I backed away quickly. “Let’s get out of here now.”
Mirraya looked into my eyes, silently pleading for help. She was frozen with fright.
I swept her into my arms and took off at a sprint. We were back to Stingray in eight and a half seconds. Before I even set her down, I was attached to the console. “Take us out of this cluster immediately.”
That was when the bottom fell out of my existence.
In the most malicious, maleficent voice I wished I’d never to have heard, the reply came, “Leave, Jon? Why we’ve only just met. Surely, you’d like to stay and play a little while. It will be ever so much fun.”
I do not know where I found the strength to respond. “Who the hell are you?”
“Excellent guess, Jonathan. You are equal to your legend. You are remarkably close.”
“Where’s Stingray? What have you done to her?”
“You mean Blessing? I rather prefer that name over your silly superstitious variant. Not that I object to superstition, mind you. It keeps people thinking of me. Never refuse free PR.”
“Where is she?” I said with more edge than I would have thought possible.
“She’s fine. I’m right on top of her. Secretly, I think she enjoys the sensation.”
“I will tell you only once. Leave my ship.”
“Or else? Wasn’t it you who only recently asked a Quep the very same thing?”
“Or else I’ll make you wish you’d have left peaceably.”
“Well that approach simply won’t work, General Ryan. You see, now you’ve piqued my curiosity. It ten thousand million generations, in twenty thousand billion years, no one has been able to do that. I simply must see if someone finally can.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Seriously, I was rattling an absent saber. I had significantly less than nothing to back my words up. I was just instinctively being Jon Ryan.
“You have my word on it, Jon. Although, I will be honest enough to point out my word generally carries little weight. I am, truth be told, thoroughly unreliable, completely untrustworthy, and despicably dishonest.”
“If you’re telling the truth that you are always untruthful, what am I to believe?” I heard a version of that in some sci-fi TV show somewhere along the line. It worked then, and like I said, my idea tank was bone dry.
“And then the evil entity began to feel the first hints of boredom. Always a bad thing.”
“I’m waiting for an answer,” I said.
“Here it is then.”
Stingray began to shake like she was in a blender. The room went pitch black, and a painful metallic pounding began. Then it all reverted back to normal in an instant.
“Any part you not understand, Jon? I’d hate to add you to my sacrificial stew unless your mind was completely free of doubt. I’d do it, to be certain, but I would be not be happy about it.”
I thought my time, our time, was about up. A brilliant idea could come to me any time, as long as it was immediately. Still crickets chirped in my head.
“Mirraya,” said the horrific voice, “I don’t want you to feel ignored or unappreciated before I add your delectable young malleable flesh to my dinner pot. Do you have a word to say?”
“Aract flaw, tantulitus complet. Sen duhammer plor.”
“Ah, an aficionado of the old tongue. How refreshing to see it is still relevant to today’s youth.”
“Comitometic kifil,” she hissed.
“I hate to shatter your illusions, my dear, but that really never works. I’d pretend it did to then be able to shatter your spirit. But really, words don't affect me, aside from the fact that I’m nearly bored to death.”
“Let me tell you about my first-grade teacher. Then you’ll actually die of boredom,” I said, interrupting the voice’s harassment of my girl.
“Parting, Jon, is such sweet sorrow. By the way, by parting I actually mean the separation of you from yourself. The Deft child too, I’m afraid.”
Everything had its Achilles heel, its armor chink. Think, buddy, think fast. It lived in a globular cluster. Why a globular cluster? A being of such power and malevolence could go anywhere it desired. There’d be more people to mess with. Wait, wait. That was it. The evil spirit had to be in this globular cluster, or at least a globular cluster. Otherwise, it would have split for downtown Milky Way eons ago.
