That sudden reminder/conviction was now starting to calm me down. I can’t turn back the hands of time. I had taken vows before God without having ever included God in any part of the marriage. Things were about to change. And little did Lee know, this change would be every man’s fantasy—a threesome. Yep, you guessed it: Me, him, and God.
Chapter Nine
What’s It Gonna Be?
Once again I find myself on the bathroom floor in tears. Lee was just standing there, staring at me.
Figures, I thought, he doesn’t even know how to comfort—
My thoughts come to a complete halt when, the next thing I know, Lee is kneeling down on the floor with me. He wraps me in his arms and just holds me. He doesn’t say a word. He just holds me and rocks me back and forth.
“I’m so sorry I’m not your fairytale husband, baby.”
I look up into Lee’s eyes.
“I’m sorry I’m not that dude whose profile picture is him and his girl. I’m sorry I’m not that dude whose entire FI photo albums are nothing but him and his girl. I’m just not that cat,” he said sincerely. “I love you. The fact that you are questioning, after all these years, whether I’m in love with you hurts me. And the fact that you need me to tell and show the world means my showing and telling you, which should be most important, isn’t enough.
“What you want me to do and how you want me to be as far as relationships, I never saw that coming up with my mom and the men in her life.”
“I never saw it in my home either,” I counter, “but I knew that’s what I wanted for myself.”
“And again, I’m sorry I’m not that dude, but, Musik, I’m never going to be that dude. What I can do is be more mindful of your feelings now that I know how you feel about things. I’m going to try my best to put you first—your thoughts and feelings. I am going to try to be a better husband by making you feel worthy, validated, and loved. Am I still going to mess up? Yes, but as long as we communicate and respect each other and how we are, I think we can work through anything. More importantly, as long as we have God in our life, all things are possible. And with that being said, I’m even going to start getting back into church.”
I sniff as Lee wipes my tears away with his hand. He then pulls my chin up and says, “Are you going to give me another chance to prove how much I love you? To show you that you are not an afterthought? That you are first and foremost on my mind and in my life? Because I do want this marriage, this life, with you. But if you don’t want it, the last thing I want to do is to force you to live a life that’s not meant for you.”
Oh, the irony of his words. Here it is, he doesn’t want to force me to live a life that is not meant for me, but isn’t that basically what I’d done to him?
“Did you hear me?” Lee asked after I didn’t respond.
I nod. “I hear you.”
“Then tell me, Musik. What’s it gonna be?”
I’m no longer blocked from Lee’s FaceIt page. I’m not his FI friend either. As a matter of fact, Lee doesn’t even have an FI page anymore. That day in the bathroom when he asked me, “What’s it gonna be?” if I would give him another chance, my reply was in the affirmative. He hugged me and said that the first thing he would do was shut down his FaceIt page.
“Lee, honestly, you don’t have to shut down your FI page,” I’d told him.
“I’m not going to change overnight and I can’t deal with the tension of saying or not saying the right thing on FI. I don’t want to risk hurting your feelings again or planting seeds of doubt in your mind about whether I love you, am in love with you, or whatever. Working on making you feel validated as my wife is my number one concern right now, not FI or anyone on FI.”
Within minutes after making that pledge to me, Lee shut down his FI page. I have to admit, I kind of felt like a kid in the candy store who’d thrown a tantrum and ended up with the biggest lollipop in the store. My true intentions, though, were never to get Lee to shut down his FI page, but it sure didn’t hurt our marriage any with it being down.
I’m ready to let go of all that pain and hurt that the whole FI mess stirred up. I just want to enjoy life with my husband and kids.
Some might think, especially a woman who has been in my shoes, that I gave in too easily. That I forgave Lee too quickly or that maybe I shouldn’t have forgiven him at all. Some might think I’m stupid and that if I were to catch Lee red-handed in the act of cheating on me that I would be getting what I deserved. That Lee has shown me who he is and that I should believe him. Some might even say that since I no longer wholeheartedly trust him we will never have a healthy relationship.
