I frowned and looked down at my feet.
“That’s what I thought.” She paced the floor again, frowning like she was thinking real hard.
Janine struggled to fill a size two and always complained about not being able to gain weight. I told her it was because she was a constant ball of motion. She couldn’t sit on the couch and have a normal conversation like a normal person. She was up and down, pacing, no matter what we were talking about. Even if we were in a setting where she was forced to sit still, her arms were in motion and her mouth going a mile a minute.
“Janine, you’re making me dizzy and tired. Sit down.”
“Sorry.” She plopped down onto the couch next to me. I knew it wouldn’t last for long but at least I’d get a second to rest my nerves before she started moving again.
“All I’m saying is that you need to see this for the blessing that it is. God protected you from marrying Blake”—Janine rolled her eyes—“which would have been a disaster. And He brought your mother back. After all these years, you get to have a relationship with her.”
I started to protest but that would have been a slap in the face to Janine. Her own mother had died when she was two, so the thought of having a mother and not wanting to be close to her was unimaginable to Janine.
“You have to see this as a blessing. Otherwise you’re going to miss it. A chance to have a mommy.”
I knew there was no way I could explain to her how much I hated Roxie and how I never planned to let her be a part of my life.
“So tell me about her. What’s she like?”
Janine looked so excited it was hard not to tell her something about Roxie. “She looks like me. Add sixteen years and thirty pounds and you got Roxie.”
She raised her eyebrows. “How come you call your mother by her first name?”
I let out a deep breath. I had never gone in depth with Janine about what had happened with Roxie leaving me. She so romanticized her thoughts and memories about her own mother that it seemed rude. Maybe I needed to tell her now. Otherwise, knowing Janine, she would drive me crazy wanting me and Roxie to have the perfect mother-daughter relationship. Maybe if she realized that Roxie wasn’t mother material, she wouldn’t force the issue.
“Roxie had me when she was sixteen. As I got older and she had her boyfriends around, she never wanted me to call her Mama because she was afraid I’d scare the men off. She let most of them believe I was her little sister.”
Janine frowned.
“Yeah. She’s a real piece of work.” I told Janine the rest of the story—how Roxie left me for Mr. St. James and never sent any money even though she had plenty and knew me and Grandma were struggling. How she traveled the world and only bothered to send us a postcard from all the different places she got to see. How she walked away and never looked back. I figured Janine would agree with me that I was better off without her in my life.
“But she’s different now, right? She wants to be in your life? She asked your forgiveness?”
I rolled my eyes and Janine jumped up and started pacing again. “You have to forgive her. Christians have to forgive.”
Had it been that long since I had been to church? Why was Janine’s mentioning God every other word and being all preachy getting on my last nerve? Had I backslidden that much in my five months of being gone?
“God forgave you and you have to forgive her.”
Janine was one of those big-hearted people who was always talking about love and forgiveness. She did stuff like feed the homeless and also served in the prison ministry through our church. Even though her mother died when she was young, her father was well off and Janine still grew up with this perfect life, never wanting for anything. So it was easy for her to be all loving and forgiving all the time.
“Spare me the sermon, Janine. You have no idea what it’s like to—”
“To what? Lose your mother and get her back? You’re right. I have no idea.”
I let out a deep breath and lay back on the couch with my eyes closed. There was no way I would be able to get her to see things my way. I should have never let her come over.
“I do know what it’s like to be abandoned by someone you love for a man.” Janine marched over to her huge purse and dug out the Skittles and gummy bears and dropped them in my lap. “And I love you and forgive you.”
She plopped down on the couch next to me. Once again, I had to admit to myself that I was turning out to be more like Roxie than I wanted to be. How was it that I hated her so much and hated what she did to me, but I was making the same mistakes with my life?
“So now what?” Janine ripped open the bag of Skittles and popped a few in her mouth. There was no way I was going to tell her about teaming up with Roxie to get revenge on Blake. She’d never stop pacing and preaching.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.” I opened the Gummy Bears and pulled a red one apart. “I promise I’ll pray about it, okay?”
Janine glared at me. “You’re just saying that to get me off your back.”
We both laughed.
“And what about Blake? What did he say when you confronted him?”
I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. “I didn’t confront him yet. I’m waiting until I find a new job.”
She popped up off the couch and practically sprinted to the front door and back. “What?” She grabbed her head and shook it. “You haven’t said anything? You find out that your fiancé is sleeping with four other women including your mother and you act like nothing happened? Are you crazy? How can you even do that?”
“It’s complicated.”
“You mean you can forgive a cheating, lying man, but you can’t forgive your own mother? How is that possible?”
“I haven’t forgiven him either. I . . .” How could I explain without explaining?
“What are you not telling me, Sabrina? What’s really going on?”
I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands.
Janine sat down on the couch next to me. “What is it? Just tell me. It can’t be that bad.”
I sat there without saying anything.
She narrowed her eyes and put her hands on her hips. “Are you going to tell me or do I have to use my torture techniques?”
