by R. J. Dillon
He was now gently sucking and licking her breasts. “You don’t want me to stop.”
Then she felt him, realizing he was naked. By this time he was kissing her neck, and had started to grind against her. While she wanted him to take her, she couldn’t bring herself to allow it.
“Gavin, I need you to stop.”
He gazed into her eyes and kissed her sensuously. Faith could feel a flood of sensation as he continued to grind.
“No,” he whispered.
Gavin knew this might happen. His hope was that she would be too far gone to deny him. For reasons unbeknownst to him, she was fighting against her own will. He kept gently grinding and kissing her. A thousand thoughts were going through Faith’s mind. She had to stop this before it was too late.
“Gavin,” she said firmly. “Please.”
Finally she had gotten through to him. He slowed his pace, breathing heavily. He buried his head in the pillow and pounded his fist against the bed. Faith was startled and flinched. She closed her eyes, knowing he was upset.
Gavin raised himself away from her. He climbed out of bed and went to the bathroom, immediately turning on the shower. Faith watched as he quietly closed the door, not once looking back at her. She took a deep sigh of relief. After a few minutes, she sat up, pulled her underwear and pants back on, and got up to make the bed. As she was finishing, Gavin emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed. He stood there and looked at her without cracking a smile.
“I’m going to take a walk,” he said.
“I’ll go with you.”
“No. I need to be alone.”
Faith nodded, and sat on the bed, staring at nothing as he left. It took everything she had to stand up and take her own shower, as if the heaviness of the situation was pushing against her. Afterwards, she grabbed one of the books she had bought at the airport and climbed on the bed. She curled her legs up and began to read. Being completely engulfed, she didn’t hear Gavin come back. He stood in the doorway of the bedroom.
“Faith,” he said quietly.
She looked up, tried to smile, and said, “Yes.”
“You are going to tell me why you won’t let me make love to you, right?”
Faith briefly looked back down at the pages in her book, then glanced back up at him. “Yes.”
“Soon, Faith. Soon.”
She didn’t respond, only nodded.
“Are you hungry?” he asked flatly.
Again, she only nodded.
He stood up straight, stretched out his hand and said, “Let’s go.”
Faith swung her legs around the side of the bed, put her shoes on, stood and took his hand. The rest of their weekend was strained. While he still showed affection towards her, he kept his distance. The plane ride was uncomfortably quiet, as was the limo ride to her house. She turned to him, pleading with him to say more than a few words.
“Will you please say something? You’ve barely spoken to me all weekend.”
He sighed, gently stroked her cheek and leaned in and kissed her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Disappointed, Faith said, “Okay.” She climbed out of the car, and thanked the driver for getting her suitcase. She walked to her house without turning around.
The next morning, Gavin brought Faith her coffee as normal.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he said as he walked in her office. He sat her cup on the desk and continued, “We’ve got a meeting with Adrian at ten to discuss the trip. Just a reminder. I’ll see you then.”
As quickly as he came, he left. He didn’t like treating her this way, but he wanted to get his message across that he was serious about what he had said. He got back to his office, sat down and closed his eyes in the quietness. It was interrupted by an annoying, familiar voice.
“Glad you’re back,” Chandler said.
“Today is really not the day, Chandler. What do you want?”
“I just had a question to ask,” she said, remaining at the door.
“What’s that?” Gavin asked, irritated. He started reading over paperwork as she spoke.
“Did you know that Faith is married?”
Gavin dropped the papers, looked up and said, “That explains a lot.”
Chandler looked at him, confused. Gavin hastily stood up and walked to the door. He stopped and looked at her.
“I’ll deal with you later.” He knew she had to have done something irrational to uncover this information.
Gavin walked to Faith’s office. Her door was closed, so he walked in without knocking. As he closed the door again behind him, he leaned up against it.
Faith glanced up. “What are you doing?”
“I know why you won’t let me make love to you.”
Faith froze. She waited for him to say more.
Gavin walked closer to her desk and stopped. “You’re married. That’s what you were going to tell me, isn’t it?”
Faith closed her eyes, sucked in her lips and replied, “Yes.” She sighed deeply, pushed away from the desk, stood and walked to the window.
Gavin watched her for a moment. Anger began to rise within him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he snapped. “All this time you never said one word.”
Without turning to face him, Faith replied, “I wanted to tell you. I didn’t expect anything to happen between us. I tried to get you to leave me alone from the beginning.”
“If you had told me you were married, I would have left you alone.”
“Really Gavin?” she asked, whipping her head around. “If you had known months ago that I was off limits, you would have left me alone? Are you sure about that?”
Gavin stood quietly, thinking about her question. “Maybe not, but at least I would have known what I was up against. I can’t help the way I feel about you. It doesn’t change the fact that you weren’t completely honest with me.”
“You never asked. I never had a chance to lie about it. Had you asked me, I would have told you.”
Gavin moved towards her, grabbed her left hand and said, “You don’t wear a ring, Faith. There are no pictures in here of your husband. How would I even know to ask?”
