Coming Back to You

by Devon Youngblood

  "I‘m going to make you work for it then," she says.

  She knows she won't win this. The auction gets underway and Maura appears on stage as the announcer presents her service. Bidding starts at one hundred dollars and I throw my paddle up to bid. Ruby outbids me at two hundred. I can see Maura trying not to laugh at the entertainment Ruby and I are providing. Finally Ruby bids me up all the way to five hundred dollars. Well at least she was true to her word.

  "I told you, you would pay big boy," she says with a smirk. Padding me on the chest, she turns and walks away. No worries here. This means more time with Maura, and that itself is priceless. Standing aside with my hands in my pockets, I watch Maura and Ruby talk animatedly.

  Shortly after, Maura approaches "You really did not have to do that."

  "Yes, I did," I tell her. Her eyebrows furrow at the claim so I decide it best to explain myself “I did. It means more time I get to spend with you. Plus the money is for a good cause. Right?"

  "You’re an impossible man, Pierson Hammer," she says, shaking her head with a hand on her hip.

  "And you’re going to have to get used to that." I flash a wink at her.

  "When do you want to do the dessert bar? I'll need to mark it on my Calendar."

  "Would tomorrow work? Or is that too much to ask?"

  "I hate to disappoint you, but tomorrow is impossible. It will take me all afternoon just to make them," she informs me.

  "Nothing is impossible. You could always bring the stuff over and make them at my place," I suggest.

  "Fine, as long as you pick me up in your truck."

  She knew this was a battle she wasn't going to win.

  "Deal," I say as we usher our way outside. The night air smells fresh from the rain earlier.

  It's late and I offer to walk Maura home. Walking toward her place, I grab her hand hoping she will let me hold it. She does. Her hand fits perfectly with mine.

  "Want to come in for a drink?" She offers as soon as we reach her porch.

  "It's late. How bout I take a rain check? I’ll pick you up tomorrow?"

  "Okay, pick me up from the office."

  "Bye," I say, watching as she enters the house. I make sure she closes the door before turning away.

  The walk home is good for me. I don’t get much exercise these days. The moon shines brightly, lighting my way as I proceed home.

  While getting ready for bed, I think about the day, the auction and my winning. Which was my plan all along. I definitely wasn’t going to let Ruby fuck it up for me. She is a feisty one though.

  I think about how natural and comforting it felt to have Maura's hand in mine as I walked her home. Just that gesture alone had a calming effect on me.

  I made a promise to myself that I would never hurt her like I did before. Hopefully she gives me the chance to prove it. I have never had the desire to be with any other woman. She was my first desire, still is my desire and will be my last desire. How does that woman hold so much power over me? I know I should not bring her into this life of mine, but I can't help it. It's impossible for me to stay away. I probably don't deserve a future with her and as soon as she finds out what life with me is like, she'll run for hills. Why can’t I just stay away from her or find a way to make her not want me?

  With heavy eyes, I sit down on the couch, afraid to give in to my exhaustion. I try my best to stay awake but the nightmares call for me. Why can’t I just dream about her beauty instead of living through this hellish torment?

  I’m back in the war, in the hot desert. The sun is scorching my irises and blocking my view. I'm on patrol with my buddy Dean and we're monitoring the traffic coming in and going out. My end is quiet, while his is taking fire.

  Something snaps me back into real time. I’m sweaty and my heart is racing. I grip my chest, trying to slow my heartbeat. This is my fucking reality. Will it ever end? Jumping up from the couch, I pace the floor until I wear myself out, hoping I can finally sleep without dreaming.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The night was fitful and I wake up in a cold sweat and I drag my ass to the kitchen to fuel my body. Flipping the switch on the coffee pot, I tap my fingers on the counter and watch the liquid caffeine drip into the pot. I slide a bagel in the toaster. I like it slightly burned around the edges. After eating the bagel and drinking my coffee, I shower and get ready for work, remembering that I will be picking Maura up from work later. The thought of seeing her again makes me smile.

