by Sue Pethick
“He’s a natural born ham,” Nathan said. “Did you see him shake hands with the runners-up? If Darlene was smart, she’d have asked Boomer to come back and judge next year’s contest, too.”
“Except that Boomer won’t be here next year.”
His face fell. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“No, it’s okay,” she said. “When he has a good day like this, it’s hard to remember how sick he is.”
“Do you ever wonder if the vet made a mistake? Boomer seems pretty healthy to me.”
She shook her head, feeling the hot press of tears behind her eyes.
“I think I knew something was wrong even before Dr. Samuels did the tests. When we’d go to the park, Boomer didn’t seem to want to run with the other dogs, but I told myself that it wasn’t important. He goes to day care while I’m at work, and he seemed happy enough to stay inside when we got home, so I figured he was just tired from playing all day. Looking back, it seems obvious, but I guess I just didn’t want to see it at the time.”
She took out a tissue and blotted her eyes. It was hard to admit how selfish she’d been, even to herself. Having Nathan question her about it only made her feel worse. He must think she was an awful person, ignoring Boomer in favor of her work, letting him waste away while she played superwoman at Compton/Sellwood. If she had to do it over again, she’d make every second count, but it was too late now. She put the tissue away and picked up her fork.
“I must sound like some sort of monster.”
“Hardly that,” he said. “Nobody sees what they don’t want to.”
“I suppose you’re right,” she said, stabbing at a piece of lettuce. “Must be a habit of mine.”
Nathan chewed thoughtfully.
“Is that what happened with Vic Ott?”
She shrugged, keeping her eyes on the food in front of her.
“Someone’s been reading Wikipedia.”
“Hey, we’re not all off the Internet.”
Jennifer set her fork down and gave him a frank look.
“Okay, Mr. Newspaper Reporter, what do you want to know? Did I love him? Yes. Did he hit me? Several times. Did I blame myself? Of course; we all do. But it has nothing to do with how I feel about losing Boomer.”
“Really? ’Cause that sounds a lot like what you said before. You didn’t want to think about losing your dog so you ignored the problem and now that the evidence is overwhelming, you’re blaming yourself for not doing something about it sooner.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”
“Hey, the truth hurts, Sweetie.”
Suddenly, the urge to cry overwhelmed her, and Jennifer sobbed.
“Hey, look, I’m sorry,” Nathan said, glancing nervously at the other tables. “I didn’t mean it. Don’t cry.”
“No. No, it’s all right,” she said, taking the tissue out again. “I guess I just never put two and two together before. You’re right; I do the same damned thing every time there’s a problem. I pretend that everything is fine until it’s so bad that I can’t stand it and then I explode, run away, and berate myself for getting involved in the first place. I’m just as dumb as I was when I let Vic talk me into leaving school.”
“I think you’re being a little too hard on yourself. I mean, I read that entire Wikipedia entry and there’s no way you could have been as successful as you are if you ran away every time your clients had a problem.”
Jennifer sniffed and blew her nose.
“That’s just the point. I can fix other people’s problems, just not my own.”
“Listen to me. Not facing an uncomfortable truth is perfectly normal. I think everybody’s done it at one time or another.”
“But I feel so helpless, and Boomie’s not the only one I’ve ignored in favor of work, either. At this point, he’s pretty much my only friend.” She laughed ruefully and pressed the tissue against her eyelids. “Sorry. I don’t expect you to understand.”
“Actually, I do,” he said, taking her hand. “More than you know.”
She lowered the tissue and gave him a hard look. If this was just some I’ll-say-anything-to-get-into-your-pants move, he was going to regret it.
“I know how it feels to lose a dog,” he said.
Nathan glanced down at Boomer, and the corner of his mouth lifted.
“His name was Dobry and he looked a lot like this guy.”
The tension in Jennifer’s face eased. When she’d asked before about his dog’s name, Nathan had brushed her off.
“When was that?”
“I was eight when we got him, almost ten when Mom took him back to the shelter.”
“Oh. So, he didn’t die.”
“Does it matter? He was my best friend and he wasn’t coming back.”
“You’re right,” she said. “I’m sorry. Gone is gone. So, what happened?”
“Dad was in the Army, so we moved around a lot. I was always the weird kid who didn’t have any friends. Losing Dobry was like losing a part of myself.”
“Why did your mom give him away?”
“Divorce. No pets allowed at the new place.”
“Your poor mom. Sounds like she didn’t have much choice.”
“Adults always have a choice. She just didn’t bother.” He picked up his bottle of Dos Equis. “Still bitter, I guess. Sorry.”
“And you never knew what happened to him?”
Nathan swallowed, shaking his head.
“Mom said another family would probably adopt him, but who knows? The shelters are always crowded and it was Dobry’s second time around. I’m not sure I’ve ever really forgiven her.”
“I suppose I should be grateful, then,” she said. “At least Boomer and I still have some time left.”
“No, don’t do that. Not now, anyway. Let yourself feel angry and sad and whatever else you need to. There’ll be plenty of time later to be grateful.”