I reluctantly told her about Roxie’s revenge. By the time I finished, Janine was laid out on the floor with her hand dramatically draped across her forehead, moaning.
“Are you crazy? I know Blake was wrong but don’t you think that’s a little extreme?”
“All that is Roxie’s doing. I haven’t done a thing.”
“You have! You’ve given her all the information she needs to destroy his life. How can you do this?”
“A minute ago you were asking me how I could forgive him, now you’re fussing at me for not forgiving him?”
“There’s a difference between confronting the man and secretly plotting to ruin his life. This is bad, Sabrina. Really bad. You need to talk to God about this.”
“Janine, I don’t need you to preach to me. Just be my friend.”
“I can’t be your friend without telling you the truth. This is wrong and you need to stop.”
I rose from the couch. “Thanks for being such a great friend. I promise I’ll pray about it. Like I said when you called, I’m really tired. I appreciate you coming over. I promise we’ll hang out again soon, okay?”
Janine followed me to the door. “Putting me out, huh? Okay. Don’t think I’m gonna let you disappear like you did before. I see what happens when I leave you on your own for too long.”
I laughed.
“Maybe I’ll see you at church on Sunday? If God doesn’t strike you down before then?”
I laughed again and allowed Janine to pull me into one of her fierce hugs. “Love you, Brina. Don’t forget to talk to God so He can set you straight.” She paused for a second. “Better yet, I’m gonna talk to God. And you know what that means.”
I nodded and let her out the door. It meant that something was going to ha
ppen, soon. I guessed since Janine’s heart was so perfect, God listened to her prayers more. Anytime she prayed about anything, she always got what she asked for.
Well, Janine would have to pray. I wasn’t ready to talk to God yet. If I listened to Him for very long, He might talk some sense into me and tell me to forgive Roxie like she asked and let her into my life again. He would surely tell me to forgive Blake and that vengeance was His. And I wasn’t trying to hear that.
The truth was I couldn’t wait to see Roxie’s next steps.
Chapter Eleven
On Sunday morning I turned over in bed and actually thought about going to church. Then I thought about my conversation with Janine on Friday and remembered I wasn’t trying to hear what God might have to say, so I needed to stay away from His voice right now.
My cell phone chimed that a text message had come through. I picked it up and recognized Roxie’s number.
Meet me at Meriwether Baptist Church for morning service. Come in late and sit in the balcony. Don’t allow yourself to be seen.
Oh boy. That was Blake’s church, which I had never been allowed to attend with him. What did Roxie have up her sleeve now?
I followed her instructions and snuck up to the balcony at 10:25 for the 10:00 A.M. service. I sat on an end row in the back. A few minutes later, I saw Roxie slip in at the opposite end of the balcony. She slid into a seat and took off her large sunglasses. She looked around until she saw me. She winked and gave me a small smile. I nodded and returned a small smile. Then I sat back in my seat and waited for the show to begin.
Thankfully, I had gotten there late enough to miss most of the boring service. Blake went to a sadity, upper-crusty church with absolutely no spirit whatsoever. All the rich, important people in DC went there, more to show off their fancy cars and clothes rather than to praise God. It was so stiff in there you better not clap your hands other than a polite pitty-pat after a song. And don’t even think about saying “Hallelujah” or “Praise the Lord” out loud. Everyone would turn around and give you a look that let you know not to disrupt their service like that.
I sat through most of the boring sermon wondering what possible message anyone could have gotten out of it. The pastor had been talking for twenty minutes and I didn’t see, hear, or feel Jesus in anything he said.
It seemed like his sermon was timed to end after exactly twenty-five minutes. The deacons stood across the front to give an altar call. I looked over at Roxie to see if I had missed something. Church was about to end and nothing had happened. She saw the question in my eyes and winked again and then smiled such an evil smile that I was afraid for Blake as to what was about to happen next.
A nice-looking family went up to the altar to join the church. And then I heard a loud wailing. The church went silent except for the organ playing “Come to Jesus.” The wailing got louder as a woman with a blond weave approached the altar. She fell to her knees when she reached the front. One of the deacons reached to pat her on the back, and it seemed to make the wailing louder. He looked around for help and one of the church mothers came with a fan, as if flapping it wildly would calm whatever was wrong with this woman.
The pastor didn’t seem to know what to do with such an emotional outburst in his church and kept his distance in the pulpit. The deacons looked to him to come restore the decorum to their stodgy service. The woman finally stood to her feet. “Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus.”
She wore a red-hot dress that fit all her curves in all the right places and looked more appropriate for the club on Saturday night rather than church on Sunday morning. I looked closer and realized why she looked familiar.
She had our face. It was the Philly girl. Oh dear. What had Roxie done?
“Thank you, Jesus.” She rocked and moaned. The deacon patted her shoulder, seeming relieved that she had chosen to calm down some. The pastor came down from the pulpit to the family who approached the altar and spoke quietly to them. He then turned to the congregation and said, “Meriwether Baptist Church, we have the Hunt family joining us on their Christian experience. Please give them a hand to welcome them.”
