When I looked at the time I sighed and started gathering my things so I could get the kids. “I’ll be over later with the minions.” I told Laurel. “Come on Cole.” He stood up, towering over Laurel and I. He tossed an arm around both of us and smirked.
“One day…” He chided us.
“One day nothing.” I warned. “She’s about to be Mrs. White. Watch your mouth.”
“I mean we still have time before the wedding right?”
“Ew Cole stop.” Laurel frowned, slapping at him.
“Maybe when you and Noelle kiss and make up we can do something.” I whispered in his ear with a wink. He let Laurel keep walking and looked at me with wide eyes. He did a quick scan of our surroundings and took a handful of my ass, pulling me into him. “You better stop talking like that.”
“Or what?” I smiled. Cole just shook his head and laughed as he opened the door for me.
**
Chapter Eleven
Camilla
When we got to New Grace, Emmanuel was already there playing with the kids. I paused in my stride and just watched him. My entire chest exploded with warmth and I wanted to pack the kids up and go home with him. It was unlike any other feeling I’d ever had before. When I looked at Cole I wanted to fuck him, when I looked at Xavier I wanted to relive our golden times, but when I looked at Emmanuel? My world spun around. My stomach felt like it would flip flop right to the roof of my mouth.
I was in love with him and I’d never stopped being in love with him. Cole pushed me forward, noticing I’d become stuck and I cleared my throat. I noticed he was watching Emmanuel with the kids too but it was in a totally different way of course. Almost scrutinizing, kind of curious, but above all else there was suspicion swirling around him.
“What?” I whispered.
“Nothing…” He said unconvincingly.
I tapped Emmanuel’s shoulder and he turned around to smile at me. “Hey Cami, what’s up.” In one arm he held Mason and with the other he hugged me. I wanted to stay there forever.
“I just came to pick the kids up. Is Xavier around?” I asked.
“Yeah I just saw him talking with your sister. I didn’t even know she was in town, did you?” He asked. I scrunched my face up into a frown and shook my head. She normally called when she was in town.
“Can you stay here for a minute? I’m gonna go say hi.” I told Emmanuel. Cole made a noise and decided it would be best to follow me. I frowned at Xavier’s closed door but still knocked politely.
“Camilla…what’s up baby?” He seemed happy to see me. Happier than he has been this past week. We hugged and I looked over at my little sister. She looked gorgeous as usual.
“Um, why didn’t you tell me you were in town?” I held my arms out for her and she hugged me with reluctance. What the fuck was going on?
“I’m not staying long.” She replied. Her eyes slid over to Cole and he nodded in her direction. “Hi, Cole.” She grinned.
“What’s up, Christina?” He looked at Xavier, then at Chris and back at Xavier.
“What’s going on?” I blurted. “Shit is super awkward right now.”
“Nothing.” Xavier piped up quick and put his arm around me possessively, something he hadn’t been doing. Only now when he did it, Chris shot him a death glare. The signs were adding up quick but I was trying my hardest not to read into them. Maybe Xavier was right about me being crazy over him too.
I rubbed the space between my eyes and blew out a breath. “Look, I’m going to get my kids before I say something or do something I regret.” I strained through clenched teeth, looking directly at Christina. She avoided my gaze and looked with pleading eyes at Xavier.
“Cami.” Emmanuel’s voice snapped me out of what was getting ready to be an ugly episode. I looked over at him and knew by the look on his face that he wanted to talk to me. I followed him into the hallway.
“Did she say when she got here?” I asked Emmanuel in hushed tones.
“No. But I want you to fall back. I need to talk to Xavier. I don’t like the way any of that shit looks.” He grumbled with his eyes fixed on Xavier’s door. At least I wasn’t the only one getting a weird vibe from those two.
“Me either.” I folded my arms. “Emmanuel, I swear to god if she fucked Xavier…” He silenced me with one finger in the air and I huffed angrily.
“Let me talk to him first.” He said sternly.
“Okay.” I agreed. He rubbed my back and I damn near lost my mind from his touch. I stepped to the side and he frowned at my action.