Faith pulled her hand away, and walked past him as she said, “I don’t like to be reminded.” She stopped in the middle of her office.
“What? What does that mean, Faith? Is he abusive?” he asked, turning around to look at her.
“He’s dying,” she quietly said. Tears were beginning to well up in her eyes.
Silence filled the room. Gavin didn’t know what to say as his anger almost instantly subsided. Needing to wipe her face, Faith walked to her desk to get a tissue.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Do you want to tell me about it?” He sat down in one of her chairs.
Closing her eyes for a moment, Faith nodded. She pulled another tissue from the box and walked back to the window. “Emile and I have been married for almost three years,” she began as she nervously played with her necklace. “Six months into our marriage, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Because it was discovered early, surgery to remove the gland was our best option. Chances of the cancer having spread were slim, but in almost forty percent of the cases, the cancer returns. We tried to stay positive. Six weeks after the surgery, he was almost back to normal, except he was unable to function sexually. It was almost a year before we could enjoy each other again. Things appeared to be getting back on track. Then one day, Emile and I had gone for a walk and he stopped, doubled over in excruciating pain. I managed to get him home and called the doctor. While we waited for the doctor to arrive, Emile had a sudden urge to go to the bathroom. I helped him to the powder room. Seconds later, he screamed. I ran in and found him curled up on the floor. There was blood in his urine, and the pain had gotten worse. I sat down and held him until the doctor got there. When he did, he gave Emile some pain medication. He was taken to the hospital for some tests. Results showed that the cancer was back, and it had spread. They started him on chemotherapy immediately. Emile was so weak. I s
topped working and stayed home to take care of him.”
Faith dabbed tears from her eyes, took a deep breath, and continued. “For six months, I did whatever he needed me to do. I took him in for treatment, bathed him, fed him on his bad days. I even kept the house as sterile as I could, keeping fresh linens on his bed daily. I was exhausted, and he noticed. He managed to convince me that he would be happier, and so would I, if I was working and we had a nurse caring for him while I was working or traveling. Adrian happened to be looking for a PR Director, and there’s a center here in New York that specializes in prostate cancer treatment. So we moved. Then I met you,” she said, turning to face him.
“Again, I’m sorry Faith. How are the treatments going? Is there a chance he’ll get better?”
“No. The cancer is terminal. Emile stopped going to his treatments two months after we got here. They made his so sick that the only thing he could do was stay medicated to deal with it, and he was always asleep. He still sleeps a lot, but at least he’s not sick from the chemo.”
“How much longer does he have?” Gavin asked.
“Two, maybe three months. Four if we’re lucky.”
“You said you don’t like to be reminded. What did you mean?”
“I have to be reminded every day or night that I’m home, that my husband is not going to be with me much longer,” she said through tears, her voice trembling. “I escape reality when I’m here. I don’t need the reminders. That’s why I don’t have any pictures and no longer wear my ring.” Faith sniffed and reached for another tissue on her desk. She blotted her eyes and wiped her nose, blowing gently.
Gavin felt nothing but empathy, as he watched once again, this extremely strong woman, trying to deal with a great deal of pain the best way she knew how.
“Does he know about us?” asked Gavin.
“Yes. Emile encourages me to be with you. He has this insane idea that he will be able to go in peace knowing that there is someone here for me, that I won’t be alone. He’d been trying to get me to meet another man as soon as we knew the cancer had returned. He doesn’t even like me to be at home. He kicks me out most of the time, telling me to go have fun. It’s quite annoying. That’s why I spend so much time with you.”
“It sounds like he really loves you,” said Gavin.
“He does,” she sobbed. They were silent for a minute. “I would have told you sooner, but the trips brought us closer than I anticipated. Things began to get complicated and I didn’t want to lose you,” she said, as tears welled up in her eyes again.
Gavin stood up, stepped in front of where Faith was standing, and hugged her close. Faith buried her face in his chest, sobbing uncontrollably.
“Oh, beautiful. It’ll take more than this to get rid of me.” He pulled back slightly, keeping one arm around her, wiping tears from her face with his free hand. He gazed into her eyes and said, “I love you, Faith.”
Faith sighed in relief, thanking him with her eyes for finally telling her what she already knew. She pulled back into him, squeezing him hard, not wanting to let go. Then a thought occurred to her.
With tears still in her eyes, she looked at Gavin and asked, “How did you find out?”
“What?” Gavin asked, trying to delay the inevitable. “You don’t,” he paused, “you don’t really want to know - ”
Faith’s sorrowed turned to anger. Gavin couldn’t catch her, she was out of the door and down the hall so fast.
“Faith,” he called. He ran down the hall, “Faith, wait.”
‘Smack!’ It was too late. Faith slapped Chandler so hard, she flew back in her chair and almost toppled over. “How dare you violate my privacy,” Faith steamed. She was red with fire, and tears were still rolling down her face.
Chandler sat there, shocked and holding her face. Everyone around her had stopped what they were doing and watched the scene taking place.
Gavin tried to grab Faith’s arm, but she shook it away from him.
