by Erin Lyon
Logek looked at me with an expressionless face. “Are you really going to do this during the entire show?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Thank god, because it’s annoying as shit.”
“One last thing?” I asked, with a pleading smile.
“Fine. Get it out.”
“Just because Katrina’s client rejected the offer, they don’t just automatically go right to trial—they’d be looking at like a year before it actually went to trial. And even then, they would run the risk of getting bumped by a criminal trial and getting rescheduled. I love that they decided to go to trial a week ago and—voilà! Like magic, they’re in trial.”
Logek sighed. “Feel better?”
I nodded.
“Good. Then zip your fucking lip. You’re spoiling the show with reality, which has absolutely nothing to do with why I watch it.”
“Understood,” I said, giving her a smile.
She tossed a piece of popcorn into my face, laughing, and went back to watching TV.
I made sure to keep the rest of the show’s legal faux pas to myself so that I wouldn’t wind up on Logek’s Hell No list for TV watching companions.
* * *
The next morning, when I got to the office, Mags was standing by her cubicle with a sardonic grin. When I reached her, she handed me a small stack of messages. I glanced through them quickly.
Scarlett called. Rhett walked his dog across the corner of her yard.
Scarlett called. Rhett took down the picture of the middle finger from his bedroom window and taped up a naked photo of himself instead.
Scarlett called. Rhett played his TV too loud and he was watching a Steven Seagal movie and he knows she can’t stand his movies.
Scarlett called. Rhett barbecued hot dogs in his backyard and burned them and it stunk up her whole house.
I finished reading and looked at Mags in stunned silence. I looked at my watch.
“It’s eight oh-seven a.m. How is it possible she’s called four times already?”
“Those were on my voice mail. She started calling me when you didn’t answer your phone.”
“Awesome. Then I can assume I have a few messages as well?”
“Safe assumption,” Mags said.
I made an inward, grumpy sigh and went into my office to check my voice mail for more of Rhett’s cardinal sins.
Yep. Two messages before she decided to start harassing Mags instead. Rhett also apparently moved his lawn gnome to her side of the property line and flicked a cigarette butt onto her porch.
Okay. Take charge. Time to rein this bullshit in.
I dialed Scarlett’s number.
She picked up before the first ring finished. “Hello?”
“Scarlett, it’s Kate Shaw. I got your messages.”
“Jesus. I thought you were supposed to be helping me in this situation. Rhett has been fucking out of control and I haven’t even heard back from you.”
“I understand that, Scarlett, but I don’t sleep at the office. Now, I’m not sure all of your grievances are actual violations of the agreement.”
“Oh my god! He knows how much I hate Steven Seagal. The entire time we were signed. Every time. There was no reason for him to blast Marked for Death so loud that I had to hear it but to annoy the shit out of me.”
“Okay. Well, I’ll certainly bring up television volume with Doug Simpson. And about the cigarette butt. Did you catch that on camera?”
“No.” Of course not. That would make my life too easy. “But I found a Marlboro butt on my porch. I don’t smoke Marlboros.”
“But lots of people do. I’m not sure that gives us much to go on if you didn’t catch it on camera.”
“Goddammit! I know it was him.”
“Okay, look Scarlett. Let me call Doug and tell him that you’ve got complaints that we think are in violation of the agreement. Let’s see if Doug can get Rhett to stop needling you. Because you know that’s what he’s doing—just trying to find ways to annoy you.”
“No shit.”
Good talk. “Right. So, I’ll get back to you after I’ve spoken with Doug.”
“Fine.”
“Oh, and you need to move that camera that’s focused on his bedroom window. Until you move the camera, I can’t complain over the artwork he’s hanging in the window.”
Big sigh. “I’ll do it today.”
I hung up the phone, thinking that this was my penance for stooping to the one kind of law I said I wouldn’t do. Time to pay the piper, Kate. No one to blame but yourself. Well, and Margaret Mitchell, for writing the novel that brought these two train wrecks together.
I hung up the phone and pressed my forefingers against my temples. Immediately, my phone buzzed.
“It’s Doug Simpson,” Mags said.
“K.” My body tensed. This couldn’t be coincidence.
I picked up my phone on the first ring. “Good morning, Doug.”
“Mornin’, Kate.”
“I was actually just about to call you.”
“No doubt,” he muttered sarcastically. “So, the kids aren’t getting along.”
“Yeah. I’ve gathered. Do I even want to know what Scarlett has been doing?”
“Stealing his mail, posting stork signs that say ‘Welcome Baby’ in his yard, and taping up horror movie posters over his windows. What’s my boy been up to?”
“Flipping off her camera, flicking cigarette butts on her front porch, taping up a naked photo of himself in his bedroom window, blasting his television, walking his dog on her lawn, and burning barbecue in his backyard.” I mumbled that last one, since it was more than a little ridiculous.
Doug immediately burst out laughing. I wish I found it as funny, but I was more exasperated than anything at the moment. “Okay, so we both report back to our clients, tell them we’ve aired their grievances, reprimand them for their own bullshit, and tell them they’re going to wind up in contempt of court if they don’t knock it the fuck off?”