“What’s wrong?” He asked me curiously. “Normally you love when I rub your back.”
“I still do. That’s the problem.” I sighed.
“Oh…” Hearing sadness in his voice made me ache. Why the fuck was I trying to hold on to Alexander again? It was getting harder to remember why I was shunning Emmanuel for his brother.
“Look, you wanna stop by dad and Laurel’s for a play date with the kids?” He looked a little shocked but nodded quickly. We both stood there smiling like idiots until he grabbed my hand and held it for a while. I was certain I’d get pregnant from that simple motion.
“You wanna ride with me?” He asked.
“I shouldn’t…”
“You should.” It was more of a command than a suggestion, so I agreed.
We walked back into Xavier’s office and Emmanuel was doing his intense glare thing, which made Xavier extremely uncomfortable.
“Chris. Go home.” Emmanuel’s deep voice made little sister hop to with a quickness.
“And that’s my fucking cue.” Cole hugged me and kissed my cheek then left. The original trifecta was in place.
“What is it, Manny?” Xavier huffed knowing the routine of things all too well.
“Xavier, when I told you it would be a good idea to find a girlfriend, I didn’t mean my daughter.”
“What?” He frowned. I could already feel my blood heating up. Emmanuel did the right thing sending Christina home. If she were in front of me it probably wouldn’t have ended well.
“You heard me.”
“Xavier…you’re not with my sister, are you?” My voice told how hurt I really was behind the prospect.
“No. I’m not with her, Camilla. I wouldn’t do that.” He said with pleading eyes. Emmanuel started to laugh a little and shake his head as if he were just let in on a joke.
“I should probably fuck you up…but you know what? I’m not gonna do that right now. I’m sure you’re gonna get yourself fucked up enough after all the shit hits the fan.” With that he walked out leaving me standing there staring at Xavier trying not to put the pieces together for once. I didn’t want to see the big picture that Emmanuel had just seen even though it was starting to form.
“Camilla…” Xavier grabbed my hand. “We’ll talk…just…know that all I wanted was you. You’re all I ever want.” I took my hand back and shook my head to stop the images from forming. I didn’t want to know if they’d been together or not. It would turn me into a monster.
“Let’s go.” Emmanuel boomed. I followed him in a daze as he took the kids out to his truck, strapped them in and opened the door for me. I climbed in and looked over at him.
“They didn’t…”
“Cami…don’t even worry about it.” He kissed the back of my hand and pulled off. The entire ride to Dad’s the kids babbled in the backseat and Emmanuel stole glances at me. Why the hell did this feel so right?
“Is Alexander working late?” He asked me, breaking through my fog.
“I don’t know. I don’t even care. He’s going back to Montana in a few days.” I tried not to cry since the kids were wide-awake. I could see Emmanuel’s jaw flexing with anger and unsaid words. “Emmanuel, can you do me a favor and not tell Dad?”
“I wouldn’t…but why don’t you want him knowing?”
“Because he’s seen me heartbroken so many times. I just wanna handle this one on my own.” I hated that I was slowly coming to accept the fact that my he
art was going to be broken no matter what I wanted. I was already acting out because I was hurting. Fucking Xavier and coming on to Cole were all just cries for attention and I knew it. I wanted it to make Alexander focus on me and not the other broken bitch he was trying to heal.
“Camilla you don’t have to be broken hearted. I’m here. I’m always here for you.” Emmanuel’s eyes were so sincere they almost broke me down.
“Grandpa!” Chloe chirped from the backseat. We’d pulled into Dad’s driveway and she recognized his house instantly. Emmanuel and I held each other’s gaze for a while before getting the kids out.
“What’s going on family?” Dad was grinning from ear to ear with TJ riding on his shoulders and grabbing his locs. He looked so happy. I wanted to be that happy. Laurel came outside and practically snatched Mason so she could kiss him, which he didn’t mind of course. He adored Laurel.
Once we were in the house, Dad hugged me tight like he knew I needed it. He pulled back and looked at me. “Camilla…what’s going on?”