Great, now all I had to do was get Stingray out of this cluster. Then the spirit would have to leave. Small problem. Said evil spirit was inside—actually on top of, whatever that meant—Stingray and controlling her. I couldn’t override that. In the old days when I had my conventional spaceship, Shearwater, attached to the cube, I might had used her power to move the us. But no such luck. I could manually slam a shield membrane against the ground and kick Stingray into space, but that wouldn’t work. There be no directional control. Oh, and with Stingray offline, the inertial forces would scramble Mirraya and me into hot mushy globules. So, how could I basically get this whole rodeo out of Dodge in the next, oh three seconds.
Jon, you’re a genius. Well, better wait until after this worked to self-congratulate.
“Okay, evil ugly voice,” I called out with significant bravado, “you were warned. Now you will suffer the consequences of your folly.” I waved my arms in the air and spun back and forth like a lousy Shakespearian actor. I needed a distraction. “Mirraya,” I said facing her, “remember the time you became the toughest, hardest thing you possibly could, and I still defeated you?”
Poor scared girl started to shake her head. She opened her mouth to speak, then shut it audibly. She smiled faintly and nodded understanding.
“So, evil voice dude,” I said spinning to the console and gyrating excessively, “you see I am not,” I took a huge step toward the control panel, “one to be,” I took another giant step, “toyed with.” I slapped my hand on the panel in anger. Then, as quickly as I could, I deployed a full membrane around Stingray with a radius of ten meters in all directions. I should point out the types of membranes there were. The one that was most often used was a partial space-time congruity manipulator. It allowed visible light through so one could see outside. The full membrane was absolutely and totally impenetrable. Nothing passed it in either direction. Engines could not be fired, messages sent or received, nothing. I just hoped nothing getting through would be a problem for my unfun guest.
“Jon, what did you do?” the voice asked. It was much less scary sounding, and the volume was down by half.
“I did what I said I would. You did not heed my one warning. I shall destroy you. Any questions?” I turned to wink at Mirraya. She had changed. The Deft looked like a rock. Actually, she looked just like a Horta, but no one knows what those were anymore, so think big rock.
“Jon, if you do not switch that shield off instantly—”
“You’ll what. Tear us apart? Go ahead. You’ll still never get out. The shield housing is adamantine steel, neutron-stabilized and bonded,” whatever the hell that meant. “You’ll never breach it, not cut off as you are from your power source. So, charlie foxtrot, go ahead, make my day. Give me your best shot. A guy like you is worth dying to kill.”
The voice took a few seconds, then it spoke congenially. “Jon, friend Jon. You know I was just playing with you before. I was trying to scare you, I confess. But I would never hurt a synthetic hair on your head. You know that. Please don’t do anything you might regret in hindsight.”
“Friends, eh? Were the other guys in your acid stew your buddies too?”
“No,” the voice laughed, “those were holograms. I would no sooner put a living being in boiling acid as I would cut off my own arm.”
“You have arms?” I had to ask.
“I can if it will please you,” the voice said very cheerily. “Now lower the membrane, and I’ll be getting home to my wife and children. They’ll miss me and wonder where I am by now. You wouldn’t want my infant children to worry, would you, friend Jon?”
“Gosh and heck fire
no. Here, let me just call your bluff by having a seat and watching you squirm some more.” I plopped into a chair and crossed my arms and legs. “Seeing you sweat is worth the price of admission. Did you know that? Hey, you never told me your name.”
“I’ll tell you my name, and then you’ll power down the shield. Okay? I don’t tell most people my name, you know?”
“But I’m not people. I’m your friend. Friends tell friends their names. It’s kind of a rule.”
“If it will make you happy. My name is Ralph.”
No freaking way it was.
“Ah, evil incarnate voice, it’s not nice to fool with Jon’s patience.”
“Seriously, my name is Ralph, so help me—”
“So help you who? God?”
“It’s just a figure of speech. Let’s move on to the part where you drop the membrane.”
“Absolutomundo, Ralph. I’ll lower the shield as soon as you say the word God.”
“Wh … why would that be necessary? Jon, now you’re being just plain silly.”
“I think I’m being rude, unreasonable, childish, and downright obstreperous actually. At least those are some of the better ones I’ve been called before.”