  Glancing at my calendar, I see that I have an appointment with the therapist who has been helping with my nightmares, PTSD and depression. I make a quick phone call and ask if they can bump up my appointment to the lunch hour. The secretary says that there is an opening, and they will expect me then.

  Going to therapy has helped. My dreams are still wicked, but not so super scary that I might accidently hurt someone. A lump forms in my throat just thinking about what I did to Maura. I actually thought of committing suicide because of it. I had the gun loaded and stuck to my head. I was ready to pull the trigger but Maura‘s face appeared in front of me. I lowered the gun and cried until I fell asleep. She deserves better than this. I just hope I can work past the nightmares. I want to be happy again. I want my old life back, but that is not going to happen. The old me hadn't been to a war zone and hadn't witnessed death and destruction. This version of me had. There was no turning back.

  Working as a mechanic has been good for me. I know a lot about automobiles and I actually like working on them. It gives me some fulfillment and having a job keeps me on a decent schedule. I don’t like to change up my routine too much.

  On my lunch break, I tell Don, my boss, that I will be back within the hour. My therapist's office is only about ten minute drive from work. When I arrive, the secretary greets me and asks me to wait. Five minutes later, I'm entering the doc's office.

  Forty minutes later I emerge feeling pretty good about the appointment and I’m glad I scheduled for earlier in the day. My next appointment is Wednesday. The appointments are scheduled three days a week. I’m doing it so Maura and I can move forward, hopefully together. I love her enough to try.

  Back at work the day drags on. I can’t wait to spend time with Maura. Luckily I have a few repairs to tide me over and fill my mind until then.

  When my shift ends, I hurry out the shop, and hop in the truck. Her office is a short drive down the road.

  “You ready?” I ask, entering her office. I notice that she is the only one here.

  “Yea, but can you help me carry some of this stuff?” She asks while lugging boxes and pans in her arms.

  “Here let me help.” I grab some of the boxes. “What do you have in these?” I ask, nodding towards the pink boxes.

  “Oh, I decided to bake the cupcakes and molten cakes here,” she says with a sparkle in her eye.

  “Just because you have a fancy, schmacy kitchen doesn’t mean mine wouldn’t have worked just as well,” I tease as we walk to the truck.

  "I didn't say that. But I do have a commercial oven and I can get a lot more done," she explains.

  We make a stop at the grocery store to grab dinner ingredients. I purchase burger patties and macaroni salad. Back home we unload her supplies, along with the groceries onto the kitchen counter.

  "Mind if I take a quick shower before we eat?" I ask.

  "No, go right ahead. I will get started on baking."

  I wish she was joining me. I think back to the last time we showered together and she had her silky body against mine with her legs wrapped around my waist. It was amazing. Damn, I’m getting hard just thinking about it. Down boy.

  "You hungry?" I ask as I towel dry my hair.

  "Yes, whenever you’re ready," She admits.

  “Great, let me get dressed and I'll get started.” Sifting through my dresser drawer I decide on a pair of gray lounge pants and a white tee shirt.

  Outside on the deck I slap the meat on the grill and work my magic. Peeking in through the sliding gla
ss door I watch Maura and I can tell she puts everything into her baking. She looks damn good doing her thing in my kitchen.

  "Shall we eat out on the deck?" I ask slipping inside, to grab the macaroni salad, plates and utensils.

  "Yes, sounds great," she says with a smile, putting her last creation in the oven. The kitchen smells sweet and buttery.

  We walk outside and sit at the patio table. "How was your day?" She asks.

  "It was good. I went to my therapy appointment during my lunch break."

  "Oh, how's that going?" Her interest in my progress warms my soul, offering hope for a shared future.

  "Well. The doc thinks I blocked something that happened in the war from my memory. He said it was probably something traumatic for me not to remember and said that if I can tune it in somehow and try to remember, then maybe it will help. We have been trying to do it in his office, since it's a safe place."

  "Hopefully you figure it out. Sounds like it might be pretty bad," she says with sorrowful eyes.

  "How about those desserts? It smells divine in here," I say changing the subject as I walk back into the kitchen.