“Always a pleasure, Doug,” I said, with a smile in my voice.
“Talk to you soon.”
“No offense, but god, I hope not.”
He laughed again and disconnected.
I called Scarlett back.
“Hi, Kate,” she said, answering on the first ring.
“Hi. Just got off the phone with Doug. He’ll definitely have a talk with Rhett about this stuff. But he was already calling to tell me Rhett’s complaints about you.”
“Total bullshit.”
“Scarlett. This isn’t a game. If you keep pushing it, you’re going to wind up in contempt of court. That carries fines and even jail time if the judge is annoyed enough. You’ve got to stop trying to piss him off.”
She was quiet a moment and I was preparing for her to argue with me or just deny it altogether. Nope. Color me shocked. “Okay,” she said, quietly. “I’ll do my best.”
“Perfect. Because if he keeps playing games like this and you haven’t been? We can try to get him in trouble with the court. But as long as you are both antagonizing each other, we have no leverage. Make sense?”
“I get it.”
“Good. Let me know how it goes.”
“Count on it. Not like he can go a day without being a dick.”
Goody.
After hanging up with Scarlett, I looked at my phone and had a text from Jonathan.
Hey Babe.
Hey.
So … when I stopped by the other night I got the feeling you were past the ‘I need space because Jonathan is an asshole’ phase and maybe we could hang out?
Haha. Yeah. That was kind of a short-lived phase.
How about lunch today?
Well, now that I’d ended things with Dave, I needed to address the other elephant sitting on my chest, aka what to do about Jonathan.
As it turns out—I do eat lunch so that would be super:)
You kill me, Kiddo.
Sigh. Stupid, but “Kiddo” always got me.
No idea why. I think it’s the tall, in-control woman thing … who secretly likes it when a man wants to take care of her. And I guess kiddo sort of embodies that. Susan B. Anthony, I am not.
So I’ll come to your office about lunchtime?
Sounds good.
Mags cleared her throat while I was staring at my phone, lost in thought.
“Hey,” I said, setting my phone aside. “Looks like you finally get to meet that third arrow in my quiver. Thorn in my side. Whatever we’re calling men these days.”
“Ooh. The mysterious Jonathan is coming to the office?”
“Yep. We’re having lunch.”
Mags sat down in one of the chairs opposite my desk and looked serious. “Thinking about getting back together?”
I shrugged. Sighed loudly. “I told Dave I didn’t want to see him anymore. I think I knew I was just killing time with him, and that’s not really fair. So now I need to grow up and decide what I want with Jonathan.” I propped my elbows on my desk and rested my face in my palms. “I’m just confused. I miss knowing what I wanted.”
“Well, maybe you know more than you think.”
I split my fingers apart and looked at her between them. Then I dropped my hands onto the desk. “But he was the love of my life.”
“Was?”
“Is. He is the love of my life.”
She gave me an annoyingly wise expression and nodded before heading out of my office.
CHAPTER 11
A few hours later, my phone buzzed and Rita’s voice came over my speaker.
“Kate, a Jonathan Alonzo is here to see you?”
“Thanks, Rita. I’ll be right up.”
I stood up and straightened my skirt and was smoothing my hair when I looked up to see Mags standing up in her cube, watching me with a smile. I stuck my tongue out at her and walked up to reception.
Jonathan’s back was to me and he was studying the black-and-white cityscapes along the wall. He was in slacks that showed off his perfect ass and a polo shirt that made his shoulders look broad and defined. When he turned around and spotted me, I noticed his dark, two-day scruff covering his face and the way his hair was overgrown and curling a little by his ears.
He smiled big as he approached me and wrapped me in a snug embrace. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek before pulling away. I looked over at Rita, who was busying herself, trying to pretend she wasn’t watching us, even though she was.
Rita was sweet and friendly and not much younger than my mom. We’d chatted about our personal lives on several occasions, so she’d heard my Jonathan story. “Rita, this is my ex.” Her eyebrows shot up before she could get ahold of them, likely making it clear to Jonathan that she knew a lot more about him than he knew about her. “Jonathan, this is Rita.”
They shook hands. “Very nice to meet you, Rita.”
“You, too, Jonathan. I’ve heard so much about you.” Her eyes immediately opened wide and she appended “All good things!” to her statement.
Jonathan laughed. “That doesn’t seem entirely likely, but thank you for saying so.”
Rita blushed and I led Jonathan back to my office.
He whistled when he walked in and went straight for the window to admire the view. “Remind me again why you resisted taking this job in the beginning?”
“Yeah, whenever I do remember, I just look out the window and the blessed amnesia sets in again.”
He turned to the side and noticed the pair of boxing gloves hanging on my coatrack. He gave one a twirl and raised his eyebrows at me.
“A gift from my coworker that witnessed my first KO. Well, technically it was our client’s KO, I guess.”
“Very nice.”
He settled into one of the chairs across from my desk and crossed his ankle over his knee.
“Okay, I have to introduce you to my friend Mags or her head is going to explode.” Mags had made three unsubtle passes by my office door already, so when she heard her name, she popped in.
“Hey, boss. Did you call me?”