He walked over to the Philly girl and spoke quietly to her. She had calmed herself down enough to have a conversation with him. Next thing you knew, she pulled the microphone out of his hand and said, “I need to thank Jesus and share my testimony.” The pastor looked shocked. When he went to take the mic out of her hand, she stepped away a little and continued to address the crowd. “Saints, please pray for me. I found out some terrible news this week. I went to the doctor and found out that I was HIV positive.”
A ripple of murmurs scattered across the congregation. The pastor looked too shocked to move.
Philly girl kept on talking. “I came here to confront the person who gave it to me. I really came to kill him. But during the service, the Lord touched my heart and I’ve been able to forgive.” She lifted her arms in the air. “Blake Harrison, I forgive you for ruining my life. I forgive you for giving me this horrible disease. I came here to kill you but God has spared you. So now I forgive you. I forgive you.” There was a loud stir in the congregation as the pastor finally succeeded in wrestling the microphone out of her hand.
She threw her hands in the air again and began moaning and rocking, “Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus.”
I stared over at Roxie with my mouth open. She put her finger on her chin and gestured upward. I closed my mouth. I started to get up and leave but she held up a finger and shook her head slightly. I sat back down and followed her eyes to the lower level. A few minutes later, I saw Blake rise from the third pew, his long strides quickly taking him out of view.
A few minutes later, my phone vibrated. I looked down at the text on the screen. It was from Blake:
Cancel all my appointments for tomorrow. I need to go to the doctor.
Minutes later, Roxie put on her sunglasses, held up five fingers, and exited down the back steps.
I sat there, unable to believe what had just happened. I counted in my head. Sex toys, gay magazines, credit cards, car repossessed. If this was only step five of ten in her revenge plan, I was scared for Blake at the thought of what might happen next.
Chapter Twelve
I sat in the balcony until I was sure both Blake and Roxie were gone. I hadn’t felt God one bit during that dry, boring service, but I was sure feeling Him right now. The conviction was about to eat me up. Blake had done us all wrong—especially me and Christine—but he didn’t deserve what we had just done. If Roxie kept it up, he could lose everything: his job and his reputation. He’d have to leave the area and start all over again. As bad as Blake had hurt me, I couldn’t help but feel guilty.
That durn Janine. I needed to send her a text and tell her to stop praying. I hadn’t expected her prayers to work so quickly and she was messing up my plan. I needed her to stop bothering God so He would stop bothering me. At least until Roxie got to step number ten.
I waited until everyone left and finally made my way home. I pulled a Lean Cuisine out of the freezer for Sunday dinner. It wasn’t like I was trying to lose weight, but frozen dinners were the cheapest way to go and I was all about saving money these days.
I spent the rest of the afternoon watching movies on Lifetime and ignoring calls and text messages from Janine. She said she thought she would have seen me at church and wanted me to go out to eat. She also wanted to know if I had talked to God about everything that was going on and if He had answered. And she wanted me to know that she was still praying for me. I refused to answer her. The guilt from the church service was bothering me enough. I didn’t need Janine to make it worse.
What was really difficult was ignoring God. I could almost feel Him tapping me on the shoulder, wanting to talk to me, but I just sat there on the couch, pretending I didn’t feel Him or hear Him.
Me and God had a funny relationship. I remembered Roxie’s attitude from my early years of growing up. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in God. In fact, I
think she believed in God so much that she thought it was best that she stay far away from Him because of all the dirt she did on a daily basis. So in the early years, we never went to church, never prayed, and the only Bible in the house was the big dusty one on the living room table.
When Roxie left, my grandmother made sure I was in the church every time the doors opened. She figured she hadn’t done a good job of raising Roxie and wanted to make sure I turned out differently. After Roxie left, she made a lot of strict rules about music, television and movies, boys, everything. In her eyes, the last thing I needed was to end up being a rank heathen like my mother.
I really enjoyed going to church as a teenager, probably because I had lots of friends in my youth group and choir. There were a couple women in the church who must have felt sorry for me, and took me under their wing as a daughter, especially since Grandma was always working. So I enjoyed the fellowship of a church family.
But God? I had to admit that I always kinda kept Him at arm’s distance. I couldn’t understand why a God who was supposed to be so loving and so good could let bad things happen to me. How could it be that I never even met my father? That my mother honestly admitted to me and my grandmother that she didn’t even know who he was? How was it that my mother, who I adored and loved to spend every waking minute with, could just leave me like she never loved me?
Me and Roxie used to have the most fun. We’d spend every Saturday in the kitchen with Grandma, cooking Sunday dinner and the best desserts you ever wanted to taste. That’s how I learned to make German chocolate cake. That was my favorite, but I could bake any cake or pie better than anyone I knew, even the old mothers in the church.
When Roxie would get in from her late-night escapades, she’d climb into the bed we shared and tickle me until I woke up. She’d tell me all the stories of what she’d done. I’d be excited and horrified at the same time. I’d always swear I’d never grow up and be like her. But at the same time, she fascinated me.
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