Secrets of the Heart

by Al Lacy

  “I think we need to talk, son,” Tom said as he entered the room.

  Caleb did not reply.

  Tom sat down on the edge of the bed. “All right, Caleb. What is it?”

  “Hmm?” The boy looked up at him and frowned. “You know what I’m talking about. When I told you Kathleen was coming from Chicago to be my wife and your new mother, you seemed happy and excited about it. Why the sudden coldness toward her?”

  Fat tears hovered in Caleb’s eyes and silently slipped down his little face.

  “Caleb, I asked you a question. Why did you barely talk to Kathleen, and why were your hugs so weak?”

  Caleb brushed the tears from his cheeks. A lump clogged his throat.

  “Caleb…I’m waiting.”

  The boy sniffed, blinked more tears onto his cheeks, and said, “Mommy wouldn’t want me to love another mother.”

  “You mean you think that if you give love and affection to Kathleen, you’re being unfaithful to your mommy?”

  The towheaded boy bit his lower lip and nodded. “Yes, sir.”

  “Come here,” Tom said, opening his arms.

  Caleb left the covers and let his father’s strong arms encircle him.

  As Tom held him close, he said, “Son, I know all that’s happened—losing your mommy, and having to stay with other people while I work—has been awfully hard for you. I’m sure it’s been confusing. And now I bring in a new mother for you and wife for me. That has to be very difficult for a boy your age to accept. But listen to me.”

  Caleb pulled back so he could look into his father’s eyes.

  “Son, your mommy was a very sweet and loving person, wasn’t she?”

  Caleb nodded.

  “Then she wouldn’t feel that you were being unfaithful to her if you showed love to Kathleen. Your mother would want you to love Kathleen and make her feel welcome and let her know that you need her. Does that make sense?”

  “I think so.”

  “Kathleen has come a long, long way to be with us, not only to be my wife but to be your mother. I think you hurt her feelings today.”

  Surprise showed in the boy’s big eyes. “Really?”

  “Really. I saw it on her face. Don’t you think she deserves to be loved and appreciated?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Then how about from here on, you let her know how much you appreciate that she’s come to be your mommy.”

  Caleb swallowed hard. “Dad, I…I couldn’t call her Mommy. I just couldn’t.”

  “All right. When the two of you get to know each other better, you can ask her whether she wants you to call her Mom or Ma. Okay?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Tom hugged Caleb close. “That’s my boy. Now, you need to get to sleep. I know we’re going to be a happy family, Caleb. And please understand that this doesn’t mean you ever have to forget your birth mother. She will always be a part of your life. But you now have a second mother to take care of you…and me.”

  Caleb left his father’s arms and slid back down under the covers. Tom kissed his forehead, pulled the covers up tight under his chin, and said, “I love you, son.”

  “I love you, too, Dad,” came the small voice.

  Tom blew out the lamp and started toward the door.

  “Dad?”

  “Mm-hmm?”

  “Would…would you tell my new mother that I’m sorry I hurt her feelings, and explain in big people’s talk why I acted like I did? And then when I see her, I’ll tell her I’m sorry.”

  “I’ll do that for you, Caleb. And I’m proud of you. I know the three of us are going to be very happy together. Good night, son.”

  “Good night, Dad. Dad?”

  Tom paused. “Yes?”

  “My new mother is really pretty, isn’t she?”

  “That she is, son.”

  The little boy’s face seemed brighter. “Dad…”

  “Yes?”

  “Thanks for talking to me.”

  Tom walked back to the bed and stroked the boy’s soft blond hair. “You go to sleep now. I’m staying right here with you until you do.”

  Caleb gave him a sleepy smile and nestled close to the man who was his hero. Within seconds, his big blue eyes closed with the smile still in place.