I smiled at her. “Yes, I wanted you to meet Jonathan before your curiosity gave you an aneurysm.”
“Aww. So thoughtful,” Mags said.
Jonathan chuckled and stood up to meet her.
“Mags, great to finally meet you,” he said, giving her that dazzling smile.
“You, too. I’ve heard so much about you,” she said with an intentionally suggestive tone. Completely the opposite from Rita’s polite greeting.
He laughed again. “Uh-oh. So, you’re Kate’s paralegal?”
“More of a minion, really,” Mags said, lowering her eyebrows a tad. “Here to do her bidding.”
“Glad to hear it,” Jonathan said. “I’ve long felt that what Kate’s life was missing were some devoted minions.”
“And now she’s poised for world domination.”
“Well, with you on board, how could she fail?”
Mags nodded. “So, Jonathan, dating much?” You’d think I’d be used to the unpredictable shit that comes out of Mags’s mouth by now. Turns out, no.
Jonathan’s eyes got big. “Aren’t I supposed to have a couple drinks in me before you start trying to pry that sort of information from me?”
“No time, really. We’re on a schedule. So?”
“A little. Just trying to keep myself busy, I guess,” he said, with a quick glance in my direction.
“But wasn’t that the point of not re-upping with Kate?”
“Mags,” I interjected. “That’s enough. Leave him alone.” Now that I’m the one who can’t seem to commit to Jonathan, it doesn’t seem right to sit by while she browbeats him for not renewing our contract.
Jonathan ignored me, leaning in toward Mags when he answered. “Excellent question. It took me a little while to realize it, but I think I was unhappy with my job and it made me think I was unhappy with my life.”
“So Kate was never the problem?”
“No. Never.”
“Bummer, dude,” Mags said, giving him a pitying look.
“Tell me about it.”
“Well, it ain’t over till the fat lady sings.”
“True. But I think I hear her warming up.”
No! No you don’t, Jonathan. Suddenly, I just wanted that bitch to shut up. The fat lady. Not Mags.
“Quitter,” Mags said, matter-of-factly.
“Maybe, but I don’t want to just hang around making things harder on Kate.”
“Okay. Stop!” I said, louder than I intended. “I’m right here. I’d appreciate you two not talking about my life as though I have no say in it.”
Mags raised her eyebrows at me and then looked back to Jonathan. “Call me,” she said quietly. “We’ll talk about her some more.” She made the call me hand gesture along with the request and slipped out of the office.
Jonathan turned to me with something like awe on his face. “I like her.”
“Yeah. Everyone does,” I said.
Just as I walked out of my office, with Jonathan trailing behind me, I heard Mags ask someone to hold.
“Hey, boss. It’s Scarlett. She says, and I’m quoting here, ‘We’ve got him by the balls.’”
I grunted. “I don’t want to ‘have him by the balls.’ I want them to stop screwing with each other!”
“So, tell her you already left for lunch?”
“I’ll call her from the car,” I said grumpily.
Jonathan and I headed toward the elevator, rode it down, and then cut across the street to where his car was parked in a thirty-minute zone.
“Mexican okay?” he asked, before pulling away from the curb.
“Always.” I took my phone from my purse and scrolled through my synced work contacts until I found Scarlett’s number. “Let me call my crazy client back real quick.”
“Go for it.”
I dialed Scarlett’s number.
“Hello?”
“It’s Kate.”
“Kate, we’ve got him.”
“Uh-h
uh?”
“I’ve got him on camera ripping up my movie poster. That’s destruction of property!”
“You mean the poster you taped up over his window?”
“Yeah. So?”
“That’s not going to do it, Scarlett. You shouldn’t have put anything up on his house in the first place.”
“But I liked that poster.”
“Then you shouldn’t have used it to annoy him.”
“Shit. That isn’t fair.”
“Like you said, he’ll screw up again. Just take the high road or it won’t do you any good when he does.”
“Fine. Bye.”
We disconnected and I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the seat.
“She sounds delightful,” Jonathan said.
I smiled at him. “Practically Mother Teresa.”
“That was definitely the vibe I got,” he said, pulling in to the restaurant parking lot.
We were quiet on our way in, until we got seated, then he turned into Chatty Cathy.
“So, work sounds interesting at least?” he asked.
“It isn’t dull.”
“But better than you expected signing law to be?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure I really knew what to expect from any actual attorney job. It isn’t as though law school teaches you anything about being an actual lawyer.”
“Well, that sounds like a perfect use of two hundred thousand dollars, then.”
“I have that same thought quite often,” I said with a smile. “Usually when I’m sending in my student loan payment.” He chuckled. “You’re in a good mood,” I said, tipping my head to the side a little.
“I am.”
“Well?” I said, throwing my hands up. “Let’s hear it!”
He pressed his palms to the tabletop. “Okay. You know how, for years, people have told me that I should open my own business as a consultant? You know, because with the last few companies I’ve worked for, they’ve brought me in when things were in the toilet and I’ve managed to turn things around?”
“Of course. Anytime you talk business, I always felt like people were taking notes.”
“So … I’m gonna do it, Kate.”