by Vi Voxley
They hadn't seen or talked to Dana in a week. Privacy was a good thing.
His heart was beating fast as he ran down the corridors. Her parting smile was still in his mind's eye, beautiful and hopeful. It was the first time in his life that Havoc thought the war couldn't end soon enough.
He found Chase sitting on a sofa, waiting for him. The holoprojector was buzzing slightly, but the call hadn't been answered.
Uncharacteristically nice of him.
"How come you heard of the call before me?" Havoc asked. "On my ship?"
"Couldn't sleep," Chase replied, an odd look on his face. "Shall we?"
Havoc nodded wordlessly, wondering if he needed to keep an eye on Chase. The other warlord was new to the bonds. He remembered finding Hannah, the desire that had pulled at his heart every time he was forced to leave her behind. It was easier the second time around since Havoc knew what to expect. Chase had none of that.
The holocall came online and for the first time since they'd left Octava, they saw their fated.
Dana didn't look well.
No mistake, she was the most beautiful woman Havoc had ever seen, but she simply looked tired and sick. She was sitting down as they were, or more like lying on her bed, propped up on pillows. She tried to give them a brave smile, though.
"What's wrong?" Havoc demanded at once, unable to stop himself. "Has something happened to you?"
Out of the corner of his eye, Havoc saw Chase's mouth pressed into a thin line. The ache to return to Octava was clear to see in his eyes.
"I'm... fine. Now," Dana replied, holding up her hands. "I want you to listen to me. It's all okay and I don't need you to come rushing back. Captain Berollen warned me that might be a possibility and he managed to convince me that it was a real one. Promise me you won't abandon the war for me."
Other than failing to voice that Captain Berollen was very much dead the second he set foot on Octava again, Havoc begrudgingly agreed. Chase nodded quietly as well, but he was as tense as a string and Havoc didn't feel much better.
"Okay," Dana said and Havoc finally saw how forced her smile was.
It was like the corners of her mouth were being held up with hooks. Something had happened.
Havoc found himself praying to the gods for the first time since he'd been a child. He'd dropped the practice as soon as he became strong enough to make his own miracles happen. Now, seeing Dana look sad and tired, he was feeling helpless again.
She reminded him of Hannah when she was starting to fade in the last months of her pregnancy, before… before it happened.
And just like that, Havoc knew what Dana was going to say before the words left her mouth.
"I need you both not to freak out now," their fated said, her soft little hands folding the sheet covering her, her blue eyes full of emotion. "I'm pregnant."
Chase's mouth dropped open as Havoc's heart skipped a few beats. The myriad of emotions that was shooting right through him was almost impossible to comprehend at once.
There was mind-blowing joy, of course. Havoc knew that he had been a ghost ever since Hannah died. Chase had convinced him to give life and love a chance again and it had brought both of them Dana. Seeing her on that arena the day the Sanguine arrived had been the most incredible moment in his life.
Now, to hear that she was pregnant, it lit up all the hopes Havoc had thought he'd buried a long time ago.
He was beginning to think that perhaps fate had given him a second try. A new fated, a new chance to be a father, to continue his bloodline. But with it also came the dread of a past he’d already lived once.
"One of you needs to say something before I start freaking out," Dana said, ripping Havoc out of his musings.
It seemed Chase had been speechless as well. There was a first time for everything.
"This is the best news we've ever heard," Chase said then, a wide smile on his lips. "Gods, Dana, when you called us, we expected the worst."
"I can't imagine what you thought the worst would be," Dana said, smiling, yet the wary carefulness wasn't gone from her eyes entirely.
You leaving, Havoc answered in his mind.
"Never mind that now," Chase was saying, getting up to walk closer to their fated's flickering image. "I couldn't be happier. If Havoc had manners, I'm sure he'd agree with me."
"I do," Havoc said, glaring at Chase before joining him, standing by Dana's virtual bedside.
She looked up at them, her big blue eyes hopeful for a second before she added.
"That was the good news," she said. "I need to tell you something else. I expected you to be happy about this. I made you promise not to overreact because of... sit down."
No, Havoc thought, cold fear gripping his insides.
This was not a time when he needed bad news. His mind was already far too willing to fill in the blanks, working off of a past he remembered too clearly.
Chase and Havoc exchanged a look. Then Chase answered for the both of them.
"We're not going anywhere. We're right here by your side, as no matter what you have to say, you are our fated."
Dana looked from one to the other, sighing then.
"You really are as stubborn as they come," she said. "Alright. The way I found out I was pregnant was, simply put, through a tiny, really very miniscule scare. Sean and I went to the Sanguine and I collapsed. There was a little blood, nothing more. The healers told me it's perfectly natural. Many women experience this with their first Gargon baby, they told me.
"Also, Havoc, Captain Berollen was very caring and attentive so please don't kill him for warning me about how you guys might take these news."
Havoc barely heard her.
All he could see, instead of Dana sitting on her bed, was Hannah's lifeless body and her hand falling from his grip. The white sheets covering Dana were stained with crimson in his mind's eye, the light in her eyes dying as blood seeped out of her arms.
