nursing a cold beer and have Puck curled up next to him. Potter cursed and threw his can in the trash. He had to stop thinking like that. Puck was out of his life now. He had to move on and forget about her.
He waved at his buddies and made his way out of the ranch. He couldn’t be here anymore. Not with Puck being nearby. He was walking towards his truck when he heard a voice up above him.
“I think we should go to counseling.”
“You do realize that you just popped Bubble Day?”
“It had to end sometime. Everything ends- you know that Puck.”
“Yeah…I know.”
Potter stopped walking and searched the area for Puck. She sounded so sad, her voice carried by the wind from a big tree about five feet away. Potter stepped into the shadows, hating himself for needing to hear her voice.
“It’s been three years Puck, but it still feels like just yesterday. I don’t think either one of us will heal until we deal with the past.”
“Ha ha…that rhymes heal and deal…” Puck said weakly.
Potter could see Puck sitting high up in the tree, leaning against the trunk of the tree, her legs hanging off into space. Kyle was sitting on the other side of the tree with his arms wrapped around his legs.
“I’m serious Puck. I…I didn’t have anyone to talk about it with either. My Parents blamed me for everything. That’s why I went to college- to get away from them all.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying sorry! It wasn’t your fault!” Kyle yelled.
“Yes it was. I think you know it was my fault too- you’re just being nice. You always were nice Kyle. I remember when we were going out- you could always make me laugh. No matter what kind of day I was having you’d think up some hair brained stunt.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Puck. I don’t blame you.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You can’t keep hiding from the past!”
“YES I CAN! I do it quite easily!” Puck said flippantly.
“Yeah? Then why’d you drag me out here, huh? You need to talk about it with someone.”
“I needed a bubble day- not therapy.”
“Did I ruin your life, Puck? That’s what haunts me. I’m afraid that I hurt you worse than Molly ever did. I think back on the month before that day and I’m ashamed. We would have broken up even if that night never happened, wouldn’t we?”
“Yeah…”
Potter was stepping towards Puck with out realizing. He really had to stop doing that! It was a compulsion with him. Puck sounded so lost and so sad up there in that tree. He wished he could climb up there and rescue her, although he didn’t know what from.
“We were too young, Kyle. We made mistakes, both of us. I never forget our good times though. You and Molly were my best friends for so long. I never want to forget that.”
“Think we’ll be friends when this bubble day is over?”
Potter wondered what the hell a bubble day was. They kept repeating that term. He saw Puck climbing off the tree- doing so with very little grace. She fell to the ground and dusted off her pants. She looked up at Kyle and the moon light captured her smile. Potter felt his guts twist. He wanted Puck staring at him like that- not Kyle.
“BFFL- Best Friends For Life, but I sure as heck won’t be going to any counseling with you. There’s someone that I had planned to tell…I suppose I won’t have a chance to now. But I don’t want to tell a stranger about that day, you know? I wanted to tell him. It’s stupid, I know it. I-Potter saw Puck wipe a tear off of her face and felt his heart melt for her.
“I sent him out of my life because of that stupid day. How will talking to a stranger fix that? How will that make anything better? I don’t deserve to be happy.” Puck was hugging herself and staring at the dirt.
Potter couldn’t bare the sound of torture in her voice. There was a soft rustling of leaves and then Kyle was jumping to the ground and hugging Puck to him. Potter wanted to be the one holding her. He wanted to comfort her and tell her it was all okay. He stayed in the shadows though. Puck may be hurting, but it didn’t change the fact that she didn’t want him in her life.
“Hey now, don’t cry,” Kyle said against her hair. “We both deserve to be happy. Our past mistakes don’t have to torment us all our lives.”
Potter was burning with curiosity over that day. They never said exactly what it was, but he knew it haunted Puck down to this day. He looked at Kyle and thought that maybe it still haunted him too. Something very tragic must have happened in Puck’s past.
The door burst open and a large crowd of people came out. Some were drunk; others were just having a good time. He saw Betty leaving on Brad’s arm and smiled. They were probably perfect for each other. He looked back over at Puck, but she was already gone. He pondered on what he had heard. He didn’t know what this meant for him. Half of him wanted to go to Puck’s and force her to talk about that day. The other half of him was still bitter over her refusal and was glad she was hurting.
Potter walked to his truck and drove home- unsure of where to go from here.
****
"Puck, what the heck is wrong with you?", asked her concerned sister. It was the day after the party and Perri had just come back from her friend’s house. She had been humming until she saw Puck sitting on the couch with a container of Ben and Jerry. Her sister was still in her pajamas and had apparently decided not to shower. An empty bottle of whiskey was laying on it’s side next to her.
"Ugh," grunted Puck in reply. "Where the hell have you been?” Puck asked around a spoonful of ice cream. "I needed you and you weren’t here! Potter’s a jerk, a really hot jerk with toned abs and a mouth that tastes like heaven..." Puck dropped her spoon on the couch, her body going limp as she slumped against the cushions. "I miss him. But he’s not missing me! He had some bimbo in his arms last night! He used to be hot for me, did you know that? He wanted to sleep with me, would have had sex with me and it would have been great...but one of us has to stay unpregnant. Where the frick is my ice cream?"