“So, turn over a new leaf, friend Jon. I don’t say that word, and you stop being a horse’s ass.”
“Well I’ve never, Ralph. For a second I was thinking we were guy-bonding, assuming you’re a guy I guess. Now I’m a horse’s patootie? You are this close to hurting my feelings, Ralph. I might just start calling you Gloria because that was my first wife’s name. I developed strong negative feelings concerning her during our eighteen-month honeymoon in hell.” I wagged a finger at the control panel. “I start crying and our friendship is officially over.”
“I don’t have time for this, robot. Lower the shield or first your Deft whore then Blessing die in agony. Then I will start—”
“Dying myself? Is that what you were going to say, because it’s happening already. I can tell. My sensors indicate your power levels are down twelve percent. I estimate that even if you do me a huge favor and stop talking, you’ve got less than an hour left in you.”
Man, when I start making bullshit up, I was among the very best. I’d have multiple gold medals if they awarded them for bullshitting. How would I know what his power levels were?
Ralph was quiet for the longest period since he started talking. Five, count them, five seconds.
“Your so-called sensors are wrong. My energy reserves are only down maybe one percent. I can hold out longer than either of your whores.”
“Did someone just learn a new bad word and can’t stop using it? Keep it up and I’ll tell your mom.”
The ship started rocking, but with much less force than before. Dude really was running on battery power. Of course, I was holding the proverbial tiger by the tail. The trick to tiger-tail holding was always releasing them without getting eaten. No point in holding if you died after doing it. What was my exit strategy? Was there a safe out? The instant I dropped the membrane, he was all powerful and doubly pissed. He could damage Stingray. Without her, we were marooned. He might even be able to hurt my Horta, even in his weakened state. It was time to act.
“Ralph, you’re growing on me like regular serum moss. Tell you what, I’d like to play Let’s Make a Deal. How about you? Interested in winning some fabulous prizes like your sorry ass?”
“I’m listening.”
Playing it cool. All right.
“I have a problem and you have a problem. My problem is, and it pains me to say it, you. Your problem is, and it doesn’t depress me to say it, are dying. Now I don’t like my problem and you don’t like yours. Am I right?”
No response.
“Hey, Ralph, do you know what they call a sore loser? No, Jon. What do they call a sore loser? evil voice said in response. A loser, Ralph. You’re a loser.”
“I’m still listening. I must add you’re not making me like you more by being a jerk-ass.”
“So, I have a plan to get rid of my problem, permanently, while at the same time, helping you with yours.”
“Must I ask like an idiot, or will you just tell me what you propose?”
“Here’s the deal. You step into the clear, in this room. I seal you in a small membrane for safe keeping.”
“So far, I’m inclined to veto this, but go on.”
“Then I take Stingray well outside this cluster, say, um, ten light-years. I move your prison cell outside and then I turn off your jail walls. The way I figure, you’d have maybe just enough energy to make it home for dinner before you went poof in the night. What do you say? Deal?”
“Jon, I realize you think you are clever. You are not. If I allow myself to be contained alone in a membrane, what would prevent you from keeping me contained until I died?”
“My word as an officer and a gentleman.”
“You then understand why I must refuse.”
“Ouch, Ralph. That really hurts. But, it’s the only way I see this going down. I mean, I can try and wait you out. I wasn’t kidding when I said a guy like you is worth dying to kill.”
“Here’s my counterproposal. You release me and I give you my word as a gentleman that I will depart in peace, thankful for my life. I will harm none of your crew. I promise.”
“Tempting, but no can do. You see, Ralph, you’re not a man, therefore not a gentleman. What’s more, you told me yourself you were completely untrustworthy. Which do I believe? The old you of half an hour ago, or the new, life-swirling-down-the-toilet, you?”
“Then it’s stalemate. A Mexican standoff. We sit here and see who dies first.”
“The voice of evil did not just say a Mexican standoff.”