  Kathleen decided to order hot water up to her room and take a good, soothing bath. When the bath was over and she had slid between the clean sheets on the luxurious feather bed, she gave a big sigh. Tom was all she had expected and more—a gentleman supreme—and she knew he was an honest, hardworking, intelligent man who could provide a good living. He had certainly shown her he was happy she had come, and there was no hesitation on his part concerning the marriage proposal he’d made by mail.

  But Caleb. What if he decided not to accept her as his stepmother? Was she going to fail with him?

  Kathleen lay with her eyes closed in the dark room. Suddenly the distance between her new home and Meggie seemed overwhelming. Hot tears pressed against her eyelids as she thought of the enormity of the whole thing. Getting Meggie back depended on making a good marriage with Tom…and Toms success in the gold mining business.

  Aloud, she said, “I’m working on it, sweetheart. You hold on. Mommy’s going to come and get you one day soon.”

  With those words like a prayer on her lips, Kathleen slept more peacefully than any time since Peter had been murdered and Meggie had been taken from her.

  When Kathleen arose from her bed the next morning, she noticed a slip of paper on the floor under the door. She picked it up, unfolded it, and read:

  Good morning, sweet Kathleen! I hope you slept well. Have yourself a nice breakfast in the hotel restaurant, then meet me there for lunch at noon. I will be looking forward to it!

  Tom

  Kathleen decided to skip breakfast and work at making herself especially presentable for Tom.

  Yesterday she had looked travel-worn, but today—after a good night’s rest—she felt better, and when she looked at herself in the mirror there was an optimistic gleam in her eyes. There was also some color in her cheeks. She washed her face in cool water, dried off, then sat down with a hairbrush and went to work on her hair.

  She brushed her wavy, gold-streaked auburn hair vigorously, then pinned it in a loose chignon at the nape of her graceful neck. No matter how hard she tried to tame it, small tendrils came down and curled around her face and neck.

  She had bought two dresses before leaving Chicago, one to travel in, and the other for the first time she would see Tom after arriving in Virginia City. She put on her high-button shoes, then slipped into the dress. It was made of soft sunshine yellow dimity with a thin white stripe. There was a delicate ruffle around the high neck, and the sleeves were long. The dress hugged her tiny waist and fell in soft folds to the tips of her shiny shoes.

  Suddenly she couldn’t wait to see Tom again, and it showed in the deepening flush of her cheeks.

  Tom left the bowels of the mine and washed up at the office before heading for town. He arrived at the Silver Plume Hotel just before noon and went to the door of the restaurant, which was just off the lobby. He scanned the room to see if Kathleen had already arrived and found a table, but she was nowhere to be seen.

  Several people were standing in the lobby, chatting, when Tom glanced up at the top of the stairs and then couldn’t take his eyes off what he saw.

  As Kathleen paused on the stair landing with her hand on the banister, her stunning beauty took Toms breath away. He moved forward, and she smiled at him, then started down the stairs.

  There was a look of expectancy on both their faces as she reached the last step and he offered his hand. He guided her into the restaurant to a table on the far side and was amazed to see she was unaware that men and women in the dining room were admiring her.

  He waited until their food was on the table, then said, “Kathleen, someone has asked me to explain something to you.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Oh? Who and what?”

&n
bsp; “The who is my six-year-old son. The what is that he and I had a little talk last night about his coolness toward you.” He took a sip of coffee, then said, “You did notice it, didn’t you?”

  “Well, yes. But I know this whole thing has to be difficult for him. I’m hoping that in time he and I will become very close.”

  Tom grinned. “Bless your heart. Since we had our talk, I think the getting close’ process is well on its way.”

  “Oh, I hope so. Tell me about it.”

  While they ate, Tom explained Caleb’s sudden fear that he would betray his mother if he showed affection to Kathleen. Now he wanted to apologize for hurting her feelings.

  “That’s very sweet of him, Tom,” she said. “But he really doesn’t have to apologize.”

  “He wants to. Let him. It will be good for him. You know, part of the growing up process.”

  She nodded. “Well, whenever you want me to start taking care of Caleb after school and on Saturdays, I’m ready.”