Perri watched Puck in fascination as she fell off the couch and onto the floor.
"Are you drunk, Puck?"
"NO!" Puck said as she picked up the empty Jack Daniels bottle, peered inside and tossed it away. "I am not drunk! I don’t get drunk anymore, not after Molly. Not after that night..." Puck bowed her head and mumbled something under her breath. When she raised her head, there were tears in her eyes.
"Why did you make me go to that stupid party?"
"I’m sorry; I thought you’d have fun. Are you jealous Puck? Cause you swore up and down that you and Potter were over!”
"We are… we aren’t, we weren’t, we won’t... He said that he wanted forever with me, but all he really wants is sex. He couldn’t wait even a month before finding some floozy to seduce. He’s probably off banging a million gi
rls right now, the bastard."
"Oh. Okay. Well Puck, you are smashed, maybe you should go to bed?"
"Bloody hell," Puck muttered when she stood up on her wobbly feet. "I’m not smashed, I’m a wee bit snuckered, but not drunk. You go to bed, you look pale. I’m going to sit and eat my ice cream." Puck found her ice cream and sank back on to the couch singing off key, " Dry your eyes," by the streets.
Perri frowned at her sister. She’d never seen her this upset before. Even right after she had broken up with Potter- she had just moped around the house. She heard a light ‘ping’ noise coming from her room, and rushed to the living room window. She frowned down at Joe. Several months ago he’d come by her window nearly every night. He had stopped throwing rocks at her window as soon as he found out about the baby.
He had dirty brown hair just a tad too long, habitually wore leather jackets, and owned a Harley. Perri had thought that she loved him, but he’d shown his true colors the day he deserted her. The snake had said he wanted to marry her someday. Yeah right.
Perri glanced back at Puck, worried about her. Why did he have to decide to come over now? She opened the window and shooed him away. She glanced at Puck again, but she was engrossed in singing to her spoon. Perri’s phone started going off and Perri sighed. That was Joe’s ringtone. She picked up her phone and walked into the bathroom for privacy.
“What are you doing here? I thought you said you were too young to be a daddy?”
“Perri don’t be mad! Anyone would have freaked out if they learned they were going to have a baby!”
“Yes, but they wouldn’t have demanded I get an abortion you rat bastard!”
“Look, I just want to talk. Come outside and we can go to my house.”
Perri peeked around the corner at Puck. She knew it was probably stupid, but if there was a chance that Joe wanted to get back together, she had to take it. Puck would fall asleep soon and wake up with nothing worse than a hang over. Perri closed her eyes and agreed with Joe before she could think better of it. She slipped past Puck and walked over to Joe who was waiting on his bike. He handed her a helmet and soon they were racing off towards his house.
Puck heard a motorcycle revving it’s engine and snorted in disgust. "Probably some bozo trying to impress his tramp," she said to her spoonful of ice cream before licking it clean. Seeing Potter with that tramp had been hard. She stuck her spoon in the carton of ice cream and got up slowly from the couch. She had to stop moping around. Not only that, but she had to stop drinking. She hadn’t drank since that last night with Molly...it was all her fault. Puck walked over to her wall calendar and stared morosely at the date. Today was Molly’s anniversary. Puck sighed and picked up the phone.
"Hello? Sandy? I won’t be in tomorrow, I’m sorry."
"Sure thing, what’s the matter? Are you still depressed about Potter? ‘cuz I told you what you should do! DATE HIM! That’s what you want and what he wants! God, you’re stupid!"
"No...It isn’t anything to do with Potter. This is personal, I’ll talk to you later, okay?"
Puck put down the phone and sank onto the floor. Today was the anniversary of Molly’s death. Puck closed her eyes and tried to block out the memories. They had been driving in a car, everyone had been drinking, no one thought about safety. They were all dancing to the pounding music that filled Molly’s car. She was mad at Kyle, but determined to have a good time. She remembered that she turned around to look at Kyle, saw his screaming face, heard Molly screaming... then just silence.
She woke up in the hospital a Jane Doe. She had suffered just minor cuts and bruising, Kyle had broken his arm and bruised a rib, but Molly hadn’t been wearing a seat belt. Once upon a time Kyle and Molly had been her best friends. Once upon a time she had loved Kyle with all of her foolish heart. She had loved Kyle so much that she ignored all the warning signs. He started out smoking recreational drugs, he lost weight, got meaner. They started fighting more, mostly over sex. He called her a prude and once even lost his temper...
Puck squeezed her eyes shut as tight as she could, cradling her head in her arms. She had been so happy with Kyle, so in love, so foolish. Love didn’t exist, not really. It was an illusion; something to be attained briefly but the repercussions of such foolishness was not worth the thrill of a new romance. When she next saw Kyle he had screamed at her, calling her a murderer, a slut, a whore...
