by J Rose
“It’s nice out here. Peaceful,” I tell him and he smiles at me again.
“My father always brought Spencer and I out here when we were kids after,” Parker spoke pausing for a moment. Something flickers in his eyes before he smiles at me brightly, though he doesn’t finish what he started to say.
“He taught me how to steer the balloon. Spencer knows too, but he’s clumsier than I am. When he brought Crystal up here, he almost crashed into a mountain,” He says shaking his head, a smile on his lips. I find myself smiling back again unsure as to why I’m doing it but somehow it feels right.
“Do you bring girls here a lot?” I question, the words spew out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
He doesn’t say anything for a second and tenses at the question. My cheeks flame again and I grip on to the basket tighter. The harsh rope material tickles my fingers. A prickly sensation runs up my body from the awkward silence that I’ve now caused.
“Never mind,” I tell him silently. He doesn’t say anything and his shoulders are still stiff with tension for a long time.
“I. I’ve dated a lot,” Parker tells me quietly and I can feel my face burn up again. Looking away from Parker, I reach my hand out awkwardly from the basket. There’s a firefly nearby, and it gently floats to my hand landing softly on my palm. Its small little light flickers on and off for a while making me smile at it.
“It wasn’t really dating more like hookups and.” Parker continues making me turn back to look at him. Having forgotten he was still speaking.
“I know,” I want to tell him.
“I saw you,” I wanted to say remembering all those girls that would cling to him in school. Still, that never bothered me back then, much less now. It was in the past.
“They didn’t mean anything I-” Letting out a nervous laugh he simply rubbed the back of his neck. The light of the sky and the firefly’s allowed me to see his expression.
There was a harsh red blush on his cheeks that seemed wrong and silly on him. Covering my mouth with my firefly free hand I tried to stop the laughter bubbling inside my throat but it was too late. Somehow I was laughing at him and then slowly his own deep soft carefree laughter joined me before finally, we both calmed down. For a moment there was silence. Comfortable silence. The type that made you feel warm and soft. Both of us looking away from each other and out into the beautiful night sky.
“One,” Parker speaks softly cutting the silence.
“What?” I question him while he smiles at me. There is something different in his eyes that I can’t describe and once again my heart has picked up its usual racing pace.
“I’ve only brought you up here,” He says making me blush once again.
“Really? I-”
The wind suddenly picks up and a loud screech is heard startling the both of us. The firefly in my hand along with the rest of the surrounding fireflies quickly flutter away, afraid. An eagle as large as the air balloon flies toward us, one of its beautiful bright shiny brown wings almost hits us. Parker’s hand wraps around my waist tightly and he pulls me toward him while the basket rocks slightly.
Another loud screech is heard from the eagle the sound is majestic and beautiful as it flies around us. I know from its eyes, and size that it’s not a regular eagle but a Nova. His eyes meet mine and then he does a full long circle around us. He calls out again spreading his wings wide and his beak opens up to let out a loud sound. In the distance, more eagles follow.
“Is that Oliver?” I question to Parker, looking up at him, my body still pressed against his firmly. Though I can feel myself blush again, I try not to overthink. Instead, I ignore it all. I ignore the way my skin tingles where his hand is on my waist. At the moment all I want is for my question to be answered.
“Can you understand him?” Parker asks and I feel his hold on me lose grip for a second.
“No. His eyes just look familiar,” I tell him and he simply looks up at me and smiles.
“Yes that’s Oliver and a few other Nova Guards,” Parker explains, and I turn away slightly. His grip around my waist once again loosens, but he doesn’t let go of me.
There’s so many of them, about a dozen flying Novas around us, occasionally screeching out into the night. Their feathers all beautiful. Their colors all silky, shiny bright against the moonlight. Some of them surround us but Oliver is the only one who is closest to us. I offer him a smile and though he’s only a few feet away I reach out to him. He screeches again and flies closer to us though I can only touch part of Oliver’s wing. His feathers are soft and velvet like against my fingertips.
“He’s so beautiful,” I tell Parker and Oliver lets out another happier screech as he flies away.
“They’re all so big,” I tell Parker in wonder.
“Oliver is my father’s most trusted Nova officer, and the highest ranked of our warriors,” Parker speaks up.
“Oh. But. He’s so young,” I tell Parker who simply nods in acknowledgment. The Eagles all follow after Oliver, disappearing into the night, though their soft screeches are heard through the skies letting us both know that they’re still there.
“I really like this place. It’s peaceful,” I add quietly.
“Really?” Parker asks, his voice almost hopeful.
“Really” I assure him causing him to smile.
For a moment there is quiet again. Peace… and then… I feel the grip on my waist tighten just a bit more and I feel my heart race once more. Oliver flies near us again and he looks at me and somehow I remember his words to me. Turning to look at Parker I can feel my cheeks once again tint red but the question burning inside me makes me speak.
“Parker. Is it true you’ve been sleeping outside my door since I arrived at Archer?” I question.
At my question, the grip on my waist immediately loosens and Parker turns away slightly, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
“I… yes” He admits.