“You’ve finally gone too far. Get your things and go. I don’t ever want to see your face again.”
“It was going to come out sooner or later. You can’t fire me, bitch,” shouted Chandler, getting in Faith’s face.
As Faith lifted her hand to slap her again, Gavin caught her arm. She snatched her arm away and said, “I told you if you ever called me a bitch again, you’re fired!”
“You can’t - ”
“I can,” Gavin interrupted, as he stood between the two women. “This was uncalled for, Chandler. You were wrong to meddle in Faith’s private affairs. Leave your things. You’re taking a leave of absence with pay until further notice. Go now, before I change my mind and fire you like I’d like to.”
Chandler grabbed her purse and stormed away from her cube, pushing through the crowd that had formed.
Gavin walked Faith back to her office. She walked to her desk and grabbed another tissue.
“You’re going home, too.”
“What? She was the - ”
“You’ve had a very emotional morning. The truth is you shouldn’t have hit her. We could easily have a lawsuit on our hands if we don’t deal with this with civility.”
Faith shook her head in disbelief, but knew he was right. “I’m sorry, Gavin. She crossed the line though.”
“Hey,” he said, touching her cheek, “I understand why you’re upset. You don’t have to convince me. I was planning to deal with her after we spoke. I probably should’ve done that first. Go home and get some rest, okay? I’ll call you later.”
Faith huffed, got her purse and keys from the drawer and started to walk out. Gavin stopped her, pulling her in to kiss her. Her hands rested on his arms as she returned the kiss. With no other words spoken, she left for the day.
Gavin needed to talk to Adrian about everything that he had just learned, and all that had transpired afterward. He walked to his office.
“Agnes, is he in?”
“Yes, Gavin. Go ahead.”
Gavin knocked and opened Adrian’s office door.
“Gavin, we’re not scheduled to meet for another hour. Is something wrong?”
Gavin sat down and looked at Adrian with a serious look on his face.
“Did you know Faith was married?”
Adrian held his composure. “I was wondering when we’d be having this conversation. How much did she tell you?”
“In a nutshell, her husband is sick and dying, and that’s why they moved to New York. Is there more?”
“Much more.” Adrian pushed a button on his phone. “Agnes, hold all of my calls, please.”
“Yes, Adrian.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“What I’m about to tell you, Faith is unaware of,” said Adrian.
“Okay, but we don’t like to keep secrets from each other,” replied Gavin.
“You’ll reconsider when I’m done.” Adrian proceeded to tell Gavin about Faith and Emile.
* * *
Faith finished the last of the laundry and took it upstairs. She wanted to get clean linens on Emile’s bed before he returned from his treatment. She was so tired. After dressing the bed, she sat in a chair in the room, stared out the window, and eventually fell asleep.
When Emile got home, he was weak as usual from the chemo. Faith was normally waiting to help him to his bed. He looked around, but she wasn’t there. The driver helped him to his room instead, which is where he found her. She didn’t even move when they came in. Once comfortable in bed, he thanked the driver, then gently tried to wake her.
“Faith,” he said, clearing his throat. She didn’t answer.
“Faith,” he said a little louder. Faith finally woke up.
“You’re back,” she said, trying to focus. “How are you doing?”
“Same as always, weak and still sick,” he forced a smile.
“I’ll go get some soup started for you.” She started to get up.
“No, I want to talk to you about something.” He patted the bed for her to sit down.
> Faith sat down next to him on the bed. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t like how tired you look lately. Have you been out at all? Have you spent time with friends or your parents?”
“Emile, you need me here. I don’t have time to go out. Everyone understands that.”
“I would really like it if you got some fresh air and had a little more fun. I’ll manage around here.”
“Absolutely not. You’re not strong enough to do things around here on your own. Don’t even think about it.”
“You might meet someone, someone who can take care of you better than I can.”
“I hate it when you say that. I’m not interested in meeting someone else. You’re my husband.”
“I’d be okay, even happy, if you did.”
Faith was growing angry. “Stop this nonsense. I’m your wife. Stop trying to give me away like some piece of furniture.”
Emile sighed, “Faith, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m not really a husband right now. I can’t touch you, I can’t please you, I can’t do anything. I feel awful.”
“This is not your fault. It just happened. We deal with things the best way we know how, but we don’t try to get rid of our spouses in the process. Whether you can touch me or not doesn’t change the fact that I’m your wife and you’re my husband. I don’t want to hear this again from you. Alright?” She gently touched his face.
Emile nodded. “Alright.”
Faith kissed him and said, “Now, would you like some soup?”
“Yes, that would be nice.”
“I’ll be back,” she said as she left the room.
Emile was now frustrated. He had been trying for weeks to get Faith to listen to him. He hated that she did all of the work by herself, and she was starting to get thin from taking care of him first, and not herself. He reached for the phone and made a call. He was going to need more help.
Faith’s parents came over to visit later that afternoon. While Faith and her mother, Vivian, chatted and cooked dinner together in the kitchen, her father slipped away to speak with Emile.