That’s why, no matter how sweet and wonderful Potter was, she was not going to get involved with him. She had lied to herself when she’d thought they could enjoy just the moment. In a way she was actually grateful that it had ended. If they had continued as they had been, Puck would have fallen completely in love with him. Puck wiped away a tear and sniffled. They would have been happy at first; it would have been pure heaven. Puck knew it wouldn’t last. Once upon a time, Puck had a boyfriend who loved and cared for her. Once upon a time Puck had believed in happily ever afters and fairy tales. Puck sat on the tile floor and sobbed into her arms.
Chapter 13: Dry your eyes, mate.
"Hi, Potter! This is Perri," Potter winced at the pep in her voice. Who was that perky at...one in the afternoon? Was it really that late? Potter wiped a hand across his eyes trying to wake up and concentrate on what Perri was saying. He had woken up to his phone ringing obnoxiously. It sounded like Perri was at a party. What kind of party started at one in the afternoon? Wait a sec... Potter looked out his window and peered up into a black starry night.
"Did you hear me?" Perri was definitely at a party. He could hear the loud music and yelling in the background.
"Does Puck know you’re at a party?", countered Potter.
Perri sighed loudly, yelled something at someone in the crowd and then resumed talking, "No, she doesn’t know. But she’d be cool with it if she did, I’m not doing anything half as wild as she does on a regular basis. Look, I just need a favor. I left Puck at the apartment. She’s drunk and something’s going on with her. She just called me and I think she needs company. Can you go check on her?"
"Why don’t you go? You’re her sister! And why didn’t you stay with her if you thought she needed to be around people?" No way was Potter going to Puck’s house. It would be easier on his heart if he just cut it out right here and stomped on it.
"Something came up; I’m with the father of my baby. He took me to this party and we’re actually getting along. But I’m worried about Puck. I think it’s about Molly, but I can’t be back into town for another few hours. You have to go to her, please."
Potter let out a stream of cuss words before settling on, "Bloody Hell!" He slammed the phone down and ran to get his keys. If Puck needed him there was no way he could just ignore her. He thought of her all alone at home, dealing with her problems by herself, just like she’d always done. Potter sped all the way to her house, kicking up gravel when he slammed to a stop in front of her townhouse.
He pounded on the door, but when there was no answer he marched right in, making a mental note to yell at Puck for not locking her door. He stopped when he saw her. She was sitting on the kitchen tile, slumped against the wall. Potter stepped closer and peered at her face. He lightly touched her shoulder and was surprised when she let out a loud snore. This was the big emergency?
Potter stifled a sigh and shook Puck awake. He’d hurried over here thinking it was an emergency, only to find Puck in a drunken slumber. Well since he was here, the least he could do is make sure she slept in a bed and not on the floor. He watched as her eyes slowly opened and focused on his. Potter frowned when he saw how puffy her eyes looked, as if she’d been crying. Maybe Perri had been right after all.
"What are you doing here?" she asked warily as she ducked her head, allowing her hair to cover her face. Potter crouched down next to her and tucked her hair behind her ear. She had definitely been crying. What if this did have to do with Molly and Kyle? Potter tamped down his burning curiosity and reminded himself to tread carefully. Puck did not like to cry or appear weak in front of others.
Potter wondered what he should say. Somehow blurting out, "Why are you crying?" didn’t seem like the wisest course. So he did what Puck would want him to do and ignored the question. He sat down on the floor and leaned his back against the wall and said, "Nice day we’re having, huh?"
Puck slanted him a look and slowly nodded her head. "Yeah, it’s been real nice. I’m a little bit drunk." She rested her head back against the wall, looking tired and sad. Potter grunted in reply and settled in for a long sit down. Puck would talk when she was ready. A long time passed, neither one of them talking, when suddenly Puck sighed and began her tale.
"Today’s the day. That’s why I’m drunk, I never drink anymore, not since that night. In just a few hours I will have driven down Scenic View, I’ll know I shouldn’t. I’ll think, "Puck don’t drive so fast, you had too much to drink, you don’t feel right." I’ll hear Molly laughing and howling at the moon, I’ll feel Kyle’s hand, I’ll slap him away. I swerve and a truck honks and we all laugh. We were young...young people can’t die. That’s what I thought, we all did. Kyle pops some pills, asks me to have one too. Molly yells at him to leave me alone..."
Puck spoke distantly, recalling a day in history that still gave her nightmares. Her voice came out disjointed as if she was living it all over again. This was something that Puck had never told anyone before. He put his arm around her gently, as she continued.
"Molly always looked out for me. I loved her; I loved her like none other. We were closer than sisters, we never fought, we always had fun, we spoke our own language, and we were always there for each other. She used to tell me we would grow old together and sip tea while our grand kids played in the back yard.
We would laugh and gossip about our families and talk about our wild days. She was my skinny dipping partner. We went on road trips and camped at the beach for days. We went to parties and hiked in the woods...we did everything together. It made me so happy to have her as a friend because she was everything I wasn’t. She was popular, outgoing, very affectionate, and she really believed in love. Boys fell in love with her with in moments of meeting her. It wasn’t strictly her looks, it was her. She was special.
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