Jennifer nodded, and the two of them finished their meal in silence. She appreciated the advice, and it was good to hear from someone who’d been through the same thing. When this whole thing was over, though, she just hoped she wouldn’t feel as bitter about it as Nathan did.
When the bill came, Jennifer paid it and the three of them started walking back to the motel. It was her treat, she told him, payment in advance for helping her out on the trip. After all, if it hadn’t been for Nathan, she’d have given up and gone home a long time ago.
They were sixty miles west of Tulsa now, far enough from big city lights to see the Milky Way, spread across the sky like a banner. The last few days had been warm for late October, a phenomenon Jennifer remembered her father telling her about when she was a child. She took a deep breath and exhaled a sigh.
“Feels like Indian summer.”
“We called it ‘Grandmother’s summer’ in my house.” Nathan grinned. “Different neighborhood.”
“Koslow.” She raised an eyebrow. “Polish?”
“Got it in one. And Westbrook is … English?”
“Dutch,” she said. “But it’s just one name among many in the family.”
His smile broadened. “American, then.”
“Yes, definitely. I’m a mutt.”
Nathan pointed at Boomer. “Unlike our friend here.”
“Oh, no,” Jennifer said. “Boomie’s not a purebred; his mother was a yellow Lab. He just takes after his dad.”
“And who do you take after?”
Jennifer had to think about that for a moment. She’d never given a lot of thought to which one of her parents she was most like. If she had a choice, she supposed she’d pick “none of the above.”
“Most people say I look like my mother, but I think my personality is more like my father’s. You know: serious on the outside, goofy on the inside. What about you?”
“The same: Mom’s looks, Dad’s personality—unfortunately.”
“Why unfortunately?”
He smirked. “My, you’re a curious lit
tle thing, aren’t you?”
She looked down at the long legs that had gotten her a modeling contract at sixteen and laughed.
“Curious, yes, but little?”
He rolled his eyes. “It’s just an expression.”
A gust of cold wind came up suddenly and ruffled her hair. Jennifer looked up and saw clouds gathering on the horizon.
“Looks like the weather’s changing.” She shivered. “I should have worn something warmer.”
Nathan offered his arm, and without thinking, Jennifer hugged it to her chest, feeling the warmth of his body penetrate her summer-weight jacket. If I’m not careful, she thought, I might fall in love with this man. She handed Nathan the leash. Boomer glanced back briefly and kept walking.
As they got closer to their motel, Jennifer felt a heightened tension between them. The two of them had gotten separate rooms, but after the intimacy they’d shared at dinner, it seemed prudish to just shake hands at the door and say good-night. They were adults, after all. She smiled, considering the possibilities.
Gravel crunched beneath their shoes as they headed across the parking lot. Jennifer’s truck was parked under the marquee, its windshield offering a distorted reflection of the neon Vacancy sign. She remembered driving to the gas station back in Atlanta and seeing Nathan, how excited she’d been to have a chance to thank him for helping her out at the speedway. Then she remembered his comment when he saw her truck: You don’t seem like the type.
Jennifer could feel herself retreating from an emotional precipice, the distance between the two of them widening to a chasm. How much did she really know about Nathan Koslow? He seemed nice enough, and his story about losing Dobry had touched her, but that was no reason to drop her defenses and jump into bed with him. Hadn’t she made that mistake before, with Vic, seeing only what she wanted to and running headlong into a disastrous relationship? Feeling sorry for someone wasn’t a substitute for love and mutual respect. If she and Nathan had a future together, there had to be more there than just a superficial attraction.
As they stepped into the lobby, Jennifer took out her key card and headed for her room. As Nathan followed her down the hallway, she felt her heart pounding. She might have made her decision, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t conflicted about it. When she turned her back to open the door for Boomer, she could almost feel Nathan’s disappointment. Every atom in her body was telling her that this was real, something worth taking a risk for. Even Boomer, who’d never taken to another man in her life, seemed to have been egging her on since they met. Gritting her teeth, determined to keep her resolve, she turned back to say good-night.
Nathan smiled, waiting for her to make the first move, and Jennifer hesitated. All right, she told herself. Maybe one kiss, on the cheek, but that’s it. Something to show him that she was interested, but not ready to take the next step.
Then suddenly, she felt her knees give way as Boomer butted her from behind. Jennifer fell into Nathan’s arms and planted her carefully calculated kiss directly on his mouth, feeling the warmth of his eager response. Reeling back, stuttering an apology, she darted back across the threshold and slammed the door. Boomer was sitting by the bed, thumping his tail proudly.
“What was that all about?”
He lowered his head, gazing upward in a counterfeit show of contrition.
“I know you like him,” she said. “But you’ve got to let me do this my own way.”
Jennifer threw her shoes in the closet and stomped into the bathroom. What must Nathan be thinking? she wondered. That she was drunk? Too clumsy to stand upright for a few seconds? She’d had everything under control until Boomer came along and made a mess of things.
