by Lexi Ostrow
It wasn’t a lame excuse. She never wanted to hurt either of them. In fact, seeing Jake’s face yesterday had torn her apart. She’d never intended on coming to his room and sleeping with either. She seriously had thought Nick was the one for her, even if a little part of her kept pushing her toward Jake.
Grabbing her clothes off the floor she got dressed quickly. “No offense but I think I need to spend some time with my phone and my best friend. Some things need to be hashed out amongst girls.”
“Go. I’ll see you at dinner.”
She smiled, her heart finally feeling like there could be a way to fix this for all three of them. This trip started for one DeMarco brother and she ached to think that no matter what, someone was going to get hurt before the end of the year. She closed the door to her room and leaned against the door.
“So how do you tell someone their Christmas wish isn’t going to come true after letting them have a peek at it?”
Sighing she grabbed her phone off the bed and waited for Tasha to pickup. They had an awful lot to talk about.
Chapter 10
Dinner the night before had been strange. All Leena had wanted to do was tell Nick the truth. With every touch from him the idea became harder and harder. She had feelings for him, she supposed she always might. But they didn’t feel as strong as when she’d been laying in Jake’s arms. Maybe had things moved along faster with Nick, well maybe things would be different then. Perhaps time had made him so much more of a fantasy than an actual man.
She’d never really know. A part of her still wanted to pretend like Jake never happened. Nick was the man she’d been silently chasing for years. Did it make her awful for wanting to be with him, even if she had more feelings for Jake? Was it wrong if she wanted her heart to pick the safe, easy brother? He lived near her, they worked together, and they knew so much about each other already. Jake lived thousands of miles away in Paris and there was no possible way Nick would allow her to keep her job after this. Not that she could blame him. Not to mention they hardly knew each other.
Morning hadn’t brought any more clarity on her choice than the afternoon prior. She was different when she was with Jake. She was more playful, less uptight. But there was also never the concern for the future about what to do when Nick didn’t want to decorate the tree or look at the Christmas lights. Someone might call her foolish, but the small things really did add up in this case.
Leena tugged on her dusty rose UGGs and a matching top. It was the only non-Christmas colored outfit she’d brought and since it was well past Christmas it ought to not matter. She grabbed her cell phone and sent a quick text to both Nick and Jake. She needed a day out and about, just looking at the snow. It had been so long since she’d grabbed a book and just enjoyed herself, that today seemed like the day. If she was seriously going to end things with the man of her dreams, for his brother nonetheless, then she needed to be as calm as possible.
The air outside was still devastatingly chilly, but the snow hadn’t been back in days. The ground near the chalets was covered in dirty, squished down snow. The trees had much of the snow shaken from their branches by children playing. But if she could just squish into the forest a bit she was sure to find a nice snowy white section.
“Yes and going into the forest is how the pretty young slut gets her throat slit.” She laughed at herself as she sunk into the snow with each step toward the tree line. She had been right though. About three hundred paces in there was a great little patch of unsoiled snow under a tree.
Leena opened the waterproof jacket and set it on the ground hoping her ass wouldn’t freeze off or get soaked. She shivered as the cold of the tree against her back chilled her whole body. Sitting there, taking in the serenity of the visual she cringed at all the shouting and laughing she could hear still. It was much like the inside of her head.
Thinking about Jake, she found peacefulness and an excitement for things to come. Thinking about Nick brought about a feeling of dread. She couldn’t surround herself with beauty and expect to run from the noise in her head. It just didn’t work that way.
It was no one’s fault, she realized she could fall in love with Jake. She’d kissed him back. Then she’d sought him out. It had never really been him pursing her. Yes, he’d cornered her a few times, but that was an entirely different matter. She’d allowed herself to feel something.
“Because there was a way to stop love?” She bit her tongue saying the word out loud. “Stop that, Leena. You can see yourself loving him. You can’t possibly be in love with him. For all you know he never does the dishes and leaves the seat up.” Two things she knew Nick did.
Sighing she leaned her head back against the tree. Life was either intent to play a cruel joke by giving her two wonderful men, or it was trying to make up for the years of pining over someone who wasn’t interested enough to make a move.
Grabbing out Twenty-Thousand Leagues, she did her best to lose herself in a classic she’d never read before. She couldn’t focus though. Questions were assaulting her left and right. There were so many things that could go wrong and it was messing with her mind.
Nothing could go wrong if she let Jake go. She always had feelings for Nick and the sex was amazing. Nothing would change, except if they worked out she would move out of her decent sized apartment into his penthouse. But she knew in her heart that Jake was the one she wanted. At first, she’d hidden behind her long time feelings for Nick to push off the ones with Jake. Now she was using obstacles to do it.
Because she was afraid. There was so much she could loose so quickly. She’d had her wish come true in Nick only to realize her Christmas wish could be to make things work with Jake.
He’d been grinning for the last twenty minutes. He could still feel the smile on his face. Nick saw his reflection as they passed a shop window and he smirked even harder. It had only been six days since he’d finally kissed Leena. They’d been six great days. Sure there had a been a rocky start thanks to Jake. But that was all behind them now.
