by M. K. Eidem
"Was I?" she asked, giving him a guilty look. "I was the one that left the girls alone with Mark's brother the night Grim took them."
"You couldn't have prevented that, Trisha," he told her. "Queen Lisa willingly gave herself to King Grim in exchange for him retrieving her offspring. It was recorded."
"Still, there might have been something…"
"No, the only thing that would have happened is King Grim would have taken you too." Ull couldn't believe how much that bothered him. Trisha didn't belong in a Joining Ceremony. She belonged right where she was, sitting on the Searcher, next to him.
"And then I wouldn't be here in a position to help you and your fellow Tornians."
"Yes," he agreed. "It is as the Goddess wished."
"Well, I'm not so sure about that. Anyway, the reason I brought all this up was with all the pain and suffering going on at the time, and even knowing that Lisa was going to be heartbroken when she lost the man she loved, I was jealous of her." She let him see all the pain and guilt she carried because of that. "How unfit and unworthy of a friend does that make me?"
"Why would you feel that way?" Ull asked, staring down into her sad eyes. "As you said, the male she loved was dying."
"Because even though Mark was in constant pain and knew he was dying, he was always giving Lisa gentle touches and kisses. He was always telling her how much he loved her and the girls. How even after he was gone, he would make sure they were taken care of. He even pulled me aside once and made me promise that I wouldn't let Lisa grieve for too long, that I'd make her get out and meet other men."
Ull's head jerked back in disbelief. What male would demand such a thing? While Tornian males never expected a female to be with only them, Earth males did. "Why would he ask you to do that?"
"Because Mark truly loved Lisa and didn't want her to spend the rest of her life alone," she told him. "He loved her enough to put her happiness ahead of his."
"Something, only a truly fit and worthy male, would do," Ull growled lowly, doubting he would ever be able to do such an honorable thing.
"Agreed," she murmured.
"And you want that for yourself?" He looked down to where she still touched him.
"What female wouldn't want to be loved that way," she immediately told him. "Without the dying, of course," she quickly added with a small, sad smile.
"Of course," he immediately agreed.
"So you see, Ull, wanting what your brother has with Abby doesn't make you unfit or unworthy. It just makes you human."
"I'm not human," he growled indignantly, and Trisha couldn't help but laugh.
"No, you're definitely not."
Chapter Seven
"Is that a bad thing? That I'm not human?" Ull asked, and Trisha was surprised at the vulnerability she saw in his eyes.
"No, it's not a bad thing," she told him softly. "A person should never have to change who they are to be loved."
"Which is why I was not chosen." He now understood.
"No one chose you, Ull, because you kidnapped those females and were forcing them to choose one of you, instead of giving them a choice," she corrected. "No female would find a male attractive that way."
"Queen Lisa did," he countered. "So did Lady Abby."
"I can't explain that except to say that I know Lisa would do anything, endure anything if it kept her girls safe. But from what she put in the educator and the way she looked in the video, I know she truly loves this King Grim. As for Abby, from what you've told me, I can only guess it was love at first sight. It's a very rare thing."
"They never saw each other," Ull found himself muttering.
"What?" she asked, leaning closer to hear.
Ull couldn't believe he'd just revealed that, but now that he had, he wouldn't lie, not to Trisha. "It seems that while the females were waiting for the Joining Ceremony, Ynyr walked by a hedge and heard Abby crying on the other side."
"She was scared and upset." Trisha nodded her understanding.
"Yes," Ull admitted, ashamed that he'd refused to accept that before. "So Ynyr spoke with her, tried to comfort her, through the hedge. He never saw her or knew her name."
"Why are you stressing that?" she asked, frowning.
"Because Ynyr would be punished if anyone found out," he told her.
"For giving comfort to someone scared?" She couldn't believe that. What was wrong with these Tornians?
"The Emperor forbid any male to speak to the females. That Ynyr did broke Tornian Law."
Trisha understood the need to follow the law. She was a lawyer, after all. But she knew for every rule, there was an exception, which applied to what happened with Ynyr and Abby. "I'd say if they're happy together, then it's no one else's business. Love is hard enough to find without putting restrictions on how people find it. If your Emperor had allowed our females to meet with your males before shoving them out into that Joining Ceremony, they might have been more willing to Join with one. But then again, there's the whole 'kidnapping' thing."
"Yet as we speak, your females should be meeting with the Tornian males they have chosen," he told her.
"What are you talking about?!" Trisha demanded, sitting straight up.
"Queen Lisa didn't include this in the educator?" He didn't try to hide his surprise.
"No, she didn't. So, you tell me."
"It was decided, by Queen Lisa," he stressed, placing the blame where it belonged, "that as your females wouldn't be returning to Earth, they would choose the male they wished to Join with."
"Lisa is forcing them to Join?" Trisha couldn't believe that. The Lisa she knew would never do such a thing.
"No," Ull's honor wouldn't allow him to tell an untruth, not to Trisha. "She demanded the females be given two moon cycles to adjust to everything that had happened to them. During that time, the males interested in Joining with one of them would have to send in a written request. In this request, he must include a visual, an outline of his position in his House, where they would live, and, more importantly, why he wanted a female. The females would then review the requests, and then they would decide which males they wished to invite to Luanda to meet them."