“I want to keep you safe and… Cray," At his mentioning of Maxwell, I can feel myself tense but I try to relax enough to speak.
“You can’t keep me safe if you tire yourself out like that,” I tell him remembering Oliver’s words.
“You can. Stay in our room. If you like,” I tell him. My cheeks flame again from
embarrassment and I avoid looking at him. My heart races while I look down and fiddle with my hands nervously.
“You don’t have to do that,” Parker says quietly.
“I know. I’m not someone you want to be with,” He says and when I look up at him again, his eyes are filled with pain. His expression somehow makes my chest tighten inexplicably.
“But. I care about you. And I want to keep you safe. Let me keep you safe?” Parker says.
“He does care about you. At the hospital. He never left your side.”
“Back then. The fire I-”
“I’m sorry about that. If I could have helped you, I would have. I really wish I could take back all those things I said really I-”
“You didn’t cause that,” I tell Parker.
“Things happen,” I tell him shrugging, though inside I can feel that pain in my heart again at the memories.
“I didn’t tell anyone. I was afraid and you-”
“I didn’t make things any better for you by acting like a jerk,” Parker speaks up bitterly.
“True,” I say to Parker whose eyes are filled with regret.
“But. I was never afraid of you. Not the same way I fear Maxwell or my father,” I tell him.
“I am scared but… Not of you… Just… Of… The way you look at me,” I admit to him. The look on Parker's face at my revelation are a mix of surprise and confusion.
“Why?” Parker asks.
“That day of the fire… and now… You always look at me the same way… Like… You can see everything and… It makes me feel… Disarmed. Crystal says you care about me. That you were there at the hospital. That you never left my side, and you asked your father to help me… Is t
hat true?” I ask him.
For a second, Parker is quiet, unsure of what to answer before he nods.
“I wanted to make sure you were really okay. But. I couldn’t bear to look at you either,” Parker says, his words feels like harsh ice cold water being poured down on me.
“Not because I hate you,” Parker added quickly.
“I love you. I guess. I always have I just… Didn’t know. I still don’t know how to act when I’m around you. You make me feel disarmed too,” Parker admitted.
“Me? Make him feel disarmed?” I thought to myself.
“I couldn’t watch it. How broken you were. Your eyes. I.”
“I know I didn’t cause all of it but I added to it and-”
“You didn’t,” I tell him.
“Maybe that last time… You really did hurt me.” I admit and his eyes look down ashamed but I find the courage to take his hand and for a moment we’re both quiet. When Parker looks up at me again his eyes express a deep pain I had never seen before.
“But. I was already broken a long time ago. That day when I got home I just. He was there and. He didn’t want me to leave anymore. You just happened to say something wrong that day too. But. None of that was your fault. You saved me. You always save me. Even when you don’t have to.” I say to him and he simply reaches to cup my cheek. His thumb gently runs across my cheek and once again I can feel my heart pitter patter.
*Bump, Ba- Bump, Bump*
Parker moves close to me the look in his eyes only increases my heart rate. His forehead presses against mine for a second and he smiles.
“I always want to save you,” Parker says.
“I know I said I’d give you time to think about it. I. I know I don’t deserve it. Can you just. All I want is a chance.”
*Screech*
Startled by the sound of the Eagles, Parker moves away from me. A part of me is glad that he did, the other disappointed. What was I expecting? Why was I disappointed? Still, his words had left me breathless and had given me an answer about us.
“We should probably head back. It’s getting late,” Parker says quietly. It takes a while but before we’re back on the ground the feeling of descending makes my stomach drop. Neither Parker nor I speak once we’re back on the ground and get out of the air balloon. Taking my hand in his once again Parker leads us back to where we started from. Neil is waiting for us in the car and Parker simply opens the door for me to slip inside. This time though I’m still nervous, something about today has calmed my nerves a bit.
#
We ride back in silence again, though it’s no longer awkward, but calm, the same way it was in the air balloon. Parker’s hand is still holding mine refusing to let go and I don’t want him to either. Even before this, I realize that although part of me has been feeling insecure because of him, the other part has been feeling safe because of him too. By the time we reach the castle I can feel the exhaustion of the day weigh me down while he leads me up to my room.
We stand at the door for a moment and I feel fluttering again.
“Thank you for today. I had a good time,” I tell him quietly, causing him to smile.
“Me too. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” Parker says before turning to walk away.
“Yes,” I tell him making him stop in his tracks and turn me, a look of confusion in his eyes.
“I can. Give you a chance,” I tell him, my words lingering in the air for a moment.
“Good night Parker,” I tell him, unable to take the pounding of my own heart in my ears.
Entering my room and closing the door behind me I sigh trying to calm my fluttering heart. I don’t know if what I’ve done is the right thing to do or if it will come back to bite me. But today I felt like I could fall in love with Parker Archer and that didn’t really seem like a bad thing anymore.
#
(Parker)
Lyric had made her choice. She had agreed to give me a chance to be with her. Part of me wanted to rejoice in what I was feeling but at the moment all that I could think about was protecting her.