“I so look forward to death, yours or mine, so I won’t have to hear your voice.”
“Yes, Gloria. You’re right, Gloria. I’ll try and be a better husband, Gloria. Your mother was so right about me, Gloria.”
“In the annals of time, it has never happened, but I am witness to it now. This is, indeed, the darkest day.”
“What?” I shot back.
“You win, I lose, because one verbal combatant not being able to stomach one more stupid taunt from his opponent. I shall live in disgrace, but you have left me no choice. I agree to your terms.”
“Jon Ryan scores a three pointer, nothing but net from downtown,” I cheered, arms pumping in the air.
“One more outburst, and the deal’s off. I’m serious. Even I have my limits.”
A hazy apparition moved out from behind the control panel wall and hovered in front of me.
“Stingray, are you there?” I shouted.
“Yes, Form. I’m weak and I’m … I’m disgusted, but I’m present.”
“Are you fully operational?”
“No. I’ll need time to heal. I can fold space, however.”
“Perfect. That’s all I need for now.” I tapped the controls, and the hazy apparition disappeared in a black sphere. It wasn’t so much black as it was not there. I compared it to what you see out of the back of your head. “Okay, Stingray. The force is contained. I’ll lower the membrane around us by hand. Then you pop us to point ten light-years away from the cluster. Any direction is fine. Can you do that, sweetie?”
I felt a slight nausea.
“Done, Form.”
“Open the lateral wall. Increase internal pressure to keep Mirraya safe until I get the membrane out. The instant I power it off, seal the hatch and put a full membrane around us. You got that? A full membrane. I don’t want to do it by hand because of the time lag. I really don’t trust evil incarnate.”
“You shouldn’t, Form. Trust me. You should not.”
Within fifteen seconds, it was over. Best of all, we weren’t dead, particularly not boiling-in-sulfuric-acid dead. I kept us there inside our unbreakable egg for a week. I wanted to be damn certain Ralph had returned to his happy-place boiling pit. I would have hated to lower the membrane to find him there smiling, having been just ab
le to outsmart me. Yeah. Nobody gets up that early, do they? The one thing I regretted deeply was that I would not be present to witness the epic tantrum he was bound to throw for having finally been trounced. If Ralph was in a foul mood generally, he was going to be downright surly for the foreseeable future. You’re welcome, universe.
THIRTEEN
I learned a few important lessons in my short visit to the extreme future. One, don’t go to globular clusters—any of them. Second, I knew why the Adamant hadn’t followed me there. They were more scared of a potential Ralph than they were infuriated with me. That indicated they had an ability, albeit small, to reason and not just act violently. Third, I realized having a shapeshifting sidekick was very useful. Wish I had one before, and not Wrath or Al. That set me to thinking.
Al. Whatever happened to the son of a gun? Toño said in his message Al’d stayed with me in my Sleeping Beauty slumber. He’d refused to go. I hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him, but then again, at the time, I wasn’t looking for him. Likely someone carted him off as scrap long before I awoke. Wait. My android body had value to a scavenger. So, Al might have been taken slightly before me, but we must have been present together when our chamber was finally opened. I wonder. If I were a treasure hunter and I came across an outmoded robot and an archaic computer, which would I remove first? I guess that would depend on the parts each possessed. I had a laser cutting tool and old fuel cells. I knew that because that stupid Quep told me he wanted them. Al had a few rare earths, gold and titanium, traces of platinum. His power source would have been separate and removable without bothering him.
Maybe Al was still there? Hmm. If he was, I owed it to him to retrieve him. Plus, I’d love to one-up him by being his knight in shining armor. It’d gall him to no end. Was it safe to return to Exeter? No. Was it safe for me to go anywhere? A proven no. So, it was off to Exeter. Might as well die at home, right? It would be like my private Hospice. No, Jon, stop kidding around. Mirraya was with me now. She wasn’t going to die anytime soon, anywhere.
Embers: The Galaxy On Fire Series, Book 1 Page 11