That last one, though, that’s where a person would be wrong. I do whole heartedly trust Lee. I trust that the chances of him screwing me over again, breaking my heart, is fifty-fifty. Those might not be the best odds when it comes to love, but I have two children to consider. They are worth me taking the chance and rolling the dice.
I’m not expecting the worst at all, but I will always be prepared for it. What do I mean by that? I mean that before logging out of Lee’s FI account, I managed to forward a lot of the information to my own FI account. I printed out everything and created a nice little file. Remember now, I was heated at the time I was discovering all that information. I was ready to file for divorce and I’d need proof to back up my claims. I’m glad that now divorce is no longer being considered.
I truly believe that Lee is going to put me first—my thoughts and my feelings. I believe he is going to try to be a better husband, the one I deserve, and give me the fairytale. Heck, I was almost so broken to the point where even if the fairytale was a lie, I’d take it. Just never let me find out the truth.
Is that selling myself short? Am I compromising? I honestly don’t know. But what I do know is that I’m glad I cooled off and was able to work things out with Lee for the sake of my happiness, our children’s, and hopefully Lee’s.
I send up prayers every day that this is what Lee truly wants—has always wanted. But Mama didn’t raise no fool. While my temper and anger toward Lee might have cooled off, so will that file I created with all Lee’s FaceIt dirt. I’ve labeled the file, in all red caps, REVENGE. I’m not sure how long that file will be on the cooling rack. Prayerfully and with God’s will, I’m hoping it will freeze. But what I do know is that if need be, I will pull it off the shelf in a heartbeat and serve it up as is. After all, revenge is best served cold . . .
About the Authors
Sherri L. Lewis is the Essence Bestselling author of The List (March, 2009), My Soul Cries Out (July, 2007), Dance Into Destiny (January, 2008), and the highly acclaimed bestselling sequel to My Soul Cries Out, Selling My Soul (March, 2010). Sherri’s life passion is to express the reality of the Kingdom of God through the arts, including music, dance, films and television and literature; and through sound biblical teaching. Her ministry thrusts include the message of the Kingdom, intimacy with God, intercessory prayer, understanding prophetic ministry, ministering emotional healing, and birthing individuals into their destiny. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia. You may learn more about Sherri and her novels at www.sherrilewis.com.
Rhonda McKnight is the author of the Black Expressions Bestselling novels, Secrets and Lies (December, 2009) and An Inconvenient Friend (August, 2010). What Kind of Fool (February, 2012). She is also the owner of Legacy Editing, a freelance fiction editing service and Urban Christian Fiction Today, a popular Internet site that highlights African American Christian Fiction. Originally from a small coastal town in New Jersey, she’s called Atlanta, Georgia home for thirteen years. You may learn more about Rhonda and her novels at her website www.rhondamcknight.net and at www.facebook.com/booksbyrhonda.
BLESSEDselling Author E.N. Joy is the writer behind the five-book “New Day Divas” series and the three-book, “Still Divas” series, both coined the “Soap Opera In Print.” Formerly writing secular works under the names Joylynn M. Jossel and JOY, this award-winning author enjoys sharing her litera
ry expertise on conference panels across the map. Under the name N. Joy this author penned the children’s story, The Secret Olivia Told Me, which received the American Library Association Coretta Scott King Honor. Scholastic Books acquired book club rights and the title has sold almost 100,000 copies. Currently, Joy is the executive editor for Urban Christian, an imprint of Urban Books, LLC in which the titles are distributed by Kensington Publishing Corporation. You can visit this author at www.enjoywrites.com.
Urban Books, LLC
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The Sweet Taste of Revenge Copyright © 2013 Sherri L. Lewis A Piece of Revenge Copyright © 2013 Rhonda McKnight Best Served Cold Copyright © 2013 E.N. Joy
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without prior consent of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.
ISBN: 978-1-6016-2747-6
This is a work of fiction. Any references or similarities to actual events, real people, living or dead, or to real locales are intended to give the novel a sense of reality. Any similarity in other names, characters, places, and incidents is entirely coincidental.
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