The night sky seemed to light up beautifully. Fireflies were all around creating a beautiful shine across the night. From a distance, Nova guards flew around us. I was aware of them especially Oliver who kept close distance, ready to inform us of anything. We were so close now, Lyric and I, closer than I ever thought was possible. Certainly not after what I had done to her. Still, there we were now. Lyric was so beautiful, the night sky lit up her face softly. She was always so gentle with anything and anyone that I realize this was truly her essence. There was such innocence in her that her delicate nature always seemed to win people over. I realized she had a way of getting into people’s hearts, something about her that I feared years ago and now wanted to embrace.
Without knowing it back then, she had already wormed her way into my heart. I’d wanted to escape my feelings for her because of fear of what my mother had done to my father. Fear of not being good enough to be with her. I wasn’t going to do that anymore. My own fear of rejection had hurt me, her insecurities and her pain had made her suffer. We were both unsure and insecure of ourselves back then. Now, I wasn’t going to let her walk away, she’d chosen me and I was going to fight for her. Even if that meant fighting her own insecurities. Insecurities that her father had planted inside her and things that I myself had said but did not mean.
The way she looked at me in that moment was different. There was something about her eyes. Depth... Life... Vulnerability... Hope. I needed to clear away all of our misunderstandings. Not only for my sake, but for her sake as well.
“I know. I’m not someone you want to be with,” I tell her because I know that if she could have chosen, she would have wanted another life. Still, I’m selfish enough to recognize that I want her to stay in my life forever.
“But. I care about you. And I want to keep you safe. Let me keep you safe?” I beg her.
Right now all I want is for Lyric to know that no matter what happens I truly do love her. I want her to know she is the only thing that truly matters to me.
“Back then. The fire I. I’m sorry about that. If I could have helped you, I would have. I really wish I could take back all those things I said really I-”
“You didn’t cause that. Things happen,” She says silently, her voice growing soft and maybe she’s not aware but she has her arms around herself again. That look of sadness in her eyes becomes present and for a moment I wish that I did not bring it up. Every single time I bring up what I did she also remembers what was done to her not just by me but by everyone else.
“I didn’t tell anyone. I was afraid and you-” She begins, but I don’t want her to continue to remember not when I know it’s causing her so much pain again.
“I didn’t make things any better for you by acting like a jerk,” I tell her. That feeling of regret fills my throat again the way it has for the past 5 years.
“True,” Lyric agrees quietly her words sting but I know she’s right.
“But. I was never afraid of you. Not the same way I fear Maxwell or my father,” Lyric explains and somehow I can feel hope from her words. She wasn’t afraid of me. But then. What did she feel toward me?
“I am scared but… Not of you… Just… Of… The way you look at me.”
“Why?” I ask her. Unsure as to what she was referring to.
No matter how much I wanted to show Lyric back then that I hated her. No matter how much I pretended her presence never affected me, my true feelings never really let me show hate. Because it was never hate that I felt for her, but love.
“That day of the fire. And. Now. You always look at me the same way…Like… You can see everything and. It makes me feel… Disarmed,” Disarmed? Her words made me feel confusion. How could I make her feel that way? I wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing based on the way she was right now. The look in Lyric’s eyes showed sadness, confusion, maybe an undertone of softness that she always seemed to carry herself wi
th. Whatever it meant somehow that made me feel appeased, so much so that I knew it must have been a good thing.
“Crystal says you care about me. That you were there at the hospital. That you never left my side, and you asked your father to help me. Is that true?” Lyric asked and for a moment I felt embarrassed. I never wanted her to know about it. Not because I was ashamed or anything. It had more to do with the fact that I didn’t want her to feel afraid or hate me for it.
“I wanted to make sure you were really okay. But. I couldn’t bear to look at you either,” I tell her and then I can see it. Hurt flashes in her eyes so deeply that I can almost see her soul and I realize I’ve said the wrong thing again.
“Not because I hate you,” I tell her trying to appease her insecurities.
“I love you. I guess I always have I just. Didn’t know. I still don’t know. How to act when I’m around you. You make me feel disarmed too,” I say to her truthfully. I couldn’t look at her back then not because I hated her but because I knew what I had caused, what I should have protected her from. Part of me realized I couldn’t have stopped myself.
Lyric was so closed off back then that I realized my efforts, in the beginning, to get her to like me would have never worked. She was so afraid back then of everything and everyone. Much like I had been, we both closed our hearts to the unknown. That love and pull that we both must have felt from the beginning was pushed away out of fear. Somehow part of me still wished I could have helped even though deep within myself I feel like I couldn’t, and that only made me feel helpless and useless to her.
“I couldn’t watch it… How broken you were. Your eyes. I… I know I didn’t cause all of it but I added to it and”
“You didn’t,” Lyric says cutting me off. The look in her eyes once again is sad as she speaks.
“Maybe that last time. You really did hurt me.” She says and her words only confirm what I’d known for a very long time now. They confirmed that I had hurt her. Something that I knew I’d have to live with for the rest of my life. This regret I knew would always be with me.