"Oh my God," Trisha whispered. "It's Internet dating on a galactic level."
"I do not know this Internet dating," he told her.
Trisha shook her head, trying to come to terms with what she'd just learned. "It's basically what you just said except on a more individual level with both males and females submitting their preferences. They then either accept or reject those offered."
"This is common on your planet?" He couldn't believe Earth males and females met this way.
"I wouldn't say common, but yes, it does happen. Usually, with the younger generations."
"Younger generations?" Ull's gaze ran over her. She looked very young to him. "Aren't you part of that 'generation'?"
Trisha found herself giving a half-hearted laugh. "I guess in years, yes, but in life experience? There are days I feel decades older." Trisha couldn't believe Lisa had agreed to this. It didn't make any sense unless she was trying to make the best out of a bad situation. Lisa had always been very good at that. "Is female required to Join with one of the males she invited?"
"No, King Grim was very specific about that to our Warriors. Receiving an invitation does not mean a male would secure a female."
So, Lisa had given the women a way out. Trisha sighed with relief until the enormity of what she needed to do hit her. These women depended on her to get them home just as the Tornian males were relying on Ull to find them females willing to Join with them.
"So, could you?" Ull growled quietly.
"Could I what?" she asked, giving him a confused look, her mind still on the massive task before her.
"Find happiness with a Tornian warrior?" he asked.
"Me?" Trisha's eyes widened, totally caught off guard by the question.
"Yes, you."
"I… I don't know," she stuttered. "I suppose if I found the right ma
le, but I don't expect that to happen."
"Why?" Ull demanded.
"Because I'm…" she cut herself off, shocked at what she'd been about to reveal to Ull when she wasn't even ready to admit it to herself. Quickly she corrected, "Going to be spending all my time negotiating between you, the Kaliszians, and Earth's leaders."
Ull didn't like her answer. 'What did you expect?' the voice in his head whispered. 'She's Earthian, and no Earthian will ever want you.'
"Then why do you continue to touch me?" he growled as that dark rage inside him began to rise again.
"Touch you?" She frowned at that, then looked down to find her hand resting on his muscled bicep. When had she done that?
"Females only touch a male if she is interested in Joining with him," he bit out at her.
"What?" She jerked her hand away and quickly rose, giving Ull her back as she put as much distance between them as the room allowed. What the hell was Ull talking about? Why hadn't Lisa included in the educator that touching between males and females was taboo for Tornians?
"Females only…"
"I heard you the first time!" Trisha cut him off as she spun around to face him. "I didn't realize you don't like to be touched. Is it the same way with Kaliszians?"
"No, and it's not that we don't like to be touched," Ull's growl deepened. "It’s that our females refuse to allow it, outside of Joining."
"Thank God," she sighed in relief, recalling all the times she'd touched Jakob. They already had enough to deal with, without Jakob thinking she wanted to have sex with him. Then the rest of what Ull said hit her. "Wait. What? They don't touch you at all?"
"Not once turned over to our manno," he told her.
"Not even your mother?" Trisha found that hard to believe after what she'd learned about Isis.
"Maybe in passing," he admitted, "But not the way you do, or in the way Queen Lisa touches King Grim or her offspring."
Trisha rubbed her temples, trying to prevent the headache she felt coming on. She wanted to let this subject go, especially when she saw how much it upset Ull, but knew she couldn't. There was only so much time for her to learn what Earth females would be facing if they were going to negotiate with the Tornians in good faith. She also had to admit she wanted to know for herself.
"So how does Lisa touch Grim?" she asked quietly.
Ull's eyes narrowed, and he tried to decide if she was serious. Deciding she was, he finally said, "The way you have touched your tío and me."
"And your females don't do that outside of Joining?" She was finding that hard to believe. All beings need to be touched.
"No, they don't allow such intimacy," he growled. "It has also become known that the King and Queen rest together."
When his gaze sharpened on her, she realized he was waiting for her to be shocked by this. "Rest?" she questioned carefully. "You mean they sleep together? At night?"
"Yes," he nodded.
"I take it that's uncommon for Tornians too?" Trisha asked, and the headache she thought she'd staved off returned.
"It was until it became known that the Emperor and Empress also rested together," he told her.
"What about Abby and Ynyr?"
"They also share the Lord's Chamber, as my mother and manno now do." He grimaced as if he found that distasteful.
"I see." It seemed that was something humans and Tornians did have in common. Children didn’t like to think about their parents having sex. "So, where did your mother rest before?"
"On her level, of course," Ull told her as if it should be obvious, but when she just continued to stare at him, he continued in a disgruntled tone. "A female always has a separate level above the male’s, so she's protected. It is where she lives and rests until she chooses her next male."
"Well, that explains why your females don't let you touch them, outside of actually Joining," she muttered.
Ull gave her a confused look. "How does what I've said explain that?"
