He couldn’t stop himself.
He ran his thumb across her cheek, brushing her hair back, tucking it behind her ear. He heard the soft catch of her breath and couldn’t wait any longer. Jace dipped his head, touching his lips to hers gently, giving her time to pull away. Praying she didn’t.
She kissed him back, adding just a hint of pressure to the soft, melting kiss. Feeling her respond, Jace groaned, pulling his head back, looking into her eyes for confirmation. He knew he’d been an ass since she’d been back, but he’d never been one to take advantage of a woman’s pain. That was the only thing that had kept him from kissing her after the funeral.
Gazing at her face, her blue eyes dark, still tremulous and red rimmed, Jace knew he couldn’t do this. Not right now. Maybe just one more kiss?
As he slowly leaned forward, she raised her lips to meet his, pressing her hand against the back of his head, bringing the kiss deeper. At the taste of her tongue against his, reason was lost. He knew this was wrong, but couldn’t remember why.
* * * * *
Dani was in heaven. This was the Jace she knew, the man she remembered. The man she’d always been in love with. Without the acid, the rancor, she felt herself melting against him completely. She pressed his head closer, her hand tangling in his hair. She could feel when he finally relaxed into the kiss, letting his body respond and his mind shut down. This was what she wanted, what she needed. Confirmation that he was really here, really alive.
His hand trailed around her side, skimming the underside of her breast before continuing upwards to delve into her hair. She felt the heat start low in her belly, spreading outwards, through her veins. She needed to be closer.
* * * * *
Hearing her soft cry against his lips, urgency pulsed through Jace. She wasn’t close enough. He had to feel her body against him. Unconsciously pressing his lips harder, his tongue delving into her mouth, Jace pulled her onto him, turning her until she was straddling him, her knees beside his hips.
Jace grabbed her hair, hissed out a breath and yanked, pulling her head back, exposing her neck. He rained hot, open-mouthed kisses down that long, sexy column, stopping just above her breast. Seeing her breasts, nipples pushing against the tiny triangles of her top, Jace became painfully aware of her scanty attire. His shaft throbbed hard, pushing against his board shorts, aching to be released. When she rolled her hips toward him again, he accommodated her, gripping her hip with his hand and pulling.
She must be as needy as he was. He could feel her heat through the thin fabric of their swimsuits. She twisted against him, sliding up and down his already aching shaft. When she cried out, throwing her head back, whimpering in need, he gritted his teeth, praying he wouldn’t come yet.
She grabbed his head, digging her fingers into his hair and pulling his lips back to hers.
When her mouth met his again, Jace felt his control slipping. Five years since he’d touched her, tasted her. He brought his hands up, cupping her breasts, pinching the tips between his thumbs and fingers. He was afraid he was being too rough, but she pulled her head away, throwing it back as she cried out her pleasure at his touch.
Jace groaned, thrusting his hips against her, desperate to feel her skin against his. He yanked aside the top, exposing her flesh to his gaze. Her nipples were such a dark pink, almost red really, just like her lips. He bent his head, cupping her breast and suckling the tip deep into his mouth.
Dani whimpered. She twisted her hips, pressing against his length, riding him, desperate for release. Leaning forward and pushing his mouth from her breast, she kissed his neck, nipping and licking as she went. She grabbed the bottom of his shirt, lifting it up, trying to shove it over his head.
He complied. Raising his arms, he grabbed the sides and threw his shirt off, pressing her body against his immediately. At the skin-to-skin contact, Jace thought he would explode. Her nipples, tight little buds pressing against him, made his cock pulse and throb against her sex. He wrapped his hands around her hips, cupping her ass and thrusting against her.
He looked at her face, head thrown back in pleasure, eyes closed, lips swollen and wet from his kisses. She was beautiful, more beautiful than anything he’d ever seen. And she was writhing against him. “Dani, sweetheart. Aw, hell, you’re going to make me come like this.”