“Nothing. I’m fine. Where did my little brother go?” I faked a smile but he could tell it was bullshit. I walked off looking for TJ and found him staring at Chloe like he was trying to figure out how she was able to walk. It was the absolute cutest thing. I picked him up and nuzzled his cubby cheeks. He was nearly the exact same age as Mason to the day but Mason was much bigger. TJ made me feel like I was carrying around a feather compared to my hulk of a son.
“Yall wanna eat? I was about to fire up the grill.” Dad smiled. Emmanuel rubbed his stomach and nodded quickly. He pulled me over to him and kissed the top of my head sweetly.
“He looks like you.” He tousled TJ’s sandy brown hair.
“He does.” I noted, looking at my brother’s green eyes. “He looks more like me than my own son.” I held Mason and balanced both boys on opposite hips. Emmanuel fidgeted uncomfortably and chuckled.
“They both look alike,” he said.
“Yeah, but Mason looks like…you. TJ looks like me. What the hell?” I let out a little laugh.
“Makes sense for TJ to look like you.” Laurel said from behind me. “Kinda makes sense for Mason to look like Manny too I guess.” I set the boys down and they crawled around behind each other fussing in a language only they could understand while Chloe played independently.
Outside, Emmanuel handed me a wine cooler and motioned for me to sit on his lap. I obliged him immediately. The entire time we laughed and drank and ate and it felt so good not to worry about Alexander for once. I felt safe and happy. Laurel and Dad started cleaning up once the sun started dipping in the sky, which left me alone with Emmanuel.
“I wanna be as happy as them.” I sighed out loud. It was a thought that was supposed to stay in my head but it toppled out. Maybe I was more buzzed than I thought. Damn wine coolers.
“Me too,” he remarked. A horrified feeling ate at me and I looked down at Emmanuel with wide eyes.
“Emmanuel, would you ever get married again?” The thought alone had me shaking.
“Yeah, of course.” He told me easily. He knocked back another beer and set the empty bottle on the table.
“Oh…” My soul felt bruised and beaten thinking about him marrying someone else and starting a happy life…without me. Maybe this was how he felt when I chose Alexander over him.
“Only when you get over this stupid obsession with Alexander though.” He groaned. A small bit of hope snaked around my heart, breaking apart the sadness. I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help myself: I kissed him.
I kissed him like I hadn’t kissed him in years. Like I was starving for him, and honestly I was starving for him. He didn’t pull away he took control of it and grabbed the back of my neck making me whine.
“Oh, god I need you.” I whispered in his ear. He pressed his lips to my throat and then back up to my mouth. Fire burned in the pit of my stomach the longer he kissed me.
“Um…” Dad’s deep voice broke all that shit up. It was like a record scratch at the most inopportune moment. “Yall must be ready to go home.” He frowned. Laurel poked her head around the corner and looked at me with wide eyes.
“Girl…” She sighed.
“Sorry guys. We’re leaving.” I hopped up and so did Emmanuel.
Lucky for us the kids were asleep so they were a breeze to move in and out of the truck. Emmanuel helped me tuck the kids in once we both realized Alexander wasn’t home. He stood at the front door ready to leave and I stood there like a big baby with tears in my eyes.
“Stop it.” He warned, tucking his finger under my chin. “You know I can’t stay.”
“It’s dark and he’s not even home. Like why the fuck do I even bother?”
“Why do you bother?” He asked me. I shrugged my shoulders and wrapped my arms around myself.
“I don’t know anymore Emmanuel,” I said blankly. “I thought I tried because I loved Alexander but I don’t know anymore. I still love him a lot but today with you…that felt like love. It always feels like love with you. Never-changing love.” I sniffled and decided fuck it…I’d let the tears fall.
Emmanuel gave me a beautiful soft smile and leaned down to kiss me. Both of our eyes closed as we fell into each other.
“It is never-changing love.” He told me with his lips over mine.
“What am I going to do? What if I ruin my life trying to make it work with Alexander?” The fear was horrible and gripping me.