The reaction was so immediate he couldn't stop the flood of images. Then Hannah began to warp into Dana and he saw his new fated, lying in a pool of her own blood, just like the woman he hadn't been able to save.
"Havoc!" Chase's voice cut into his world.
Looking at the other warlord, he saw the sharpest look Chase had ever given him. Between them, the holoimage of Dana was regarding him with a sad look in her eyes.
He couldn't find the right words. Havoc was sure that somewhere in the galaxy, the string of sentences existed that would have eased Dana's fears. He couldn't find it.
For once, Chase came to his aid.
"Don't mind him," he told Dana. "You know what he's thinking and you know it's natural. He went through a horrible thing and neither one of us wants that to happen to you. You are stronger. It will be fine. Havoc will talk to the staff of his villa at once. They will take the best kind of care of you. You'll be safe until we return."
Dana nodded, her eyes still on Havoc.
"Do you have someone there to keep you company?" Chase was asking. "You can invite some of the females from the Sanguine or one of those who are already living on Octava. A woman who has gone through the pregnancy herself might be able to help."
"It's okay," Dana said, the smile on her lips telling them she wasn't giving up and was keeping her spirits as high as possible. "My friends came with me. They're playing with Sean right now."
She was still looking at him and Havoc hadn't been able to get a single word across his lips. It was too much. For the first time in his life, he was paralyzed and he didn’t know how to shake it off.
"I know everything's going to be okay," Dana said, her voice telling him in no uncertain terms that wasn't entirely true. "Do you, Havoc? I thought you would be happy."
"I am," he replied at last.
The call was cut. The last he saw of Dana was her smile, a real one for a change. Then Chase rounded on him.
"Great going," the other warlord spat furiously. "She's pregnant and the first thing you do is remind her of your dead fated who
killed herself during childbirth. I can't even imagine what would happen if she knew. What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking I don't think I can handle losing her too," Havoc growled back. "You don't know how it feels. I can still remember the light going out in Hannah's eyes."
Chase recoiled. For a moment, Havoc thought he was going to draw his weapons and they would have their long-awaited duel right there. It had been a long time coming.
"You need to forget Hannah," Chase said then. "We are not going to lose Dana, or the baby. Go and send instructions to your villa and least pretend you're happy."
"I am," Havoc said.
"Really?" Chase asked venomously, pushing past him and stomping out of the room. "I don't believe you. And neither did she."
19
Dana
The call had ended so abruptly that Dana found herself sitting mutely.
She didn't know what to say, or think.
It had taken her a lot of gathered-up courage to confess her pregnancy in the first place. The shock had completely taken her for a few days after the healers aboard the Sanguine told her the news.
Of all the things that could have happened, Dana definitely hadn't expected that. She had only slept with her fateds once. Apparently they were very good at knocking Earth girls up.
She should have guessed.
Isabel and Rebecca peeked into the room.
"Hey," she said, coming out of her stupor.
Dana motioned them in and they sat on her bed, gigantic enough for all three of them to have plenty of room.
She was confined to bed rest for the third day now. Soon, Captain Berollen promised, the healers would release her to walk around again. It wouldn't do her good to stay in bed for nine months either. Until then, they were careful with her. A scare so early into the pregnancy wasn't exactly a positive development.
"How did they take it?" Rebecca asked carefully.
"I... don't know," Dana said, trying to smile to her friends. "Where is Sean?"
"We left him with that captain of yours. He promised to look after him for a while. Show him Havoc's armory and all," Isabel said, grinning.
She seemed like a completely different person. The day at the arena, Dana had been certain Isabel would never speak another word to her again, the pain of disappointment too much to bear.
She had been wrong again. Her friends had rushed to her side as soon as the healers allowed visitors. She hadn't even needed to ask them if they would come to Havoc's villa with her. Rebecca and Isabel had packed their bags beforehand and wouldn't have taken ‘no’ for an answer.
"Oh, alright," Dana said, resting her head against the headboard of the bed. "That's good. I think Captain Berollen has taken a liking to him. He doesn't have sons of his own. I only fear he's going to make a warrior out of Sean."
"That wouldn't be the worst thing," Rebecca said. "Once you settle in on Octava, he might as well be a warrior."
My son, a warrior, Dana thought. After I've come so far to keep him safe.
Her hands slowly caressed her belly even though she knew her baby was no bigger than a pea.
When she heard the news, Dana had been overcome with emotion.
The first and foremost had been absolute happiness. Nothing in the world could have dimmed that, not even the situation that wasn't exactly ideal. There was no fighting a mother's love. The only problem was that all of a sudden, the choices she'd been putting off had been made for her. Dana wondered how directly the fates were intervening.
One time. She had only slept with her fateds once.
Now all her careful consideration had blown up. Her children were the most important things in her life and that determined everything else.
It meant she was staying with the child's fathers, on Octava. It meant that instead of slowly working up her courage to walk into the chasm of unknown future, fate had pushed her.
Dana had to believe Havoc and Chase would make great fathers as they had led her to believe. For her children’s sake, she hoped destiny had good judgment because she had already fallen into a trap once and she'd never let a child of hers suffer for her bad choices again.