* * * * *
She whimpered, biting her lip, pressing against him in an ever increasing pace. “Good. Fair’s fair.”
She leaned forward, needing his mouth on hers. She ran her hands down his back, sliding them back up his sides.
Until her fingers ran over the scar. Then she remembered. And the memory was better than a bucket of cold water, cancelling her desire with pain.
Her body tensed a split second before she pushed away and jumped off his lap.
* * * * *
She stood there, still hot and flushed, her nipples announcing her arousal, her breath fast and shallow. She was hastily adjusting her top, trying to cover herself. He knew she’d felt the scars, knew that was what had stopped them. She had been on the verge of orgasm, and she’d jumped back because of a scar.
The rage took over again. How dare she be disgusted by a few marks. Marks that had caused him so much pain. Pain she hadn’t even been around for! Her tears, the pain in her eyes all but forgotten, lost behind his hurt, Jace lashed out.
He stood slowly, doing nothing to hide the raging erection pressing against his shorts. He leaned over and grabbed his shirt, sliding it slowly back in place. Finally he turned to face her, an acidic look on his face.
“Better?” he asked with a sardonic smile.
“What?”
He had to give her credit—she honestly looked confused. But then again, she had been a drama major. “Well, you seemed to be a little disgusted by my scars. I thought I’d spare you.”
He deliberately looked at her breasts, nipples still pushing against her top. “Now that I’ve got my shirt back on, we can finish what we started. I see you’re not so upset that you can’t respond to my touch.” He stepped closer to her, walking until they were mere inches apart. “I bet if I touch you now, you’ll still be wet. Want me to finish the job?” His hand came down, cupping her between her legs, one finger teasing her core, pressing into her through the spandex.
Her hand cracked across his cheek. Hard enough to knock him back two steps. He heard it before he even felt the hit.
His head whipped back around with murder in his eyes. He jumped forward with catlike speed. Grabbing her hair, he yanked back hard enough to hurt her.
He heard her cry of pain a fraction of a second before his lips closed over hers. He kissed her long and deep, forcing her to accept his kiss, wringing a response from her. When he felt her body melt, relax into his, he stopped abruptly, ripping his mouth away.
He glared at her, letting all the anger and pain radiate from his eyes. “Apparently you’re not that disgusted, after all.”
He started to walk away, stopping when he got about ten feet away. He couldn’t leave her alone in the woods at night. No matter how much he wanted to, he just couldn’t do it.
He turned around, hands on his hips, and saw her standing there, exactly where he’d left her. Instead of angry, her face was composed. Her eyes were icy. He scrubbed his hand over his face, angry at himself now. He figured she hated him and knew he deserved it. How did he keep screwing things up so badly?
He pointed to the small rock where he’d set her clothes earlier. “Jenn made me bring your clothes. Put them on and I’ll take you home.”
Silently she dressed, sliding on her shorts and shirt then putting her sandals back on. She walked toward him, but instead of stopping, she quickened her pace, walking right by him, staring straight ahead. Leaving him to follow in her wake.
Chapter 18
Dani walked back to the party. It took almost forty minutes. She was moving quickly, but not running. She heard Jace behind her, but refused to speak to him, or even to look at him. When she got
back to the house, she went around to the front door. She was pleased to see Bri’s truck was still there, but most of the others were gone. She let herself in quietly, stopping at the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face.
The walk back had diminished most of the puffiness, both from crying and from kissing. A little cool water and she looked almost normal. By the time she got out to the backyard, Jace was already there, beer in hand. She didn’t really want a drink, but needed something to do with her hands, and a beer would seem more normal. She grabbed one and headed over to the group. It was essentially just the wedding party left. Joanna and Sean had left, as well as Sara and Colonel.
She took a seat next to Zack, as far away from Jace as she could. She plastered a smile on her face, prepared to enjoy the small remainder of the day.