“Nikolas, did you hear anything I’ve said?” His mother put her hand on his arm and stopped them.
“Sorry, Mother, I’ve been a pretty bad companion haven’t I?” They’d been out shopping, more like looking around the shops as most were still closed from the storm. He hadn’t been able to think about anything other than Leena though.
She smiled up at him. “This have anything to do with Leena?”
He laughed and nodded. “Perceptive, Mother.”
“I saw the amazing man in your father, of course I can see similar things in my sons and you wouldn’t date just anyone.” The insult was playful and he clutched his heart jokingly.
“Oh how I have sinned, Mother! Forgive me?”
She was laughing hard now as was he. “Probably not my forgiveness you need. Try Leena’s for making her wait so long for something you both obviously wanted. You got lucky you know?”
“How about you explain over pastries and coffee?” He opened the door to the bakery and followed in after her, taking a seat away from the window and the glaring sun. It shone off the snow to brightly. They ordered and he leaned back in the chair, his mind on Leena and how perfectly wonderful everything was going to be now. No more hookups, no more not seeing her after the work day.
“What I was saying is you got lucky she waited.”
“Waited?”
“Nikolas the snow has left you cold in the head.” She laughed and shook her head. “She’s a very beautiful woman. You’re lucky she didn’t fall in love with someone else, that she picked you even after all this time.”
He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. The barista brought out their coffee and his mother’s Danish and he took a sip. Was this absolutely love then? “Mother, can I ask you a question?”
She nodded.
“How do you know if you are in love?”
“That’s a little outside the realm of Mom advice, Nikolas. I suppose the best thing I can tell you is the
other person is always on your mind, often your savior when you need one and the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing before you go to bed.”
He let the information sink over him. Leena was always on his mind, when business wasn’t. She saved him daily by basically running his whole life since before his father died. She was always taking control in the office and helping him make crucial decisions. She wasn’t always the very last thing he thought of at night, but these past few days she was the immediate thought on his mind. For years he’d wanted to breech the employer employee line, but had been afraid.
Fear had stopped him from possibly being with the woman of his dreams for too many years. He was lucky she hadn’t picked someone else. She’d had plenty of dates and even though each one had never been a serious boyfriend, he’d been annoyed each and every time.
“Your wheels are turning. I can see them through your eye sockets.” Elaine laughed.
“They are. They are.” He took another sip of his coffee and leaned further back in the chair. His mother was right about one thing; he had made her wait to long. He was in love with Leena. There was no questioning now and she had to love him as well or else why did she wait all this time? So why wait any longer?
“Can I ask you something without you freaking out and embarrassing me?”
“That will depend on how stupid it is.”
He took a deep breath and leveled his eyes on his mother’s. Her’s were a deep brown, like almonds. This could go very badly for everyone involved or she could be happy.
“I want to marry Leena.” His voice held as much conviction as he could muster up. His heart was pounding almost as if he were asking Leena to marry him.
“Well then, I suppose you’ll be needing the ring your father proposed to me with?”
He cocked his head and raised an eyebrow. “That’s it?”
“Nikolas, you’re not getting any younger and I doubt she will wait eleven more years for you to decide to move it up a step. If you are positive you love her, then run with it.” She tugged at the chain on her neck and pulled it over her head. She passed it over to him and he saw the small diamond ring dangling.
His fingers reached out to take it gently, knowing how much the ring meant to his mother. He had no idea she always carried it around with her. The sentiment made him miss his father even more. “Thank you, Mother, I promise this isn’t a mistake.”
She smiled and patted his hand. “Just don’t ask her when she’s doing something unladylike. Trust me. Women hate that. No grand gestures either. She’s not in it for the money. You can see it in the way she looks at you.”
“Well then how about we skip the shopping and you help me perfect a proposal?”
Jake hadn’t moved all morning, or all afternoon. He still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around what had happened last night. He’d officially stolen a woman from his baby brother. What was worse was it didn’t affect him nearly the way it should have since they’d always been close.
“This is nuts you know that right?” He was playing on his cell phone, debating if he wanted to text Leena and see where she had gone. She’d snuck out pretty early that morning and he couldn’t really blame her. Last night she’d been a little distant with Nick, not as much as Jake would have liked though.
He couldn’t rush this though. Things were balancing on a wire and one wrong push and the wire would shake and throw them all to the ground. She had asked to tell Nick herself and if he botched it there was a chance they would all lose.
So where are we going from here? They hadn’t talked about anything. Not beyond the fact that she felt she could easily fall in love with him. Which was good, he wouldn’t say he was in love with her either, but he was falling more and more every time they were together. Love wasn’t something to be rushed, but when people had the chemistry they did, love was often in a hurry. But she hadn’t had any questions on how they could make it work, so in all honesty, how could she be considering a life with him?
“A relationship you dummy, don’t get ahead of yourself.”