  "Well you have enough to last you a month. Here try these." She hands me a pink bakery box. I open it and the aroma sends my senses spiraling out of control. I close my eyes and inhale the sweet fumes. I select a cookie and take a bite. It is buttery, soft and practically melts in my mouth.

  "Holy shit. This is amazing. Did you put some sort of magic in here or something?"

  "No." She laughs at my comment.

  "What is so funny?" I ask.

  "Pierson, it's just a cookie," she teases, downplaying her skills. "It's an old family recipe, handed down through the generations."

  "This is one amazing cookie," I devour six in a row.

  “You should totally add these to your menu,” I say with my mouth full.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Sitting at the kitchen table, I motion for Maura to come sit on my lap. We take turns feeding each other the desserts and sampling just about everything she baked. We munch down on cookies, peanut butter fudge bars, molten cake, brownies, and cupcakes. Feeding one other is more sensual and erotic than I would have imagined. She shifts her position, straddles me, and kisses me deeply. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer. The lavender smell of her hair combined with the sweet smell of vanilla on her skin ignites a lust that goes beyond any craving I've known. I don't trust myself to think rationally around her. I stand, pulling her up with me. She wraps her legs around my waist. A low growl escapes my throat as I carry her to the bedroom.

  I tenderly caress her silky smooth skin as I lay her on the bed. Taking my time, I slide my tongue over her entire body, I start at her neck, then work my way down ever so slowly until she realizes I’m teasing her. She watches my every move as I lock my eyes with hers. Her blues pierce though mine. I continue to tease her until she can't take anymore.

  "Oh my god, you’re driving me crazy." Her cheeks flush as she throws her arms above her head, arching her back. The gentle sound of her moan as I slip my tongue between her thighs and inside her wetness causes my groin to tighten in response. Before she gets a release, I slide my length inside her and it's enough to push her over the edge. She grips my hair as she convulses. I continue pumping inside her until I make her cum again and only then, do I release.

  "Damn woman. You’ll be the death of me,” I raise myself up on my knees and attempt to catch my breath. She is panting for oxygen as well. I offer her the shower while I clean myself up.

  “Want to watch a movie?" I ask.

  "Sure, what do you have?" I offer up what I have on hand, which it mostly action movies.

  Deciding on Iron Man, Maura goes in the kitchen to grab more cupcakes while I pop the DVD in the player. We prop the pillows up on the bed and settle in for Iron Man madness.

  About an hour into the movie, she falls asleep. Instead of waking her, I turn the DVD player off and cover her with a blanket. I slip quietly out of the room as I lock the door from the inside and pull it shut. This is my way of protecting her from me. I want to make sure she is safe, and if that means that I sleep on the couch that is what I will do. I just hope she isn't too pissed when she wakes up in the morning and discovers that I didn't wake her so she could leave.

  Hating the night and the visions that often plague me during sleep, I shuffle uncomfortably on the couch. My eyes are begging to close. I try to keep my brain active by thinking about Maura but eventually my eyes shut and the torment begins.

  I’m back in the war, in the hot desert. The sun is scorching and blocking my view. I’m at one end of the post and he is at the other end. We monitor the cars coming and going. My end of the post was quieter and we decided to switch spots because his post was getting a lot of enemy fire. A little while later Dean encounters a suspicious white sedan.

  *****

  I jolt awake in a sweat to the smell of eggs and bacon. Morning has arrived and I hear Maura in the kitchen puttering around. In an instant, I'm off the couch and in the kitchen. Her hair is a mess and the only thing she has on is one of my favorite tee shirts. She couldn’t possibly look any sexier than she does right now.

  “Mmmm, smells good. Are you mad I let you sleep over?” I ask, walking over to her, I wrap my arms around her waist from behind and nuzzle her neck.

  “I was. Until I realized I was locked inside the room. Then I figured it out,” She answered honestly while sliding eggs on a plate.

  “I just wanted to make sure you were safe. If that means taking extra precautions, then so be it.”