* * * * *
When they got back to Jenn’s house, Dani thanked Brian for driving, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. She hugged Jenn and headed back to her car. As she started to climb into the seat, she felt Jenn’s hand on her shoulder.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, Jenn. It’s fine.”
“So, you and Jace talked, worked it out?”
Dani hesitated; she never could lie to Jenn.
The slight hesitation was enough. “You guys fought again, didn’t you? Damn it! I wanted to come get you, but he insisted. ‘No, Jenn, I’m going whether you like it or not.’” Her imitation of Jace’s growl was dead on the money.
“Hey, I’m fine, really. Or I will be. Look, sleep in tomorrow morning, enjoy your fiancé. I have some stuff to take care of, but I’ll come by tomorrow afternoon and we can talk about it then, okay? I’m burned tonight.”
“Yeah, I bet. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. You should try to get some sleep too, sweetie. After this week, you deserve it.” She started to walk away, stopping after a few steps. “Dani…I just really want to say I’m sorry. About everything. I never thought it would be…he would be…like this. But thank you for coming.”
“Nowhere else I’d be right now. You know that.” She smiled at Jenn, trying to ease the strained look on her friend’s face.
Once she was settled in bed, she finally thought back over the day. Though it had been horrible, ten shades of horrible, actually, she had figured out why Jace was so angry. She would be angry too. Unfortunately, she didn’t see him forgiving her any time soon.
She had seen a glimpse of the Jace she’d remembered this afternoon, and as much as she wanted to have that again, she knew now that it wasn’t possible.
She allowed herself one more tear, for the loss of a friendship, the loss of such a large piece of her past, and the loss of the secret hope she hadn’t even known she’d still harbored.
* * * * *
Jace woke up just after four a.m. from the hottest fantasy he’d ever imagined. He’d been dreaming of Dani, no shock there, but the contents had been a little surprising. There was, of course, sex involved. Hot, steamy, crazy sex. The kind where he could lose control and she would match his pace, thrust for thrust, position for position. That hadn’t been all that surprising.
The shocking part was when Dani had said she loved him. He hadn’t had that dream in years. It had been a constant companion his first year in the Corps, but it hadn’t happened since.
Even worse than that had been his own confession. He’d told her he loved her, too. That was when he woke up. His shaft was pulsing, aching for release. After the lake yesterday, plus the hot dream, that was expected. He was pretty sure he’d been hard since she’d come back into town. Unfortunately, his heart ached too. He’d known his emotions ran high around her, but apparently higher than he thought.
He didn’t think he was really in love with her. Hell, he didn’t even know her anymore, but the dream had reminded him of five years ago, the girl he still remembered. The one he still missed.
When a cold shower did nothing to ease the ache, either of them, he decided on a hot sweaty workout. He headed to the gym hoping to burn off some of the desire, and the rage, that had been his constant companions this week.
After a couple of hours at the gym, Jace showered and dressed. There was a conversation he needed to have, and although he was dreading it, she deserved better.
He stopped at Nicole’s house on his way home, surprised to find her still in pajamas.
“Hey, can I come in?” he asked when she opened the door.
Instead of answering, she just swung the door wider and walked back to the living room. When he saw the pile of used tissues on the coffee table, guilt swamped him.
He sat down next to her on the couch, awkwardly waiting, expecting her to yell at him. When she said nothing, he realized there were more problems between them than just some scars.
“Nicole, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lie to you. I just don’t talk about it. Ever. Not to anyone.”
“Except Brian and Jenn.” Her tone was sarcastic, her nose stuffy. It was an odd combination from the very proper woman he was used to.
“No, not even Brian and Jenn. Not really. They know when it happened, and where, but that’s about it. Brian and Jenn, they sat by my bedside, taking turns with my family, for weeks after I got home. But even they don’t know the details.”
She nodded slowly. “Jason, I can forgive that. I really can. I can even kind of understand it. But there’s so much more. What else don’t I know? What don’t you tell me? Why don’t you tell me? Like you and Dani? I’m not stupid, I know there’s something there, some reason you hate her. And, and… Why don’t I have a nickname?”