  A broad smile captured the handsome man’s features. “You don’t know how good that sounds. How about tomorrow?”

  “Tomorrow is fine.”

  “Okay. Can you meet Caleb at the house at 3:15 and bring him to the hotel?”

  “Sure.”

  “On Saturdays I’ll bring him to the hotel on my way to work.”

  “Its a deal,” Kathleen said. “And speaking of deals, Tom, I have the five hundred dollars I told you I would give to help stake your claim to a gold mine. I’ll give it to you when we marry.”

  “Fine. And let me assure you, Kathleen, I won’t push you. You can choose the time when we get married.”

  “Thank you, Tom. I do feel good about our upcoming marriage, but I think we should wait a while on it. We need to get to know each other better, and we should allow time to find out if either of us wants to back out. Also, and utmost in my thinking, waiting will give Caleb time to adjust.”

  A smile curved Toms lips. “I agree. I can’t believe there would ever be a reason I’d want to back out, but I want you to feel absolutely comfortable.”

  Kathleen’s eyes sparkled as she said, “I’m really excited about spending afternoons and Saturdays with Caleb. In fact, I’ve already been thinking of some things he and I can do together. He’s a precious child, Tom. And even though I got a bit of the cool treatment yesterday, he’s already found a place in my heart.”

  TOM HARNED PONDERED THE SITUATION with Kathleen as he walked toward the mine. He was glad to hear that Caleb had found a place in her heart. Next he hoped to hear that he had found a place there, too. She had already made it clear that she liked him.

  If he new his own heart like he thought he did, it wasn’t going to take him long to fall in love with this beautiful woman who was just as beautiful on the inside. She would make a wonderful wife for him, and he could already tell that she would be a good mother to Caleb.

  The only question was why she needed so much money. Whatever it was must be quite important to her, since she was willing to give up her five-hundred-dollar nest egg to help him stake his claim. But she hadn’t volunteered the reason. Well, he could live with a little mystery for a while.

  That evening, Kathleen answered the knock at her hotel room door and found Tom and Caleb standing in the hall.

  “Well, hello,” she said with a smile. “It isn’t every lady who has two handsome men come to take her to supper.”

  Tom grinned and looked down at Caleb. “Did you hear that, son? She thinks we’re both handsome.”

  “Yeah, but I’m handsomer than you, Dad!”

  Kathleen winked at Tom and said to the boy, “You’re just a smidgen handsomer than your father.”

  Caleb laughed. “See there, Dad? I told you!” He turned back to Kathleen. “Ma’am?”

  “Yes, Caleb?”

  “What’s a smidgen?”

  “A smidgen is a little bit.”

  “Kathleen,” Tom said, “before we go to supper, there’s a young man here who would like to talk to you in private…at his request.”

  Kathleen looked down at the fair-haired boy and said, “Come in, Caleb, and we’ll talk.”

  “I’ll wait down in the lobby,” Tom said, turning to leave.

  Kathleen gestured toward one of two overstuffed chairs. “Would you like to sit down, Caleb?”

  “I would rather stand, ma’am, but I would like for you to sit down.”

  “All right,” she said, easing into the chair. She looked him in the eye and smiled. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

  “I owe you an apology, ma’am. I wasn’t very nice to you yesterday, and I’m sorry. I asked Dad to explain it to you, and I hope you understand about…about how I felt Mommy might feel if I showed love to you.”

  “I understand completely, Caleb. I know you loved your mommy very much, and that’s what a boy should do. Please understand that I will never try to take her place in your heart. But if I could have my own place in your heart, it would make me very happy.”

  Caleb nodded. “Ma’am, do you forgive me for not being nice to you yesterday?”

  “Yes, I forgive you.”

  A sunny smile broke across the little boy’s face. “Thank you, ma’am.”

  “You’re a very good boy, Caleb. It took courage for you to talk to me like this—to say you were wrong and to ask forgiveness.”