  “I’m grateful that you even thought of that. I appreciate it.” Her face lights up when she smiles. “Thank you for last night.” With the smile still plastered to her face, her eyes sparkle.

  “Thank you,” I tell her. “By the way, those desserts were beyond amazing and worth every penny.” I smirk at her as I shove a bacon strip in my mouth. She swipes my hand away laughing.

  At this very moment, a sense of peace washes over me. Sharing our nights and days together feels normal. I could easily get used to this.

  “Why don’t you move in with me?” I ask her and immediately remember what is keeping us apart. She stops chewing as if she is wondering if she heard me right.

  “You know that’s not possible right now. As much as I would love to, you have to heal yourself, before we can move forward. But I promise you, I will be here for you every step of the way,” she says.

  “I know. I was just savoring the moment. It was an impulsive question.” I wish I would have never said that out loud.

  “I have to get ready for work.” She kisses my head. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

  “Sure. Want me to drive you?” I offer.

  “No, I’ll walk.”

  Okay, I have really scared her off. I wrestle with my thoughts. I love this woman and she can’t hold that against me. I just want to pour all my love over her.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  A few days pass and without any word from Maura. The days drag on. Every day is the same routine. While at work I run into an old buddy of mine named Jacob. We went to school together. He invites me out for a drink after work. I reluctantly agree to meet him. After work, we meet up at the local bar.

  “Hey buddy, over here.” Jacob motions for me as I enter the bar. He introduces me around to the guys he is with. I get handshakes and a few pats on the back after Jacob mentions I was in the war. I wave them off. I would much rather be normal like them. After several rounds of shots, the crowd grows a little too rowdy for my taste. I’m not comfortable in this environment with this particular group of guys. I usually like to drink alone. Alone is safe.

  Glancing at the time on my watch, I realize I have been here over an hour. “I should probably head home now,” I tell Jacob, putting my hand on his shoulder.

  “Oh come on man, just one more,” he begs, and the other guys soon join in.

  “Fine.” Though I know I have already ha
d one too many, I cave in. I take my time drinking the last one and join in the conversation and laughter. The guys brag about the girlfriends and they inquire about Maura. I wave their questions off and shake my head at their insinuations.

  “Yea, what’s up with you two? I’m sure you have hooked up by now,” Jacob says.

  “Don’t talk about her like that, I’m warning you now,” I tell him firmly, pointing my finger in his direction.

  “Come on man, you can’t tell me you haven’t hit that already,” Jacob laughs, in my face.

  Anger fills my whole body and all I see is red, and my fist flies right to his jaw. The punch knocks him down. Jacob’s friends back up while Jacob lies on the ground. “Damn man, no need to act like that. I was just messing with you,” he says continuing to rub his jaw, his friends help him get back to his feet.

  “You don’t talk about a woman like that.” I say, with my face inches from his with my fists balled at my sides ready to fly again.

  “Guys, take it outside. No fights in my bar. Out!” The bartender kicks us out and I try to find my balance. I watch as Jacob’s friends escort him to his car.

  Since the bar is not far, I decide to walk home. Not the best decision I’ve made, and certainly not my finest hour. I drank way too much.

  Back home, I stumble inside, grab another beer and that’s when I notice my fist is bleeding from the punch. Rummaging through the bathroom cabinet I find some rubbing alcohol to clean my wound and wrap my fist in gauge. With a beer in hand the view from my back yard is peaceful, dark and quiet. Lounging in the chaise on my deck, I fall asleep. It’s the same dream over and over only every time there is minor details added but it’s the same but not the same. It’s like I’m really back there, in hell; literally.

  I’m back in the war, in the hot desert. The sun is scorching hot and blocking my view. Dean and I are on patrol, monitoring traffic coming in and going out. My end of the post was quieter and we decided to switch spots because his post was getting a lot of enemy fire. A little while later Dean encounters a suspicious white sedan. The car detonates. Dean is on the ground. I rush over to him, shaking him, hoping for a miracle, but he doesn’t respond. My best buddy is dead. The blast killed him instantly. He had his whole future ahead of him and it was taken away.