“Don’t.” He growled, “Camilla don’t try to hold this shit together while it crumbles in your hands. Do what you really want to do with your life.” The truth was that I wanted him. How the fuck could I go back and forth like that though? It had to work with Alexander.
“I can’t,” I whispered helplessly. “I can’t leave him and do what I want.”
“Why the fuck not?!” His voice bounced off of the walls making me jump.
“Because!” I trembled, the truth right on my lips. “I want to be with you and I can’t!” I finally blurted. Emmanuel let a frustrated roar escape him as he grabbed me in a hug.
I broke.
I broke into a million pieces in his arms.
Then he kissed me and kissed me until I started to reconstruct. Shard by shard. Our kiss went from slow and emotional to hungry and needy…urgent and insatiable. I couldn’t suck in enough breaths because I wanted every breath I took to be filled with him.
Emmanuel slammed me against the wall and let his lips kiss their way down to my neck, lingering there. He sank his teeth into me and I cried out, clawing at his shoulders. It hurt so badly but it made me feel so good. He bit my shoulder and kissed the aching spots until they didn’t hurt anymore.
“I love you,” he told me.
“I love you too.”
“Then stop this stupid shit Camilla. You know I want you.” He rested his head against mine breathlessly.
“I know. How can I be with you after everything we’ve been through though?” I sobbed into his chest.
“Fuck that shit. I don’t even care anymore Camilla. So what?”
“I can’t do that to you. You have a career in the spotlight.”
“To me? Camilla we’re linked together for life whether you want to be with me or not. Mason is…”
The front door beeped and Alexander walked through eyeing the scene before him. Me in tears and Emmanuel leaning over me. He boldly stood in front of Emmanuel and looked down at me, making sure I was okay.
“What the hell is going on?” He asked, looking from his brother to me.
“I was just leaving,” Emmanuel grunted. He didn’t say another word he just slammed the door behind him.
“Alexander, you need to tell me the truth right fucking now.” I said with a wobble to my voice. I jabbed his chest with my finger until he took a step back. “I can’t do this shit anymore it’s driving me fucking crazy! Are you cheating on me?” I was hysterical and it felt like my heart would jump right out of my chest.
“Camilla, calm
down. Breathe.” He said with his hands on my shoulders. I reared my hand back and slapped him so hard the palm of my hand burned and turned bright red. I slapped him again and readied myself for a third time until he grabbed my wrist.
“Stop it!” He shouted. “Stop this shit now! I told you I’m working. If you don’t want to believe me just so you can go live your life with Emmanuel then don’t believe me. Just know that if you leave me for him, you’re also leaving our son. He is not taking my fucking family.”
I lost control and started slapping and punching him again until he restrained me with both arms.
“You can’t tell me what to do with Mason!” I screamed shrilly.
“He’s my son too and I will fight you tooth and nail if you go with Emmanuel and try to take him with you. I’m the one with records on your mental instability. Remember?”
My heart dropped into my feet, “Why are you saying shit like that? Who the fuck are you?” I was disgusted.
“I can’t let you just walk over there to Emmanuel because you’re mad at me over something nonexistent. I’m sorry…I just can’t. We need to sit down and talk this out, but not if you’re trying to be with him.”
“Nobody said I was trying to be with him, Alexander.” I said with narrowed eyes.
“Like I can’t read between the fucking lines? You think I’m stupid? You think I don’t see you lashing out by fucking Xavier and being all over Cole? You think I don’t see how dangerously close you are to finding any excuse you can to be with Manny again?” I’d never seen this side of Alexander before and I didn’t like it. I was ready to cut him just to cause some sort of bodily harm to him because I felt threatened.
“Just like you must think I’m fucking stupid to not be able to see you’re fucking Anais!” The vein in his forehead was throbbing and I didn’t know if I expected him to hit me, or storm out. I wasn’t welcoming either one.
“Alexander I’m trying to make this work with you but right now I don’t even recognize you. You’re not the man I fell in love with.” Hurt flashed in his eyes at my words. Good. He needed to feel all the hurt that I was feeling right then.
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