"No female wants to be used, Ull," she told him as if he should know that. "It doesn't matter if she's Tornian, Kaliszian, or Earthian. Why should they trust you enough to rest with you, to give you those gentle looks, touches, and kisses you seem to want, when you don't care about them and don't give them those things in return? They want to be loved and respected, just as much as you do, Ull."
"So, you aren't interested in Joining with me," Ull growled, finding that hurt, for a moment he'd thought…
'Thought what?' that dark voice whispered in his mind. 'That she would want to Join with one such as you? You are an unfit, unworthy male.'
Trisha watched as Ull clenched his fists, his eyes darkening, becoming harder as if it were someone else looking at her, and for the first time, she wondered if she was safe with him.
"I'm not saying that," she told him carefully. "What I am saying is that Earth females touch other people all the time, both male and female, and it doesn't necessarily indicate that they want to Join with someone. It's something you and your males need to understand."
"Then what does it indicate?" Ull demanded, slowly standing, and while she saw him unclench his fists, the darkness still lingered in his eyes.
"It depends on who is touching who." She knew that was a hazy answer, so she expanded on it. "Touch…contact between humans is important."
"But it can indicate someone is willing to Join," he pressed.
"Well yes," she admitted, "but it usually takes more than a casual touch."
"You are referring to kissing."
Trisha looked at Ull in surprise. She'd assumed that since Tornians rarely touched that they didn't kiss either. "Well, yes, kissing on the lips usually means a closer, more intimate relationship."
"We were never taught kissing," he grumbled.
Trisha wasn't sure what to say to that. While she'd thought Lisa had included a great deal in the educator, there seemed to be more she'd left out. Was that on purpose? If so, why? How was she even supposed to ask, but it seemed her mind knew what it wanted to know, and her mouth followed.
"So, what were you taught?" she found herself asking.
"How to pleasure a female until she finds her release, of course," he gave her an arrogant look. "I am very good at it."
What Ull was saying had Trisha's heart starting to beat faster. Was he saying that Tornian males always went down on a female? That they made sure she had an orgasm before he had sex with her? Shit, she knew quite a few women who would eagerly Join with a Tornian if that was the case, as most men only thought of their own pleasure. Maybe Earth males needed to go to the same school Tornian males did. That thought had her frowning. "How are you taught to pleasure a female if you have so few of them?"
"With the Serai," he told her.
"Serai?" she questioned.
"They are animated sand creatures made on the planet, Creata. They…" he paused, giving her a hesitant look.
"Go on." She nodded encouragingly.
"They train a male on how to pleasure a female so her channel can become slick enough with her release so a male can then find his own," he told her.
Trisha just looked at him and tried to get the image out of her head of Ull going down on something like a blowup doll that responded like a woman, then fucking her. It was every teenage boy’s fantasy, and yet it somehow still seemed so cold to her.
"You… enjoy this?" She was finally able to ask.
"It is the only way most Tornian males experience Joining unless they are willing to go to a Pleasure House."
The disgust in Ull's voice revealed to her what a Pleasure House was, and Trisha was sure few females ever found pleasure in them. "So, you've never been to one."
"A Pleasure House?" His eyes widened at her question. "No! It is unworthy of a Warrior to Join with a female when he knows she can't give him fit offspring."
Trisha felt the warmth that had begun to spread through her, as Ull denounced those who raped women, disappear as he expressed his reason why.
"What do you mean 'fit'
offspring," she asked, hoping it didn't mean what she thought it did.
"Offspring that can become fit and worthy Warriors, of course," Ull told her. "Before the Great Infection, we were able to create such offspring with both the Kaliszians and Ganglians. Now such offspring are weak or deformed when presented, and therefore unworthy of being Tornian."
"So, it’s not that the females aren't there willingly or raped," she let him hear the disgust and condemnation in her voice, "that stops you from going to a Pleasure House. It's the fact that they can't give you fit offspring."
"That is the reason for Joining," he told her but found her accusation bothered him. His manno had taught him that a worthy male always protected a female. He hadn't distinguished between Tornian and non-Tornian females, his manno had only said females. Shouldn't that include those in the Pleasure Houses? Had Queen Lisa been right when she'd disparaged them during the Joining Ceremony? Was their treatment of females the reason the Goddess had abandoned them?
"It's not the only reason," she fired back.
"What?" He jerked back from his confused thoughts.
"Having offspring is not the only reason for a male and female to Join," she spit out at him.
"What other reason is there?" he demanded.
"Loving and caring about the other person to start with," she told him. "Making love is an intimate act, Ull. You're trusting that the other person won't hurt you, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. The way you describe your Joinings is more like a wham bam thank you ma'am type of thing." At his confused frown, she explained. "It's slang for when a male and female Join quickly, without any tenderness, then go their separate ways. Most likely, never seeing each other again."
"Earth males and females do this?" Ull couldn't hide his disbelief.
"Yes, when they don't care about the other person and just want the physical release. It's not about having offspring."
"They just Join for the release?" Ull was still struggling with the thought of that.
"Yes, isn't that why you use the Serai?" she demanded. "Because you enjoy it? It's not as if you can have offspring with it."