She scrubbed her teeth and raked a comb through her hair before heading back out to get her pj’s. Boomer was still sitting where she’d left him, his head hanging, looking crestfallen. Jennifer sighed. How could she stay mad when he looked like that? She held out her hand, and he inched toward her. “It’s okay, Boomie, I know you meant well.” She bent down and gave him a hug. “Who knows? Maybe you were right.”
CHAPTER 20
“Good morning,” Jennifer chirped, as she sat down at the table. “I see you got my message.”
She’d left it at the front desk, asking Nathan to meet her for breakfast at the Denny’s down the road at eight o’clock. He’d gotten there early. She was five minutes late.
Nathan squinted at her through bleary eyes.
“You’re awfully chipper this morning.”
He hadn’t slept well. Their kiss last night had been a shocker, as surprising as it was enjoyable. For the first half an hour after he’d gotten back to his room, he was expecting her to show up for an encore; the next was spent wondering if she wanted him to go back to hers. Finally, he’d just broken into the minibar and tried to forget the whole thing. Jennifer Westbrook would not be the first woman he couldn’t figure out.
The waitress came over and set a Bloody Mary down in front of him. Nathan swirled the ice cubes around a second and took a sip. Jennifer regarded him with lips pursed.
“It’s a little early, don’t you think?”
What did she care? He was just the tour guide on this trip. He could guide a tour just as well drunk as sober.
“It’s five o’clock somewhere,” he grumbled. “Besides, I had a bad night.”
She didn’t even flinch. It was as if she was determined to forget what she’d done. Nathan regarded her with something akin to hatred. She was toying with him, he thought, punishing him for pointing out the obvious last night: that she was just like everyone else, capable of making the same mistakes over and over. Oh, but that couldn’t be right, could it? Because Jennifer Westbrook was strong and independent and oh so perfect. He wanted to reach out and mess up her perfect hair.
She shook out her napkin and spread it on her lap.
“We need to talk.”
Okay, here it comes.
“So talk already.”
“I know I said I needed help finding fun things for Boomer to do, but it’s important that he not get too tired.”
Nathan took another sip of his drink.
“Go on.”
“I thought maybe it would be better if we trade off. You know, you can pick exciting things to do one day and I’ll pick quieter things the next.”
“So … one day fun, the next day boring.”
“That’s not what I meant. I just want Boomer to be able to rest. Take breaks. Like that.”
“Sure. Fine. Whatever.”
The waitress returned, set down his two fried eggs with ham steak, and took Jennifer’s order.
“The slower days will be good for you, too,” Jennifer said. “They’ll give you time to do interviews and research for your articles.”
Nathan’s stomach lurched. It had been days since he’d sent anything to Julia. He reached for the Tabasco sauce and started dousing his eggs.
“Anyway,” she continued. “I don’t want you to think that I’m just being overprotective.”
Nathan took a bite of fried egg, and his mouth began to burn. He dropped his fork and reached for a glass of water.
“You are overprotective,” he croaked.
She pressed her lips together.
“Please don’t trivialize this; it’s important.”
“Believe me,” he said. “I’m giving the subject all the seriousness it deserves.”
Jennifer looked down and ran a fingernail along the faux wood grain.
“You know, I never realized before how much Boomer needed to have someone like you around—a man, I mean. He always acted like he didn’t like the men I met, but the truth is, I don’t think I liked any of them all that much, either. Maybe he just didn’t want to get attached to someone who wasn’t going to stick around.”
Nathan squinted, trying to focus on her words through the hangover.
“If this is about last night,” he said. “I haven’t forgiven you.”
She rolled her eyes. “B
elieve me, I haven’t forgiven myself. Though in fairness, it was Boomer’s fault, not mine.”
He smirked. “Oh, that’s right. Blame the dog.”
“The thing is, Nate, I’m scared—about a lot of things. I need to get past this thing with Boomer before I can think about what might happen with us. Assuming, of course, that you’re interested.”
Nathan was staggered, fully awake now, all senses on high alert. The most beautiful woman he’d ever met had just said—well, almost said; she’d definitely implied it—that she was falling in love with him. This was about as close to a hangover cure as he was ever going to get. He pushed the Bloody Mary aside.
“Look,” he said. “I know you’re scared about Boomer and I get why you’re trying to protect him, but if the point of your trip is for him to enjoy himself, then you’ve got to find a way to let him do that.”
“But what if it makes him worse? The vet said that if he got too tired it could kill him.”
“Are you sure that’s what he said? Because when you mentioned it before, you said he told you what to do if Boomer got too tired. That’s not the same as saying you’d be hastening his death if you let him have a good time.”
Jennifer’s breakfast arrived. As the waitress walked away, she picked up her fork and pursed her lips thoughtfully.
“I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Will wonders never cease.”
“Okay, then, smart guy. What fabulous fun place are we going to today?”
Nathan gaped. He’d been so busy getting plastered the night before that he hadn’t had a chance to find a destination for them.
“Uh … well …”
Jennifer gave him a sassy smile.
“So,” she said. “A boring day it is.”
*
“The Round Barn? Seriously? That’s the best you could do?”