"So?" Rebecca prompted, bringing her back to the world. "Tell us everything."
"I'll try," Dana said. "They were just very weird about it. I expected that, but still. Could you get me something to drink, Rebecca?"
"Sure," the girl said, hopping up to pour her some of the drink the healers had recommended to make the pregnancy easier on her body. "Is it okay if Isabel and I drink this amazing wine? You need to compliment Havoc, by the way. The man has excellent taste."
Dana laughed. It felt good to be with her friends, as crazy as they were. So far, they had been a lot of help, with Sean and with her. She'd played off the bleeding incident as nothing to the warlords. In truth, Dana didn't think she could handle more complications. The mere thought of anything happening to her baby was unbearable.
Rebecca handed her a glass of the Gargon drink. The closest thing to it Dana could imagine was ice tea, an herb brew that was going to help her body adjust to the alien baby inside her. She'd offered it to the others as well, saying it was actually surprisingly good for medicine.
They opted to stick with wine, though.
"I don't know," Dana said then, looking down. "They were happy, of course. Overjoyed, even. What else could you expect from Gargon men when you tell them news like that? They couldn't even speak for a full minute.
"It was so mean to drop the other piece of news on them so soon after that. These damn communication errors. I had to use the time I had. Who knows when the next time comes when I can see them face-to-face?"
That was the issue. The text-based comm links worked better, there was considerably less information to relay. Only Dana would have rather waited to greet her fated with a baby they had no idea existed than told them the news via a text message.
The lowest of the low.
"And the other thing?" Isabel asked, urging her to go on.
"As I feared," Dana sighed, meeting their gazes at last. "Havoc shut down like a light. You should have seen him. No, in hindsight, I wish I hadn't seen him like that. It really had to be terrible if he still has nightmares of it.
"Chase was furious. I think he blames Havoc for scaring me, but that's absurd. Every woman fears, even if a little. And I already knew about Hannah. That's not the problem."
The girls looked at each other. It was Rebecca that asked the question.
"So is there a problem?"
Dana hesitated. She didn't know how much she should – or could – tell them. When they were still happily sailing towards Octava, she'd hinted at her past, of course. She couldn't remember telling them everything, however.
"Yes," she admitted carefully. "Or no. I don't know."
Isabel raised her eyebrows, regarding her with the look that said "Really?" as she had ever since they arrived at Havoc's villa. Dana didn't hold that against her. She put it down as a coping mechanism and she'd seen all of those. Joking the pain away was one of the least painful and most constructive. It gave her hope that Isabel was healing at last.
Every once in a while, though, she still saw something dark in Isabel's eyes. There had even been moments when Dana had considered recommending the forget-it-all to her, but she didn't think that was her place. If Isabel chose to keep the memory of the arena with her, that was her decision.
She was just glad they got along again. The nine months to come were going to be a pain in the ass for her with her fateds gone. Having friends by her side was a gift Dana wasn't going to squander.
"Is it the baby?" Rebecca asked, poking her a little. "We thought you loved kids. Sean is a fun little brat."
"I do," Dana said, giving her a sharp, amused look. "Sean is the light of my life. I always wanted kids. Lots of them, in fact. The fact that Sean's father was… what he was shouldn’t change that. It's hard to explain."
"Try," Isabel said, sipping her wine playfully. "We're
not as dense as you might think we are."
Well, if there's ever a time to get real, I suppose this is it. I'm tucked in, safe and warm. I have weird alien ice tea, an alien baby in my belly and my friends are flauntingly drinking wine in front of me.
"You know I didn't sign up for any of this, right?" she said.
They both nodded. Again, there was a dark flash of light in Isabel's eyes, gone in the next second. Dana chose her words better. There was no need for her to rub her luck in their faces, even if she had done nothing wrong.
"And you know why. It's this whole thing with Ryan, my ex, and how I have been very over-protective of Sean as a result. Octava seemed like the worst place for me, with all their warriors only concerned about continuing their lineage. Only when I met Havoc and Chase, they were great. I told them what bothered me right off the bat. They were disappointed. I expected them to give up on me and call it a day."
"That's not how Gargon bonds work," Isabel pointed out calmly. "You yourself told us this once. There is no giving up with them."
"I know, I know," Dana said, gesturing with her chalice. "It's just hard to believe until you're in one, you know? We come here because of all of these stories. We don't expect them all to be true, or do we? You tell me, did you never think they were just pretty words?"
"Sure," Rebecca said at once.
"Of course," Isabel replied, smiling weirdly. "It's nice to dream, though."
"That's what I thought too," Dana went on, encouraged by her friends' honesty. "So I thought it was better if I just took it all very slowly, save Havoc and Chase, and myself, some heartache. Then the League arrived and I'm stuck here. That's fine.
“My problem is not with the League or the baby. It's with Chase and Havoc. It's with the bond and how unfamiliar it still is."
"I thought you said they were great," Rebecca cut in, a confused look on her face. "Better than you could have imagined. Thanks a bunch, by the way, it's not salt in our wounds at all."