  His blue eyes watched her face closely as he said, “Ma’am?”

  “Yes?”

  “I didn’t hug you very good yesterday. Could I hug you good right now?”

  Kathleen’s heart seemed to swell, and tears surfaced. “You sure can.”

  This time Caleb hugged her with feeling. When they let go of each other, a shy but serious look settled in the child’s deep blue eyes. “Ma’am, you do have your very own place in my heart. I love you.”

  Kathleen barely managed to speak past the lump in her throat. “Thank you, Caleb. Thank you! And you know what? You have a very special place in my heart, and I love you, too.”

  When they embraced again, Kathleen thought of her little Meggie and how very much she missed her.

  Tom took Kathleen to Maude’s Café for supper. It wasn’t a fancy place, but the food was excellent.

  While they waited for their food, Kathleen said, “Tell me about mining, Tom. I know virtually nothing about it.”

  It took about ten minutes for Tom to explain the functioning of a silver mine, which was quite similar to mining for gold, he pointed out.

  When he had finished with the mechanics of it all she said, “How deep are you working in the mountain?”

  “Oh…about three hundred feet.”

  “Isn’t that dangerous?”

  “Well, I can’t say there isn’t an element of danger, but it’s nothing for you to worry about. Mr. Comstock insists on a careful setup of the wooden beams that support the tunnels. Besides, when you and I get married, I’m going to start looking for a spot to stake a gold claim. Maybe when I work my own mine, I won’t have to work so deep in the ground.”

  Kathleen thought of Peter and how quickly his life had been snuffed out. Becoming a widow the second time would be more than she could stand.

  It was a glorious autumn day, with the sun slanting against the high Sierras to the west as Kathleen left the hotel and walked toward the Harned house on the east side of town.

  This was her first day to meet Caleb at the house after school, and she was excited. Not only had their talk the evening before removed the wall between them, but she knew she had this little boy’s love, and she would try her best not to disappoint him.

  She basked in the golden sunshine beneath a clear and brilliant cobalt blue sky The deep green of pine trees accentuated the yellow of the shimmering aspen arid the red and russet of the maple and poplar trees. Scrub oak on the surrounding hillsides were yet a different shade of red-orange, and even the soft green of the sagebrush blended into the eye-catching palette of color.

  Kathleen had left the ho
tel plenty early and took her time enjoying the beauty of her new hometown and its surroundings. The only mar on the landscape were the mines dug deep into the sides of the hills.

  It was almost 3:05 when she arrived at the Harned house and stepped onto the porch. Tom had told her he never locked the house, and she was welcome to go inside and wait for Caleb. Though the air was crisp, it was invigorating. She decided to wait on the porch. She was also a little hesitant about going inside the house when Tom and Caleb weren’t there, though she knew when the cold weather came, she would have to do so. Of course, maybe they would be married by then.

  There were two rocking chairs on the porch. Kathleen sat down in the one closest to the porch steps and let her eyes roam up and down the street. It was a nice neighborhood, and very quiet.

  Movement caught her eye. Across the street and down the block a funeral coach pulled up in front of a house, and a man dressed in black slid from the driver’s seat. He hurried around the coach as people started coming out of the house. There were three women and two men. The women were weeping and dabbing at their eyes beneath black veils.

  When the coach pulled away, Kathleen wondered who had died. The thought of death took her mind to Dwight Moody’s sermons. She recalled vividly how the evangelist had wept as he’d pleaded with lost people to come to Christ and be saved. She tried to shake the Scriptures from her mind that Moody had used, but they seemed to be indelibly written on her memory. And then there were those haunting words from that unforgettable song, “What Thou my Lord hath suffered was all for sinner’s gain….”

  Kathleen pressed fingertips to her temples and shook her head as if to dislodge the words, but they remained fixed in place. She had done her best to live a decent life. Why wasn’t that enough? Why did Moody and people like the Killanins have such a fixation for this business about Calvary and the crucifixion of Christ?