Her strong feelings wouldn’t change that they had worlds between them. An ocean, a language to an extent, time zones. A lot was stacked against them and while he loved that she’d jumped headlong into the idea of being with him, that didn’t mean it could work. It didn’t mean it couldn’t either, just that they needed to talk first.
She’d left though, with a simple text. So did that mean she had wanted some alone time? He growled and rubbed his forehead. Women were always extremely difficult to deal with. Why had he thought a love triangle wouldn’t be a million times harder?
He heard the second hand on the antique clock on the dresser ticking. Almost five minutes he sat there and listened to it tick. Sighing he grabbed the phone and dialed her number hoping it didn’t ring somewhere in the chalet. He didn’t hear anything.
“Jake? Is everything ok?” Her worry was easy to hear and he felt bad.
“Sorry, I wasn’t sure if I could call since you took off this morning. Everything’s fine. I was just wondering if we could talk about something.”
He heard her sigh and then a rustling sound. Curiosity ate at him, wanting to know where she had went. “What are we doing about us?”
The other end of the phone was so quiet it was as if the line went dead.
“I’ve been thinking about that all morning. I’m just not ready, Jake. I’m not ready to throw away everything with Nick. I have feelings for you so strong they scare me. But I already have a life of sorts with Nick.”
He felt like someone stabbed him in the chest. He could hear the anger laced in his words, but he didn’t care. “What changed, Leena?”
“I didn’t say anything changed.” She spoke hastily and her voice was a mix of anger and sadness. “I’m just concerned. What will you fly to Denver all the time? Fly me out to you? How do I keep working with Nick if we do try to be together?”
She’d hit the nail on the head. Every single question he’d had the past few hours was echoing each statement she made. “Well at least we have the same concerns.” He smiled to no one at all. Concerns weren’t good things, but for some reason the idea that she hadn’t run when she came up with them made him happy.
“I’m not certain that’s good, Jake.”
“How about we discuss it this way. I’ve got an open position in marketing in France. It’ll be a lot harder than being Nick’s lackey I think because your boss won’t be as nice. What if you were to come give that a shot? If it doesn’t work out no harm done. I hardly ever speak to anyone in that area so we won’t have any issues. Although, Leena, I don’t plan on us not working. Just so you know.”
“Neither do I, Jake. Can we take a rain check on the discussion? I promise I’ll talk to Nick tonight, he deserves to know, even if nothing happens between you and I. I couldn’t be in a relationship with him if he didn’t know what happened.”
He was torn. If they didn’t talk she had more reasons to back down. Isn’t that part of the problem with Nick? That his brother had waited so long that Jake had been easily able to point out a fantasy versus a real opportunity? He blew out a breath. He had no control over this. He needed to respect what she wanted since he’d basically swooped in and fucked with her life. It wasn’t an accident either. He could lie as much as he wanted. But he’d intentionally kissed her and hadn’t even tried to stop himself on Christmas Eve.
“Sounds fair, Leena. You’re right. My brother doesn’t deserve to be left in the dark when he thinks he’s got everything settled. I’ll let you go.”
“Jake.”
“Yea?”
“I’m not trying to sneak out a back door. I want you to know that. We will have this discussion and we will get answers. I’ll talk to Nick after dinner. I promise.”
“I’m not going to pressure you, Leena. You do what needs to be done. I’m not giving up on you just when I’ve shown you we are good together.”
She laughed and hung up.
His head was spinning. There was nothing anyone could do now but wait and see. He was falling in love with her; the idea of losing her was like a lead ball in his stomach. But he had to assume she was as serious as he was and just a little more frightened. She had everything to lose right now.
“Hey, Jake, come on out and help me with dinner. Your mom just called and said it’s an important night. I could use the extra hand.” Peter’s voice was right outside his door.
“Yea no problem, Peter. Let me hit the bathroom and I’ll be right out.” It seemed the universe had other plans for how he would spend the rest of his day thinking of solutions for the two of them.
Chapter 11
Nick grinned at himself in the mirror. He straightened the bow tie and leaned in close to check his teeth. His hair was perfectly gelled back, his suit was impeccable and he still felt like he was going to get sick everywhere.
His mother was right. He’d made Leena wait so long he didn’t want to lose her. But what if she wasn’t ready to marry him? Maybe he could just phrase it a little differently. Let her know that he was ready, but they could go slow, that he just wanted her to know how he felt.
“Do or die buddy.” He never told anyone, but before every new client proposal he head a mini freak out attack in his office. Being successful wasn’t as easy as he made it look. It had nothing on the nerves gnawing away at him now though.
He slipped the ring into his pocket and walked out. The house smelled delicious. Like the Christmas dinner they never got would have smelled if not for the stupid blizzard. He sniffed and inhaled deeply. A honey ham and sweet potatoes could be smelled in the room.
The table looked as beautiful as it smelled and he was happy his mother didn’t mind setting out the Christmas decorations again. Leena loved Christmas and it was his fault that she’d had a terribly crappy one; aside from them getting together of course.