His thoughts were running in circles. He really did edit what he told her, even little stuff about the bar. He never told her any of the dirty jokes, never mentioned any of the fights. He never even cussed around her. He finally understood why they never fought. It was because, ultimately, Nicole didn’t really even know who he was.
“Wait, what? What nickname?”
“Everyone you know has a nickname, an abbreviation. Except me. You always call me Nicole.”
“Well, that’s your name.” He was sure he’d never been this confused.
She rolled her eyes, another first for Jace.
“Yes, that’s my name. But Jennifer is Jenn, Brian is Bri, Sean is just Sean, but really what are you going to do with that. Bethany is Beth, even Danielle is Dani and you don’t even like her. So, why am I not Nikki or Nik?”
He stared at her, trying to figure out what she was really asking. This had to be about more than what he called her, but for the life of him, he didn’t know what.
“Okay, what is this really about? I don’t think it’s actually about names.”
“Well, it is and it’s not. The names are just a constant reminder of something I am very much aware of. I don’t fit, Jason. Not with your group, not with you. And you know it.”
He was astonished. Every one of his friends liked her, but she didn’t think she belonged? “They all love you.” Brian even asked when they were getting married.
That thought was followed immediately by another. She was right.
“That’s not what I mean, Jason, and deep down you know it. How much don’t you tell me? Besides the things that I already know I don’t know. Like the war, the injuries, why you hate your supposed friend. What else do you keep from me? I also know that you’re louder, rowdier around that group when I’m not there. I thought it was just around the guys, but now I’ve seen you around Jenn and Beth too. I don’t fit.”
He said nothing for several long minutes. When he finally spoke, it wasn’t to contradict her, just to offer the explanation she deserved. “I keep things from you because I don’t want to upset you. I guess…I guess I just didn’t think you could handle it, or that you should have to handle it.”
She looked stunned. “Would you ever have told me about Afghanistan?”
He shook his head. “Probably not.” He waited for some response, some indication of what might make this easier for her.
Afte
r a few minutes she asked, “So, if I had gone to college with you, would we have been friends? Would you tell me more? You don’t seem to pull any punches with Dani, even when you’re insulting her.”
“I don’t hate her, Nicole. There are things there that you’d never understand. I don’t even understand. As for us being friends, probably not.” She looked crushed, so he continued. “If you actually knew me, the real me, you wouldn’t like me at all.”
She shook her head, muttering under her breath, “So you say. I think I would have liked the real you very much."
Chapter 19
Dani finally made it over to Jenn’s house late the next afternoon. She had spent some time that morning sorting through some of the stuff in the attic. She had found some old photo albums, among other things. Pictures of her and Jenn as kids, some from high school. She’d also found a picture of the four of them, probably the summer after sophomore year of college, washing Jace’s old beat-up truck. They were all in shorts, covered in soap, having more fun throwing the sponges at each other rather than the truck.
She didn’t remember anyone taking a picture, figured her mom had grabbed the camera and snuck out while no one was looking. But she remembered the day. She’d smiled, recalling the laughter. Then she’d tucked the picture into her wallet.
Dani knocked on the front door and heard Jenn yell out, “Come in.” She found Jenn and Brian sitting on the couch staring at the coffee table. They had a giant book before them, with some sort of map spread out. Dani looked closer and found that it wasn’t a map, but a seating chart.
“What’s up? You’ve been done with that for weeks. Have some last-minute additions?”
“No, well yes, my great aunt is coming after all, so I had to add two more. But I had a table that was two short anyway, so that’s done. I have a subtraction now, too.”
“Oh. Who cancelled?”
“Nicole.”
“Nicole? As in Jace’s Nicole?” Guilt ran through Dani. She truly hoped it wasn’t because of her, because of stupidity.
You Can't Go Home Again Page 9